Tune in as we talk to Courtney Kay about her top 5 tips to spice up your online dating profile. We discuss what you can do to stand out in a sea of other profiles, authentic ways to highlight your true self, and how to attract the people you want to meet.
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BONUS: Top 5 Tips to Spice up your Online Dating Profile with Matchmaker Courteney Kay
00:00:00 - 00:05:00
The dateable podcast features real stories from real people and how they make modern dating work or not each episode while not only offer you a new perspective on dating but we'll also change the way you date. I'm your host former dating coach turned dating sociologists also here commentary from my producer Julie Craft Chick and other surprise co-hosts everyone welcome to a special bonus episode of the dateable podcast since we're in the off season. We thought some of your probably going to be all I'm dating or still online dating and it's time to really spice up your online dating profile right. It's nice to just do a little makeover on your on your profile. Even if did you think of a really good profile there. There's always things to do to make it even better and that's why we have a resident expert here with us. Her name is Courtney K.. She's been on our show so many times. She's a matchmaker dating expert dating coach in also just like all around dating guru who knows exactly what you should be doing this summer to spice it up yet to to make sure that your dating profile really reflects the the best of who you are. I think she just said the the dope dating profile dope dating profiles what I call. Let's spice up our lives like the spice girls say just put that into your profile court. What is the first thing thing that should do well first of all? I think people need to be honest with their profile. Tell you how often I hear people just complaining about the lies of age or height. I think first of all just be honest. That's the number one. The thing is people these days I hear time again I get on the date and then it's like he said he was six foot and he's actually five seven doesn't make anyone's life easier. No you show up a new see someone jigs up or if you lie about at your age and then like months later comes up weird yeah lying about your job lying but whatever like the truth will come out suggests keep it straight a narrow but there are some arbitrary numbers that people filter out you know like for example thirty five seems to be that magical age above thirty five people filter you out five nine. Yes you like that Hind where under five nine you get filtered out what would you do. If you're a guy hi who's thirty six and five eight yeah I mean I would potentially basically do like the put the lie in the filtering but then be honest in the actual written part of the pro flown. I've seen those that says hey like I don't WanNa and get filtered out. I'm fricking rod okay. I am actually one inch shorter. You'll know when me kind of thing like I don't know I think it's better to be honest that way and then he's so good in there but the chance to prove yourself and you're still being honest. That's true I think also I was actually talking to someone about this and their occupation like the way it was written. It actually sound like they were like a police officer in the like the Moore's law enforcement and that actually wasn't their occupation at all and my point was again. There's nothing wrong with law enforcement but like if that's not actually what you're doing maybe us not jargon -I terms of your industry but actually like say what you do more spell it out. It doesn't need to be like your exact title the dot at work great but like it actually reflect more who you actually are so it could help you yes. I I remember a went on a date with someone who in his profile said that he was a medical professional but didn't five if he was like an R._n.. Or whatever he'd cannibis salesperson so many things but in a he's like I'm saving lives I. I'm really passionate about my work and those are the things that drew me to him. When I met him in person then he he took him a long time to tell me he was a firefighter and it may be questioned him not because of his profession but because of the fact that he had to hide that dramatic into right medical professional and to basically Eli about it and not tell me out right? It's a long time but hey did. He tell you why he was like not putting firefighter like was there a reason that he had for why he thought women were liking that he's you think a woman would be like ooh firefighter right but he didn't see himself as just a firefighter he he was really saving lives. He had like more certifications and licenses where he would operate or whatever it may be. I don't know what the technical things paramedic nick like looking at the same time I that's not what I care about. I care about you being passionate about what you do. I was drawn profile not the fact that he was a medical professional comes off like you were hiding. Yes I put it all out.
00:05:00 - 00:10:06
There is a firefighter also does a lot of other things yeah in addition to my role and my favorite thing ever is changing lives and how big this is why I love it. It's GONNA save people's lives yeah right and then women love to hear the like. What are we love like we? I want to get in there until like the real parts of who you are so if you can get into that in a profile women are going to love it. You don't want to have to guess. I don't know what that means like right. You'll make it so mysterious. I think that's a really good point because we've actually talked to men to that are Auto WanNa Brag about my job all that honestly like they're like I think they like err on the side of not putting anything our point was like okay. There are certain boxes that not every woman but a lot of luminaires trying to make sure this person kind of has some of the basic quality. They're looking for Joel. Put something we're GonNa see me. Don't have yes. That's what I was. I was literally just having this conversation earlier at this event. Could I talked to this relate amazing using guy who was a recruiter he was amazing. Personal skills like super socially intelligent charismatic very deep. I could just tell he was a very well rounded guy. We were talking about dating apps and he told me that all he wrote in his <hes>. His eating APPs is that he says beard beard. Beard Beard and I play guitar something very simple like bearded guitar player like rats it and I was like I was like so what happens he's like. I don't get the best results I'm like like you are so much more dynamic like I just met you in talking to you in ten minutes it's like I know that there's so much more to you than just what you wrote in your profile. He's like yeah but I like. I like I need people and I'm like but like you need to get more more details and more explanation about yourself because I'm like a lot of women assume if you only right like a few words it means you don't care that much. You're looking to play around. You're not that deep. We're making all those assumptions like you said we're GONNA fill in the gaps in a negative way and I'm like you're such a smart guy and he was relationship oriented so I suggested to him you know advised him that it would be good to fill out a deeper profile missile says that tip number two yeah deeper profile. If you WANNA relationship if you are consider yourself to be like a pretty smart guy multifaceted well rounded guy then you need to put more on your profile than just a couple of words because there's really nothing thing that comes out of a bearded musician yeah. I love a guy that plays guitar. Don't get me wrong that and I like a beard but I still don't know anything about you and I am not going to pick you if I have another guy's profile in front of me that I actually feel like I really am getting strong picture serve them. As I came across that profile I would think it was a joke profile really did it when he was drunk. Exactly I would never take that and I gave him that feedback and he's like Oh. That kind of makes sense yeah. I could see that and I've I've also heard this from men to about women's profile is I mean I like people will judge it. It makes it seem like if you're serious versus. You're not if you don't have any information anyone approaching. Anyone like needs something to kind of like latch onto so even if you're you're just like a man or woman reaching out to whoever like you need something to go off of it exactly yeah you gotTa Give People Conversation points otherwise you're just GonNa get a hey yeah exactly and with him. He's like well and I get where he's coming. I'm from where it's like. All this stuff is shit. Show any way like who cares like you know. I don't want to put that much effort in like who actually does put effort and we all know it's so random. I'm like no like it actually does make a difference. It really really does because you're trying to appeal to the masses zero one good right exactly so that's definitely like my second piece of advice for shredding. I mean number three. I'm just like please for the love of God just like have good photos of yourself. Voters are there's different ways to figure out what good photos are and that's from my my experience. I always tell people you gotta get an opinion of the opposite sex yeah so common that we ask our friends of the same sex <hes> you know basically what they think of our profile and of course they want to be super sweet to you and they're coming from. I'm a good place but like they're not the gender that you're trying to attract say you're Hetero basically whoever you're trying to attract that we the gender of WHO's looking at your profile to let you know like those photos because I've learned that for sure I've had my girlfriend say oh those are great photos and then I show it to guy that I've dated in the past and I'm like what would you think about these. No these pictures are so much better so an opposite. Get The opposite perspective and then of course. There's a classic advice. I'll go over it again. You know blurry photos. That's number one like no blurry. Sorry photos no photos that only have sunglasses so few show your eyeballs definitely all sunglass pictures definitely not all group photo pictures that should be obvious whose profile it is right off the bat. The first picture should be just you and my opinion anyone else <hes> yes how photos of you doing a hobby that you like something that you're passionate about so that there's a conversation starter there that's obvious and then you want to have a body shot as well as a fair shot again. You don't want there to be questions. You want it to be pretty obvious because eventually you'll meet that person in person and everyone will know what's up so so someone asked me the other day.
00:10:06 - 00:15:03
How many photos is enough and I thought I would love to hear your yeah well? I think one is definitely no go like that's not enough. I think he'd have at least five. I like more photos and I it said like four minimum yeah three to four yeah because again. It's like I feel bad because a lot of guys just don't have photos right. It's just not a thing they're not like ooh bro Gimme a selfie unless they're really yeah. I don't have photos but five is. I think it's a good number because the first three should be you clearly who you are and the last two could just be silly photos like if you have pets it could be. They're really cute baby photo. That doesn't a day I think I think though if you have photos aren't working for you or like I would maybe air on for or three or four over five to six votes. That's true I'd rather have four like crisp really good pictures than like six. Where then the first? We're good in the two. I'm like Oh. I don't know maybe I don't feel good about this like you want to be solid the whole time but I think one to just makes it feel like not legit whatever reason I think it needs to be at least three yeah I the only four I definitely agree with that and if you're a funny person than have a funny photo you know basic stuff but like if you're a humorous kind of person like maybe there's a photo of you doing some funny stunt or prank or on a trip or something I've had friends who are like ridiculous humans and so they've photo shopped in ridiculous stuff in with their their picture. That's great it works for them. It's like look at me holding a baby here's if a presidential candidate and kissing grandma and it's all photoshop and it's just ridiculous ridiculous in person and his profile is like hey like. I'm goose like what you see is what you get kind of on the flip side is if you're not ridiculous right. You're not that funny Dome Yeah Right beating up in person. If you don't live up to the humor of your profile then that's cat fishing to really good the point 'cause like also I think it's like humor but also being like cool and suave like if that's not your vibe in real life layup. You're going to have a feeling of beaten switch so it kind of goes to your first point of just being authentic and you have to be super funny not everyone's. Everyone's funny and that's okay right. There's plenty of serious people that are happy to meet someone serious and they don't eat that type of like crazy. Dude works for you right yeah exactly so I think that's definitely is number three. Yes slow okay yeah so then I got what Seymour aren't you. Let's take a quick break so I can tell you about all my latest discoveries from Motte clock for months. Now you've been hearing me talk about all the cute clothes I bought but then I started venturing into all the accessories recently I got the easy going stroll mid he'll sandals in a bold orange color. They're comfortable enough for me to walk that one mile to work every day but also versatile that I can wear them out to happy hour not to mention the orange color is so in right now and I feel like such fashiony STA pairing them with complementary bold old colors at Mont cloth. They believe fashion should celebrate all women with their size range from double zero to twenty-eight their team of Maud Silas can also hook you up with complementary sizing and styling help so listen up because <hes> hurry this offer is only valid for a limited time for dateable listeners. Only you get fifteen percent off your purchase of one hundred dollars or more including all sale items just go to mud cloth dot com and enter the code dateable at checkout again. That's Emo D. C. L. O. T. H. DOT COM and enter the code deal at checkout so hurry to get that extra fifteen percent off on all sale items through the end of July now back to the show. I'd say okay thank number. Four is figure out ways that you can describe yourself in way that in a short amount of words could actually like overall summarize kind of who you are because you read profiles that are like I like tennis and I like to read and it doesn't really tell you that much versus if you said something like Oh people referred Artemis an old soul of the playful spirit. That's like a little bit deeper like some people like a fellow old soul could be like Oh yeah nice me too like is identifying like tags if you could think of it that aren't generic that are two days sick really don't I like it when people describe themselves right with just very generic words and then yeah I'm fun. I'm loyal like that's great. But how do I know that you are a you're basically throwing adjectives right but I I love that like an old soul. That's a very unique way of describing yourself. I also like it when people give like an example yeah specific yeah like on weekend. You'll find me like either out Karaoke with my friends or like reading a book. Look on NICCI or whatever like things like.
00:15:04 - 00:20:16
Who are you kind of paint the picture for me like what's your overall energy and I think he'll he'll have a very hard time explaining that but the whole time on on dating profiles I'm like God? I wish I knew if you also identified as being an old soul because like I feel like that's the thing it's like common language that we have that you were into like personal and spiritual growth. I would be like heck yeah. I'm GonNa like instantly swipe on you like there's these kind of things that we know about ourselves that we we've gone someone so if we could loyd like no that in a profile than it can be really helpful or if you describe yourself like I'm someone who's into health wellness but I'm not a freak about it or you know what I mean things like that type. Two okay great again to your earlier point do ones that actually are you eh and read a few other people's profiles. Don't want be another food. You don't want to travel the same shit over and over again and you think you're being unique but we read other people's profiles. You just blend right. It's so true it's so helpful to look at people again like your same gender like who the matches who the people are that you're matching with. What other profiles are they seeing and then? How can you set yourself apart from that a little bit or just know what other people are writing about it and it's so true like so many people say like I'm a Foodie who likes hiking pouring restaurants in San Francisco? I'm traveling then everyone. Who are you like besides all addition to all that? How do you feel about the list of places cases you've traveled? I don't like that one. You get to condense that so fast and when we're like yeah I like. I didn't all the countries all the flag emotive number. Here's yeah what does that tell you. That's great for you. Were homeless for many years travel. Who are Douche bags? Does it tell me about your carry and it's like what was it. I don't know what your experiences were like. While you're you're traveling. I'd much prefer somebody who's been to only two countries but they like really like had such an amazing time and they bonded with the people there and can tell the story about their experience in a meaningful way versus somebody who's been to thirty countries and and that wasn't a very meaningful experience to them and like you know it doesn't say that money. Why do you love travel dot like I just do not only that's not going to be like a quality four mash yeah and I mean it's like San Francisco? It tends to attract those people anyway. So how do you break fifty rare to be like I hate travel misery and I don't like to travel and Yoga sucks all right US right so many coaching career sarcastic love it. They start up really GONNA do it. What's number five? Oh My oh my God. What is number five this is? What is my last one okay? Let's get you mention how to make it sticky how to make it snappy. I mean I think so much of it. I mean we're talking about the basic profile itself but I think messaging is so important but that's is probably a whole other topic. I'm guessing we'll stick to the profile. So what I think is on the dating apps where you have the prompts. It's so important to pick the prompts that are the most interesting near and dear to your heart and how you can sell yourself better because with some of these APPs nowadays you can choose what prompted you want and so if you're looking for a deeper connection pick the prompts that are deeper themes and if you if that's like that's too hippy and weird invulnerable and I don't WanNa go there then pick like the more light hearted ones like what's your favorite food food or whatever but I think you WanNa pick the ones that are actually going to start conversations at year interested in having these people respond to those prompts so like ANA conversations. Do you WanNa have and for example myself. I would want more spiritual connection or like a deeper connection. I'd probably pick the prompts. uh-huh that are like going to initiate more of those conversations then like if someone's like Oh what's Gordon's favorite food like pizza. It's like that's not that interesting to talk but if it's like tell me the last time like I was scared and I answered that and somebody was like wow thanks for sharing that like I'd love to share too. You know what I mean. Yeah the prompts and be thoughtful about the problems I love that because they are here to help you so you might as well pick and it works and again with the travel ones so basic like you know it's easy to be like Las Country Angie you travel to Thailand and then it's like Ho cool that's awesome that you are in Chiang Mai with the Tiger was too and like you know that's a fine way to start a conversation but again it's like very the same kind of thing over and over again and so if you get the same response to your Thailand photo from forty the people. How does that set itself apart so there's some prompts I think that can add more originality in a little more different different responses? They kind of let you filter people out better yeah. I like the prompts that kind of even let people even tell a little bit of a personal story size uh not the more personal message me right I love phone calls to and I'm a big fan of like trying to convert someone you meet on a dating out quickly to a phone call before a date like that's just a personal strategy of mine and I I think that the deeper problems allow for that.
00:20:16 - 00:25:12
Hey this is too much to type actually but like I like school that you have this conversation that you're also interested in like. Would you begin to hop on a phone. Call with me to make a voice to name connection and usually like my fellow old soul people. We'll be like I'm dying to get on a phone call and then we would talk and the fans are like no what's a phone. I liked 'cause I'm like well. We can't get I can't type of this whole story Alec we have to hop on a phone call and then it's easy move. You've got your style then by all means like don't pick that right route like pick a chiller easier one where it's like. What's your favorite food pizza? Oh sweet like I love Chinese food like cool. Let's go to mission Chinese like you know what I mean like. It just depends what pathway you wanNA take yeah yeah. It's what you want to get out of it. Maybe you're just in a casual dating sort of phase in life and your profile should reflect that you're trying to find a deeper connection. Yeah I would do your profile like think about your most ideal conversation -ation with someone that you have a deep connection with how would you answer these questions with that person. And what kind of questions would you ask them. I also like when people ask questions in their profiles yeah because that gives me an opportunity to respond. That's great right. I message for me. I mean I think what I'm hearing. All this is just like be yourself. Sick open like I think like a lot of people are trying to appeal to the masses and like the reality is like it's actually actually probably better to appeal to people that like really could be a good batch for you so this is a popularity contest last year for vanity slice. If you're actually trying to like meet someone like you don't necessarily need to be everyone's cup of tea so just be yourself. The truth will come out eventually and if you're doing things and it's not working. I think the cool thing is that we can always play around with our apps so I think they always say like the definition of insanity doing the same thing. We're expecting a different result. It's like if you're not loving your results. Then maybe like again. Consult another friend and say hey do you think about these photos or maybe hire a photographer. I'm pictures for you or change up your prompt answer that you did and see what kind of conversations that brings a dollar change up your your written profile a little little bit tweak it and have a few that you test out av but but that is I don't know how you guys <hes> did online dating but when I was doing it it'd be like this is how I would swipe. It'd be like no or we're like yeah or a maybe right and the maybes you still swipe on yes. You're like this is a maybe if they swipe back and I get that match really hard for me to carry on a conversation with them because they were always a maybe and then when you get that match you're like Oh. I don't know if I'm so motivated to do this to have this conversation. I have no reason not to have a conversation with them. I'm just not as so wouldn't you rather be in the hell yes and how that in the maybe camp that's dumb. Try to appeal to the masses you almost WanNa put stuff in your profile that would either turn someone away or turn someone really all right. You see that thing in that profile holy crap. That's so cool I can't live. I have so many common. That's a hell. Yes that's a hell yeah and you're absolutely going to respond to that person way faster that you don't know anything about and you're on the fence about because you know what will happen to a lot of times women is that we do get so many messages and we are trying to figure out okay well. Who Do I put to the top of the line yeah so women always we say like does even matter what I put my pro women that are attracting men because they're just not gonna read it? They're just going to look at photos. What do you think about that? Oh man well okay so from my match Mating and dating coaching experience I will say men are very very visual that so true when I met women clients it was like they looked at attraction as a whole personality and charisma and success and all the things would looks combined. Make a decision about attraction and men were a lot more linear where it's like. Yes no attractive or not to me then then figuring out the rest so I do think unfortunately a lot of men will just swipe on everyone and they'll only respond back people that they're more into but that's not all men at all and I don't WanNa like generalize or you know what I mean like stereotype. I do think that men do care about looks. That's that's a big thing that they think about whether chemistry there whatever is just different that way right I think for women I used to do this. I will something in my profile that it'd be very apparent if you didn't read it so if you like I really we like it when you're first message. You tell me this about you. I message is nowhere near that that I know they didn't read it. I don't need to really have a conversation with want the person to treat your profile as if it's a special independent you need of quarter. Nothing lost the masses of other profiles so when a guy is actually able to be like I spent time on your profile I've yet I'm like intentionally meaningfully sending a message and I know that's hard guys out there like sometimes you're like well.
00:25:12 - 00:30:05
I do that and I don't get messages back. So why am I gonNA spend. And the time to do that and so I hear where you're coming from stop messaging so many message so many women and just yeah if you do the same like hey how are you. Hey you're Q. Like it's not going to differentiate and act like you read your profile so that's that's a good segue to our bonus of. What's your I'm always here to hear your your secret of messaging tip that you have everyone oh secret messaging tip yeah? Okay don't start heard the message with the same like hey how are you. How is your weekend? You know those are just the same the same things and it's like oh it was great. I got brunch with friends. How was yours like it's just not like dot great so I think it's better eh find something in the profile that you're actually curious about individualize it and ask them something about their violent does not to be rocket science but it could just be like hey like your profile? Just really caught my attention. I like this thing that you said here. You know like I'd love to hear more about that or like. What's your stance on this or whatever it is the question not that's kind of? It doesn't have to be crazy again. That's what I like because then if it gets deep then I move it to a phone call with my dating profile usually make sure they had a challenge of some sort to respond to a question that Diane. I like that before talking to you Courtney Julian I were like revisiting some of my old match dot com messages from two thousand four when there was no app yet it was all through email and secret episode of even season nine in this <hes> revisit of all these messages I mean they're all novels because people took so much nine back in the day because it wasn't like swipe through profiles a message Sh- people instantly this is through email. You still need Internet connection and you didn't log into your email so people were way more thoughtful and their messages and I think we need to somehow revert back to that or get some of that back because we we can't just do this like mass message. Yeah it just makes everyone fatigued pisses off. Everyone's annoying and it doesn't get you anywhere doesn't get anybody anywhere. It's a waste of time. I'm super curious on bumble they they have these like prompts that are like kind of like pre done in like a mixed on them unlike some way. I think they're good because they're not like the basic hey how are you. How are you doing some trump's for messaging? Yes ROMs for messaging is they also so prompts on the profile the prompts for messaging agree sometimes. It's hard to come up with something with you if you don't have a lot to go on their profile but then they also kind of feel like a little forced weird and I wonder if men actually realize because it literally takes like one second to write once witch project. Should I pick okay. This is like nothing to do with the person so I wonder Manley realize that that's what's happening or they think they are like uniquely lake. The women are coming up with these. Maybe if maybe if they've got the probably ten times they're like something's going on but they're like so random the like would you rather be the smartest guy in the room or the funniest. There's still a member cute but they're also like they're kind of just like okay. That's so random why would you don't you think that okay. My argument is if you can't find anything in their profile to message about. Maybe you shouldn't be messaging them at all. The Knicks Guy Tonight that I met who was really rad like if you go on a date with that guy I wouldn't even match with you imagine and if you if somehow you did match with him he's still probably like maybe wouldn't message him back because it was just such a boring profile yeah and it was read like he's didn't put any effort into his profile. I don't know I admit the by dating came on did he mixed but like sometimes I'll just swipe and not re people's profiles and after I league match with them then I'll read the so and then sometimes like being honest if there's an attractive guy but like there's not much in the profile L. and it's bumble human nature. Send them one of those crappy props. It's like so I get like yeah like in theory. You shouldn't be necessarily but sometimes you're like. I don't want to message them but they just clearly like didn't even put that much into sweat but it's like sometimes it's representative. They don't care but other times it could be so many other things like the guy you met who just was totally clueless totally like just naively clueless exactly he's new to San Francisco and like I don't know he just didn't really realize like the dating snap world and he's got a competitive thing too.
00:30:05 - 00:35:16
Is I love guys that aren't like super like necessarily active on data APPs. Yeah actually don't necessarily want yeah. I don't necessarily judge so poorly fatal habit like hundred percent. That's the hardest part hidden gems and we want to be able to feel like we understand all their moves behind the scenes. Women are like Oh. I know exactly what this guy's deal is. We don't we don't don't know because we don't know them. They're literally profile and we don't know them. As a human the whole point is to like I believe dating apps are kind of like introduction APPs. They're not even really dating apps there literally just to get you potentially to a date that you can then or just to hang out to decide if even do wanna go on an actual actual yeah right because you don't know their vibe is or how you feel about them and it could be friend energy. You don't know what energy you're going to have at all yet so my ex I met on hinge in. He was definitely a hidden gem like his profile. I was like he's like you're really the the bachelor. I've gone in your follow. You probably should lose. Some of the classes shots you know like definitely could use some profile doctoring but I'm like at the same time Kinda like digging that you're not like super early on list. It was the messaging Beijing that got <hes> yeah. You're going to say for yourself in the messaging if like the profiles lacking right and I feel like my boyfriend now like you know his profile is like show me your profile want to see what you were working with and I was like how tanner okay like. I just know that if. I took over his profile for him. I could seriously rock his war but they're not doing diamonds in the rally you're like I don't want to give you advice good state right now. Take your profiles Q. Enough. You know easily a really hard time with it but I'm like if he'd known the tips of what we know coming to selectively share this going on we you but don't listen to this episode. Listen I'm doing. I guess I'll do a re. Moral of the story. Here is like your best foot forward be authentic. Don't be fake but also like give people the benefit of the doubt one hundred percent polished also yeah people doubt and see if over the messaging or over the phone call you'll be like Oh. This is worth it because like what you said I think it's like there's either a yes like hell. Yes 'cause attracted to them or there's something in the profile and we're human so yeah if someone were extremely attracted to like we're going to give them more benefit of the doubt than <hes> than some Reyna's attracted to who doesn't have a profile but so you're going to have those big yeses and there's going to be the glaring knows there's a whole chunk of people that in the middle and that you don't know and it really could be changed if they better their profile or if their messaging or the phone calls really great but those people in the Middle Yeah you got to figure out a way to convert yourself out of the Middle Zone. It's best not to be in the Middle Zone the beginning eh again it's like I don't like it when people tell me that they don't get that many matches not. How many do you get good matches? You actually like matching back. That's when the problem arises this is when you're a matches. Aren't that great. It's not the number again. We're not trying to win popularity. As far as I know school awards are over right there popularity right like less popular yeah. There's no point in that you just need one good match right. It's all it takes and I know it's hard out there. You know like I know there are like guys it's like. I just want a match. You know like some people it's like. I just want to get a match and so people's experiences on these APPs are just so vastly different and and and that's the hard part is like you WanNa give good advice and and also sometimes the advice kind of has to be tailored to the individuals know how to work with their unique situation to get the best result and that takes really getting to know someone and giving them out advice for this role advice but I would say that advice that give oftentimes is really dependent on the individual yeah and I mean that's a think another not to self promote here but we do the dating profile reviews and yet courtney could do one and other folks that we have on the team so I think if you want that one on one work it's totally worth it. We've had a lot of people say it was well worth the time Yup yeah exactly. It's weird writing about yourself. It's nice to give it to someone else. You know you can give it to friends but sometimes it's nice to be someone who's getting. I know you fresh without any sort of bias so yeah I agree with that and you know just keep out. Keep going out there like I said <hes> eventually like it. Just takes just takes one and it's just about human connection and lowering the expectations the pressure sure we put on ourselves and then also just like the ego and all that stuff that we have attached to it easier said than done but I really love this. It's like the marketing speak like if you appeal to everyone appeal to no one yeah so I think that it will ruin of like not measuring success by matches is a good one so yeah yeah and if you can even like sometimes you know what I find attractive to if you can almost call yourself out and like a self deprecating but confident way to do that great to like you don't have to be like always the stunner and the whatever you could be like listen ladies.
00:35:16 - 00:38:00
I'm not the six four like doctor but you know what I am. At Five foot nine guy who's GonNa crack you up and like the most fun playing dungeons and dragons ever till four in the morning and I will like a walking encyclopedia full of knowledge like whatever like just put it up ed like just be honest. I love it and I think also just like one last thing we had like a Donovan that was on our last season on season eight a musician the musician he it was about <hes> dating <unk> rhythm and Blues. I think we called episode and his whole point was that people judged him for being a musician and he tried to hide it a bit and our point like one of our things was like maybe just own it more and it's like you could even flat out say like in your your profile like yeah. I'm a musician. I'm not that <hes> unreliable. I don't fit the musician stereotypes or to yourselves you know let me think the picture like I love music and also like I'm not these things that you could associate C._A._T.. Yeah exactly can you call the elephant in the room. It's so attractive because you're aware of that thing. That's there and then you're like boom. You don't have to worry about that like here. You go yeah. It's how you say it too because there's ways to be like to make it sound lame and there's ways to say something and make it seem confident. Even though you're kind of like I don't know saying something negative about yourself some ways that you can talk shit about yourself in a way that actually is confident. That's how you do it. Love it all right listeners. Hope hope that these serves some tips that you can take away to jazz up your dating profile but always remember. There's an offline world out there. Do we allow the more you jazz up your dating profile. You should spend equal amount of time jazzing up. You're real real persona real life true because we've also had the situations where someone has killer dating profiles and then it doesn't translate so there's a lot to talk about on the show basically a whole so you're tyrod to leverage your network to meet new connections and how to have more of those in person experiences like I would totally share about that too part to conus episodes. You're welcome we're wrapping this up. upstage want to continue the conversation. I tag us in any post with Hashtag. Stay dateable then head on over to our website dateable PODCASTS DOT com there you'll find all the episodes as well as articles videos goes and our coaching services with vetted industry experts. You can also find our premium. Y series where we dissect analyze an offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums to connect with us find dateable podcast on facebook.