BONUS: Your Last First Date w/ Sandy Weiner

Dateable Podcast
August 3, 2021
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August 3, 2021

BONUS: Your Last First Date w/ Sandy Weiner

We're chatting with Sandy Weiner giving you an insider's look into modern dating and how that can help you have your last first date.

Your Last First Date

Are you seeing someone or dating? Dating or in a relationship? Why does it have to be so damn confusing? We're chatting with Sandy Weiner giving you an insider's look into modern dating and how that can help you have your last first date. We discuss the biggest struggles in dating this past year, the difference between ‘relationshipping’ and ‘relationshopping’, and how the three why's help you bust limiting beliefs.

Learn more about Sandy at and listen to Last First Date Radio on your favorite podcast player.

Thank you to our partners for this episode:

BetterHelp: Get 10% off your first month of online therapy at with the code DATEABLE

Episode Transcript

BONUS: Your Last First Date w/Sandy Weiner

00:00:01 - 00:05:02

The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves.  I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world.

Welcome to another episode of dateable. A podcast that is all about modern dating and how we can navigate through mater. Dating together by dissecting people's motives ally. They do the things they do and why they say the things that they say. Oh when it comes to dating and of course our own motives we gotta take accountability for ourselves to part of personal development. It's more fun blaming other people though. Of course right. I think that's the first thing you do. Fight or flight so we go through phases. Dating is not supposed to be completely smooth sailing because we would have just all found. Our people by now and dating apps would not exist. The dating industry would not exist wrong calms with certainly not exist if the juice worth the squeeze right. Oh i just heard that the other day was like kinda dirty. 'cause it's just so i just visually see it and i almost feel it. It's the jews were squeeze. How hard are we seizing. Speaking of squeezing. I had my first mammogram because once you turn forty you start getting mammograms julie. This is what happens. I'm not sure if you knew the i do not know. I did not know that. I love how that is the transition to squeeze not a sexual squeeze. No this is an medical squeeze. So i went in for my mammogram. I don't know what you've heard about mammograms. I've always heard about how painful they are. And how unenjoyable they are so. I went in thinking that i was gonna scream or come out feeling traumatized but it's it's fine. It's fine there. Were a couple of things that were weird. You do a standing up and they put these nipple covers on you and you you put your boob on a plate basically and the machine comes down and squeezes your boo from the top and from the side. And it's a squeeze. Julie it's not like it's not a love tap it's a squeeze and it's pressure and i don't know if i've ever felt that kind of pressure before i mean i like a little rough sex like i was like is that that isn't here for play at the save as ever graham. I mean i would expect it to be like you know sensual. You're there. It's like a pap spare. That's not sensual. Maybe it's just me. But i get wet right away. It's not that i'm turned on. It's just my body response that way because as protecting me to give me more lubrication but your boob does not have like a natural way of responding to a squeeze other than you feeling the pain. So i thought that was a very novel experience and now i have to do it every year. I guess i just have a lot to look forward to. I don't know what else to say from there. You know i do. I just can't believe that we so we are rearing episode for you all this week. That were super excited about. It was on sandy wieners. Podcast aren't super excited. Every for are you like are there. Degrees of super excitement is super super excited. Or you going. I think i i just don't like to ever favor. What guest over and soda. That i've said it about some. I have to keep going. God okay i get that have lucic my credibility. Yeah like the one day. She doesn't say she's super excited. You know she probably hates just like i fucking hated that episode. I know i do my all time favorites but it is hard for me to separate the little and i do. I do love all of our guests so much so it is coming from a genuine place. I'm not just saying it. Because i feel like i have to say it. I love sandy. Wieder i loved her on our podcast. The communications episode with her. I feel like that episode is so useful. I had my boyfriend listened to the episode. Everyone needs to get on the same page about communication. But anyways we you and i were on sandy's podcast last i eat and we did this amazing episode with her all about. You know like what's happened in the last year of dating as you all know dating you know batard Got flipped over reversed again with cova. Did and you know with all these re airing. We always listen to make sure that it's still relevant. And i feel like this one was even relevant pre now the surge again but i'm so kind of just frustrated that we're back potentially headed back into cova data. I mean i actually had to go get a cova test. Yesterday i found out. I was exposed to someone that was vaccinated. But we were in a large group. Indoor's at i'm like fuck.

00:05:02 - 00:10:01

I can't believe i'm doing this again. Yup we're back at an imagine. At least you were lucky enough to know that someone had it and you had that knowledge. Imagine how many other times we've been exposed to it and we had no idea. oh totally. hopefully we don't go back like one hundred percents ago fatigue. Sadly board baby relevance in this episode again that maybe it was a two weeks ago. God we held a little longer but if we go back to cova dating we all have a ring. Light still are webcams are angles outfits. We're good we got the zoom going. Yeah i need to go. Not our first rodeo. Nope not her first. I know but i actually excited going to this. Well in south they are starting something that all bars in a lot of dining two are requiring vaccination car up. I'm going tonight to this like jazz club that always required even before this. So gotta bring my vaccination car get it ready. That's very classy of a jazz club. I would expect nothing less of a jazz club to to require covet vaccination cards. I think we can do the same in our personal lives. If you're having a gathering if you're going on a date. I think it's totally fine to require your guests to show their vaccination card or were a negative test. It will yeah. You can do that too you can do. I mean they're saying you could still sit outside if you're not vaccinated but succumb indoors. It's either proof of a negative cova test or vaccinations card. But who's going to be getting cova test like every weekend people could be you. Can there are no more. You never know there. They are lines. I was kaiser yesterday and those along the lines are getting their kovacs party is did you see the south park special max about it. But i haven't seen god. It is the funniest ever. I buy it this weekend. Just because it's relevant to get you know they're like this. Is the hottest club in town. They're not letting people in and it's a walgreens like five minutes. They're only inviting the elderly ad because this was like a startup kobe. Vaccinations they're all like elderly or like reaching after they like we're hitting the bar we're having sex ours. I think it was a good wake up. Call this to begin. Because i like many people have a false sense of security again and I remember like i was indoors. We were at a friend. That was dj. It was a lot of people close quarters. Annum reducing my bubble again. Wanna keep it small kind of be a little bit more picky. I guess but we learned our lesson it might. I mean honestly it might just be like the flu like this might be life that we're that we're going to get it but if you're vaccination you just won't get sick i mean that's they're saying yeah. Vaccinations against job and it's like the flu pandemic was what nine hundred eighteen. And we're we're like still getting the flu at ended in the twenty s which was the roaring twenties. So now we're now doing the same thing but we're still getting the flu vaccine today and people are still getting the flu and there are some people die from the flu but for the most part people don't so i feel like covert might end up being like that. Just always still circulated and then just be responsible for yourself because you can't trust other people. That's what i've learned. I can't trust other people. At least i know i'm protected vaccinated. I'm wearing my mask. I'm doing the best. I can go speaking of doing the best you can. I don't know if this is doing the best you can. But all the men who've ever used bumble probably got this email recent my boyfriend who used fumble florida's email to me. It's a class action lawsuit against bumble from this guy named kili way kyrie lows Sorry if i totally butcher butcher your name oh my gosh. I cannot speak but he claims that bumbled discriminated against male users of its dating app platform who identified as interested in women through. Its practice of permitting. Only women to message. I the lawsuit. Alleges that differentiating the products and services offered between male users interested in women and other users violates state anti-discrimination laws in a mounts to unlawful and unfair competition. Wow i feel like. I have an opinion on this. A you sure. Do i do have had the because i've seen lawsuits like this really uber. Any any independent contractor type company in people are upset because they're independent contractors but at the same time you signed up for that fumble their whole selling point. Is that women message. I it have control. So i kinda just feel like the sky is looking for a settlement. Yeah i i think i'm actually surprised that bumble is just now getting this lawsuit because if you think back to match dot com.

00:10:01 - 00:15:00

Remember that big lawsuit. That was discriminating against people who like the same sex. Remember that it's kind of similar to me where i'm just. I'm just very surprised. And this is where people use the apps that are specific for their sexual preference or for their own interest right and bumble. Obviously is geared towards this People who are okay with women Messaging i so. I'm just surprised that this came now. But i think the best part of this lawsuit is if you participate in they win. Your compensation is a whopping twenty. Free swipes god. I was going to say. Don't get too excited that your boyfriends gonna get settlements like to go out vacation but now it's even better that all you get is twenty three swipes. That's ridiculous. Well if you are in an inactive user you get the monetary compensation of what is free swipes which apply like five fifty cents enough to maybe buy a cup of coffee. Maybe at mcdonalds. Oh i've totally got in checks in the mail from companies for lawsuits and it was like fifty cents. You don't say yes or like tax refunds like seven cents. You're cool you spend more money. Mailing this check to me than this. Check is worth. How what do you think the guy that did the lawsuits gonna get one hundred swipes like i never wanna use bumble again. Maybe they'll like pay for a subscription for hinge for him or something. They're like please go or like they move into a different island where there's just no bumble like here so deal with this waller hockey about bad data gap. I guess user experience even though it's not bad for bubble that's what chose to do. my biggest pet peeve. All times is j. Date ever tell you about this. No i didn't know pepitas. Yes so jay dates. They don't obviously don't do this anymore. And even of jaded surrounded anymore. They bought j swipe. I know that. I think it's jus- j. Swipe now i think they've like merged or if it is. It's an app and they probably don't do this because this was before people use their real names. Everyone had screen names in jay. Steed would assign you a number when you signed up. Do you know how bad that is like rating know like a number. I'd be like twenty three forty eight sixty seven as a jewish dating site from like that brings up so much holocaust hsieh. Why would they do that. Why that is so bad. I wanna rates there you x. Person so bad and just be like what the fuck where you thinking like. How did that not cross anyone's mind. That is so awful. Were that is so awful. Oh my gosh these dating apps. There's a need for them but sometimes you're like who built and right they do. They really think about it when they built it. I do think though that bumble was built very mindfully. Because whitney whitney's her name right yep yeah. She came from tinder after the whole sexual harassment lawsuit. But it is something that. I didn't research into until today where you and i have talked about. If you're a woman seeking woman on bumble what happens. And it's just either. Percy can message but what if you're a man seeking man do you use bumble and if you used bumble does nothing happened. Because you can't message each other. I would be curious. I haven't heard that many gay men using bumble. i really haven't but maybe there are out there solicitors. Please correct as we're wrong on that. It just doesn't seem like it comes up much in conversation. Is there one chappie. That's by the same people or some though is it. Yeah i thought there was. I remember one of our pass. Gas brought that up. Who but who knows. I mean it could be possible. And i guess it'd be the same behavior that just neither man can message. That's why don't men use it though game in right right either of you could message each other. This is just an infinite loop forever. Yeah so this is. I did some research into this. 'cause i wanna see if gay men do use bumble okay and there's actually been a lot of articles from gay men who said we just want to feel normalized dating and that is why we use straight dating apps like bumble hinge and match and some tender right well. Tinder definitely has it. Goes all different ways to hear every sexual preference and some some gay men have said. They're so sick of the same people they match with on grindr. Oh yeah. I could see that because the grinder attracts is specific group. So the ones that i've read about is if you if you're a man seeking man on bumble and then the same thing as if a woman match with the woman okay. either one.

00:15:01 - 00:20:10

yeah i would. They would do that opposed to not let either person Right bad data. Gap designed to stalemate. Well you don't read actually is bumble speaking of bumble there. Actually experimenting with a new concept called bumble brew is. It's an irl dating cafe in popped up in new york at like a we work type place so it's an eighty seat restaurant and cocktail bar courtesy of the bumble app Interesting it's no leader new york city. Do you know where that is. That's interesting because you know the time we've been to south by south west. They had the mumble hive. And i felt like they were piloting something That's a great idea though. I think it's a great idea. So what happens if a guy approaches the girl to they just shut down. Sorry i to approach you. Get away from me partitions up. It's only the women that can remove them. Women just have like a fan that they carry around with them at all just like windex. I think if you provision to talk a dumb thing but the same article. I found this. Actually this. is this kind of weird tech stuff. That's happening right now. And i found this new site that's created called. Who states the post meets for your break-up stuff. They'll basically go retrieve your tips for you. That is the news. But they caveat caveat on one of them they're like we could pick up your your clothes but we can't get your peleton that is genius honestly shock though for like a copyright reason how they're able to get away with it post dates because the logo looked so similar to post meets their whole solid. Point is the post through your breakup unless it's made by post meets. Who does that looks just like. Post massively is hilarious. But it's such a great idea because if you break up with someone the last thing you want to do is go. Get your shit back. Yeah i've in my last break up. I just kept finding his stuff for months. And i would just ship it to him but i guess i would've liked it better if i just had a basket i just collected everything for months and then someone just come and pick it up with save on. Shipping costs genius genius. Wow interesting interesting okay. So yeah lots of business idea. I think during the pandemic everyone was brewing lou. What is it good dating service or product. Let's get to our question. There seems to be you know with modern. Dating things are changing all the time. So there seems to be debate around what the dating terms mean and what the different status mean. So here's a question. We've gotten a lot which is how do you know you're dating someone would isn't is dating actually mean back in the day. When i was in high school we would say we were going out or we were talking. That used to be the language around it. Now i feel like we resort to say we're dating and we've also heard people some of her friends. Say oh yeah this person. I used to date and it turns out they like went on one date around not even like i said i was gonna say i'm like when someone says they're dating that means that they could be in a committed relationship. Yogurt means they went on one day. It's really hard to know. Yeah it's a really wide range hawking. Such a weird term to me or hanging out. It seems so cast so. How do you know you're dating. Well i think it probably is. How do you define it in the first place if you're justifying as going on dates with someone even once you're technically dating. I don't know. I usually feel like if someone was going to ask you this. It's maybe it's just getting that clarification of what it means to you in what it means to them and i mean at the end of the day. Almost is a catchall statement. I wonder how much it really even matters. These people know what you're at a relationship or when something's half assed the end of the day. Yeah yeah definitely you could be. There's also like you can't really put a number to it because you could have gone on six seven dates with someone right over the span of two years. When you say that you've been dating for two years yes people do say that yes staples read. I feel like whenever someone says i. We've been dating for three months. Four months it's really hard to know what that really means. Yeah i guess. Root of this is how important is it to you. And what does it mean to you. Is it important for you to say. I'm dating someone if you've been on a few dates with them or is it more that you want them to acknowledge that you two are dating it changes technically.

00:20:10 - 00:25:01

You're not lying either way. It's more of just how you define it like. I think yeah. I don't know it's weird. I think i would say i'm dating someone versus i'm in a relationship with someone. What about seeing someone. Is that different cheating. Some someone kinda blends to me as dating. But maybe if. I've only seen them a couple times. I would just say i'm dating someone. Oh interesting i feel like the progression is. I'm seeing someone. I'm dating someone in a relationship with someone. That's how i i also hate saying. I have a boyfriend because it sounds so juvenile dead. No i love saying it to say it. But i would just say the word salik. You're back in eighth grade. But i'd love it. That's why i love it because it doesn't make you sound like an old married couple. It's like we're girlfriend houses to hang out with each other just funny to me as you're overdose forty. I have a boyfriend. Yes it just sounds so ridiculous. Well i also know eight-year-olds who have friends so spans all ages but labels are so weird right. You can partner. Yeah i think deep down. Everyone knows what their situation is. Whether you want to admit it or not is another story but deep down when you're questioning things a lot that's when there's a lot of uncertainty. It doesn't even matter what you're seeing somewhat dating somewhat one of the same. Yeah but if you were to quantify it this is how i would quantify in my head. It's date one thirty five. You're seeing someone you're getting to know them And if you've been on five dates with someone with the potential of keep seeing them in a short amount of time than i was say you can't progress to we are dating and then once you. Dt are or define whatever the relationship looks like. Then you're in a relationship. That's how i would quantify in my head that's a pretty good rough estimate one. The only problem with it is when the timelines come in of number butts like we were just saying yeah it needs to be within a short timespan for these five days. It needs to be within a month and a half. I think a month or two months. Max wants max. Yes anything more than two months. You're just barely seeing the person but what about people who have really long virtual relationships who this one's tricky. 'cause i personally i still don't believe a date is a date until you better person. I know we've talked to some people that say. Oh i been dating this person. It turns out they only once because they've been talking through virtual means for a couple months. I don't consider that dating someone. I consider that you went on one date with them. But that's just me yeah. I had a hard time with this. Because i was so i went on dates with someone in real life three to five days. Something like that and then we were apart for many months and we kept in touch over skype but to me. It was hard to say that we were dating. 'cause we had started but we also weren't not dating right. Oh it gets tricky. If the virtual part comes in in the middle of it yeah. I mean i think if the again it goes back to. It's a label. Yeah and while labels are important in the sense that it puts you on the same page is someone think when there are all these like nuances. You kinda know if it's a thing or if it's not yeah how about we just change the vocabulary too. I met someone great. That's all that's on you to say like it. I like it. I think also i love the changing the vocabulary. I think i read this in a book somewhere. I'm not gonna give myself credit. I forget where it was instead of saying all the laundry list of things you're looking for it's like i'm just looking for someone wonderful. Yeah you know what that means to you but then it comes off not as because no one we get this at our facebook group all the time it's a little cringe when people see on dating apps the laundry list of things that people want but i also know where they're coming from. They know what they want. They've they have a clear picture. Those aren't bad qualities. But for whatever reason when you convey that out loud it comes off that you have this laundry list right and that you're a little rigid. Maybe when in theory you just might be clear. I think if you say. I'm looking for someone wonderful. It makes you feel like you're super open minded but you and your head no what wonderful means to you. Yeah as long as you have. The definition and wonderful is a collection of different traits. That you don't need to say out loud to anybody else but your seat. Oh it's really funny is by boyfriend. Dow is realistic to a lot of our episode solicit to a bunch of them.

00:25:01 - 00:30:14

Cya made a greatest hits playlist for him and he was like. It's kind of funny listening because the way you describe what you're looking for a bit i think i have a lot of those qualities received. Do i've started to release it to some enough just to hear. Honestly i just forget what i've said at this point for sure. Some of them have been over two years ago. Right and it's it is kinda funny to release it. And i'm like damn i actually have gotten what i was looking for their nice. It's a nice feeling there. You go humana festival out in the universe looking for someone wonderful. That's it all we want. Is someone wonderful and then someone asks you what your situation is. Just say i met someone wonderful or i'm still on my search for someone wonderful. I like that. I love it. Love it done so quick announcements before we get into. The bulk of this episode was sandy. We'd announced last week that we are changing the sounding board a bitch and we are going to have a lot more time with you a Directly to get your burning dating questions answered. We've seen this really great success with anyone that's been in our coffee shot so we wanna make this more accessible to everyone so for the next month in august we will be keeping the each team dollar mid tier our mid tier. If you'd like to get a now you will get locked in at that rate. If you join in september we will be changing those rates so if this sounds like something that you wanna do if you have fota if you're jumping back into dating if you know you're in a relationship and things are going good but there's something a little off you know this might be the right place for you and in addition to talking to you and i get the great community. There is weekly events that are hosts lead. I'm just constantly amazed by the level of introspection and emotional. Intelligence at this group. Holds in people are really there for each other as each other. Sounding board so dutiful podcasts. Dot com slash sounding board. Definitely check it out and get in at the rates currently hurry. Hurry hurry any other announcements. Let's of course. Follow us on instagram. At dateable podcast and join love in the time of corona. Maybe we don't have to change the title. Chinks we totally jinx debt. Okay let's do a quick message from our sponsor. This episode is made possible by one of our favorites. Better help. thank you so much better help for sponsoring this episode. What are some things that you liked change in your life to find more happiness. What do you think is preventing you from achieving these goals. The simple answer at least in our is. Is you gotta prioritize your mental health. We adaptable are huge. Fans of therapy and better help match you with your own. Licensed therapist and connect you a safe and private online environment. I was able to start communicating with my therapist and less than forty eight hours. So boom you get connected and you're ready to go better help us committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches and it's more affordable than traditional off line. Counseling they're licensed professional specialize in everything from stress setbacks dating trauma so for the new year we wish for all of you to live a happier life and that's why as listener you'll get ten percent off your first month by visiting our sponsor at better help dot com slash dateable join over one million people who have taken charge of their mental health again. That's better help. H. e. l. p. dot com slash. Dateable okay so let's get into it with sandy. All about your insiders look into modern dating once go welcome to last for state radio featuring interviews with experts and dating relating and mating in midlife. And now here's your host sandy. Weiner this is episode number. Four hundred fifty four with us. Shoe and julie crack an insider's look into modern day. Dang hi everybody. I'm sandy weiner and welcome back to last. I state radio where we believe. A woman value naturally attracts the respect that she wants in life and in love. And if you're looking to build your confidence and show up more effectively in your life. I wrote a book for you. And it's called becoming a woman a value how to fried in life and love and it's filled with stories tips and exercises to help you step more fully into your value. It's available on amazon for kindle or paperback and every week i bring you a tip from the book. This week's tip is step seventeen which is let go of toxic people. This is one of my favorite steps. I when i got divorced. I realized how many toxic people i had in my life like usually when you allow one you others and so the work that i do now as a dating coach and the work i do with boundaries and setting limits has helped to eradicate all those toxins All the toxicity.

00:30:14 - 00:35:07

So i just want to challenge you this week that if you have any toxic people who are in your life really look at how can i either set limits with this person or really. Just walk away and go no contact. Because that's usually the only way to deal with many of these people unless their family members and that's a whole other story before i bring our guests on. I want to invite you to join our fantastic facebook group. It's called your last first date. And we are over three thousand women's strong and this is a heavily moderated group in fact one of our moderators moderates julie. And you as group to her name is janice and she's fantastic and we both have similar groups. Actually we'll talk a little bit about the dateable group because it's it's kind of in the same philosophy of being really open about how we look at dating and were interested in growth and forward movement not in getting stuck in old rules. And if that appeals to you. I invite you to join us at your last. I eight and now for fantastic guests you a and julie are the hosts of dateable. It's one of the top rated podcasts about dating levin and sex. They are active deger's through turned dating sociologist and they've talked to thousands of keel. Life daters and experts to explore modern dating culture. Why people date the way they do man. That's a good question before doing this podcast. Ua was dating coach and julie was an app designer and together they have been staying dateable since two thousand and six twenty sixteen. Welcome to the show you a and julie thank sandy the q. Glad to be here So excited to have you. I love listening to dateable. It's it's one of my favorite podcast to listen to as i'm walking and i love the mix of guests that you have that you balance having real life people with experts so we've just gone through this crazy year of corona The pandemic and you started a facebook group without dating during the pot during the pandemic. And i'm a member of the group. I love it so through the podcast and through your facebook group at left you. Here's some of the biggest struggles that you've noticed that people are going through in the past year than the obvious which are just isolation feeling this this feeling of loss loss of mourning their life before cove ed morning their dating life before covet morning Social connection and a sense of community. But i think the biggest struggle that people are having right now is how do i get back into the dating scene Everybody sees the light at the end of the tunnel but they also see that there are social skills may have become a little rusty in the last year and social cues have also become blurred. So how do i read the signals. That i used to think were good signals. I don't know if they are anymore. How do i progress with a relationship when safety is still a huge concern so the biggest challenge i think we definitely are seeing as how do i get back into the swing of things. Absolutely i think a lot of people are like you know what i haven't gotten date ready. I haven't put makeup audit a year. I've been wearing sweats only getting ready from the waist up essentially for video dates and it's daunting to a lot of people. I think people are excited to get back out there and resume quote unquote normal life. But i think there is this level of feeling scared about it. That is happening like you was just mentioning the other thing. That's interesting too. Is that like i think. With a lot of companies going remote in like reimagining like the future of work this is causing a lot of people to like reevaluate. Like where they're living. How they wanna live their lives. And i think that like uncertainty also kind of does play into your dating life. Because i think if you're unsure of where you wanna be it can make dating a little more challenging when you're kind of like half in half out and figuring things out. Yeah that's that's been an interesting. All of this is interesting. But i think that last point that you made julie is i remember when think it was tinder.

00:35:07 - 00:40:04

Had this passport where you could pick anyone in the world and They made that free for a while during the pandemic and i really thought that was a great idea because many of us are not tethered to where we live and i was just having a conversation this morning with with someone who met somebody who lives a distance from her and she's actually considering moving and i thought well aren't you really connected to where you live your businesses there. You have a child there and she goes now. I hate where i lived by. Child is miserable. I'd be happy to move and so there are opportunities that have come up. And i think that if we can look at all of like as opportunity i mean yes. There are challenges and we don't wanna whitewash the challenges because they're big ones. We've had a lot of losses but there are also hidden opportunities. So i love the The idea that you can get up and move and it also is like okay. Who am i am i. I don't know what to do a lot of identity things you know what i totally agree with. You like no one's going to say the twenty twenty in this pandemic has been a good time. No one's going to say that. But of course you can find silver linings and everything in i think one of the silver linings that we've seen is the community that we've established and you're part of the love and the time corona group. I think one of the things that i've loved about it is meeting people from all over and kind of getting out of like your bubble and seeing the different perspectives. I think people are always a quick to blame where they live to their dating problems like that in the apple. Those are like the go-to like this is what's wrong. It has nothing to do with me. It's all about that but then there's something kind of refreshing in a way that like everyone's having the same issues no matter where they live. I don't know. I know it's like not misery loves company but at the same time like it is kind of nice to say like okay. This is a universal challenge. This might show up slightly different depending on where i live but i'm not like alone and feeling like this and it's not necessarily unique to my situation either. Yeah i mean. I think challenges do a few things they bring us together in many ways. We looked at what happened after the world trade towers fell. And how many people came together in new york to to help each other people who never not talk to each other where now coming together and supporting and also challenges really have us reevaluate. What's important. And i think that we can find connection through those things that are important in our lives and i'm seeing a lot of really smart conversations going on in both of our groups and really about like okay. What's important to me. I used to think this was you know i needed xyz. Dating and i realized those are just preferences and they don't have you seen any themes or trends of particular topics that people are having tiffany's about i think in our group we're having people are having epiphanies about whether they won't relationships or not think they i joined our group thinking that this is a group for relationship minded people and then they saw that there was just a diversity of people who are some are single summer actually married summer and relationships some are not looking for a marriage or relationships so having this concentrated time in this last year people have to had they've had to face this question of do i even want to be in a relationship. Yes that's been an interesting where we don't see that so much of my group but i've definitely seen it in yours. We had a pretty heavy conversation over the last few days about body type And my saw that at your group did you. The short short shaming yes. Yeah so i had it into guideline today about nobody saving and migrant because you would think these things would be just kind of common sense but but no and it's it's so interesting that what you think is important height. I mean especially during this time where you know we are reevaluating life. In general and and it's i mean it's indicative of a certain way of thinking for sure height is dada character trait height and weight. You know color of skin all of those things that we think are so important and every single person in my group who found a relationship that was real lot of fairytale but like real life has found it with somebody that was not their type and so the tight lane is a big conversation. I know you had logan yuri on your show. And i found her in line and she talks a lot about this too.

00:40:04 - 00:45:03

It's like this this whole type. Conversation of they have to look a certain way. They have to have a certain income. And i know that you guys really liked to open up conversations around this. Yeah can you share any conversations. You've had around any of those topics that have really been interesting. And i opening well. Logan loves the term relations shopping verses leashes shipping and we really see that with modern dating has become so much about relation shopping. You go on the apps like it's amazon and you're searching for based on criteria of things that don't really matter to you but i think what is a really nice change right now because unfortunately of everything that's happened around race in america today it is opening up conversations and having people pause to question. Why is this my type. Why have i been attracted to this or why has this particular person. Not been my type. And as a result of these i would say challenging conversations people are opening up their filters because they honestly can't answer where they're type even comes from and we always like to say you only know what you know so you're type is only the people you've met people you have not had successful relationships with so why not open up your parameters so it's really exciting to see these conversations happen. Yeah we're we're starting movement date without hate because there is so much going on you know. And that i think that applies clearly to all the racial injustices that are going on but i think it also applies to you know body image and hide in like lawless stuffed otter people's control essentially. You're making snap judgments not knowing this person whatsoever. And i mean i think the pandemic a lot of us have done the work. I think there's been a well. I would say there's probably two groups of people. There's people that have done the work and there's people that have kind of like bat like you know. Ignore it or just focused on how lonely they were not really reflected in words. I think out coming out of the pandemic we're going to see. Those types of people emerge the people that are more open minded and like you were saying sandy. Our whole becca greatbatch. Because there might be a certain. Like i was looking at the feed the comment on yours and i think the woman was like five. Two in the man was like five eight. And i'm like wait. What like this now. It was so absurd. But it's like there are those people and you know what we always say to. It's like we can only meet people where they are like. You can provide all the education and support but it does kind of take it for you. Individually have it click and i think coming out of this pandemic. We're going to be able to the people who have done. The work are going to be able to really clearly see others that have also somebody posted. The prince was five three week. Let's get a clo- here perspective. Yeah day it's it's never about high and it's never about weight it's about it's about our own self judgment really and i think we can bring more self love into the picture and self more than south lots self compassion we start to blur the lines of where we used to think things were important. I mean you know economics. I just finished reading Make the move with john. Berger and he talks about dating across classes you know that used to be used to think only white collar khun date white collar noodles. You have to have a college degree. If i have a colleague. That was one of the things as i started. Coaching was like e. You look at people with a phd is being smart. A lot of them are not honestly. And you're overlooking all these people without college degrees who are brilliant. You know how many people have been successful entrepreneurs and have done amazing things without a college degree and so we put these little parameters around people to help us. Stay safe and feel like we're going to get a guarantee. Somehow that was another conversation that came up around. A man has the love me more looking even mean right. I think this is the challenge. Though is a lot of i mean. I'm assuming a lot of your listeners. To are kind of in their thirties to fifties. Probably and i i don't wanna say i don't know how ultra listeners i've ever suing. They're like not like in there. You know young. Twenty s and also. I'm assuming they're in their twenties. I say young. I think we see this a lot with our audience to people that are like what we call like.

00:45:03 - 00:50:00

The two of us are elder millennials. Were like on the cost and a lot of it is like straddling the old advice that we've been given an old way of thinking with the new way of thinking and there was a lot of bad books out there that kind of confirm what you were just saying like mary. Someone that loves you more. I remember that insects of the city as like a topic to and it's like it's hard to sometimes unravel these old ways of thinking. But i think we need to ask why i mean. That's the whole premise. Of our podcast is asked why then asked why again it ask. Why a third time. Because then you'll get to the root of what it actually is and why you're thinking that way and is it something that you're thinking or is it. Just 'cause society in bad books told you to think that way. Oh yeah there's there's so many reasons for me to ask why i love that. Ask why three times because we don't even realize most the time we have these beliefs so where they came from like. We think they're true when we stop and really interrogate the truth of our statements and our beliefs. We start to really see things very differently yet. It'd be to tie it back to your earlier. Example about the high like i think there is actually a research technique like with the three wise because it does when people i answer question. It's kind of surface level. So like i'm thinking about the thing is. There is a long a period of time that i wanted someone that was like six feet and above kind of went into that whole stereotype in a i. It was like oh. I wanna feel protected and i thought that was how that if you take layer deeper. You're like i want. I don't wanna feel Small with this per sorry. I don't wanna feel. I don't want this person to feel smaller than me. And then if you go at blair deeper it's actually. I'm not happy with the way. I'm feeling it has nothing to do with this other person. So it's like you can kind of like dissect it down a lot of times. We place blame on like we were saying the dating app your location other people where it's all stems from yourself at the end of the day Left that a bad example of really pulling it apart. Because that's that's usually what we end up with and the location land without is. There are no people where i live but yes it is easy to blame your location right. It's the it's the easiest external factor you can just say. Well the there's no inventory or there's just no good matches out there but again with the pandemic i think people have realized that has nothing to do with where they live and what they do who they surround themselves with. We all had to face music. Which is ourselves and really dig deep into. Why am i not happy with my love life. Or what can i be doing better for myself. And so that's why these conversations are evolving into something that goes beyond the superficial requirements from pre pandemic. Or at least. I hope it sticks i think for some people it will stick and for other people that just go right back again. Cannot humans we tend to. We tend to go right back to our messes as soon as things get back to so called normal. But we're not going to get back to normal anytime soon so or at least i hope we can preserve some of i agree. I think we're already noticing. Conversations like going back to kind of similar to how they were at the start of the like before the pandemic i think The early march april period. When this first had people do get like really re real and raw in it has like kind of like eased up the longer. It's gone on. But i guess my hope is that at least we can take away like one positive change or one thing that we've learned about ourselves or dating that we can maintain coming moving forward. This episode is brought to you by amazon music unlimited. Whenever i cook. I love listening to music from the seventy s. Like the grateful. Dead and crosby stills nash and my favorite joni mitchell with amazon music unlimited. I can listen to over seventy million songs and thousands of playlists and stations. And you can now stream your favorite podcasts. Like last first date radio. You can listen to any song anytime anywhere on any device whether it's your smartphone or tablet your pc or mac fire tv and any alexa enabled devices like the amazon echo. You will never hear or see an ad and you can even download songs and podcasts and playlists to listen to off line.

00:50:01 - 00:55:05

Now for a limited time you can get amazon. Music unlimited for free for ninety days just head on over to get amazon music dot com forward slash last first date to claim. This offer sa- julie. You're you're dating. Greg what's your biggest takeaway. What have you been applying. I think the biggest thing for me is you know being excited about dates again. There was a period that like. I shouldn't say that wasn't excited. But i think i'd like became so standard that you would go on a date that they lost excitement in meaning and a lot of times. I wouldn't even put the person's name in my phone. Because i'm like there's like a fifty percent chance i'll never see this person again julie tender. Exactly everyone's name is something tender. I did have that in my phone at one stage of life. When i was really cereal and i think there is something about like getting excited to meet the person i think one of the challenges and the pandemic is not getting so ahead of yourself because we have also seen that. And i've experienced at myself that you build this person up because of a virtual connection. So i'm trying to not take that moving forward but i am still trying to take this part where you know. I do talk to them on the phone at least once before meeting. I feel like at least i'm like okay. This person i could carry a conversation. I'm looking forward to meeting them. In person not just like oh another you know i gotta do my quota three days a week and just knock it off. I think there is like a mental mindset. Shift that like my time is valuable. Look i wanna meet people that. Add value to my life i think. Also it's like. I have been living alone during this pandemic and i. It was scary. And it's become empowering to me that. I'm like you know i've been able to do this on my own like while. Maybe my goal in life is into beyond alone if that ends up happening. It's not the worst thing in the world. Like i'm perfectly happy as is and i think that mindset it's allowing people to come in my life that add value and not just being with people to fill a friday night like i can do that on my own. Yeah adding values huge now. It's it's that's a big question. Is this person adding value. And it's not making you feel good. I think that's like one of the things that keeps coming up on our podcast. And what i've been really trying to apply to my dating life. To how do i feel around. This person like are. Do i feel energized around them. Do i feel like they're like treating me like you know like the lowest priority on their list. Like i think that's really important to think about in assess beyond. Just you know like the superficial checklist where how you feel is probably the most important thing i think what i just spoke to a woman in portugal today. Who just finished this relationship. That was so toxic. And i asked her. How did you feel when you were with him. Did you feel that. Did he bring out the best in you. Did you feel your body relaxed or stressed around. She goes oh always. Stressed didn't bring out the best of me. I never felt safe. And i'm like okay. These are clues a lot of times. Because if you're in a place of loneliness that you're just trying to fill a void that's when we gravitate to those types of it's better than nothing in that's like worst police to be in in my opinion for right scarcity and also it. It feels like attraction. Because that's how a lot of people are wired that feeling that kind of dysregulation and as zaidi feels mike attraction. That's butterflies. that's excitement right. Yeah unfortunately it goes back to how you view love and how you've recognized love and so this is a great opportunity for that. Why why why exercise again digging into why do you perceive that as love lied you perceive that as a faction and then you'll see that it probably stems from your childhood somehow where you were given love very inconsistently in. That's the only way you recognize it. Yeah so true it all stems back to however right omar parents not where you live or the hats the frog x. Turtles where you used to live. But that's that's the whole point. It's like okay. Connect the dots really figure out why you keep repeating these patterns and undo it you.

00:55:05 - 01:00:11

Can you can undo the damage care how old you are like. Instead of being a victim of it we have so many choices for back to choice points How are we going to deal with it. We can continue to try to get that love through partners. Who are horrible for us. Make us feel that sense of anxiety or are we going to work on ourselves and try to change our attraction. I know you had can page on the show. Also which do. I love him so he talks about that. But you know how he grew up with that that was traction to him and he finally changed to attractions of inspiration said of deprivation. Which i just love that distinction to do. It's been so fun to see in our facebook group is we have. It's kind of like a movement. I think of all these people that are going on master dates. Sounds like basically teaching yourself. It sounds really dirty you ca. I busy master. Dating a pastor dating this weekend like we get those posts all like we had one of our members. She took herself to cinema to wine country and went wine tasting herself. And she's like you know what. I was thinking i wanted to get out. There was never partner. I didn't have any friends available. And i'm like you know what i'm not gonna get held back because of the single and i think that attitude is been so refreshing to see and you know it's like just being like comfortable with yourself and being able to entertain yourself and staying open to company because by default humans are wired for relationships. Whether that's romantic tonic. Familiar whatever it is but like. I think it's not saying that you're just because you're like spending time by yourself means that you're closing yourself off relationships but it also does mean that you aren't going to necessarily stand for bullshit essentially because you're like i could just go to one country it myself. I don't need to go with someone that's treating me horribly. Loved masturbating such a brilliant concept. I wanted my son said something. Really funny Oh this is something. He learned from a male dating coach. That he'll tell women like when he wants to hang out with them. He'll say i'm gonna be at this park. I'd love to go with you if you wanna meet me. They're great. i'm going anyway. So it's kind of like i'm gonna live my life and you're welcome to join me and i mean i would see if i was dating him. I would want him to ask out properly. Slot more like these friends who he's thinking of dating Or went but he has one woman in his life who used to date and he want. He's now in a friendship with her. So he'll say it love to hang out with you some time and she'll say well i don hook up. We'll look i'm going to be at the park can on taking a lot you know. It's it's sort of. I'm gonna live my life and you're welcome to be part of it or not but i'm not gonna stop my life because you're not joining it and i think that's that's important for all of us to take away that we should continue to live a great life and actually this is usually when people find a partner because they're having a great time they're they're exuding joy and and having fun. Yeah so What are we talk about now. I i there's so many questions so some other trends that you've seen like mistakes that people make in dating especially now What are some mistakes that you've seen. It's hard to identify mistakes. Because then were saying their rules that they've broken We like to rephrase this as things that people should be more cautious of war. Just think twice about so some of that would be. I think we're getting back into the whole swipe culture where you're just swiping swiping for vanity swipes wiping for attention and it gets us into a really dark place when we start doing this on the regular because you start thinking that everyone has disposable and that if you don't match with this person there's someone out there so just a way to navigate around that is we always say like make your swiping activity in the event so you kind of treat it like it's sacred and give yourself a limit. You should only really been be talking to two to three people at a time. Don't try to balance like seven to ten conversations because you're not going to go deep with anybody and to give yourself a limit even if the apps are giving you endless endless endless matches or endless people to look at.

01:00:12 - 01:05:08

Maybe this time limit. I'm only going to swipe for an hour. And then at the end of the hour i'm done. I cannot swipe any longer. I think people are often looking for a quick fix. We hear people all the time being like. What can i do to my profile to like you know. Bring all these matches in. And i do recognize that people have different levels like some people. Don't get a matching ever. So i don't wanna say that like it's not about your profile at all. You obviously have a funnel of people coming in. But i do think that. A lot of us are fixated on the wrong things were so obsessed with like the first message. We should send you know. Having the perfect profile in it actually causes us to hesitate and not actually be authentic and just make moves and have conversations. I mike in the minority here. But like i personally don't love these like really witty opening lines that i'm like. I have no idea how to respond to that now. I feel pressure to become super witty. Myself he just asked me how i'm doing. I don't mind if you ask me what my weekend is like. And i know some people hate that so much and they're like this random person doesn't care about my weekend but that's how you would just talk if you met someone and it just gives you insight into how they spend their time and their lifestyle so i personally see nothing wrong with it. As long as the conversation progresses if it's just like you know that back and forth and it's not going anywhere that's another sign. But i think so. Many people are putting weight on these things that really aren't important in preventing them from actually just interacting with people. Like i think we talked about with logan to the quicker. You can get off. Apps like in terms of messaging whether that's like progressing to tax video to phone or whatever to even t- in real life. Ideally that's the goal of data gaps is to meet in real life. I think the problem. When people get so fixated on apps is that they never get out of that lake. Messaging free face. Yeah oh man. So i love both of your comments. I think that the whole swipe culture. I just saw something that might have been on your on your facebook group about some of the biggest complaints in online dating of one was takes too long spend hours and feels like a job job. Yeah don't feel like job where i've even had clients do like twenty minutes. Set a timer. Don't make it a job and also your attitude going in. Because you know. I've i tell clients reframe from on my god. This is like you know root canal due to like find a better metaphor. So one of them shows like amusement park entering amusement park. And i don't know you know what the rides are going to be like. And i'm gonna have fun than some rights. I won't go on and somebody will go on and it's like if you can reframe how you're approaching it. It makes such a difference meet finding love and meeting people supposed to be five. Heart apart is when conflict. That's like in a relationship that should be the hard part and that that also again mindset you go in and if you don't think of conflict as a pain point that could also change how you view that but the early stages of data and just meeting new people should not feel like a job yet for whatever reason it is completely made people you know wanna grill people on dates like that date. I been on that day is not fun to be on a date where someone is you know unleashing all their emotional baggage and grilling you to make sure that you're not going to hurt them. Who wants to do that for date. One like let's just how fun you know for whatever reason that a foreign concept to a lot of people yeah i think people people love to know the last page of the book before the opening gonna end. I get it to some degree. It's like you don't you know you've been you don't want to waste your time. You don't want to like gopher unavailable people think so. Mostly unavailable is like the biggest buzzword right now but at the same time. It's like you need to just get to know the person like if you remember in our group we had someone share like a line that she uses with before she even talks to the men that she was engaging with it was basically like how did they contribute to the break-up of their last relationship in one of the guys in the group was like his she was like i. I use it to like test to see if they're self-aware in their acknowledging you know their own how they contributed weather guys was like. I don't even know you. I'm not going to tell you the truth anyways. Nick and that doesn't sound like fun fun date i'd someone asks me like what my five year plan was.

01:05:08 - 01:10:01

I'm like i don't know like it goes back to that. Relations shopping mindset. People feel like they have to make these really educated informed decisions like they shopped for a car or shop for a house but shopping for love. It's not the same you have to go with your gut feeling intuition and we forget to tap into our guts and our heart for that. We are constantly looking for more information that in the grand scheme of things ten years from now. It doesn't even matter. It doesn't even matter if you're running assessments in your head you're not present and people can feel that and then it doesn't matter if you want to go with the second time they won't want to go out with you so it's like it's kind of like let's do the calculations once there's actually a foundation even there yet. It's really true. And i have to admit that i've used similar lines before. Leave your data. I i was really interested in seeing if people took responsibility in their lives. And so i would ask it more like What did you learn about yourself. What did you learn from your last relationship. It wasn't quite the You know tell me how you take responsibility. But what i wanna hear. Is you know my ex wife was a horrible person. She took all my money. Or i learned that i need more communication in the next relationship. I mean that's that's pleasant. Okay conversation to have maybe baby on a second date you know but i think the first date have fun like see if he can laugh together. Do something fun. I think we we also get stuck in these dates that are all the same and the pandemic has given us many opportunities also to explore other ways of dating. And have you seen any trends and how people are meeting the creative ways that people are dating and we had we had a pass guess on clubhouse you know there's there's a lot of Like platinum online platforms. Actually you and i predicted this. Before the pandemic we did not predict the pandemic. But we did for that psychic. But we didn't think that deleting apps we're going to start to simulate real life a bit more. And i think we have actually seen that that lay people are using different platforms like we even see in our facebook group. We do happy hours in our like premium group. The sounding board and people have said like it's like coachella we go to different rooms are like a big house party like what shallow by be a stretch but like a house party. You know that we jump around we talk to different people. And it's all virtual and i think like with clubhouse and some of the other audio platforms that are coming on and you know people are using. Take talk to meet people like. There's so many different ways that aren't necessarily quote unquote dating apps. But they're still apps in technology. And i think we're seeing a lot of that happen and it's going to be really fascinating to see how that continues post back into society and my personal belief is that i think it will stay. I think that it won't be like the only way people interact like. They are now but i do think that. Like mean if you're just sitting at home on a thursday night like you don't have plans realistically before the pandemic. We did not have plans every night the week like we know like we had lives that we had been paid. So if you're sitting at home in the thought the question is should. I watch netflix. Or should i hop on clubhouse and like talk to people or should i hop on a dateable. I'll plug ourselves our and like interact with people. I think people are gonna choose the interact with people in like. It's still a way to get your social muscles going without leaving your home. Which is very convenient. I think people are definitely testing their creativity back in the day. People had a system of how they date. They had the bar they go to. They had the drink they would get. They had the lines they say and the and kovic really shook things up and they can't go to their normal system anymore so we've seen people not just plan creative outdoor dates but the creative. The creativity comes out on what you do on these outdoor dates. It's not just hiking. Maybe it's a challenge. Maybe he's a scavenger people have to really step up their game and we're starting to see this traditional away of courtship comeback in a way because people are taking the time to actually plan dates. What a concept in a self just exercises a more creative part of your brain for sure. I remember Actually had Captain on my on my facebook live a couple of weeks ago.

01:10:02 - 01:15:07

I said tell me about him. Meeting a woman on clubhouse and i thought it was such a great story i wanted to share it with my audience because they walk around so limited as to how they're meeting people and i think you know just opening up to a meet up to i. I've been to meet ups before the pandemic but people have been continuing to go to meet ups virtually and meeting people and years ago. I discovered facebook groups as a way to meet singles and They're actually are singles groups. Europe in particular is great because not only attracts men and women but become stations of much deeper and more a less judgy. There's a lot of singles groups where the conversations are those are starting. Yeah we're like this doesn't happen down surely weeded. Those people they probably wouldn't like our podcast but gays interest. Definitely those out there. We've seen them and it you know so. It's a great way to actually get to know a person whereas a dating app you get a very small snippet of somebody who may look like that ten years ago and has chosen to curate some little lines that show how whether they are or somebody else thinks they are because they wrote it for them and and you know on these on these facebook groups and i highly recommend everybody join your group because it is a great way to get to know people to get to know their heart their soul how they how they answer each other how they support each other the ones who step up and show leadership skills i mean this. This is what we're looking for right. I mean i admit that before. Our facebook group. I was never like a big facebook group user. I was in psalm. But i was more of a lurker. Very rarely posted. I didn't really engaged. Get to know anyone. And i have just been blown away by the people that are group and i have a little bit of a bias because i have the person that runs the group but we have heard this from people that don't run the group that are in the group to that they feel like they've it'd a lot of them have met up with each other even if it's not romantic just to like we have this one person. Post the best coach. She was like getting ready for the state. I haven't been on a date for like you know six months. I'm really nervous which i wear. That ended up being like with another woman in the group and date. And there's just been so much like connection that's happened and i personally feel like i've met like a whole new group of friends this pandemic. They didn't know before from all over the world which is very very exciting and interesting and you know even if it doesn't lead to romantic connection. I think it flexes your social muscles. I think it helps you. Connect with others think it helps you. Stay curious you know. Learn all stuff that like is gonna apply when you actually meet that person too. Yeah yeah. I've found that in my gripe too although it's not with men and women it's only women but women have have grown first of all in their awareness of themselves about dating because of the way we manage the group also and many of them have formed lifelong friendships. We've had we've had gatherings before. Cova vid of groups in different parts of the world. I mean it. It really is an amazing thing to have a group that is well run where things don't go off the rails because somebody's paying attention and i think that's what sets are group's apart from a lot of the groups that are out there. Yeah and that's the power of being part of these groups that we are able to control the narrative and therefore control the conversation. And it's awesome that we can control the culture of these groups in a way that aligns with our ourselves right so it's great to see that reflection but i agree. These conversations could go arise so easily. And i'm glad that it's not just us who are moderating bad janice who's moderating but we've also got all the members who are policing each other like it's not cool to say or you know so it's always the conversations always turn positive and we really need those positive conversations right now. I certainly do other thing. That i think has been great in there. Like we've got these you know. I mean because our group is is a split of men and women but it's it's skewing more women if we were to look at the numbers and there's been comments like all men suck all men do this at we janice has done a great job our moderator other all other members like you said policing each other to they're like hey it's not all men there's some freaking phenomenal vanden this group. I can point to five of them right now. Like you know and i think janice actually causes the gold standard and it's like when you do know wonderful men or women or whoever you're dating that's when you start to like again hold a higher standard for other people in your lives because you're like they do exist.

01:15:08 - 01:20:01

It's not that you know it's an urban myth that this person is out there. I can put a name to a face. And i know the way that you know. Quality people of value speak and interact with people and have relationships. And then you can hold yourself to that standard. That's a really good point. I think often we don't have role models. We just have this mythical idea of fairytale relationships with people who don't exist or we have terrible experiences with people who treat does poorly and who are neanderthals. And do you know it's like we just don't give each other chance either. You know they're dating is a lot of judgment it's quick judgments quick assessments and if we could just slow down and i think the pandemic has helped us with this a bit taken hookups. And all that stuff. All the booty calls her changed during the pandemic. And i think we've learned. Also what's important to us in terms of setting boundaries safety and and i think that that a lot of people are just reassessing all of those things So i have a question about anything that surprised you that you learned since starting the podcast and he surprised since starting the podcast. Yeah i don't even know where we start there's probably good so My biggest surprise is our how much our content has evolved and where it is today. We truly started the podcast as a funny dating stories podcast. We just want to hear what people were going through. And now we're in a place where we're providing a space and a platform for everyone to tell us their different perspectives on how they view dating in how they navigate the dating scene and relationships. So i'm i'm very proud of us for evolving content evolving ourselves but while also just very surprised by how much our continent has changed throughout the years. Yeah i mean we just recently. We didn't episode about toxic masculinity. We've touched mental dealing with depression like those are topics that i don't think i ever plant covering of allies. What does that even mean that relate to take and i think that's the point those it's like dating and relationships especially dating it shine such. I'm beer on yourself. And i think so. I think what. I'm surprised by is how much of it is on your own self like you could really need to get into relationships to relate to others. Choose so it can't just be all self work or you know that going to just be living in fantasy land by yourself if that's not your end goal than you do need to bring another person to the equation. But that being said like i think when we started i thought it was going to be more like yeah. Let's talk about people go on dates and not like the south love and compassion and work. That actually needs to happen. I think the biggest surprise though to me though is how many similarities there are between different groups of people we first started. I thought our audience was going to be street. Women i thought was going to listen to it and the amount of you know straight men gay men you know other like. Lgbtq plus like community members like how they all relate like at the end of the day. Don't matter what we're going through. We can find similarities with other people's experiences. Even if the experience doesn't line up one hundred percent to us and i think that to me has been incredible like we did a podcast about puppy. Play into here. Someone like come back in in his like. Oh i actually like realize like a revelation. That i don't wanna like you know. Yuck someone's yom anymore and you know like all the stuff that you're like you would've walked into thinking that you would get like a really important takeaway from puppy play so i think has been the most interesting to me. That is really interesting. I think that we are all connected so much more than we think we are. And i mean my audience is women over forty. And i have men and i have married people and i have gay people. I have all people too and i think because love is universal abortions are universal and the topics are universal. So i i love how he started as one thing and ended up broadening so much and reaching so many people and getting so much. Great press You you really have achieved something amazing. And i think you're you're genuine.

01:20:01 - 01:23:57

Both of you just really are authentic and genuine and and curious. And i think that is really one of the appeals for me that you bring such a variety of people and the conversations are always interesting and real take sautes wanted to know one. Thank you so this is just an amazing conversation. And i would love to have people find you wherever you are so please tell us all the ways people can contact you and find you. Yeah that'd be. We're pretty much on every podcast platform out there apple podcasts. Spotify any other apps that you listened to your podcast you can find us can also go to at dateable podcast on social media. Instagram is probably like are most active social media platform and then join the love and the time of corona facebook grew. That's where we've been talking about this whole time. You know there's a lot going on and then you know if you love what you're seeing. We have our premium members group the sounding board but you know started love in the time of the krona and get to know us better. We'll we'll start slowly in the know. Visually will dr and make this official with the. That's great. I'm wondering if you're going to change the name of the group that yeah yeah i was kinda thinking we might change it to love in the time of corona and beyond parentheses. Yeah it's like hard to totally changed the name of the group but we also yeah like campy people aren't going to be like i wanna be in this love of the time corona group in late two years months eight. Knock on wood. Copen done by that. Yeah i like the fbi. And i i the name. I taught a course about five or six times called find love during the pandemic that started the month after the pandemic started and then as we went on and on teaching it and then i realized it's more of a m beyond course and pretty much everything i taught can be used post pandemic and i think your group is universal. It's not just about the current corona virus and hopefully we will have a new normal and beyond very and we'll have to readjust everything but you guys are constantly giving us ways to do that. So i appreciate you and thank you for coming on today then having a sandy my pleasure and everybody thank you for watching please rate and review us if you love our show and that always helps as the dateable podcast ladies now and we hope you go on your first date very soon. The database podcast is part of the frolic podcast network. Five more podcast. You'll love frolic dot media slash podcasts. Want to continue the conversation. I follow us on instagram. Facebook and twitter with the handle at dateable. Podcast tag us in any post with a hashtag. Stay dateable and trust us. We look at all those post then. Head over to our website dateable podcasts dot com there. You'll find all the episodes as well. As articles videos are coaching service. With vetted industry experts you can also find our premium why series where we dissect analyze and offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums also downloadable for free on spotify apple. Podcast google play overcast stitcher radio and other podcasts platforms. Your feedback is valuable to us. So don't forget to leave us a review and most importantly remember to stay.

Dateable Podcast
Yue Xu & Julie Krafchick

Is monogamy dead? Are we expecting too much of Tinder? Do Millennials even want to find love? Get all the answers and more with Dateable, an insider’s look into modern dating that the HuffPost calls one of the ‘Top 10 podcasts about love and sex’. Listen in as Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick talk with real daters about everything from sex parties to sex droughts, date fails to diaper fetishes, and first moves to first loves. Whether you’re looking to DTR or DTF, you’ll have moments of “OMG-that-also-happened-to-me” to “I-never-thought-of-it-that-way-before.” Tune in every Wednesday to challenge the way you date in this crazy Dateable world.