S11E2: Love in the Time of TikTok

Dateable Podcast
August 25, 2020
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August 25, 2020

S11E2: Love in the Time of TikTok

And it goes TikTok, make a video that goes viral, meet a cute girl, fly across the country, and define the relationship on your road trip back home. Is this a movie or love in 2020?

Love in the Time of TikTok w/ Josiah & Natalie

And it goes TikTok, make a video that goes viral, meet a cute girl, fly across the country, and define the relationship on your road trip back home. Is this a movie or love in 2020? We're chatting with Josiah & Natalie about their turbo relationship that started virtually and has resulted in them being together as a full-fledged couple. We discuss how virtual dates can be romantic, why right now is the best time to take a risk when it comes to relationships, and how to open yourself up to possibilities of finding love in unexpected places.

Follow Josiah & Natalie @itsjosiahmiller @natalieotono

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BetterHelp: Get 10% off your first month of online therapy at with the code DATEABLE.

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Episode Transcript

S11E2: Love in the Time of TikTok

00:00:00 - 00:05:01

The Databable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves I'm your host Yue Xu former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world. Hey everyone. Welcome to another episode of dateable a show all about modern dating. We've said this many times already we're not just about dating stories we don't. A surface we go deep and we talked about the why is why people do the things they do why is that? There's so many things that people do when it comes to take. Some suddenly wise I have for myself like why am I wearing a hat for the second week in a row because my hair is so unruly at this point I've just given up this morning. It is so hot out still I feel like in northern California we're just not used to this which I mean I'm sure everyone either lives here or hasn't is probably seen in the news that we're amidst now wildfire a wildfires at another thing to twenty twenty here so. As I drink my Boba because we're recording this on a Friday and if you've listened to other episodes, it's Boba Friday. Very, very important for me. So I at least some religiously drinking my Boba Butts, the fires are getting so bad and my boyfriend and I, we are trying to celebrate our two year anniversary next week. So we booked a week in San Luis Obispo, Slo never been there. and. Now they're being impacted by the Santa Cruz virus and the issue is so bad over there. It's over two hundred. So it's actually worse than San. Francisco. So we're trying to figure out we should go or not, and if we can get a refund from airbnb you just. fucking plan anything anymore no. No. I. Mean. That's why we're recording got a Friday 'cause virtually you way was going to be here at at at one of interrupt her romantic getaway. So we were like, let's do it earlier that as we're getting this call, you're like Yep. We probably could have done Sunday because we're trying to see what's going on here but originally I was supposed to go do cinema this week for two weeks and I actually decided not to go just because I felt uncomfortable with a big group size and. All of that. But yeah, the whole group might not be going anymore there either yeah. The host basically said that you know like the liability of having them up there, it's a fire and then also super smokey. So it's the whole point was to be like outside at a pool in Nice weather. It's Kinda. Like defeats the whole purpose. So I think they're trying to figure out I mean I wasn't going to go anyway. So it kind of doesn't matter to me but it out. Yeah. This whole trip has been like one of. Those like ups and downs just you. It's really hard to plan. I think this trip has been planned since July and I was going I was not going I was going and not going like who if anyone's going now my friend was supposed to be in Greenville this whole week he planted with us wife they bought a bunch of rum and coke like this is their plan. You know took drink rum and coke outside and Guerneville for a week and they got there I think Monday Tuesday at three PM checked into the. AIRBNB and they were evacuated by eight pm Oh my God but all these plans aside like in the grand scheme of things like it really almost doesn't matter I think my heart really goes out for the people that were affected by these fires I can't even imagine right now in the pandemic losing I, place that I live also so just WanNa. Put it in big picture to. But if you do end up staying here for your anniversary, I just did this from a team building activity it was an airbnb experience that was virtual. It was actually super cool. It was a cooking class, but it was done with someone in Portugal. So she taught the class from Portugal is a Portuguese cooking class, but it was super such a great idea. It was really fun and interactive. It's also one of those things I? Think for all the daters are listening right now it's a free date idea because I think you really get to see someone's personality when it comes to cooking. It was so funny just hearing the different personalities come through like some people like, am I doing this, right? Bill you questions I've never cooked before by life. There's other people like me them just like see what happens. We'll see how it turns out. It's just like you totally see people's personalities come through I. think that could be an alternative it can make you. You could go anywhere. It's Kinda like the hinge dating experiment. We did you travel anywhere for AIRBNB experiences logistically, how does that work you have to purchase all the ingredients ahead of time? Yes. So you basically got a zoom link.

00:05:01 - 00:10:00

So what was really cool though is she set up a camera over her like pot that she was like saw Tang Yin. Oh, like close up. Yes. So On one and then another camera that you could see how she was prepping at war. That was really good but yet you had a by the ingredients like she picks something that didn't require a ton of ingredients but I did get an instant heart order this morning. So I got all my ingredients sent to me. So I you know we're living in the virtual world now and all these small businesses have to figure out a way to make it work. So that's really great. It really relates to our episode today because it's all about this couple that met over Tiktok, all APPS. Like what the Hell on except on ninety day fiance I believe one of the couples also met on Tiktok. What world are we living in? But they have this lovely love story and it was originally posted in our facebook group right? You'll yup, Yup someone posted in our facebook group and. Take Talk you only get a minute so we didn't get the full story. So they were like you need to have these people on your podcast and to hear from them. So I can't wait to air this and we also have the results from last week's would you rather question which was in relationship? Would you rather be the rea? No no, that's not it. I'm getting. AGO that was two weeks ago. The question was, would you rather date someone who has a history of dating people who are very different and diverse or who have a history of dating people who are very similar to you? So we'll get into that discussion but before we get into this heated discussion I, know Julie has a lot to say about this. This episode is brought to you by best beans. So what is Best Greens you've all heard me talk about it by now but seriously, I can't get enough of it. This awesome mobile puzzle game is so much. Fun and so much more than your average mobile puzzle game five star rated with over one hundred million downloads, thousands of fun levels and tons of super cute characters to collect. Can you guess which level among Julie of two eight last time I would say three, hundred? Okay, I'm three fifteen. So I cer- past your expectations I'm working my way up they've created a whole world on your phone. It's bright and colorful with great graphics and there's a story all about these bug characters can't get enough of them best beans series e the perfect way to take a break. Between. Everything that's happening right now, engage your brain with fun puzzles and collect tons of characters. Trust me with over one hundred, million downloads. This five star rated mobile puzzle game is a must play download best beans free on the apple APP store or Google play. That's friends without the are saying together this means. I love Elo, beltline, friends without the our before we go into the would you rather I wanNA talk quickly I like go a ton into politics on this podcast in with the DNC. So really big week and I don't know personally I feel like I have so many emotions about this election but I feel so inspired by Kamala Harris. Joe Biden into I was kind of on the edge on him before me was still pro him over trump for Shar. But like I feel like after this, DNC, I'm very excited about this. I feel like this is like a moment in history that is going to be very monumental. It also like side note trump's response to the fires is absurd. Raking the leaves more. Are You fucking kidding me? I'm sorry some. Planet is on. We were not living on the planet. No, we're not but this is such a monumental election because the country is so divided and I wanted to get your take on this 'cause this has come up in our facebook group before to is putting like no trump's supporters or something like bullied in your profile is a gay or a there were definitely people that said like this is a must have this is something I put on like if someone is a trump supporter and I'm not a trump supporter like I don't want anything to do with them and then we had someone. That you know this person was actually from Canada if either not in the pulse as much as Americans, but they were basically saying like a dating coach would tell you to avoid topics like politics and religion, and you should get to know the person because you could be missing out on someone really great and I definitely see both sides of that. On one side, it's like a filter for similar values and beliefs and I think I feel like Paul three more about like taxes and financial side. But now it is like social issues so I. Think there is a lot there that really does tell you about who you're dating but I do also see the other side I. Guess. It really just depends like how important this is to you, and I know like one of our members of the.

00:10:00 - 00:15:05

FACEBOOK group, who's a black woman mention like I don't have like the liberty to guide need to be with someone that understands myself like I can't just see how it goes and take that time like I need to know right away if someone is going to support racism or not, and I totally get that so I wanted your take I feel like saying no anything is kind of setting up to be just there's a negative feeling about the. Right like regardless of its politics or anything else. But I also see the side of this is court who I am and so I'm very mixed on it. So I wanted to get your take on it. I is still reminds me of when we went to south by South West last year, and we went to all those talks about diversity and inclusion films that conclusion diversity and inclusion, and we really learned was in order to diversify your perspective. Is that you have to have diverse perspectives in your life and maybe that's it doesn't have to be a partner with someone you're dating but I feel like we just can't be echo chamber all the time I don't want to date someone who who is onboard with everything I say because I really want to know different perspectives. However, I, agree with you when you have a strong feeling if you're like pro-trump or anti-trump, those are just very strong feelings. And that would already be a red flag to me is that this person is pretty set in what how they feel and maybe they're not open to discussion. So that's the only thing I would think of is just like why be so regimented in how you feel. I don't know if I fully agree because I'm definitely pretty anti trump but I do think any time you put know something whatever that is it setting this negative tone and I would rather because you could also be a limited someone that isn't a trump supporter but feels like there's a negative tone that's happening from your profile. Well, I was also going to say Yay that could happen or they're. You're also eliminating people who are who may vote trump but trump supporters there is a difference there and I've heard from multiple people. They're kind of like political stands on why they would vote for trump and it's not for the person not for him. But there they have the reasons I mean whatever I'm not going to get into it but I think just having that really strong feeling of like anti from rate anti-this. It's just it doesn't I don't know it just doesn't sit well with me. Yeah. It's really hard because it's honestly it's not even something I've ever thought about eating 'cause everyone in San Francisco's liberal basically like you might encounter someone but I feel like it's not even your go-to thing that you're filtering for. It would be something that comes out later that's the case. and honestly I just having given that much thought and I think like I. Am someone that definitely identifies as more like liberal or Libertarian. So I think it would be if they were super conservative might be a turnout but I also maybe would like to see like on a case by case depending on who the person was and what their beliefs were. I think it is hard to make the blanket statement, but I also do recognize that I'm a white woman also in that other people might have differing opinions of where they live and the race and all of that. So I would love to hear what our listeners thing don't leaves a clear cut one on this I think. Definitely argue it either way. This is a tricky one but I would also suggest just a suggestion instead of saying anti trump supporters how about just list out all the all the things that you're anti anti-racism anti-discrimination anti-systemic racism like. I would rather see the values that you align with and what are non-negotiables versus like a person right war not even anti like can you say like? Open mind like something I. It's that we are anti but I think in the dating APP context anytime you can spin it to be positive who will be better. I think that's a very to remember someone doesn't know you at all. They're just seeing words on a profile so. anyways I want to bring it out because it's very relevant with the timing of the election and I. Think this stuff is only going to heat up and next couple months like it's going to. Definitely, it'll be interesting to see if it becomes more and more prominent on dating APP. So I'd love for listeners to let us know especially in other areas of the country because realistically I'm not going to see it on dating apps just because everyone here is so Democrat yeah. Let's just encourage I think we just encourage more conversations especially from people with different perspectives and I wouldn't even say. Perspectives just different just hear them out just have an open mind about it because these discussions are what's going to propel us to move forward. So that's I mean. That's my son, my summary of how I feel. Should we go to the? Would you rather? Refresh.

00:15:05 - 00:20:01

The question was, would you rather be with someone with a history of dating people who are very different diverse? Who are very similar to you. So they're definitely different interpretations. With. This question is and it we talked about this a little bit. It's so contextual to what you've experienced. That has been a conflict or adversity. So for some people, they put it in a race context and some people they put it in like a professional context. So we had a lot of really good discussions on facebook Anglada. We added it to our facebook group because before it was just on the instagram poll. So definitely, still join follow us at dateable podcast on instagram. And do the Paul but you can also do it on facebook in our who is going to be posting it every week at the same time about as Instagram Paul but I think what's great about facebook is you get that discussion that comes with it like with the poll, some people will message us, but it's not like multiple way discussion. So I don't want to I'll let you reveal the answer but I feel like it was a pretty majority on this one like. Yeah. What's your answer? My answer though this is so tough because I actually went back and forth on it and I actually ended up going with the similar and I linked reason why was it didn't necessarily have to do with looks like race and all of that. But at the same time there, I don't know my ex like always you're like exactly by type in there is something like really nice about that. Never questioned if he was attracted to me, I never questioned if there was someone else out there that he'd be more attracted to it. Just link. It never even crossed my mind because he was so vocal about just like how beautiful I was and. How much am his type? I was the way I interpreted. It also is them knowing what they're looking for think if it's too diverse, it could mean that someone's unfocused and again it really depends on how you interpret this is it looks or is it just their whole package? I think when I looked at it like the whole package it's you know they know what qualities they want like for me I know what I'm looking for. It's now I just need to find it but I know what I'm looking for like I've dated enough people had enough relationships that I know what works for me and what doesn't work for me. So I think that's the benefit of. A tough one because like someone could argue like maybe you don't know if you have an experienced this partisan and that that's very valid. But I think when you're to all over the place, it can be hard to know what you ever want like I think of like your friend that you mentioned once in New York that was going on like all these dates literally by the end like had no idea what she was looking for anymore. So I think it's good to keep an open mind and not have like a singular focus type. But also if you're not, you know direction, you're basically directionless. So what would you pick? These are the these are the conversations I think is what I love about the would you rather because one? It's your knee jerk reaction to how you interpret the question already says a lot about you for me when I first saw this question, I went immediately to race because I've definitely dated outside my race and I've dated within my race, I went into the context of interracial dating and I hate being. With someone who who's not Asian but has only dated Asian girl, right so that's when I picked different diverse 'cause I rather the not have yellow fever I think about it but if it was in the context of Asian Asian dating than. Racist sort of eliminated. It's not even a question then I want them to similar to me. Someone like me you fun and you're kind of wacky like that. That shows me that they also are attracted to kind of personality Julie I thought this was really interesting when I looked at the people who voted and all I will reveal the results. Would I looked at the results and this is just such a small sample, but it's on instagram and also on facebook the majority of the people who picked similar to me were minority interesting. I would've guessed the other and I asked a few and this is very fascinating. So I asked a few people who are black asked a few people who are Middle Eastern I asked a few people who are Asian and especially black women and some of the Middle Eastern women have said to me it's because I want to make sure that we don't encounter any challenges even interracial dating so. That someone else's paved the way with like maybe Brio to the family. You don't want to be the first. You don't want to be the one educating everything you.

00:20:02 - 00:25:03

Know, and I found that super interesting. But it's really just how you interpret the question but I will reveal the results and Julie. You're right you're not in the majority. The results are sixty to sixty, two percent. Who are very different than me and thirty, eight percent similar. Last time I looked at it. It was even skewed war. So didn't even out a little that's so fascinating because I actually would've guessed the. that it was like just from our interpretation I would have thought maybe if you were in a more of a minority, you would've guessed or done the the different because you don't want to be like one of many like you've mentioned but the other I mean the the other argument is when you're involved in interracial dating, you also don't want to be the first either because then there's sampling the buffet. And you're like I'm not here for you to Sambo. We had this conversation on our on our episode with Alita yet right and she was like I. Don't I don't want you to sample me. So yeah, is really goes. This question is so contextual to the last time you experience city or conflict or something that was very, very memorable. So I love it. I love it. So we're going to be posting another. Would you rather this week you can look That up on our instagram or on facebook you awesome. Should we get into this week's episode because it's a good one? Yes. Actually quickly before we do that I just said that we'll do it but I think just one last shoutout for ratings and reviews on Apple podcasts it helps us oh so much in really appreciate everyone that's done that. So just wanted to do a really quick plug and now we can get into our APPS well, no, not yet because. Because we want to reward people who have. Who have been loyal listeners and who have been giving us ratings in Apple podcasts because we have a special deal for you obviously right now it's a pretty hard time and some of us are experiencing unprecedented feelings. So this episode is brought to you by our sponsor better help one of our longest running sponsors for me I've Julie, you know having issues sometimes, I just can't even sleep. So it's really good to check in and just take hold of your mental health. So better help has ensured that I'm not alone in this they offer online counseling with professional credible and compassionate therapist, a safe and private environment their counselors specialize in. Depression, relationships, trauma, and many other areas and with three thousand us? Licensed professionals across all fifty states they make it easier than ever to find help. In fact. So many people have been using better help their recruiting additional counselors in all the states. Now, for dateable listeners, only you get ten percent off your first month with the Code dateable get started today by going to better help dot com slash dateable join over one million people taking charge of their mental help. Again, that's better help dot com slash dateable and USA Cote D. A. T. e. l. e.. For ten percent off your first month. Now, we can get to the episode. No this is such an exciting episode because I. Think It is the reason why people react so positively is because it's It actually reminds me of our the CNN article that we contributed to. That was love in the time corona and I think right now everyone needs to hear that good story. You know like that fairy tale type of story like the positive influence because I feel like it's really easy to get down on all the ways that Kobe. Nineteen is not helping our dating lives right? It's harder to meet people. It's. On these awkward socially distance dates like there's so many negatives. But if we really read frame how we think about it, we can also find the positive. So I think hearing the story that we are about to share with you all. We're not going to give too much away about their story, but basically, they just met on Tiktok and now they're happily in relationships. So I think just hearing stories like this. I, know for. Me It inspires me that really like you can get creative of where you meet people staying age and you never know who you'll meet and where you meet them I mean I think in general people are GonNa. Get a lot more creative of where they meet people and APPS that weren't necessarily traditionally dating APPs. You know like a Tiktok like who would have ever thought the dancing APP for Gen Z. would be a place. Where millennials could be. So I think stuff like that it's going to start to come in like even like our facebook group, it's not necessarily a single seen by any means it's for everyone just platonic friendships to form but if something comes out of that and we've already seen something come out of that like that's fantastic and I think people are going to find these other avenues and it's GonNa we've been talking about it. For. So the dating apps are going to start to mimic real life more even if they're digital and I, think that is really what's going to start to happen something. We saw a few years ago that I'm surprised no dating.

00:25:03 - 00:30:04

APP has implemented is video profiles. I do think there's going to be a marriage of dating a dating APPs and Tiktok for -ality for sure to create content and to show off their personality. I just don't do it. Yeah. But few years ago when we saw this really no. Over now we're like. Way Ahead of their time basically. Yeah, they need to resurface. All right. Let's get to this episode with Joe Cya and Natalie. In this time of social distancing daters getting really creative with how they meet others and we've heard of virtual dating we've. Seen a lot of activity and also justly of your with someone in the same city, you do like the social distance dates like hikes and picnics. But how people are meeting is getting really fascinating and our guests on today's episode met each other on Tiktok I never thought. I feel like so cool. Just even saying Tiktok as we were I was literally on Tiktok for a hot minute and a now I know what takes is, but obviously, it's like the cool thing to do for everybody these days even though I think it takes a really long time to make tiktok videos right Jewish education. It's dedication to the Tiktok you guys have some good videos. Using. I read a statistic that the average take talker spins three to four hours per oh my. Oh. We are like fifteen seconds thirty seconds sixty seconds. That's insane. Yes. Most popular ones not even send us I think my longest one was an hour, which is still really long time. Well you to have your way around Tiktok but you guys hacked your way around love when it comes so. Others. So we've got Joe Cya and Natalie here just size thirty years old. He lives in Sarasota Florida, and has been there his whole life Natalie's twenty seven years old originally from Miami was living in La for the last four years and now she's back in Miami and actually no right now she's in Sarasota as well. Yes. Yes. But going back and for. You to were mere strangers, and now you're you're like Corentin together and in a monogamous relationship. So let's just start like let's back up for a SEC before that each other on Tiktok let's go with. Natalie. I. What was your dating life like? I was. I was dating I mean I have I've had like one serious relationship in that ended last year and I did the whole online dating as well like I was on like to APP but I didn't go on them as much. It was just more of like oh You know maybe you know things will work out whatever. But I didn't really click with anyone on the absolutely glad. didn't were you using them during quarantine like where you're using the APP? Okay I started using them more I feel like. Everyone. Everyone's Kinda like board, and then just like might as well. You know I did talk to people by nothing came out of it. I have one phone call on all day. And that was it. So it was nothing nothing really came from the from the dating. APPS. Big Dogs. In. What was your dating life like eating Natalie crease similar I was on the dating APPs and I would on dates here and there before the court team stuff happened nothing ever like serious game from it again when all this happened, it was just like kind of like waste your time a little bit but not really like I don't know just something to do. So I. talked to other people. They were dealing with it and all that stuff 'cause everybody's talking to. was like the line how's your warranty? House Act. You've got a guy like annoyed, but that's like I deleted it even before I met her just kind of getting bored of so. I think there was an article that came out. That's like furnish single people. It's like it's like one of the worst places to be as a single person single percent like not a whole lot of options I felt like Lizzo I would have to like put my reach out farther away like saint being. Tampa. A of those people are not like winterson and driving forty five minutes every. So it was just like it was it was more difficult than I see like bigger cities would be where is Sarasota I have no idea where that is. Like an hour south. Of Tampa Yeah, we're known for just the each on. MTV. Show we're known for our beaches. And what is dating life like in I guess the dating scene like in Sarasota. Saying, it's bad. Especially, like being raised here it's it's not a small town, but it's smaller.

00:30:04 - 00:35:04

So I just felt like I knew pretty much. Was the people I was a lot of people moving here just because of the beaches were rowing during a lot last few years but overall like for me I know I just yeah I. Have I had been like, oh, relationship for a little bit because I'm added on dates like nothing nothing serious in two years. So what got you guys on Tiktok like why there to? Wanting, wanting an outlet to like creative just because like there's nothing going on I was supposed to start a job like through was going to happen so I did it just pure boredom having something to do with my time so For download it was like a dancing. Joined it. I'm like a very good dancer. Big of downloading it, and then I would have liked my. My sister's friends you. Download it and then what I like people who were doing like really funny videos on my. Okay. This is pretty entertaining like I WANNA I wanNA Donald I did and I, realize it's not all dancing and I just started doing like big little funny videos whatever and then that's I. saw his video. Also. One of the first video I did like made went semi viral million. Or something with the French fry one no. I don't. One a video that I made me shooting. My Mom's your skin In your mom with under I don't. Waste to go viral. On take. Your relatives. Assert advertised your mother like she needs about a two. Yeah she's A. Thing. I feel like take talk is the most random thing. I. Definitely have gone through so many stages on it, but it's interesting because it's like you guys said over quarantine it went from Jersey to like millennials there is. Off In. Our age bracket using it now. Yeah. All my all my guy friends. We're like making fun of me so much. They're like dude 'cause I downloaded it just for like I didn't even post anything I I downloaded just to be entertained. The first month or two I was just looking at it, and then I was like I can do I can do some you. started posting and then I had a couple of viral and then my friends making fun of me that are like, dude, you guys do. Out Right, yeah yeah. We`re Checking back on only took the nurse. And Natalie what video did you see? Joe Sayas that really caught your eye. On the page, it's just like random videos I, guess based on things that they think you might like whatever I guess they were right. Around. We can you describe the French fry video for people that haven't seen this great money was that the one that caught your attention before we go to? On my Ubaid that I was just scrolling through one day and I saw the video where he's like eating a fry in the car and then it drops in the middle. And then it's like match seeming. Duggan singer but. Also for anyone that's Dada Tiktok. That's like one of the trend songs of when people are moving quarantine. It's like like kids that their parents house it's like all Denver CV Gad I, think it's hilarious that you had as the Fred try. Notice hilarious I'm like is so I can so relate to that. Yes. Now that was one of the ones that took me like eight minutes do is like so quick and I didn't think it was gonna be that big but. It was funny. I I went. That's what made me stage in The added touch is that you for anyone that has this it's like you dropping the French fry in the car. It's like when you lose food in your car, but then you you is in a month. Or something. Snapchat will do just like the big is in the mouse and says like the fries singing again. I can. I cannot wait for my mom to listen to this episode and. She'll be so lost. French fries served. As happening. To Find Love and twenty twenty French fries cuts forget a matchmaker French fries. So you see this video and you get on his profile or get on his page into what are your thoughts. I thought he was really handsome. And I. It was funny. You both like funny videos and seemed like a cool going guy like already knew you just getting.

00:35:06 - 00:40:05

His instagram and sign a stop follow button and. Oh you took it to another soulful. Side. You went from the tick. Tock to the I. The thank. You Natalie. The lead the or you like thinking of Jersey is like romantic prospects or you just like this funny hop guy to follow. Almost. Falling Him I. I didn't know something I mean yet a little go following your deep thousand followers alone. Little nothing. UNDAY DOT. Yes. So like I don't know, maybe he probably wouldn't even see followed him or whatever. But you know he's seems like a cool that follow anyway. Out because right away and this guy followed back immediately and started kind of stalking my page. Liking deep your liking. Exact grace the. I. Did. So for me, I had some. Like more people coming to my instagram discuss budge on. So I had people have been like has. No. All we me like when I check my instagram. Sometimes, I wouldn't see how many people right grew by like a thousand on instagram and so I didn't even see all the people that were out of me. But this sign that I happen to see I saw her little picture on and I was like, oh, she usually you and then I went to Earth page and then I saw some of the videos that she posted that I thought were really funny and some of them are like really outrageous and I was like a she's got like a sense of humor she herself. So that was really cool. So then I followed her back in rented my semi a deep deep. Let's semi deep like was it like five years ago? Where did you go? No. got. To I would say three years at the Mac for anyone that does it Noah deep liking. When. You go back Eddie like the photos or videos from years ago and Daddy and maybe you woke up to this I, know this has happened to me. I happened to you A. You wake up and there's like one hundred likes from the same person. Like I mean I like three six okay. Threes acceptable. I was going to ask you how many. I had. I had an accidental deep lake from my ex-boyfriends wife. Five years ago. Dental. Yes. To you or. She. Code of mine from five years ago. was in the worst because you. Just. Stalking you. Oh Yeah I totally done that on the other end I've been the one to do it. Might. I. Actually did a test with people wants to see like if you like it and then immediately not like it on Instagram to you you get an alert. Right. On your sendings is what we figure it out. You have notifications then you get it but if you don't, you don't get it I think it was like there was a certain period. If you did it fast enough, you wouldn't get it. But, anyways, we always say on this podcast, you can do the exact same thing and if someone thinks you're cute it's adorable in that if they don't creepy. So apparently this. evil. I thought. I was like okay so interesting and all. To bigger. And so what is This progression of your to map this out on an info graphic in from tiktok low charges eyeballing each other and then you went to instagram follow. So that's the first sign that you like each other and then you do the deep liking. So that's like, okay this is getting serious aim on game on what is the next step is commenting or is it deeming? It was DNA I posted like a little story on my instagram than she did like the ones that like auto populate that's like a crying last. Emoji she commented that. Okay He. Like. Oh. Okay. So that was like a lazy comment, right? Not. Her dying. From remember like the Wings for match dot com days it's like literally the Modern Day Bank. Julie. Do not remember them by we do. We. Keep, going. Like what? I can.

00:40:07 - 00:45:07

Imagine. What it what it is I mean before we even got on this called, they were talking about how they had gone on zoom that much because they were doing house party I. Mean. This is like how far ahead they are. They skip the whole zoom generation. Okay. So you did the the cry Emoji and then maybe a couple days later he was like reading a book away but I was like A book either. Read some this relevant to be reading, and then she Susan Nice about it. Then after that, he was just bagging for it. But I I. I didn't think that he was that interested 'cause like he took. Like two days Holding amazing like it's so bad but. It just like he took like a while to response like my last tags and I was just like I don't know he's probably. A guy that I was talking to. On one of the APPS, the net or lake of you weeks ago, and I was like another one of these you know. I. Got My my side. One thing was like she was living in California associate a what what can come this whatever. So as like do I wanna even like start distance that was like. Another thought was like it was the day before my birthday. So I was like kind of busy and like I was getting. I just I was doing several. Stupidity. Yeah. So that was that was done. Insane. Right after that happened I was like again, just go forward and that's what we started talking a lot. So he message on. Instagram, for a few days. Get to know your stuff i. You'RE GONNA ask me on facetime day. Like nervous. So before we go into that desire, what made you decide like okay I feel like maybe this doesn't worth pursuing because she's in. California deciding I'm going to go all in like what was kind of your thought process. Based, just the conversation that we had like. So. Yeah. There were a really fun engaging. I could tell she was interested because sometimes you like talking to somebody tell like I duNno, they're talking to other people are like they just don't care as much as I could tell that she was like into finding out who I was about. So I was like, okay she is like interested. That was probably one of the things I was like, okay. We'll give us a shot was a fun conversation was easy to talk to her like. Anytime where we weren't talking about like something. Ridiculous. texting you know it's like, Yeah Hey, what's up? Yeah. Like. We're so the on Instagram I was like, okay. I'm GONNA leave my numbers like Texas if she wants to. Put My number down and it was like my neighbor number one digit off. Air Is ever doing. Literally going back Pretty Creeks and I sent that and then I wasn't getting a message on my on my tax day. Is Busiest something. and. You can see if they read it or not said seen, says it all ideally go? Being. Disturbed. Kids as always. and. By doing dishes like looked at it with my elbow and then I was like. So then I put my real number and I was don't sorry about that real number down and then a little bit goes by and I don't get get announced. This is over. And then I. Again later, and I was like of you don't WanNa Tech Sleep we can just keep talking about. Weed. So Natalie, did you ever reach out on the fake number or you just were busy? And I was like, Oh, you know I'm already. For the setup. I. was like Oh yeah. Another random guy. Yeah I'm. A Aranda from TIKTOK. Okay. So now this is getting really serious. You've exchanged numbers you're texting on real phones for now. Real number. I love our definition of really serious I played. or how long did this go on for before? You met up in person or I guess no I guess you do the video. So. We probably talked if a week from. Yeah I. So yeah, we text all day like those big paragraphs about. Again it was. It was super easy like talk I was like really exciting socked her. It was good. That was busy. I was busy at all but he was busy helping here helping your sister and so long paragraph in when she saw it, she's like responder had time to respond.

00:45:07 - 00:50:00

So it wasn't like back and forth like real quick was. Probably that once or twice a day. All Day but it was it wasn't like right after you Natalie. What made this something that you were like okay this is worth pursuing despite the distance like did you ever have that hesitation? I. WanNA was different I? Mean I've talked to guys in just like you have those boring text conversations it's like, Hey, what's up? To. Your date, which isn't bad. I. Was Your Day but I dunno was different. We would talk about. I don't know just different things that we were both interested in I found that was really funny like it like is. Actually being you laugh and I was like, Oh i. you know I really this guy is fun and it's easy to talk to I actually like look forward to talking to him in his So Wednesday facetime day. All these heads. Did. Slow. Mover. Yeah Visually facetime day. Time different. So like Floridian California's three hours. So she was usually busy day. So it was like ten thirty. My time is seven thirty, our time I was like trying to think of something to do or like something that we kinda like brake lights a little bit. So I wore like a a suit on my top cast as like a highly book af flowers and legit like. Yeah. So it was like. Be. stood up and you could see she sees that I was like George because your face not. Only. See like half a rich it was over here like. Too much. And then you ended up being under dressed. Under Like. Casual. Tank top whatever and he's over here with flowers of players are. How many dates did you guys do like this before you decided to? Fly across the country to meet. Yeah it was a lot. So we had. We had that facetime day and then the next day we watched him. Like started to save movie at the same time and we like protesting about the league So that was the second we had in the third day we had. So like Oso back up the first day until three in the morning might allow it was like four hours. It was great and then yet in the Movie Day. I. Sleep but it was okay. It. Wasn't going on for me but like talk at least like two to three hours on time every day for like not maybe not every day but. Out of the thirty days, we might have skipped like two days in a miles. So it was like we talked a lot in like we talked about on facetime and then during the day. Yeah texting and I I wanted to like learn about before meeting me. So he would have these like adventure like stories were just like send pictures of lights occasions we have with our family just like all these stories about some of our favorite times, and so I thought that was really cool just like to get to know like who she was before. We did that like texting during the day, and then as time we're just kind of talk about everything. Can I ask you buy favourite quested? was there a Virtual faxer or some time throwing. James. So we always get this question when you do lots of virtual dates, it gets. It gets boring or that it gets a little redundant sometimes, how are you to able to do so many facetime dates and not having? Some of the time I said we went on House party that was called. Yeah, and so we would like play games on there. We just talked about games late. Each other like also sounds like you guys just jived dwell. So a few like really enjoy talking to somewhat it's not that boring. Yeah I look forward to talking to like every like every day 'cause like it was late for me. So every day I had a little light that I would like sticker on. My. Story. was about to pass out just because I. Think usually in my. In my rooms like talking after like two in the morning I was like, okay. I'm like my body is like shutting down Yeah. It was like I never thought it was like difficult to having conversation or anything fun. Yeah. I was GONNA, ask you like what made you decide. It's time to take this to the next level I was like all in. I was like this awesome. I was like a couple of times that I would like go out there but I also knew about. In pandemic and everything. So I didn't WanNa like everything was shut down where I was. Yeah. So I was trying to get her to come back here or like I don't know.

00:50:00 - 00:55:00

I. Didn't really care what I had to do but I just wanted to see her deceive it was like the same in real life. So she said she was going to fly down to Miami I the box. taught. Me Wendy like what are my favorite snacks was my favorite wine by David and our conversation dislike what we're talking about the stuff and I'm thinking Oh. No I go seriously. Plan Glue deed or something all my favorite things and then I go to get mail with my sister get milk me and she was up his box and I and I even think anything of it, but she's just like to make it. So obviously, Oh, a box out of. The week before was my birthday and I'm like what my mom semi me. Late Happening, whatever was like Natalie, look at the address and a my own right. Just like no way. So I am. Open the box and you had like all these cute little things that. Is My favorite wine sweatshirt you change into win on Thursday little no and chocolate Jocelyn Wong. That New. Nancy sixty percent dark chocolate. Because he's like your child and then they couldn't make up my mind. You just send me dark chocolate. We how did you get her address in the first place? I mean I had told my family about her but I didn't know exactly like she was. So I'm going to step kids. We're all really close like they know. I've seen most. and. So I had a few times. message your sister friends on facebook. Like Z. who the family the family members are. Yeah. I I'm. Waiting on my. Of the unpaid privatised. It was a few times a messenger and I was like wait a little bit more delight I'm like I was like more certain that she talked to her sister about me. So when I waited for a little bit after that, I missed it your sister on facebook and was like, Hey, this. Weird but I've been talking to your sister for the last few weeks in the hoping the center like little active just things. Is there any way to get your address center? I don't know it's like it's a bold move it could go either. In your. Get a box of chocolates. Fingers or toes or something I don't know. So at this point you you're feeling good data lease so i. Don't to know about that turning point of real life cadre guys come to decide this time to do it while she was gonna come sly here. I'm always up for like a venture. I. Love Road Trips. Another thing was that she wouldn't have a car is a car was being California I mean I wanted to do it anyway but also logistics is like we should just drive your car back. So that's kind of what? Ditched it is like any Jagger our visa gift card bacteria. We road trip across America I told her I was like I wish that I was driving this Danes I didn't even throw that out there for him to See if you wanted a road trip, I just really was like saying 'cause I was Gonna fly but I was like, Oh, I was close enough to dry. Better Nicer that'd be close enough to do that. But that's what he ate throughout the WanNa route through. Another bold move. So you going back to that have to do with this situation where you just wanting to go back in general this definitely had to do with it you. Of beyond his there there was nothing going on your everything was both everything was closed. I was just like, I, mean I'd rather be home and also it's close to where he is at. So it's like this. This would be a good opportunity to get to know each other and see each other in person with the news and everything. You're not gonNA get any better virtually any better intensive. So I was like, okay I'm going to do this now. Yeah, another. Going to my head was I dated someone is long distance before i. go there. She can hear it felt like vacation kind of where we're always doing like the funding citing things then more we hung out like it just didn't work inside like you'll get see like everything it's not just. Specially on trapped travel. Good. Yeah and I was like and I didn't want to waste my time I don't waste your time. Will no more one way or the other house game the whole time. He was She said she wanted to think about rotating any. Been in my head I was like. Law. I don't know. Dry Excuse.

00:55:01 - 01:00:07

Keep him on his toes. And you also had to plan. So once you fly over to L. A., you would have to spend the night. You take your a road trip back right in. Did you guys discuss that old? I mean at my sister's house day and a half at her sister's house before we left a day, which is a nice. In La like Malibu. In and out on the beach on Matador beach was awesome. Did that day grape aware. For beds. Wow. What was your reaction to like when you guys saw each other? Was it the same of what you've been seeing on facetime or was there anything different? No. This is like. The. Whole time until I landed and she was like five minutes away from the that's. The moment of just just more nervous about like what am I? I can say to you because we talked about like Patrick talked so much during the time I felt like I knew her for a really long time. I wasn't as nervous about that but I just like what is like first reaction were never going to be. So that was he goes nervous about. So when I landed I went to the airport bathroom in. The out I've rush. Like did all that I brought I bought into flowers before I left. You brought it on the plane. And rewind my parents before. You call my parents like the night before right button. She gave me her mom's not as a joke. I don't remember why I'll because all because her mom Jerry was like a very pretty woman. In so I joked mother's Day and I was like Oh send me your mom's number. So I like to say Happy Mother's Day jokes, and so she actually gave it his jokes. That number I didn't ask enough was their number is merely rain remember. So I called I went to voicemail and it was but I could hear it was like your mom last name. Is actually her in. So I left I left a message saying, Hey, I've been talking to your daughter because I could after the package I knew that she had been talking to parents about me. I think one thing that's very interesting about your story when I saw your tiktok videos is how much you involve your family like to me that is. Something I'm not doing until like I am ready to get married to someone I knew everyone views different though some curious like is this something that you guys just do because of your relationships with your family that you've done with other people to or is it something about each other that you're like I need to meet my parents my sister etc I'm not always been close with my family they're really cool. He's them. They're awesome people in like they're easy to talk to you in like special mom like I could just talk to her about anything and so she's like a friend. Yeah but you for me growing up my parents always pushed like group dating like own date until like you're older whatever whenever we did something, it wasn't with all the other girls that I dated. They met my family pretty quick especially because we're a big family is probably like really intimidating is a big part of. My Life. So it was like it wasn't like Oh you're meeting errands. Marriage. Or on it. So both of you are kind of on the same wavelength about just this is something you do in general and it's not neither one of you were like freaked out about it was just part of the course. Yes. So you spend a day and a half at the sister's house and obviously things go well there because you decide to go on this road trip together back on this road trip let's go over three things what you loved like one really great memory, and then maybe one not so great memory, and then of really surprising thing you found out about each other. So let's start with Joe Cya with your favorite memory from the tricks. I mean, we watched the sunrise, the Grand Canyon like that was phenomenal as very had our first kiss. That's for me. That was really nice. Ditto. And maybe one NAS. Oh, great memory. It doesn't have to be a negative memories. Yeah. You wish this didn't happen. Let's go with Natalie. In. All My. Word. Think. August. The first night that we're staying late, not with family, and so it was like a little outside the Grand Canyon I didn't see the place or anything or anything yet and. ISOS wasn't like is he a serial killer? But we go in like we suddenly I were like on a road where there's like lowlights and then he turns on this dirt road that went on for a while and there were no lights it was like, was it a road I'm not sure when I was A.

01:00:09 - 01:05:19

Few me. This. It's the reality of the situation catching up to you to. Like maybe I really don't Elvis. One thing surprising. You found out about each other I dunno? Surprising because I knew you what about like? Let's go over the day to day stuff about like budgeting or finding yeah I am eating. Behaviors. The daily Shit you have to go through. We didn't even talk about that stuff before we didn't even really plan. Truly out but. Yeah. But it was awesome because it was like so easy in most of the all the food, we pretty much like into a grocery store, and then we got like groceries the bag way pretty much like picnic like just snack on the drive because you regarding ten hours a day. So it was like it was such a cheap trip. Yeah. Glad. We've. We hardly spent any like gas. She has a is reasonable I worked ritz-carlton here in Sarasota. So I got like hotel discount. So he had like Charles Night stays. we didn't we went. We went out to eat your twice see guys were kind of on the same page about just like your like you realize your lifestyle smashed. Yeah, and that's as. The things we talked about before we talked about like finances and. have any debt coming out of college and like I. Know We talked about it there. Yeah. That's right. That's all I. ALL MR out on this like I love it, you guys are going all in. So I guess just with this and now you've met each other's family. You're kind of like settling into daily life. Now Back in Florida, is there anything that you would have done differently or would you have done it all the same I wouldn't have changed his Dan was like. I even said, yes to that trip because it was even if it went or able which I didn't think it was going to but you would have done in back of your mind like what is this doesn't go the way that we expected it to Anna did out so bad that I did in. Yeah. It's just been really fine. An adventure for sure. No, and how many days into the trip did you ask Natalie to be your girlfriend? I remember seeing that in your video I was pretty quick. So it was like the third day. In the video night didn't plan on doing it. But like we're at the Grand Canyon, we like her first kiss, and then we were just like taking kitchen south timer and I like pretending I was looking to get down on one knee propose cajones. Joke. Right now because that's done on I was like, Oh, so so I feel like this whole thing is just been such an amazing love story. I mean I think by biggest takeaways I'll kick off but I think it's taking a chance in looking in the most unexpected places. I think yet especially during quarantine in covert, like everyone is felt like opportunities have been taken away from them and the options are the dating APPs but we've seen it to outside of talk. But like we've seen people, we're pretty active facebook group that we have like happy hours and other virtual activities and people are making. Like legit France and we've even seen some couples come out of it so I think it's all about all about creativity and using this time to think outside the box think outside of how you usually meet people and I know like before covid. We've heard people complaining that it's hard to in real life and everything is digital, but they have trouble with the APP. So maybe it is looking these alternative digital situations. I mean, there's so many events going on right now. So I think that's my biggest takeaway is just to stay open to the possibilities and to really look at what's out there saying yes. A Mike for me because like I hit on these things were didn't work out and I guess. Okay. Yeah. But like yeah, I'm I'm all I go for it because eventually it's going to work out. It's GONNA be. Awesome. Be. I've definitely had times where it didn't work out little bit within give back on it. You go for it again so I would say Go, risk it, and go through. You GOTTA do nothing to lose, right? Yeah it is. It's a great memory, create a two nights I can't predict what happens in the future but this is such an awesome story you're putting out there and memorialize on Tiktok. Named my diary. When my life is like my biggest takeaway is I think we've just gotten a lot of people who are low fatigued from all the virtual dating so far but you to death thirty days of FACETIME ING and House Party, and it never got old because I think when two people have chemistry and when two people are so open minded going with the flow it doesn't get boring and I love that you too have found ways to keep it fun like you showing up with a Su on first date and doing the care package and.

01:05:20 - 01:10:01

You GotTa have fun. Yes and asking the right questions, sharing stories of previous adventures always. So many levels you can learn about someone from virtual dating, and if you're getting to a point where you're stuck with someone and you don't know how to take it to the next level either just have to like try and find those prompts to get there. It's just not really working out like there's no neto hold onto that because it seems like for you to never really had to try. See we were both at intentional about like getting snow so I knew. Like what I wanted to ask her find out about her vice versa like be intentional about like what you're trying to figure out in the questions that you WanNa, ask absolutely what advice oh, parting words of advice from both as you to anybody WHO's trying to date during this time well, while there's a lot of safety concerns, health concerns sure families are concerned as well. So we'll be won't be some advice for you to give to them all the daters during this time, I'll be saving take a chance. You never know what? Else. Can come from you know like. Me Only him on instagram. John, that would be here. Through Yeah I mean the other I think the other takeaway it's like this fail fast mentality saying this a bunch that people are just really kind of diving into relationships now and we're not doing the date talk. You know that small talk that would happen. Yeah. Going to these deeper discussions I love how you guys went through your whole. Passed in the photos and all of that is just such a good way to really get to see if you guys are compatible quickly this it's kind of like this fail fast mentality. We see this was startups to it's you know we're to go all in and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work and if it does amazing, let's find out quicker and you guys have said that so many times like there was nothing to. Lose Leah I know there was some initial hesitations worth by time, but especially right to how we all we have is time. So it's I think in the past two it's this replaying this whole thing of relationship chicken which really was getting us nowhere like people were Kinda half in half out and let's just go in and either make him work or fail fast. In neon, what's the worst that can happen is that it just doesn't. Go into anything and don't settle me if you're in. Your with someone that you're like. Your way. To pass time with them on and you know. There's someone else up. tensor tough right now but it. was going to say there's been a lot of women live re shocked to me just like thanking me for like the way of intriguing her. Going to pursue her and it's Kinda sad that today's I don't know just like the guys to pursue I mean I think grossing pursue guys too. But like in general if a is like not treating well, loser go 'cause there's good guys out there that will treat you the way he deserves. Romance. Dad. I don't even think about you pursuing Italy. It's about you being so careful and yes, sitter it I mean calling her family and letting them know that you're doing. This is a big deal. You like thought of all the different ways that you can make her feel comfortable and safe except for the. Sake. Import it's not about in this day and age there's no pursuing girl can pursue a guy who you have to be so considerate of. Really, really be thoughtful about that. So one last question is what now what's what's next? We're both of you right now I mean we're obviously together boyfriend girlfriend we're just like I mean like everyone we don't know really what the future holds with all this stuff going on but for now we're just going back and forth spending time with each other in each other family still getting to know and learning things about has has been utopia. That We've had discussions as we actually have a big fight like trashcans in different things that standard AC- differently. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just didn't want everyone is everyone's like jail on it's like it's been awesome but it's not like. Yeah, it's really Especially now you're getting into the real stage, right? So yeah. Yeah. But yeah. So I'm excited of what's next growing together in I'm enjoying the process everything is people have been reaching out just like so interested in our stories just like we just enjoying. Doing and it's been great. Love it. Well, you two are definitely I don't know this.

01:10:01 - 01:12:31

Really. Nice. Gust of optimism that we. Minded. And you know what? Now's a better time than ever to find love this is this great time to do it because it's very intentional you have to have all the necessary questions before meeting up. So people shouldn't be scared by what is happening right to try to find someone. So we'll link to you all your social sites on in our show notes if People WanNa stock you and deeply. Hub. Where can they find you? Miller on those targeted instagram images madly Otano. We're GONNA. Try to start. A Youtube. People are like asking about like our our journey. So we're GONNA destroy the document as began and I love your videos and I think, yeah, and he one that wants to see this go down in action. You do a really great job of showing at the airport and everything that's happening. So love it. Thank you so much. Keep US updated everything that's happening good locker everything and just keep the positivity alive because we need it. Really. I was going to say we just had somebody requests in our group about this. I'm really glad. People need it right now. With story. Passable. Dairy is racial or a lot of people who are just a little bit afraid to step outside the box and what they're. Here we go. We're going to wrap up stay. dateable podcast is part of the FROLIC podcast network five more podcast. You'll love PAT FROLIC dot media slash podcast to continue the conversation I to follow us on Instagram facebook twitter with the handle at dateable podcasts tag has an any post with a Hashtag stay dateable and trust us. We look at all those posts then head over to our website dateable podcast dot com there you'll find all the episodes. As walls, articles, videos, and our coaching service with vetted industry experts, you can also find our premium why series where we dissect analyze an offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums also downloadable for free on spotify apple podcast, Google, play, overcast stitcher radio, and other podcasts platforms. Your feedback is valuable to us. So don't forget to leave us a review and most importantly remember to stay data.

Dateable Podcast
Yue Xu & Julie Krafchick

Is monogamy dead? Are we expecting too much of Tinder? Do Millennials even want to find love? Get all the answers and more with Dateable, an insider’s look into modern dating that the HuffPost calls one of the ‘Top 10 podcasts about love and sex’. Listen in as Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick talk with real daters about everything from sex parties to sex droughts, date fails to diaper fetishes, and first moves to first loves. Whether you’re looking to DTR or DTF, you’ll have moments of “OMG-that-also-happened-to-me” to “I-never-thought-of-it-that-way-before.” Tune in every Wednesday to challenge the way you date in this crazy Dateable world.