As you swipe through profiles with vax cards, we can feel the end starting to near. But how have we all changed from the last year? Join us as we chat with our community hosts Shieldy, Jason, Gisela, Brian, and Caitlin about their experiences dating in the pandemic and how they are emerging from it all. We discuss becoming so comfortable with ourselves that we attract the right partner, not feeling as alone even if you’re single, and embracing an open-minded attitude that truly makes you dateable.
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S112E11: Dating Post-Pandemic Part 1
00:00:01 - 00:05:11
The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world.
Hello everyone welcome to another episode of dateable a show. All about modern dating explained people's behaviors. The wise of why people do the things they do and say the things they do and this past weekend julian. I had a chance to meet the people who do things and say the things from our community. It was the best weekend i mean. First of all it was so nice to be reunited with you. In general we our date night as well. We had a lot of fun times this weekend. And then we got wind that a group of folks. We're going to dinner together. We had our community member of the month. Livestream last thursday in our community member of the month. Shoutout we'll do two birds woodstock at graziani for community member on the bus but she spilled the beans that her some folks were going to dinner. She told us the time the date and location going. Who is going much everything so as soon as she got off the phone you it was like should we surprise though they we're like l. Yeah and so we did so. We plan this the night before. I was basically fantasizing. While i was sleeping about it and how you were going to go up to them so what at first we thought they were sitting in the back so we thought it'd be easy to go to into the restaurant by some champagne and then walked to the back and then when we got there they were right out in front. He cannot miss them well. Our events producer. Louise also met up with us and did this. And she like walked by them. I was like i'm pretty sure they're right in the front right there yet. There's no hiding so we also had our other friend. Melissa windows who they probably would not recognize no so we sent her to go in. Grab a bottle of champagne and come out and then we did our thing and we also had preordered the champagne so they were covered like the restaurant people in then as soon as the group sauce and started screaming and we were all like singing. Stay dateable together and people around the whole restaurant were looking at us. They thought we were super vip. Who are these people. Everyone looked so nice. They all dressed up in their best date attire and the looks on their faces. It was just pure shock to begin with nothing. He was so out of context. They were probably like who are these girls. Why are they screaming. I think we were more excited than they were. Really took the shock value lydia. What one of the members was like. I heard your voice. i. I'm like i know that voice. And then she said we caught this on video she goes. She was trying to explain what was happening. She's like and then the podcast people showed up the us people. She said i guess telling them that like she was explaining to her who she was meeting up with in the first place. These are all members of the sounding board which is our premium community and we did have one member. Actually that was an active member in the public group love in the time of corona but the rest of them had been pretty much doing video calls for a year practically owning really got to know each other as friends and this was the first time a lot of them were meeting. Up in person was the first time we were seeing a lot of them like it was so fine. People exactly how i picture. The like. There was really better. It's i think of anything better like there was like it was such a smooth transition. If felt like we had known each other for years with the best part was told. Julie i said we're not going to linger because it be awkward if we went and we stayed in hung out for dinner. So we're like let's get the fuck out after we do our surprise the we don't make it awkward and of course a manager of the restaurant was like. Hey there's a table right next to them that open up you girls like to sit down and have a drink and we were. I mean we were just so into it at that point. So we a lingering. Yeah i've been there resilient hives that he has the time of day but he thought we were someone. So have you ever wanna seem important. Just surprise a group of people and bring champagne. Get a group of people to yell. Stage a double the middle of nowhere. The people around that restaurant were probably like what the fuck is going on. I feel like things are starting to feel like door bully gad. We definitely like went out hard that night and went to your boyfriend's word of also to it felt like outta there is definitely like a sense of like old times coming back.
00:05:11 - 00:10:05
This is probably the first night that i really felt like that. And i think more and more people are getting vaccined. I got by at muskogee center in san francisco. Which is anyone that doesn't live here. Is like a big tech conference hub in. It felt like a ted conference. What i was there. There was like you know plastic buzek p. The volunteers like one guy. I swear we did a higher him to do our merch. He was like spitting out different lines. He was like once cove. It's gone you can get it on. That was my bike. Bunch of other words that i was like damn this guy's been practicing but they had like a cut out with dr fauci take a selfie with at the end like it was seen. I felt like i was back at a conference. I'm pretty sure everyone else. I've talked to has not had that same experience with vaccination site. Did you have that experience at all. Oh with my vaccine. Say no i went to ride aid. I was in line with all the other eighty year. Olds they're getting their medication. And i've read somewhere that it was a total missed opportunity because you don't have to wait fifteen minutes in the seats after area than there like we should have had like a single section wherever hunkered like me and my gosh that would be easing. I by the way. I didn't know you had to save fifteen minutes. I booked another appointment right after mine. So i actually i ran out. You're not supposed to be for anybody. Who's getting their vaccines for the first time. Just no buffer fifteen minutes afterwards. You're such a rebel and such rebel. Observe you for fifteen is just make sure you don't have any adverse reactions to the vaccine to schedule that correctly but no i did not have that spring break vaccine party experience like he did. I'm really jealous. He said there was music blaring. Yeah so louise was say. That was a little more toned down than i was describing the change it or just the time of day i wet or it was like super hyped up. Felt like it felt like a party. And i was like. Oh my god. This is downtown san francisco. I haven't been here like a year i. it's. I'm not going to lie. It's been a little uncomfortable to seeing a bunch of people around. And i don't know like people still wear their masks but there there's so close to me i can touch them. I don't know anymore. I don't know how to feel feel around. I like wanted to give. Everyone hugs that. I i think. I did give some of the people to but it was like i'm like oh my god do they want this. They not want this. It's so awkward. You know you just don't know anymore it's really. Can i. just bring up the card. I got from our ovalles server. I totally forgot about this. Yeah the night just got better and better so. We had a very nice server at the restaurant. Who when i was in line at the bathroom handed me this red card. If you're on youtube you can see this in. You're not let me just describe it to you. On one side says have a nice day and on the other side says just a courtesy. Note to let you know. Damn you're beautiful that's it that's all is said i e this is this kept coming around like really touching you to like be like this is kind of uncomfortable little. Yeah 'cause i'm not used to people touching me in general and there's a stranger touching me and he hands me this card and i forgot what it was like to talk to strangers but i thought this card was interesting because it does not have his name or phone number. There's no follow up. There's no call to action is just a card to make me feel good which it does make me feel good. But hey maybe. This is the new way of connecting with people. You just hand out cards. Tell them they're cute or whatever and then hopefully you find them on dating app. It's nice but it's kind of august. I think it needs a eta. Yeah we did adventure really fun game though while we were out remember. Oh that one the dating you know one thing that you're like. Do i want to reveal the first date. Do i want to let this similar a little more and everyone has one and it doesn't need to be something that like other people perceive as embarrassing. But it's whatever you kind of you is like something that you don't want to necessarily put out there so we're calling it what the bt dubs. By the way. I like the way. Did you know we win around. It was julie me louise and our melissa we went around to say our bt dubs what was yours fuel it started off talking about like really showcasing our cats and we're like oh that's a btw that's what kicked off of.
00:10:05 - 00:15:02
I was dating relationship podcast. Which is for everyone. There's definitely it's right. It's a titillating to some people. So i've heard so that's definitely by. I have another one but i. I really probably wouldn't put that. What else okay. All right so you public peachy dub in a private beach and that i'll find out after we thank you. Did you like. I have a boyfriend relationship or any big bt. Depp capital hill. Years would probably be the same as alleys expert relationship coach. You are the data coach also. Yeah it's hard to lead with that when you're yes a dub but then also if they're on board with your leg early also it's yes. It's a great filter. Doesn't always have to be something. I'm obviously very proud of the podcast. I want someone. That's super supportive of it. And that's going to support you to batter. What but it could lead in the right people and weed out the wrong people is the now. Hey hey cat. Lovers cat lovers could be totally down with the cat. Btw right it's your own thing but for the special person you reveal it really reveal it. I'd like date three. Maybe not on a virtual call. I reveal the podcast early on. I used to not now. I'm like you know we're either on board or not. It really just depends on the vibe right reading. Yeah people you're like yeah. He down to save this for a year one year anniversary. I'm expert scrutinizing your every move. Are you speaking from experience when you like youtube channel. Tell you about. I mean if they know that you do this podcast by like date five. They have not done the research. No that's the thing. That's why i'm like idea. Just tell people. I think what we first started there yet. It wasn't as big a deal. But now it's like if you find if you google julie podcast. It comes up early. Like i don't know if that's a bad example. If you google my last name like it's gonna come up. Yeah you can't hide it now. No and nor should you be proud of it but there's some ways to make this. I'm going to watch this transition. Julia so there are some ways to make your bt dubs playful and then when downey board event is all about this coming thursday. It's our dateable. After show with the one. And only jeff harry who was on our show on our episode all about making dating fun again by bring play into it and he's going to be leading a workshop along with our very own louise on how to just make dating more playful and fun. So maybe there's an opportunity to turn your bt dub into something more playful like on a first date absolutely what a transition. That was a i was like. Where is she going with this. But that was dead odd. You know this could be fantastic event again. It's for sounding board members in the events tier so if you need to learn more we keep them limited. Do wanna get your spot. If this is appealing to you loved that episode. Make dating fun again. With jeff harry. You do not want to miss this. I've read it's going to be amazing. I can't wait to hold on our playful skills even more so go to dateable podcasts dot com slash sounding board as as long as you sign up for one of the events tears. You'll be included. You'll also get to come to the sounding board a private group that we have. That's where the magic happens. That's where the happy hours the podcast discussion groups. And this is a great transition also. Is that four. You know like pretty much since we started the love and the time of corona group which is the public groups. So i will say this again because we do it with a little confusing we have the public love. In the time of chronic group. Anyone can join pending. you prove. You're a real human. That listens to dateable not yet but no animals exactly but then we also have the saudi which is our premium community. That's where everyone's like really making these deep friendships and we had a group in new york. Hang out today like this is happening. Where we saw a group in phoenix. The other week like as a group is organizing seattle. Like this is happening. This is happening all around the country. Hopefully save the world so from day one. We had this group of hosts that have been like kind of the backbone of the community like they been leading the discussion groups and happier as every week in the sounding board but we wanna make them more prominent in the public group. Because they i mean they're just kind of the epitome of data dateable.
00:15:02 - 00:20:05
I think all of them are so dateable. We also had the idea that we were going to bring them on for the next two episodes in this series of what is gonna be like coming out of this pandemic like we're saying we're starting to feel real light at the end of the tunnel year now that we're getting vaccinated. You know things are starting to feel more like the old normal the new normal like s.'s. Where we're involved too so we want to hear from our folks about like you know what has their dating lives been like during the pandemic. What have they learned over this year because this year has been truly transformational for a lot of us in how are they going to merge coming out and it just shows a everyone has a very strong story of why they sought us out. There was a reason why they were looking for dating podcasts. There was a reason why they typed in love the time corona by the us on facebook. So you get to hear those those moments in people's lives of when they set a i need a sense of community. I need a sense of belonging in. This is what i'm going to search for. And so this is a two parter and for this first section of this this episode We are featuring five of our hose in you get to get to know them better beyond just the words that you see them type in the facebook group you get to hear their voice and get to know their personalities and they all have such distinct personalities but also david site full. That's what i get from all of them and you know it's really fascinating. They've all had a very diverse range of dating experiences. During this time like some of them are emerging in new relationships. Some are in relationships. They fostered throughout of covid. Some of them have really embraced being single during this time and found a newfound respect for that. So i think there's something to related. Everyone's story no matter where you are in your journey to and more importantly how is everybody navigating this post covid era. Everyone has questions. they're kind of. I don't know just like things you're like. Is this still k- Is still something that i wanna pursue so you get to hear everybody's thought process through that so in this first part we've got shielded jason saleh brian and caitlin good group. What accrue are i host. She'll be she'll be the first one to go. She'll be happy. She's the i wanted to go. I bet she's probably listening. Yes i go. I we do have a we. Have this advice segment now. So we gotta gotta bring up a question for this segment which is related to this episode. Someone wrote in and said. Let me put that question. They said what do you think as we're coming out of covid. What do you think is the one mistake that a lot of people are making when it comes to dating lou. Why just even start with. That's the way we'll do to what we can both give are one. Okay okay. i think the one i would say is reverting back to old indicators of interest i think back in the day we used to touch a lot more kiss immediately in. I think yes even in vaccine world's like hopefully that will be good again. But i think covert has made us a little more not necessarily really to take the plunge with that all the time so i think asking like hey. Can i kiss you or you know looking for that. Indicator of touching a different way in having more verbal signs before going in for the kill. I think that actually is something that good to preserve. And i think it could be a mistake to just go all in coming back like i've i've heard from a lot of people that it's very jarring when someone's like in your face ready to kiss you now. Where like back in the day. Penacova coveted wasn't but we have definitely changed our patterns and kind of lake. What a kiss means anymore I think similarly mind would be the mistake. A lot of people will make is assuming that other people are on the same page when it comes to kovic protocol so one example is this weekend. I was telling you. Julia was at a park and i saw these two people on a first date obviously because it was super awkward there were more than six feet apart sitting on a blanket and i saw them kind of this dance of is it. Okay if i touch your knee is it okay by come. A little closer is okay. We share this bag of popcorn and then by the end of the day. They were snuggling up so i think there needs to be a dance. That happens instead of going in for the kill you or for the kiss. That's whoa violent for the k. However you can expect other people to feel the same way that you do so like julie was saying there just needs to be a lot more consent a lot more verbal communication of is this.
00:20:05 - 00:25:03
Okay are you feeling comfortable. This is what i'm comfortable with. An establishing what you are comfortable with is really really important and it's sexy when someone's like i really wanna kiss you right now like. Would you be dad for that. Like that's like sexy you know it's like or even if you're like i really want to kiss you. What's your comfort level like you know. Get out there. I've heard a few friends who've gone on dates and they took it a little bit far and then they felt guilty afterwards. They're like I wish we didn't touch that. That fast where i did. I wish we didn't go that far on this date. And i think that tends to happen right now. 'cause you get caught in the moment and then later you're like oh i didn't even ask. He's been vaccinated etc nutter. So i think it's just good to establish this beforehand and just be really honest with all of your fears in anything that's holding you back so that you don't feel this like after thought of guilt right because what a way to a budding connection is like the for like someone that's great. I just feel guilt. And then you have association of guilt with them. And i think the worst the reality to a lot of us have been like less sexually active than we were in the past. And it's a little daunting like it's a daunting to come back into that. So taking it slow and building that trust with someone i mean. It's probably the way to go even in a post covid world absolutely. It's good for you. it's good for everyone. We can all benefit from going a little bit slower Say that was definitely have taken from. Covert is slowing down pace of life. And i think. I'll also carry that into relationships too cool so before we get into it. Shall we do a quick. Let's do a quick message from our sponsors. This episode is brought to you by story worth if there's ever been a year to make the moms in your life field loved and appreciated on mother's day. It's the one before the pandemic was see my mom just about once a month and of course that was impossible once covid hit so i wanna make sure that this mother's day i'm make it a special one for her. I'm honoring my mom with a heartfelt sentimental gift. The whole family can cherish together forever. Story worth is an online service that helps people close. You share stories through thought provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. It's a fun way to engage with them. Especially if you can't be together in person every week story worth emails your person and that person being my mom a different story prompt questions that you never thought to ask like what is the best of is your mom gave you. And after one year's story worth will compile all of my mom stories including photos into a beautiful keepsake book that's shipped for free so give your mom the most meaningful gift. This mother's day with story worth started right away with no shipping required by going to story worth dot com slash dateable. You'll get ten dollars off your first purchase that's story worth dot com slash dat ab l. e. For ten dollars off. This episode is brought to you by fem to see. When was the last time you listen to erotic audio stories. Oh believe me. If it's not part of your self care routine really should be fem. To see is an online streaming platform with a collection of short erotic audio stories for women. I love that. Stories are ethically produced and narrated by both male and female voices and to make it even more fun. You get to choose which voice you want to narrate the stories my favorite has holly from australia because she reminds me of my sexy front. Who always had the best sex stories this may be. Tmi really enjoy the wild and raunchier stories fem to say but they also offer sweet and romantic stories to listen to your fantasies. And take time for yourself. Unfair to see dot com. They're over five hundred audio's exclusively for you to deepen the connection with yourself with co dateable. You'll save twenty five percent on your annual subscription again. Go to emt s. y. Dot com and use the co dat ab l. e. to get twenty five percents off your annual subscription. Okay so shall we start with shield. Eighty we guys shielding the. She is thirty years old originally from new jersey and still new jersey. She's been there her whole life. She's currently in a monogamous relationship. But she was not when we first matter. So we're gonna hear all about that. The what's up. How are you hanging okay. You got you have quite the story because when we first met you you were single and now you are in a monogamous committed relationship. Tell us all about that because that happened all during the pandemic ourselves the cova couple the okay. Yes i didn't think about that. Yeah see see Yes so. I started well i would like to take it a little bit further back and talk about like how would i started listening to the podcast so i broke up with my he who must not be named twenty nineteen summer twenty.
00:25:03 - 00:30:08
Nineteen and i was like. Oh i'm depressed. But i need something to like. Lift me up and going through all these podcasts. And i'm like that's not good. That's not good. That's not good. And then i'm alright lists. I want to listen to a podcast. Talks about like blake. Black women in dating and like yours was the for whatever. Reason wasn't the first one that popped up and goes okay. i'm like they're not black. But hey you know what. I'm down so let me listen. And if the rest is history like hawked. I wasn't critical person. Who is like do everything in chronological order. Like i think at that point it was like season like eight seven seven or eight. And so i was like in season eight and like staying updated week by week but then i will go back to like season two and then i go to like these four and five to i was just i would skip all around. And so anyway. Fast-forward y'all ladies literally changed my life opening up the dateable group love in the time of corona and alison. I i was actually joking with andrew. Who's my boyfriend. i was joking with him. And i'm like unita. thank julian. ua light dating you. i like it because they open my mom. You have horrible pictures cures on his app. Horrible and for whatever reason the topic that week was like oh you know. Don't judge people like you know. Maybe you should just give it a shot and like even if the first date doesn't go to well you know. Might you know stay open. And i'm like oh julian you. I don't want to stay open. You guys weren't even listening to me. I was literally mccartney talk. Love it and i was like julian like i. Don't wanna stay open my weight of the day and i'm like oh this is going to be terrible. It is what it is and then Give i remember. When he got out of the car. And i i saw him. I was like oh q. nine. I'm like like you know i mean you two ladies no with online dining who you see online differences the who you see exactly sometimes more positive in real life. It can go either way. Yeah however duly. That never happened to me before it was negative but now it did. It only takes what even one and i was. You're going to and mind you. He reminded me that we talked for like a month more. We actually met and he was like your so boring. I can't picture you boring word that ever comes to borey. How could you say such a thing. And i was. You were boring to. And he was. What i was working with wasn't a lot covers. Video calls or was the general like oh it was all texting because unfortunately there were some contenders some other contenders at the time. Oh okay and maybe also the average annual famous that's a good that's a good reminder that you cannot tell through tax you just can't no you cannot and so he was the one who actually made me feel like maybe i should pay attention to this guy because he was like well. There's this thing people have. I don't know if you have it. It's called facebook. Maybe you wanna like talk through that. I don't know he said something. That was really corny. And i'm like all are you. Are you trying to flirt with me. Right now is not attempt that you want to be friends on facebook. And he was like okay. Well i'm like all right cool as friends on facebook. Console me being me. I completely rated his whole facebook. And i was like oh my god is. Pictures are horrible horrible. But i was like a man podcast that week. Julian you way were like. Give him a second chance you know. Don't judge somebody just because the way they tax. Give him the benefit of the doubt. All right fine. Whatever an obvious it worked out. So you're welcome. I gather our listeners to know that we did not pay. She'll say any of this. I paid advertisement all four free. No i love it. So how do you think how do you think the love. And the time of corona group in the sounding board really shape your perspective outside of what you just mentioned. Oh my god. Where do i even start. I mean when you 'cause gosh okay so one we're all we all think this whole dating experience.
00:30:08 - 00:35:00
I'm not saying really selfish. What we all think about what we're going through. And when you have somebody for example like you know. I'm a plus size woman. Going to be real with y'all i'm a plus size woman and when i see caitlin who's gorgeous and i see janice who's gorgeous going through all these similar things that i'm going through and i think that i'm going just because i'm mean or like swannee who know. I talked to her about some stuff and yen and all the women in the group and even the men in the group and also another thing too that i loathe about our group is that it's not like this band of women getting together saying oh my god. We hate men. Men's walk right. It's more like hey sometimes dating really sucks and like gets the same thing where you guys talk about. In the beginning of the podcast. A y y y. Why people do things that they do. And i guess i guess my rebuttal would be how. Hey that's the spin off of to say but yeah you're right. Why why why should be followed by how how like. Why why people do things and how you deal with them and and sometimes you don't you. You don't even have to deal with them. Sometimes you just have to just move on and sometimes don't work out. Oh my gosh. Like i can't tell you after listening to the pot i'll say this too. I forgot to tell you this. Julius and you after listening to the podcast. I stopped taking like this pre andrew. I stopped taking rejections. Mon- apps so personally and i can tell you i don't remember which episode it was and i quote like quote. You guys were like you know people can be going through their own battles in their own saying that you don't even you may not even know about Exactly they may not they may not be talking to you because you know maybe like someone in their family dot like especially during cova you know. People are losing their family members in their loved ones. Like left and right. And it's just sometimes you gotta put dating in the backseat. Exactly like you just got a lot of different perspectives. That i love this like. You're so focused on yourself in by talking and seeing all these people you're like no it's everyone story. Little ship called dating together and another thing. I wanted to add to what i also love. Also it's going to go back to this a it's not a man hating group. It's a group of men and women equally talking about their dating experiences and women giving constructive criticism to men men giving constructive criticism to women the fact that people can be so open to be like. Well how do why. How do i deal with this. You know that's one. And then to what i love so so so so much is that it's not just people who haven't who haven't been with somebody. It's all aspects of dating. It's like rudeness for people who are in relationships. The group for people who don't even want to date group is where people were like. Oh i'm just living my life. Right would do stay master dating yup wins xactly. Everybody does themselves you. Do you do themselves in it. And bob for some reason we can all connect and have something in common even if we're at different stages of relationships speaking of different stages as you and your bu come out of. Cc cova couple hood come out into the real world post pandemic. What have you guys discuss. How you're transitioning into this post covid universe. I'm really glad that you asked me that question. Because we just talked about this yesterday in preparation over to be at a podcast. I gotta get rowley. Ask you this. What i love about him. If he's just like listen. I'll just follow your lead. Whatever you wanna do we can just do it. Like honestly on some recordings stuff like andrew. Just like dude. As long as i'm with you. I don't really care you know like we can go hiking if you want to go to like natural museum of history if you wanna go to life science complex like whatever you wanna do as long as we're together doing it like I'm down just love each other's company. Yeah the day doesn't matter what you do. Yeah and i like that. you know. there's no there's no like there's no pressure with him there's no like Set rules with you know like a list of well. We're in this. We're in this stage now so in the next stage.
00:35:00 - 00:40:04
This is what we should be doing and the next stage. This is what we should be doing. It's just kinda like listen. it's tuesday let's just take it one step at a time. I love that. 'cause i could see actually a being a lot of pressure for some new couples to be like a macaw this trip or do this or do this things that we haven't done together and i love it. Just take it day by day and see what are are like it. As long as together. I mean another big step for us to next week Over until you're next week is my birthday happy early birthday. Thank you and we're going to the poconos. He's the first official trip or have you guys done. No we have not. It's the first official couple trip. However it's my first trip with any boyfriend no way really. Yes and so. I'm like you'll be great f we. How long have you two been together at this point. Chew lie so like eighty eight ish eight and a half english. That's a solid footing to know that like you know you're over the six-month hump base glenn honestly for a six month hunt for me the three months. Yeah it's the three that the six about the what year you know like there's a yeah i'm like do i really like you know. Yeah i don't know you feel like home that's exciting. I'm so excited for you. I love this. You feel like home. That's really at the end of the day. What we're all looking for right. Yeah he feels like home and we can't wait to hear how your relationship evolves post pandemic. yes. Of course jason jason. He's thirty one and feelings sexy. He wrote that we right that hero. That for the record. He's he's currently in san francisco. He's been there for four and a half years originally from tiburon. He's pretty single. Been taking dating sabbatical but also single and actively going on dates. I don't know what that means. Jason maybe have explained to us. How are you taking a dating sabbatical actively going on date. I feel a lot of times during the past year. I've kinda just gone through waves with my energy level in like a kind of putting myself out there few weeks than taking a break then wanting to meet people so the entire gamut of dating expressions. Have you been like over the pandemic like what's been your dating status. Have you been single for the majority on off of apps or has there. Have you had any relationship starting this time i've been on the apps. i've been on hinge and then i just heard about a jewish dating app called locks club so i got referred all la club. I've been on like maybe two or three dates with the at most but typically mainly single lock slob. I've heard all the rage about lock greeley all about it. It's like originated out of new york and now it sounds like it's made its way over to the bay area. I only heard about it a few months ago and my brother referred me in then. I waited three days in my application process than i was twenty percent of the pool that you made it whatever that means. Harvard waiting and i was like twenty four hours to review your submission. And then we'll send you matches and it's a so you have to pay. I think like eight dollars a month and so it what has been your dating life like during the pandemic would say have gone in a lot of warmth thin energy from the sounding board and being it being able to see how a lot of people are trying to put themselves out there on phone dates and video dates without a community a little bit more daunting than it had been a base off of living alone and some more time to ruminate or think about opportunities that i might let slip or just being able to ask others about how they're handling it. I'm okay with being single. Now and being able to take video calls with that pajamas from the about being okay with that where i stand in improving a lot of like a important qualities like a cooking on my own and being happy on my own datings important. But i've been able to see a lot of other important and beneficial things come out of the pandemic Without having a partner. Yeah i mean. I think a lot of people have just been embracing their alone time. Like i certainly have like you know like i think it's a i. It's like daunting that you are single during this pandemic and i think there are a lot of people that are feeling that way but there's also people that are like. Hey it's not that bad. I'm loving my own company. And i'm getting super comfortable so when that right partner does come along. I know myself super well absolutely. It was very daunting march. And april may be one of the early investors in love of the time akhronov.
00:40:04 - 00:45:06
And i see her. But i've seen how it's amazing to brainstorm in master date and of course every day. I'll be like oh would be nice to like cook or bake for somebody but for now. It's okay this master. Dating term has been one of my favorite things to come out by far. Because i feel like if people group. They're just like wade's jason. Just say best day like masturbate. What's happening. But i feel was weird saying it sometimes. Is that offer but you own a fully owned the. Yeah it's dating on your own right like dating yourself. As master data he is and i think that is an important skill eventually even when you arna relationship and in addition to master dating every time i say it i have to say a slow saying the right word in addition to masturbating. What are some other ways that you think this dateable community has shaped your perspective on love and dating great point about there have been a lot of areas. I'd say my life shifted and i've learned From another host ryan. He sent me like four hundred song playlists all edm in workout music. And i said oh. My god i like live. My inner ryan at the gym like sharing sports stories in a lot of the ability to check in with others and kind normalizing dating struggles has been in not even want to use the term struggles anymore. Just like the right of dating and being single. And i think i've learned so much more this past year to be really embracing of all of that instead of kinda running away from that in in a lot of our workshops to hold onto these emotions and feelings and to not let being single slide as like not perfectly. Okay right this is wrong with you. If you're single like i think that's been drilled into so many people for so long. I think seeing the community even people that are divorced you know that are coming out and like hey i'm loving life. You know it's not always. The grass is always greener. There's nothing wrong with whatever relationship status. You're in what i love. Our community is that the people who are in relationships are there to learn as well from human were single in. I feel like in the past people in relationships feel like they have a leg up. Yeah they they're the ones giving advice but i love in this community. Everyone sharing their experiences with no matter. Your relationship status. Yeah so jason okay. So with the pandemic like has there been anything about eating that. Actually you have liked better. Besides his confidence which i think is so huge but like actually dating like. Is there anything that you would take from. The pandemic into life post pandemic. I think first off phone calls. Like i talked to julian others about like the kind of first off being safe and going out there in the world now but i'd like to phone calls over. Ao dates and in its added a relaxing field to meeting people in Like lounging on my couch embracing silence and sort of really seeing in learning about somebody before i meet them has taken a lot of like minds dating away. So that's one thing you know it's fascinating because people by boever. Jason was not past episode the exit interview a very popular very popular episode. In one of the things was that you were just like maximizing your dates going on so many dates like you know just like filling your schedule. Filling the funnel and a lot of the dates were turning into second dates. Like how how do you think this like doing the phone call. I will change any of that. I think with using logan areas like terms. I think i still am like a maximize her when it comes to dating tendencies. But i've been able to like go out a little less more on dates phone calls and work on vetting. I'd say as a whole lot but but one other thing it's been it's been challenging to look like intimacy hugging and kissing in having that kind of a shift a bit with dating now. I'm still like unsure greeting people and whatnot. So that's been an example like kind of rolling with the punches now in seeing how exactly stating now differently so for me. going on. less states is pretty apparen- with like kobe in everything. But then when i meet people how is that. Gonna play out How slow will it be I'd say that's one thing. I like about the community here. In serb reading in seeing how other people are working on their Putting their best foot forward in a new unchanged world. A little birdie told me that you're going on a date tonight. is that right. that's right out. She found that out. It's after a phone. A we talked for about fifty fifty five minutes on the phone in looking to i wouldn't say lower the bar but to just be okay with like good conversations at first than in may be getaway from only seeing you know the physical side in trying to work on the slow burner.
00:45:06 - 00:50:00
Slow favors is the prom date. I'm trying to incorporate patail. So what's the date tonight. What are you the date. We're going to do a beer at this kind of dive bar on visit arrow. Not sure what else. Just hopefully see where it goes. Yes you it goes. i have no idea just. I know that. I'm meeting somebody. Do you think your date activities will change post pandemic or do you think you'll do similar data activities. I'm hoping to sort of steer clear from the bars As much as possible. I wanna phone date. I before like that. Being the opening time i i like parks and walks a lot and then i was even thinking like possibly like it'd be cool to meet somebody at trader joe's and like do Picnic like figure out what to get with food and then go to a park. I'm up for all sorts to okay. I'll accurate or just but just like have that. Beat the star defy. I was like oh jason's going to go out a trader joe's for hours and hours. What's the world. Open that 'cause i was like that's a lot of pressure on post pandemic data going as soon as you get the vaccine trader. Joe's right away. Just no no. That's fun though. I think the picnics and that stuff has been like. It's almost like very romantic whimsical. And it's something we would never have thought to even do a couple of years ago in along with phone calls. Phone calls were so archaic couple years ago. It's it's kind of fun that they're coming back as the norm in like always open to more just feedback from others. I really don't know the trend of like meeting. People as much as i might have Somebody who was more regimented and on a schedule encounter. It's just like. I guess all like see some people when i can are set up a phone call. Maybe chat again next week. It's been hard for me to see how like fluid people are now in kind of when people are also available to like. Try it in person. I feel like you've changed a lot from how we've talked you noticing like so many changes just this more like kind of like go with the flow addicts confidence of being like. I'm good like i'm happy now. I still wanna find someone. But i'm not gonna have like oh my god like have all the anxiety and everything that comes with just wanting that like above all else like it feels like you've kind of balance things out of band which is great. Thanks so much. And i think all the master dating is really feeling relaxed before or after. Yeah but you are. I see that you're fully prepare for tonight's day you've got your your rocking your stay. Dateable hoodie there. In case it gets cold here in san francisco. You're just gonna kill it. You know not really kill. You're going to crush this day. Can't wait to hear how it goes. Have fun on some on this post. Pandemic dating ish. Thanks so much. You i if not always master date tomorrow tonight. Why wait i know evenings are better this jason before we get into. He's sella's story. Let's take a quick break to hear from some of our sponsors. This episode is sponsored by apostrophe a prescription skin care company for people that are ready to take their skin. Seriously i've struggled with skin issues. All my life ranging from acne uneven skin tone and outraging and now with all the mask wearing it's exasperated my skin issues and then apostrophe. It comes to the rescue. So here's how it works. You fill out an online questionnaire about your skin. Concerns snap few selfies and a board. certified dermatologist. Creates a customized treatment. Plan just for you. Your medications are then delivered to your home easy. It took me maybe three minutes to fill out the questionnaire and upload photos and have already started my treatment in update you all on how that's going in a few weeks so far. I've seen a drastic reduction in my mask. Me that act ni. In case you know in the meantime fifty dollars off your first visit with a board certified dermatologist. At apostrophe dot com slash dateable and user code dateable discount is only available for our listeners. To get started just go to apostrophe dot com slash dateable and click began visit. Then use the code. Dateable a sign up and you'll get fifty dollars off your dermatology visit. That's a p. o. S. t. r. o. p. h. e. dot com slash dat a. b. l. e. and use the code dat ab l. e. To get your dermatology visit for fifteen dollars off next step we have She's thirty four years old from phoenix. She's been there for most of her life. She is originally from guanajuato mexico and she's currently dating someone but she has not defined the relationship so is someone that you met during the pandemic it is. We met on a dating app in november of since november in the thick of it all.
00:50:01 - 00:55:01
And how were you able to navigate a dating someone or seeing someone during the pandemic so actually interesting because we had a first date and it was like a picnic and i live in phoenix. The weather in december for a picnic was fine but after that the holidays came around and i wanted to spend holidays with my family so i actually told them that i would see him for like two or three weeks and he was okay with that but yeah it was difficult finding ways to date during this time yes so back to the early part of the pandemic cut of take us through your dating life. What was it like before you met this person. I took a break from dating apps at the beginning of the pandemic. Because i wanted to stay safe and i didn't see the point of starting conversations with people that was going to be able to meet for. Who knew how long it was going to take but took a break before that i was dating apps for awhile and then maybe like july august i started back on the dating apps and i did have one in person day. I didn't do a virtual data. I didn't do a phone call and it turned out to be kind of disappointing. And that's when. I decided you know i broke. I broke blend democ as safety for this date. That was not even that great. So i was like i need to screen better. I need to start doing virtual day. And that's when. I started virtual dates around october and had a few and it felt a lot safer and it felt a lot better. Suji meet anyone else. Besides the person you're currently dating you know. When i went back on the dating apps it was really discouraging and it was frustrating because there was a lot of starting conversations that went nowhere. They didn't even lead to. Hey we should hang out or have a video date or anything like that. So i know a lot about that. Felt that way whether it was during the pandemic or not that those conversations were not leading to anything and i remember sharing with the facebook group during the happy hours. Like i just wanna find somebody so you can put all of this into practice I had a virtual day that went really well. Actually i really enjoyed this person in our conversation and we kept talking and we had scheduled a second virtual dave and got ghosted. But it leads you to your with dow so it all works out of the law gra and speaking of the facebook group. How do you think this community has shaped your perspective on love. It has really given me a sense of community during the pandemic. which is you know. Crucial right now to feel like you belong somewhere outside of your friends and your family to know that you have the support system other people who understand exactly what you're going through and i would say more than anything. It has helped me to change my perspective about about the path to love and not fell but some of the things that stick out in my mind about the work that goes into building a solid foundation for a relationship. If that's what you're looking for if you're looking for something long term in syria then what how do you get there. It's not just evaluate like this person. Do we have fun when we go out on dates but being able to have those deep conversations that are going to give you the information that you need to figure out if it's a good match or not so the path to love starts with how you're putting yourself out there meeting in person you know wearing the right colors how you look thing as your your read right this minute. Red lipstick and i have to put into practice when they joined a facebook group. I found the happy hours that were relief on but they also had such rich and deep conversations. It was really nice to be able to learn from other people's experiences. Because you know some people were single but not at all eating or have years of experience dating whether on the apps are meeting people in real life What i really enjoy the diversity within the group also different and we come from different backgrounds and experiences but everyone is so kind and wise and willing to support one another on so the happy have definitely been one of the highlights of the pandemic for me. And i always look forward to thursday nights. I try to make no other plans thursday night. So i can with that community that i've learned from much. I remember you put up a post recently about just like in this current relationship that you're in that you're like you know have been confronted a lot with being more intentional and being vulnerable. Can you share anything. You've kind of taken away that you've applied to your new like situation that you're in currently yet then you know. During the pandemic i focused more on inner work and yes that was still on dating apps and trying to get dates but it was a lot of learning about myself that i did. So i think it's led me to where i am now with the current relationship and do you know the reason why we haven't define the relationship because really haven't we've been taking things so slow in. That's something that i've learned is that i want to be very intentional.
00:55:01 - 01:00:20
In for me being intentional means slowing things down quite a bit. So that i feel comfortable in. So that i can bring up the tough conversations that i normally might not have or would have waited a relief longtime so yeah definitely Also setting boundaries and having might own expectations whether you wanna call them dealbreakers or red flags or things like that having those set regardless of who. I'm with so i you have to those. And then if they are something that you feel you can be flexible about than. It's not really a deal breaker. You know it could be more of a preference but continuing on after the pandemic with dating and relationships. Definitely dating with warrenton analogy. I'm studying and sticking to those boundaries than bringing up difficult conversations. You just something. That i never really thought about before is when you first said you're taking a slow and you haven't defined the relationship for some reason my mind goes to. Oh it's just slow in terms of progress but what you're actually saying is the relationship is progressing. But you're not letting it to get ahead of you because you're taking each step with intentional purpose and thoughts so that you can ask all the right questions and gather the correct information before you take that next step. So i think it's it's a different way of looking at the site of a relationship doesn't mean you. Relationship is stalling. it is progressing is just that you're just trying to stay ahead of it you know and it's something that i wanna feel very comfortable with will give you a quick example spray break. Came around and my partner is a teacher so he was going to have actual days off of work and he asked me if i would take time off and we could go somewhere and i was like immediately. Yes because i wanted to -cation not so much because we can go away together. But i told them when we were in person because i like to have these conversations in person. I told them you know. I really am excited. Abou- going somewhere with you. But i want you to know that this to me would mean that. We are progressing towards a more serious role or an actual relationships. You not able in. You're not there yet. And i totally understand and we can have that conversation separately but for me. Go together with you. This is what it means. Wow have you ever had conversations like this of the paso people not like this one. No and you know all the conversations that we've had in happy hours. I think i also remember the episode with got done. He went like blue. New york behind is too fast. A bad thing. What was his response. He you know i was. I'm always so nervous. Ask those questions. But i'm like i have to ask them and he was really understanding. It's always really surprising how you're still worried about it. And at the end of the day like oh yeah that totally makes sense. I feel the same way as i go okay. But that was his her. It's like such a fresh. I don't know. I feel like we've been taught for so long to like suppress it into like people like the a mind reader. Try to figure it out what it sounds like. You've just really opened up all communications in you. Got in that confidence. Just be like this is what i'm looking for like. Are we there or not in. I love how you said. It was such kindness to. It's not like he wasn't there you'd be upset. It's just like my standard is that i'm going to go away with someone that i'm in a relationship with and i love the way. He said that it was so so kind yet. It was asserting yourself you're doing good. I've impressed i feel like a lot of people are gonna use that line after hearing and now with this relationship and everything else you've learned during the pandemic how do you plan on emerging from the pandemic and back into ira- dating. Is there anything that you think you would do differently. Now that we're coming out of quarantine. I think just continuing to grow as a person you know you guys say it all the time. Being dateable is not just the bell the initial dating or getting dates or the early parts of a relationship. If staying that way. And i think in order to stay that way. I need to continue to learn more about myself. You know there's definitely a lot of work. That's i still need to do in terms of being in a relationship with someone and so continuing to do that work. And that's why i really liked the book club that i'm able to do in the founding board so that i hold myself accountable to read one book related and then discuss it with the community. So that's what. I'm walking away with bad. I still need to always continue to put some work into it just so much learnings to have but it sounds like you're just walking away so much more like self-assured and empowered and sounds like the self work you did at the beginning of the pandemic is really paid off. I think i get. Has i guess just the last thing like have you and your partner talks about like any like fun dates that you'll do that you haven't been able to do because of the pandemic i think we haven't had like a a nice dinner sort of a thing the restaurant because i'm not comfortable yet with indoor dining but the things that keep coming up with us is traveling together so going to somewhere mastic but when we did go away together with still within arizona tucson and then we went to flagstaff so leaving the state will be a big fan.
01:00:20 - 01:05:00
Who that's what we're really excited about hossa. While keep us posted that super exciting. It sounds like you know it's always nice to leave the pandemic today with like a new relationship that's just starting to flourish. Sounds like yours is next up. We have bryan his. He's in his mid to late thirties. Love that range. You just have to guess somewhere between thirty five to thirty nine. I guess he is in la originally from so cal single and actively going on dates. Hello brian i love like dressing room here. What has been your dating life during the pandemic last year and change. yeah. I've been on the apps i've also been doing virtual dates and i go into when it comes to apps i was have attitude of. Hey i could even make a potential friend here. So i've had conversations with some wonderful ladies and i'm looking forward to meeting them. I'm actually getting vaccinated this weekend When we meet in person we have expectation if we get along great romantic league but if not if it's platonic than that's fine so yeah looking forward to making connections have you done any socially distanced dates or have you been really just waiting till you're vaccinated windows vaccinated got it got it so you kinda did. Have you been active on the apps or did you just start up again now. Like it's coming to an end. I actually am only on one up right now. I used to be on through when i was in the bay area. But part of me wanted to. It's a tricky situation. Because i'm in limbo sheltering place in so-called but my job is up in nor cal so Weird situation being so it's okay. That's fine but i'm still. I'm still on their on one app. Have you done virtually dating. Then i have well for me at least and what. What has that been like for you. I like it. It's great because it really gets the opportunity to for both of us actually focus on one another. I think it's a relaxed environment For me at least low pressure and beat up about if someone's late that's fine like you're you're waiting there like out in the cold so i personally like it and then because you've obviously been active in our community. How has the community helped you kind of change. Your perspective on dating and relationships are navigate through at all. I'm definitely gotten more exposure women's perspective when comes dating during their sides sing how they view dating some. The obstacles have come to notice that there's a lot at both for men and women also as well also. Lgbt community and the guest speakers have been phenomenal both listening to the podcast and then also having the guests come on and mingle and mingle with our group. That's been great for me and especially during the pandemic when a lot of people are working on themselves because they're having shelter place. I think this has been great for me as far as just holistically when it comes to dating. Just even self-expression. I think that's really fascinating. The part you said about you know it's given you an insight into women's views elaborate like what's something surprising that you wouldn't have thought of before this that now you're like oh i'm aware of this. I was very. I thought that women dating figured out. I thought that the research more when it came to dating just for whatever reason i thought they were a bit more information available to them and they had it all figured out so when i went speak with women sometimes i would always think they've got it figured out the good batch looks like but when it came to being the group i see there. There's a lot of the same fears anxieties. A lot of the same execute. Say plights like someone getting back to you. Someone's lukewarm or even that the loneliness that comes along with it and guys get lonely too so it's like. Oh wow they're going through essentially the same things but there are key differences but it was refreshing and enlightening. We have that revelation to us and then what about as we know. Our group is called love in the time of corona. But it's not going to be called that for long as he emerged out of the pandemic. What is the one thing that you're going to take with you that you learned during the pandemic and that you hoped to apply to your love life as we come out of. It doesn't gonna put less pressure on myself. A lot lessons that i learned from the guest speakers and also to just as i had mentioned From previous question that we're all still trying to figure this thing out. No one's perfect. There's no perfect relationship. It's not like in the movies. Were happily ever after no couples. They still have to check in with one.
01:05:00 - 01:10:01
Another and they've to navigate up the relationship so it's an ongoing process. I know that. I'm also going to be just a lot more aware of previous blind spots that i had when it came to dating. What are some of those blind spots. Yeah sure. I used to think that if it didn't work out Elsewhere on me sometimes. It's just imagine a match better fact. That's what they've actually done to. During the pandemic which is i've had the chance to examine Based on the guest speakers like what. I'm attracted to what i'm compatible with. And what are some patterns that are not healthy like looking for in a partner so basically just trying to find out what i like. What's important to me and then also look at previous relationships that i was in. And were they edit amicably. Were able to feel safe around one another and using that like as a as the standard for when it comes to when i'm dating somebody new and what is one thing you're really looking forward to when it comes to dating and non cova times. Yeah i've afford socializing again being able to do activities. And i also so for dates in the past i would always do activities like going Checking out places. We've never been to before somewhere like a beach or somewhere like a a flower garden or like a garden. So i'm looking forward to doing things like that when things are also open to such as restaurants or even a coffee shops so i'm very much looking forward to those awesome. Well we wish you fund dates in the future in real life very exciting up next. we have caitlyn. She's thirty three years old. She's in so cal moved. There moved to so cal right before the pandemic right. If i remember correctly she's originally from houston born and raised in h town. She's pretty single. Because you've been masturbating quite a bit. So i would say you're been coming who you are the queen of aster data. He is the inventor of master data against. That's a. That's a great way to talk about the first topic that we won't bring up is what has your dating life than like during the pandemic dating humans non existent pretty much by myself on a roll. I mean he rents on solvent. I we've got going on and we're taking long walks on the beach regard high rate and all the great things in so cal together. Urgent pretty. they've got a pretty good thing going on. You know the most important relationship at the end of the day is with yourself so that will never leave but also What other point in your life. Have you ever dated yourself this much. Probably never right i. i can't remember. When was the last time. I took myself out on a date. This is a great time for self care and get to know yourself again. Is there anything that you found. That was really surprising after all this masturbating about yourself. Yeah about me I'm actually ready to share these dates. Someone you know. Point where i'm like. Okay i i love how on hikes. I love by phil on the beach but i would love to talk to stolen where i walk on the beach. I'm ready to okay. I'm ready to take that next job. At sheriff were you always feeling that way like even before the pandemic or did you like being kind of more on your own before that I was okay. you know. I actually residing sabbatical about ten months into. Let me back up. i was taking a dating sabbatical on thousand eight eight and the end when march hit. I just moved to california and everything hit last year. I told myself you know. I'm ready to get back out there. I'm ready to meet people and then boom happen so it has been quite some time but even more so now now that we're at a year into this pandemic. I'm really ready to meet people. You go you writing already and also you'd like you don't talk to yourself when you're walking on the beach i do i am i always talk. I did actually yesterday. I was talking out loud. Prepping myself for the recording today. And i was talking to myself now. You know. this is all totally normal. I mean i think you're in a unique situation to that you were in a brand new city when this head like. I'm sure that it's gotta be really tough. Because i think one of my saving graces being single's that i have a lot of friends that were pre existing relationships and the reality is. That's just really hard to make during the pandemic. If you're new somewhere like how has like the community helped you in like what's been your take on the sounding board and virtual community. We've created on my gosh. Where do i begin. It's been my saving grace. I literally don't know anyone. Except my co workers here and right now. I feel because i've of this community. I took that chance at last year to join the first happy hour. And i now can say about twenty thirty friends across the country. I mean i talked to. She'll be on the phone. Jasmine ward and other sounding board member of twice now a Everything's starting to open backup. I go into san francisco to see some others in the fall. So y'all have been saving.
01:10:01 - 01:15:02
Grace i'll have been truly my friends and support system is hope you remember julie. Do you remember the first time we met caitlyn a happy hour. She was like holding a glass of wine and she's got this pretty lipstick on. She sitting on the couch and i was like. Who is this your friends with her. I remember you message after actually like through the facebook page. Think you like still a little shy even like put things off the group and you like the facebook page ever like. That was the best. Like i needed the soviets. You don't know how much help me. And i think that actually gave us a lot of ammunition to keep these going absolutely and for me. I'm also at a point where all my friends out from houston and arizona are on relationships are married and they all decided to settle down Will at the time. I decided to get an lt. Tr long-term relationship. And i've been on dating and all the things and thought to myself. Am i alone here when my the only one going through this speed dating apps in the ghosting and all of this and then when this group like the first week of the happier said my gosh i found people. I'm not the only one that awesome. Yeah i mean that's honestly part of why we started this podcast to like even back in the day member having that exact same feeling in like when you came here to am i the only one. That's confused like i think a lot of us have this feeling a definitely helps to hear it on the podcast but i think the community brings like that next level because you see people their faces actually saying this is just you listening to somebody lutely absolutely great place to validate. You're crazy or not crazy. We don't use the word crazy. He's just normal now. Everyone's crazy by normal standards. And so you know. The weather's getting so much better here. In so cal and restaurants opening up people were coming out of their houses. What are some ways you were planning on getting out of the pandemic as a new data smarter daters as you've taking lessons that you've learned from the group. I'm going to quote. I think she'll be or someone else. I can't remember but they said that second date is always the first started dating. I'll keep in mind to myself at first day. it's lukewarm. It's you know birds. Say yeah or as the second date because the first day Somewhere to interview the icebreaker though being open to a second date if the first one knock your socks off also too. I do plan on being more playful and having more creative last week you know. I wasn't too sure how i felt about. You know an episode about being playful continue playful obscene on dating apps. It just doesn't mean but then last week's episode met though. I'm looking forward to more creative ways today. So you're someone that never really used data gaps before the pandemic. How is your views on dating apps change during this time and through the group. I actually had a moment. I learned so much from the group. I was hosting monthly challenged last week about overcoming rejection in fear and i said you know i am scared to go back out there a little because of fear of rejection and i wanted to learn more from the group and low who is in the sense since have so impactful also shared. Because i should with a group. I said i were ten twelve hour days. I'm exhausted. I don't want to send another email. And then add imagine sharing those ten twelve hour days the possibility of sharing that with someone long for myself. Okay that is such a great in different perspective. And that's what the group does. It's a very diverse place thoughts and different perspectives. So it refrained your mind from thinking dealing apps or work to being like i'm gonna use data got to share my life which is ultimately your end goal right to share those master dates and do group dates. Is there anything. You're looking forward to the most when it comes emerging out of cova dating other than sharing those walks in not having to talk to yourself honestly a nice hug. Yeah good. I mean i have my friends i hall as and whatnot and houston but good. Run me i love you i care for you. I hear you haag. And that's a big deal because physical types is not very high on my love languages. But that's one thing i've just learned pandemic how nice hug does wonders for you. It's the little things. I feel like before this. You would never. I don't know. I think the passionate kiss or like hot sax. But you don't ever think of like i just want a hug from i virtual hugs. Don't do it for you. Let you mean who the queen of master dating. We heard from caitlyn. Finally i'm sure a lot of people in our group have been like who originated this math.
01:15:02 - 01:20:02
I attribute to the queen herself caitlyn. I mean i think everyone here has had just amazing stories to share it. Experiences during this time and navigate it. I cannot wait till we hear from the rest of our hosts next week too but i think a couple of takeaways that i had from the hosts that we've spoken to so far i mean first of all i just feel like the level of emotional intelligence and availability in all of them continues to blow me away like every single day but i think what i hear from all of them is like level of confidence and it's like not that i put me i but i'm concerned with my needs and i wanna find a partner that you know meets those needs and i think in the past. Sometimes we felt like driven by such desperation. That's when you put yourself in these bad situations. And i think covert has given a lot of people that time to reflect of like whether there were like exiting a bad partnership or being alone and being like. Hey actually been so bad. It's like i want to be with this person. But i wanted to be the right person. Also what i loved is just hearing this like. I'm not gonna take things personally anymore. Like especially with the community to you see where other people are coming from. You see that people that you like you know that may be a different gender sexuality or whatever. It may be experienced very similar things with dating. I think that helps you like normalize it a bit like behaviors and not take it so personally kind of goes into this theme of like not feeling alone absolutely and people have also. I mean the other theme. I hear is just more open. Mindedness open mindedness about a relationship on a new partnership or even open mindedness about yourself in the case of caitlin who was open minded about taking herself out on these trips and exploring this new city. That she was in thing. Jason's open-mindedness was really about him being happy being alone. you know. we've heard this from jason la. He used to go on day after day after day. And now he's saying. I'm equally as happy being alone as i am out on a date with someone and then she'll the who is open minded about. This guy is not something. I would normally swipe on or won a match with and look how it turned out and i really love. He sell us open. Mindedness about just taking things slow. And that's something like we forget. That open mindedness is not just about getting outside of your. It could also be about how you look at relationships. and then brian's open-mindedness to all the different perspectives. He's hearing in our community even perspectives. That may not align with what he's heard in the past. I think that's being open minded. Just means it doesn't mean you to be on board it just means you're hearing at all absolutely. I think the last one that really stood out for me was like in cova times. We've definitely slowed things down a bitch and sometimes people at rushing to do every last activity. But i think what i've gathered from this group at least is that they've really appreciated staying in the present and just being with one whether that's a significant other or due dates community whoever it is just kind of being in each other's presence and really staying present through it all. Yes yeah. I mean one thing cova taught us. Is that really just the estate. Presently you never know what the future has in store. Yes and the end of the day shows that we're all in this together. We're not alone in this. And in this community we have each other and we have the privilege of relying on each other to be that support. And that's all Personally that's all. I can ask for right now. I'm just loving the camaraderie of this community. Absolutely definitely stay tuned for part two which will air. Next week we have janice tony swannee and ryan some of our other hosts who all have equally interesting stories and perspectives to share. Yes so looking forward to that one. We want to thank our host for being part of this episode. We also wanna thank you all for being part of our community and one way to keep our community. Going is by giving us if five star rating in apple podcasts. Just go right in there five stars. Maybe like a simple blurb. You found us why you love us and will appreciate it all but also show the love by constantly give you guys better and better content each week so please please please apple podcasts. A five star rating goes of really long way. And we're going to wrap up this week's episode here. We go a dateable. Dateable podcast is part of the frolic podcast network. Find more podcast love at frolic dot media slash. Podcast want to continue the conversation. I follow us on instagram. Facebook and twitter with the handle at dateable podcasts.
01:20:03 - 01:21:29
Tag as an any post with the hashtag. Stay dateable and trust us. We look at all those posts then head over to our website. Dateable podcasts dot com. You'll find all the episodes as well. As articles videos in our coaching service. With vetted industry experts you can also find our premium y series where we dissect analyze and offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrum for also downloadable for free. On spotify apple podcasts. Google play overcast stitcher radio and other podcasts platforms. Your feedback is valuable to us. Oh don't forget to leave us a review and most importantly remember to stay dateable. It's finally spring. And i'm saying goodbye. Snow hello adventure and during the honda dream garage spring event. You can get epic deals on your favorite honda model ready to get rugged and take the off road all wheel drive honda. Suv like the crv. Hr v. pilot asphalt or redesigned rich. I want to take spring road trip. Then checkout fuel-efficient turbocharged civic or core say goodbye to winter and hello to a new honda. Don't miss huge savings during the honda. Dream garage springbok now at your local honda dealer. Nature makes the things we love. That's why walmart and the walmart foundation are committed to help protect manage restore at least fifty million acres of land and one million square miles of ocean by two thousand thirty.