S12E1: Socially Distant Yet Emotionally Available w/ Connor Beaton

Dateable Podcast
February 9, 2021
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February 9, 2021

S12E1: Socially Distant Yet Emotionally Available w/ Connor Beaton

We're back and about to break down exactly what it means to be emotionally available with men's coach and founder of ManTalks, Connor Beaton.

Socially Distant Yet Emotionally Available w/ Connor Beaton

We're back and about to break down exactly what it means to be emotionally available with men's coach and founder of ManTalks, Connor Beaton. We discuss how emotional availability shows up differently for men and women, signs to look for in your partner (and yourself), and why we need to stop being afraid to scare off the wrong f*cking people.

Follow Connor Beaton at @mantalks and check out his podcast 'Man Talks' on all your favorite podcast players. To learn more about Connor visit

Thank you to our partners for this episode:

BetterHelp: Get 10% off your first month of online therapy at with the code DATEABLE

Kensington’s newest title from THE DUKE HEIST by Erica Ridley. You can find THE DUKE HEIST wherever books are sold or visit

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Episode Transcript

S12E1: Socially Distant Yet Emotionally Available w/ Connor Beaton

00:00:01 - 00:05:00

The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves.  I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world.

Hello everyone welcome to season. Twelve of the dateable podcasts. Twelve time to into autumn of people's behavior when it comes to modern eighty modern romance modern love sex and relationships. And here we are. We're still here. We made it through the pandemic sort of were like i see the light at the end of the tunnel and julia doesn't i do because my parents got vaccinated so i feel like there is a little bit a glimmer of hope there and we are back for a twelfth season. Y'all that is crazy. We say this every season. Where like mega kim rebecca. This season most tv shows. Don't get past the fourth season. Just so you know it's a fact so the idea of us getting to twelve season albeit on our own accord is a miracle in itself and i'm very proud of us. Yes i think. Eddie time i like talk about the podcast eddie one. I'm like yeah. Been doing this for five years. And it's like it is accomplishment. Like i think you and i under sell the accomplish. Read a lot of times but to stick with something for five years and see the growth that we have like. Of course we think all of you for that gross of thanks again for being here. I think we learned especially through this pandemic that we cannot do. Any of this are wonderful community and while we have had some amazing team members along the way it really just has been julian. I- julie edits every episode. She is the one that made the website which we've gotten a lot of compliments on. I just wanted like kind of peel back like this bail and let you guys know that this is actually the child between juliet is there is. There is no other team supporting us. And we're so grateful recently brought on louise to help us with live events. She's fantastic and it just shows that are our show is growing we are growing and as podcast is growing community is growing and we can't wait to expand the team even more but still know that we're putting in the work and you know it's not easy. Aw hot justice is a lot more work. That i think eddie what does ever realize is thought that being said it brings both you a great joy which is what keeps us going with it and i think especially talking to guests like we have today. We have freaking amazing guests. Connor beaten that is the founder of man talks as a podcast man talks. And we've heard him on many podcasts. That we were like we need to get connor because he's just so incredible so much words of wisdom so i think that's like obviously all of you in the community that we talked to on a daily basis but then just talking to some really freaking cool people. All i think has really been because you and i learned from every interaction all the time conner definitely pushed me a liberal of this episode and i thought it was. There's one point that you as am. I still here. Are we in a therapy session. Am my still on this podcast or my washing. Your tv show was set. The best damn reality tv show. I seen him really long time. And i love the bachelor but this was definitely even better. The episode is all about emotional availability. What does that even mean. How many times have you heard people say that they were looking for. Someone emotionally available. How many times have you said you're looking for someone emotionally available. I've definitely set myself even though not knowing what it meant exactly so but i think this episode really shed some light on. If you're going to use those words you gotta know what those words mean. Not just from like. I'm looking for this in a partner perspective but also looking at yourself and asking right. I even emotionally available. Yeah i think a lot of times we think because we have a lot of emotions it makes us emotionally available. Always hands in hand I think that one of the reasons why we also want to touch on this topic. We'd forbidding reasons. But it's been one of our popular buzzwords in the dateable community. We have the t- the The best selling piece of birch that we have is socially distanced yet Available which came from a guys inch profile. That i saw screenshot little. Does he doubt he's just launched this attire episode right now so of course we had a call this socially distant yet emotionally available. That is the dateable term. Thank you random. Guy from hinge that.

00:05:00 - 00:10:03

I have no idea what you're davis. But you could find your quote your profile art instagram. So he should be honored so we're obviously in february valentine's day on the brain for many of us. I don't know about this year like How prominent valentine's day is i think a lot of single people are like we're in the pandemic but anyways it still valentine's day approaching i've noticed particularly just a surge of people like on dating apps between the first of the month and now and i think one of the things that i i did hack and i've heard this before from people's i decided to try it myself was i feel like on bumble. I was kind of like hitting that road. That i'm like i feel like i'm not seeing anyone that i feel good about. I'm i'm just gonna try to restart the app. So i'm basically shut down. The app created a whole do profile like us the exact same photos in language but just basically triggered the whole algorithm. Now getting crazy matches. It's amazing how your fresh meat exactly getting like high quality. People that i'm interested in how ever i've noticed there's definitely were sexual energy on fumble than hinge hinge. You never got any of those. Like comments were bumble. Definitely like move extender a little more in that regard with like a sexual undertone. Like i've noticed a lot where i'm bubble but it could just be like a quantity thing too. I think hinges a little more like less matches but higher quality. I've found again personal experience. Maybe people out there have had totally different experience with bondholder. Like no i get all that shit hinge and i don't get it on bubble i've just known as debt and i think some of it is because the branding of hinged a relationship app i guess maybe it depends on your location to which is insane to think about because hinge started out as such a juvenile app. I remember when they first launched it was like for. I don't know like. I was getting twenty two year olds and like them dating app. I'm glad to see them. Evolving for sure is just a total one eighty from when they first started. They don't know if it was that. I know what you're talking about because i was getting that too. I think what it was is that you didn't need the double often on hinge originally in even people outside of your so called each settings could find you in message you and they've changed it so now it's like it's still the only show you people in your criteria. I totally remember that. I was giving a bunch of twenty two year olds like on edge which is great. It's great for the ego. I mean don't get me wrong but also when you're looking for relationship you're like sure well. They took that feedback. They made that change. That is a very interesting hack. Yeah anyone that's feeling stocker like documenting the matches they like want to beginning. Maybe it's as simple as restarted graph. Just say putting it out there for people and you can take that literally or figuratively. Maybe you just need to restart your whole dating approach to wipe all your apps clean. Delete them from your phone and then add them back in one at a time. What was it that we were doing. The you brought this up few months ago when we were talking about like resetting intentions. I think you're talking about this article where this person's like do. Like unsubscribe yourself to everything. Yeah and resubscribe to only the things that you want to hear from or wanna be part of and i think that's the same thing with dating. Let's start resubscribe to a very curated list of acts or services or website. So you wanna be on totally totally but speaking of things that you should be subscribed to we have the most dateable contests cover gop. How exciting is our first. Annual ho ed competition most jailable twenty twenty one and it is our rendition of a much more progressive pageant as we will not be doing any of the shallow bullshit but we are in this contest to find who is the most dateable. Twenty twenty one. We have six amazing contestants. Three amazing judges in one amazing night. Am i selling it yet. Yar the hearing eighteenth. It is open to the public. We don't usually open the sounding board events to the public. This is the we are opening to the public. You can get tickets at dateable. Podcasts dot com slash events or you can just go on our website. Dateable podcasts dot com. Follow us on instagram posting. Every day about it because we are so damn excited we really are. And if you're not in the facebook group yet love in the time of corona definitely get in there because we are revealing contestants. We've already revealed two of them. We're gonna be revealing the next two and then the next two over this week so you definitely want to see who's in it super excited our tests.

00:10:03 - 00:15:14

We got like hundreds hundreds of submissions terms of videos. And we actually had to enlist a panel of judges. Because you and i are like. We can't be the woods may know somebody people personally were like. We want us objective. Look at it everyone. Of course most dateable in our is just you know like a fun thing to do like in san francisco. There has been this competition for years. The mr rita contest. Yeah it's like a bale of paget at it raises buddy for leukemia. Lymphoma society just great caused and it's always really fun like it's funny. It's like people it's no don't take too seriously but it's like a good night out in. We're hoping to recreate something like that. Virtually for you all because we know it sucks. We'd That we don't do events and have things to look forward to on our calendars hoping that this is something that people have marked on their calendar in are looking forward to. I know i am so and people have asked what you win if you win. Most notable twenty twenty one in addition to some swag and sweden skier from her merch shop. And also just prizes that we have planned. It's also what i would call accountability. If you have the reputation of most dateable twenty twenty one you better be accountable for your actions. You better make sure that you stay true to your date ability throughout the year. I think for anybody who wins title. All eyes are on them right and we want to make sure that they are putting into the universe. What is the most dateable qualities and also received from the universe some the most a deductible people in their arsenal and i thought about this recently. Because we we're this episode. We're talking about emotional availability and then we're talking about most dateable. What does that actually mean. And i think really means about giving giving to people and let me explain this because it sounds a little bit wacky for now. I've been reading a lot about this idea of giving and receiving and a lot of us feel entitled to receiving but we're so we're so reluctant to give especially when it comes to dating julie coined this great phrase relationship chicken where everybody's like afraid to step forward in a relationship to say. Hey i you. I want to the next level. So then what happens you stagnate. Nothing happens when you give in relationships or indeed ing you do not expect anything back and the way. The universe works is at once you give. It has something to turn on. That's what makes a universe go around it. We all stopped giving into the universe. We received nothing. We understand that like. It's it's a one cycle. And i wish we can understand that when it comes to modern data if you wanna be dateable if you want emotionally available i have the giving mindset instead of the. I'm entitled to receive right right. Because how can you expect someone to give back to you if you're willing to give and then if you give in they don't at least you know you did what you need to do like. I was talking to a friend about this this weekend. Actually when we went out to dinner and she was like making up all these stories. Don't like best. The guy like ask like would is up. Today was followed your advice like he's waiting to get vaccinated with his peres then said like you'd be down to do something like see like now you know and worst case you know in it's dot what you wanna hear but at least you can just move forward and you know you gave all that you could. I think so long. I was like afraid of rejection. So i would never speak up in do that. I'd rather like you know. Get to the second or third date or whatever like it was some trophy in like who cares like if it's not the right fit. It doesn't matter if you get to the second or third date or whatever your arbitrary date number is i think for me. I'm like i'd rather be authentic in show up in then if someone's not willing to meet me at least i know and it's just time to move on to someone that will like i think there is actually a quote i put up on its degree of at it. Got a shit ton of legs this weekend. I think this sums it up one hundred percent. It's like yeah. We're not hard to love you. Just ask the wrong person to try. And i think honestly a lot of modern dating is. It's hard because it's like you hear advice that you're like you need to give people more of a chance in some people might like if that's your the setback like you're not giving enough people shots than you might be that person that needs to go unlike make date number two or three year default. I personally feel like. I'm the type that gives so many chances sometimes and i think what id to work on is saying like okay. If i record is you're not the right person instead of continuing to give chance after chance like move on to someone that is gonna meet me. Sometimes it really just depends on. Its it comes back to knowing yourself and like where is the area that you need to emphasize what we get so fixated on the little things texts back the call back the reassurance when we forget the big picture of things when you put it all in perspective none of the shit matters when you're trying to do life with someone we've said this over and over again.

00:15:14 - 00:20:11

I always want to bring this back to a close college friend of mine. Who right now is her husband's battling stage. Four stomach cancer and his health took a turn for the worst and they have two beautiful kids together and she said all we can do right now. Create as many many memories as possible. When you think about a scenario like that shouldn't be rushing into creating memories with someone versus wasting your fucking time on whether you should texoma bad whether you should reach out to someone. You're just trying to find someone to create memories with that is it. You don't have all the time in the world on this earth so with limited time we do have find the people wanna create memories with and do it. Stop trying to second guess yourself. I'm really passionate about this. Because i can't i i'm like so people wasting time. Don't waste rhine yet. I mean we actually did her. The sounding board most of you have been with us for a while. Heard about the sounding board. If you're new to dateable we have a members only community. That's honestly i feel like the best people ever we actually janice our moderator right about like how wonderful this group is feels like a legit core group of friends just like how much she values. Everyone will like that is exactly what we're trying to do with the sounding board. You don't like gift that like sounding board to help them through their dating. Lives that friendship in connection that everyone needs right now and one of the. We have an audio series. That's available for all our tears and we did. It focused on anxiety this month. Like reducing anxiety when it comes to dating and release and i think This is a really relatable topic. I know i've been there before we've heard this over and over again from people in the community. So if you want that audio series definitely join the sounding board dateable podcast dot com slash sounding board. Also if you are in the the two upper tiers friends with benefits in exclusive relationship. You're essentially comped. For the most notable show this month also so anything it goes exactly what you're say it's like why waste the time wondering what someone's thinking or getting all bent out of shape in worked out about something like when at the end of the day you're never going to know until there is a conversation of course easier said than done and we walk through all the steps to manage reduce that anxiety. Were never saying like it's just gonna magically go away but i think so much of it is like weeding and making moves and strategic strategizing. This like game plan. You're right it's like if someone is going to be turned off tax them like. I have a relationship with that person. It's so funny because we are such because we are inundated with so much information these days with the internet with all the resources that we have we feel like we have to be really informed with every decision we make especially when it comes to dating like. Let's weigh all the options. I will google other people who've been in this situation but if you really think about it what we're all guilty of is not taking action because all we're doing is creating these scenarios in our mind even though you think you're strategizing all you're really doing is creating this other universe doesn't really exist. The universe really exists is your reality. And the reality is only fueled by action so a. I'm very unlike. Give really hyped about this because it shows that we have so much power to control our lives but we relinquish that power to other people who were to. Maybe because of this or excuses when you are the one in control of your own life so let's go out there and make these actions and i'm really loved this audio series. We just did about anxiety because anxiety is a stems from the unknown. And guess what we're always going to have unknown life. That is something out of our control. The only thing you have control over is what you can do today here. And now yeah and suppo- bring it back to this week's episode of you. And i always liked to like kind of like hand. Select the season opener. We like the set it off on his tone and there are so many good ones to choose from this season so the next couple that we've already recorded like you all are infor treat. We got some good people including our moderator. Jedis so get ready for that. We saw a lot of excited people. The face group. They saw the teaser video. They saw janice it added also have some other music gas at experts in. See you know everyday person going through shit with modern dating with connor. Beata and i think the part that we really loved about him was we talked about emotional availability which we talked about is a hot buzzword but it was all about like what action can you take and it's not just about like if someone's emotionally available so besides by that socially distant yet emotionally available sweatshirt the dateable shop there is other action.

00:20:11 - 00:25:07

You can take a. I love this episode because he does turn it around. Like what can you do to become more emotionally available thus intern. That's how you'll start attracting white like attracts like 'cause we're not psychics. We can't read people's minds. I can't even tell you julie. How many times my clients. When i was doing dating coaching would come to me and asked me to read someone's mind that's exactly what they're trying to get me to do. What do you think she means by this tax. What do you think he wants to happen. But what connor did with julie through an exercise in this episode was just so to me. It was so empowering because he was like stop guessing what other people think. And let's get into. Who who are you. And what do you want to happen. I cannot wait for y'all to listen to this episode but before we do we want to thank our sponsor that are help. Who's been with us for so long and for this new season of dateable. We really want you to think about like what is it. That's stopping you from finding love and happiness. What is preventing you from achieving your goals. The simple answer is you need to prioritize your mental health. We dateable are huge fans of therapy and better help match you with your own licensed therapists and connect you in a safe in private online environment. I was able to start communicating with my therapist and less than forty eight hours. So it's super fast. They're committed to facilitating therapeutic matches. And it's more affordable than traditional offline. Counseling they're licensed professional specialize in everything from stress anxiety new year's resolutions trauma depression grief. You name it. They can help you with it for the new year. And for this new season we wish for all of you to live a happier healthier life and that's why as a listener you'll get ten percent off your first month by visiting our sponsor at better health dot com slash dateable. Join over one million people who have taken charge the mental health again. That's better help spelled. B. e. t. t. e. r. h. e. l. p. dot com slash dat ab l. e. This episode is also brought to you by a book called the duke heist by eric. Ridley a secret identities forbidden love opposite attract romance from a new york times bestselling author. Why seduce a duke normal way. When you can accidentally kidnap one in elaborately planned heist here the dates years ago khloe winchester and five other uniquely talented orphans or adopted by a wealthy baron with a secret mission. The motley winchester family fighting for justice from the margins of high-society so some reviewers have compared the series to the umbrella. Kademi which i love but it's not paranormal. There's a strong family dynamic and each sibling has very unique skills. That help them save the day. You can grab your copy of the duke heists at your favorite store or visit. Eric have ridley dot com for info. And there's a special bonus for a limited time if you buy the duke heist register your purchase on erica's web site. She'll send you a free bonus. Winchester novella visit erica ridley. That spelled e. r. I c. a. r. i. d. l. e. y. Dot com awesome. So yeah shall we get into connor. Get into the good statments. Do the one and only mr connor beaten this episode in particular. Were talking about this. Buzz-phrase emotionally available. Connor hello how are you good thanks. Connor is our guest of honor for this episode. He currently lives in new york. He's been there for two years originally from bir edmonton canada. I can't even stay edmonton without just wanting to put on more clothes He's it has meant thirties. he's married. He's a founder of man talks an international organization focus. on men's health wellness success and fulfillment. He's also an international speaker. Podcast hosted the man talks podcast and works one with men who are looking to deepen their purpose radically improved their intimate relationships and regain confidence. That seems like some he roic. Shit you're up to right changing world. We thought you were the perfect person to talk about emotional and we ought to hear this phrase emotionally available. I'm looking for someone emotionally available. What do you think being emotionally available means to you. It's a good question. I mean. I think there's i think everybody has their sort of like subjective definition of what that looks like for me i think emotionally available is connected to an individual's openness to a relationship. I think those two things are usually tied together. Right is like when we hear the word. Somebody's not emotionally available. It's usually because they're they're not open to having a relationship that not open to wanting to be connected in intimacy.

00:25:07 - 00:30:17

But i think drew a little bit deeper. Being emotionally available is about being connected and aware of one's emotions so we we first need to have an understanding of like what am i experiencing emotionally. What am i actually feeling. Am i connected to and dialed into those aspects of myself or have i been conditioned to ignore those parts of myself in order to be strong or perceived a certain way or protect myself or whatever. The case may be so for me. Emotional availability is less about. Are we allowing other people to access us and our emotions and more about to even have an awareness of our own emotions to begin with because we can't let other people access our emotions if we haven't accessed them. I and i think that's where most people misconstrued. It's like i can't. I can't seem to connect with his emotions. I can't get his emotions. I can't feel her or whatever the case may be and it's usually an indication that either that person is protecting themselves and they don't want even packing a few things here but it's usually that they don't feel like they can fully trust in that dynamic of that relationship or that they haven't connected to that part of themselves to begin with and so maybe i'll maybe i'll pasig just a bunch of stuff pack away. I laugh but i guess maybe like i'd love to. How does this shop differently for men and women. 'cause i definitely think it does show up differently. Yeah i mean. Sometimes i break this down until the masculine feminine so rather than going between men and women's specifically looking at the mask and the feminine which you know are sort of energies raider. Carl young called them. The anima the animus and that represented the feminine and the masculine. We could use yin yang. I mean there's a couple of different ways to look it up. It's just a a framework i think. For the men traditionally masculine. We have been told a few things right. Generally men growing up hearing things. Like you know real men. Don't cry And so there's a bit of an indoctrination to hide certain emotions to not feel certain things or at the very least to not allow other people to witness those parts of us right. Maybe we feel them behind closed doors and call this the one rule of man right. The one rule of man is very similar to fight club. Which is i club. you don't talk about. That's the first rule of being a man is. Don't talk about what it's like to be a man and a lot of that is about emotional. Availability in a lot of that is about emotional connection so when we say Things like you know. Don't don't case where on your podcast as so you know when when a guy here's things like you know don't don't be such a fucking pussy or nanna or whatever. The case may be what he's being told and what men are often told is that there is strength in emotional suppression strengthen emotional suppression so. I think the big difference between men and women or the masculine feminine is that men are often taught and told that they will perceived as stronger four emotionally suppression. Suppressing br not showing certain emotions for not connecting to those emotions within them or express. Sing them i think women have Quite a bit more liberty or Permission i guess you could say to be connected with their emotions and so there's also an expectation that's pressed on women that should be emotionally intelligent that you should be connected to your emotions that you should be the emotionally available one in the relationship. That's your job and responsibility and so there's a lot of indoctrination that Women experience where there sort of time like you should be connected and if you're not there's something wrong and so those are sort of the two different sides of of the coin. What we see in a in this sort of shifted quite a bit in modern day relationships where there are a lot of more masculine oriented women. And there's a lot of more feminine oriented men and so there are a lot of men who are starting to connect to their emotional bodies and there's a lot of women who are starting to connect to this very assertive aspect within themselves and so it's interesting because if you talk to some people that are in the dating world it's like you know one of the challenges that let's just say 'em some women that i've that have reached out to me pretty regularly will say like i have trouble finding a man that can handle me trouble. Final yes You know. I've been told that i'm too much. I'm too hard to handle or you know whatever the case may be and there's many different iterations of this but for for some. It's an indicator. That dave maybe over identified with certain masculine qualities within them and a man is confronted because when they start dating he doesn't feel like he's getting the full emotional aspect to her so he might be used to dating some women that are very connected to their emotions and maybe there are emotional and all of a sudden.

00:30:17 - 00:35:11

He's dating a woman that is not bringing a lot of her emotions into the relationship and so he's kind of like. Oh what do i. What do i do hear how to handle this. So i just had a bunch of stocks again. So i'm gonna pause there. This is this is so go because we're unpacking so much. I find that like me of this situation very interesting because things are changing. I do i do feel like speaking in the feminine and the masculine energies is the right way to do it because i gender roles are very much blurred now. But i'm just thinking back to my like twenties and how my girlfriend stated they always said i want a man who's emotionally available and then i see the way they're raising their sons and it's how many girlfriends do you have. Oh she doesn't like you back. You ignore her outdoors. Don't cry in front of her but so so they kind of raising their sons in a way that they wouldn't want today a man. So i'm guessing part of your work is really to reconcile that. Like how do you undo all those years of suppressing your emotions. Yeah that's a good question. So i i think is important. Come into contact of the impact that it's been having on the individual right so a lot of men i need to come into contact with. What's the price that i've been paying for this emotional suppression generally. It's a lack of true intimacy right. They'll really be desiring intimacy closeness connection but the what they're experiencing and what they're getting is actually a lot of loneliness a lot of isolation there. They feel disconnected from their partner. They're not getting their needs. Met in the relationship. And so i we need to come into contact with like what. What's the price of your paying for this emotional avoidance the next thing is to start to realize that there is an immense amount of strength and freedom which the masculine craves within. All of us right. The masculine within all of us desires a deep sense of freedom and purpose and direction and order and structure and all those things and so so. The masculine is sort of looking for that type of freedom and liberation. But when we are withholding we are actually going against our sort of true nature so we start to unpack with a lot of men. How are you feeling constricted right. How are you playing small. How is your relationship suffering. Because of this part you know and so starting to explore those aspects and then i think the last piece is talking about you. Know brown's got a great quote where she says something along. The lines of there is no courage without vulnerability it doesn't exist and you you simply cannot have courage without but you cannot be brave without vulnerability and so it's like de villa nizing vulnerability right the the likes the the scary v word for a lot of man that is getting tossed around a lot right and so i think a lot of guys here. I need to be more vulnerable. I need to be more than women. Want me to be more open and more vulnerable like what does that even mean. What do i even start. And so it's about moving it more towards what does real strength look like you know not strength that comes from having to hide shit or lie about things or suppress higher feeling but what does strength. Look like from a courageous space. Where you're getting to be honest. We're getting to be transparent because there is a certain level of vulnerability around saying. Hey here's the kind of sex that i want to explore. you know. here's what. I want things to look like in the bedroom. Or you know i i'm really into you and and like that feels foreign to me. He now so these types of things it you know it really is about training and wanna say this. It's about allowing a man to d program these old narratives that are that are preventing him from actually having the quality of relationship that he's looking for and sending him on a journey of developing a deeper sense of self resiliency and self leadership because we are not leading ourselves effectively when we are suppressing. We're just not where it were hiding. We're having to hide ally. We're having to pretend like we don't feel a certain way we're having to continue to to sort of wallow in our own dysfunction want something different you know what more can never be satiated so this is this is really a part of masculine maturation of a man's initiation and unfortunately most men in our culture are missing this part where were severely lacking on initiation rituals and initiating men into more mature versions of themselves so these are the types of pieces that that they need to start to explore and it really i think for a lot of men it does come down to self leadership right so so teaching them some of the skill sets of self leadership because i think for a lot of guys and end for a lot of women that they're dating what a lot of women are looking for it is a man who is leading himself right.

00:35:11 - 00:40:04

Who knows how to connect with elliot engines. Who knows how to speak about what he wants. Who knows how to own what he wants. and and be able to bring that into the relationship so that she doesn't have to guess you know. I think that the worst thing for the feminine i think an often worsening for women is like not knowing what the hell i'd anesthetic is going on shit up right yes. Yeah and then. There's just a tremendous story going on. Yeah so i want to good you to your personal story. Because i saw on your bio. I think this is a super interesting Line that you said that you bought into the most dangerous rule of men. If you're struggling. Don't talk about it. Can you tell us a little more about like what you're going through. And how you kinda got out of this into the evolves emotionally available manoir today. Yes so i mean for a number of years. I'm trying to convince the i'm going to try and condense this off my whole life into five. Yeah i mean in a in. Its shortest version possible for number of years. I put out this very well. Manicured mask into the world. Right and i i lived what i thought a man should be. I worked construction. I rode motorcycles. I street raised drank a lot. I got an a bar fights. I slapped around like i did that thing And i also explored the you know like the other side of things. I sang opera. I like traveled the world. I did did all those parts. I kinda reached a place in my life where i had a great girlfriend. Great relationship. I had a great career had toys. The motorcycles cars yada yada And behind the scenes. I was miserable. You know i was unfaithful. I was cheating a lot. I was lying a lot I was watching copious amounts of pornography like it was just. I was out of control. I think that's the that's the simplest way to say it. But nobody knew that i was out of control not a soul And my life came to a rock bottom moment right. I had a. I had a sort of crash or collapse where i got caught cheating. My career started to fall apart. And i didn't want anybody to know so i didn't tell anybody so i lived there the dock mccarthy a few weeks and i hid. I tried to hide. I tried to double down on everything that i have been doing up to that point which most of us do we hold on for as long as possible. And eventually i realized that that wasn't working. And that this method of avoidance and suppression. And you know hiding my own pain. hiding where i felt lost or depressed or aware i was really angry at life for my family or whatever the case may be That hiding that stuff wasn't working. And so i started to connect with some of the other men in my life. I started to tell my friends was going on. Everything started to unfold out of that space. You know i spent the next two and a half years diving into personal work and working with a mentor. And you know doing therapy. And the studying union psychology and mike etc etc etc and. It brought me to this place where i realized that that suppression and this Sort of core wound that we all carry of feeling like we don't belong where feeling that like we're not enough is really damaging and when we hide the ways in which we feel like. We're not enough. We are never satiated. We'd we'd never really feel like we're connected in intimacy with our partners and so you know it was a long journey from me to get to where i am today being married and having a child on the way and running really successful company and working with men and it was. It's a long journey. You know it's been almost a decade. But i think some of the integral parts lung away from me as a man was finding a mentor was finding another group of men where i could be open and transparent Allot of men in our modern culture. Lack real masculine real male relationships as they might have a lot of female relationships but be very very disconnected from the men in their life and for a lot of men. That's that's very It's sad you know it's like when we get when we get down to it. It's sad and a lot of men that i speak with. They feel like they don't know how to make friendships with men. They feel like they don't they can't be open transparent and so there's something disconnecting about that with their own gender with their own identities like i am a man but i can't connect with men. So how can you connect with the man and you if you can't connect with the men in your life and you know what before we dive into this topic. Let's take a second for sponsor. Here's a special message from our sponsor will do you remember at the beginning of the pandemic when everyone was like super pumped about cooking and sharing their food photos right.

00:40:04 - 00:45:00

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00:45:00 - 00:50:04

It's like yeah exactly. It's like it's going through that experience where we you know. We sort of come into contact with in some way whether it's the death of our ego or relationship or of our career or let you know whatever that might be and so i'm to answer your question more directly we can create those experiences right. We can identify that where we are. We're pulling ourselves down a path of self destruction. You know men and women alike. We all self destructed some ways right to the shadow of our mind. Our pain right again. There's a wonderful saying says our pain has its own intelligence and it's always trying to be witnessed it's always trying to be heard and and so that pain is constantly trying to get our attention so we as men can identify. I'm sabotaging the shit out of my relationship. i'm cheating i'm unfaithful. I'm lying or like. I'm i'm fucking my career or i'm really destroying my body and my mind you know in my health and we can identify that. Maybe that's because we haven't been taught or trained or shown how to be mature adults or we. We have missed something right. We've missed something important. And perhaps that's you know having other men see us grieve or having somebody witnessed our pain or having somebody to sit with so that we can say i had a rough go or i'm having a rough go and i don't know how to deal with that and two comeback into contact with the reality that were that were not completely alone. You can move towards that rock bottom and wait for it to happen or you can bring yourself to it. You can bring yourself to that initiation. Experience by seeking out other people have gone through that and can support you threats and that you are not. Let's of a man but will be more of one by doing that. And and that you'll be able to actualize a part of your masculinity that maybe you've been trying to carve or build or construct but haven't been able to because again a lot of these men from what my experience has just feel out of control in some way. There's a lot of shame about being out of control because as the masculine within us we we confuse order and structure with control. So we think that we should be in control when will we actually need is just ordering structure. So i'll poser. So one of the things that we actually one of the best dating profiles. I think i've seen the guy that wrote that i am. Socially distant yet emotionally available. Got it a lot of buzz at our community. And i was wondering like with what you were just saying with like doing the work. Like how can women seeing if men are emotionally available especially in the early stages of dating when you may not know someone well enough. Like what are some of the signs that someone's done that work It's a good question. So i think a few things one. It'll probably feel confronting. It might feel a little foreign But a man that's done. His work will have some internal structure and order in his life. he'll be able to set boundaries. He'll be clear about what he wants and where he is. So you'll you'll come into contact with the man who knows what he wants. And there's a little bit more clarity there. If he's done some internal work so it'll it'll feel in some ways more safe. I guess you could say. I'm trying to describe this from from the lands but it'll feel a little bit more safe it it'll feel like you have a better idea of where the relationship is going. Because because he'll be honest about it he'll be transparent about it he'll be able to say this is what i want. I want an open relationship. I'm just looking to you. Know have sachs or i'm i'm actually looking for a committed. Longterm relationship is that what you want as well. And so you'll feel more clarity from him. So those are some indicators that a man has sort of stepped into that and also he'll talk about ideally hill talk about his own growth and development so they'll be a Humility within him he'll be able to speak about his fuck ups and some of the challenges that he's faced and obstacles that he's overcome because those things won't be things that he's ashamed of And so they'll be this balance of humility but also a a sort of clarity and confidence that he'll Embody and. But i think the bigger thing that i really encourage. We're using a heterosexual dynamic. But what. I really encourage women to to be conscious of is how they feel in their body around the men that they're dating because a man that isn't doing the work or isn't present within himself will feel different in a woman's body from my experience. I'm going off of just the work that i've done. What what. My wife communicates all these types of things. A amanda amendments in the work and is clear and direct on. What he wants will feel different in your body than a man that feels chaotic.

00:50:04 - 00:55:15

Right than a man who hasn't done those things and generally again. There's an ease and comfort and a Experience of safety. That comes along with some of those things now. That doesn't mean that he's responsible for giving you that but it does mean that you experience those things when dating when dating a man that's in that stage mom when ding amend. That's in that in that face so those are some of the things to look for the biggest indicator that i can give. You is how it feels in your body to be around him because the majority of men. That aren't doing the work you'll feel it and you'll feel a mistrust and you'll feel and again. This is predicated on you. Know if you have a lot of trauma and stuff like that or betrayal that you're working through then that's a little bit more cumbersome but even then they'll still be a deeper quality of safety with near body with that man because some you know your intuition you're physical sensation your emotional body your spiritual body will tune into him and know that it's a little bit more safe with him than with somebody who who's just looking to have a one night stand but is telling you that what they want something else right like y'all absolutely i'm just curious those are indicators from a real end what are some indicators that you can find in yourself to say i think i am emotionally available because i do. This phrase gets thrown around quite carelessly. I think people use it in the way they talk about. I'm self wear. But are you really and i think for women especially gets confusing because i think being emotional emotional and open to relationships does necessarily make you emotionally available so what are some indicators that we can recognize ourselves to know i think i'm there That's good question so a few things that i would maybe point to the first one is we know that were a little bit more emotionally available because we are reflecting in word. We're looking inward for some of our own answers were looking inward for. Does this feel right from me. Were seeking less validation externally or seeking praise. We need to prove less. That's another big one right so for a lot of people that aren't emotionally available. They're constantly trying to prove. I wanna prove to you that i'm emotionally available on a beach. Either i'm ready to prove to you. Look you look at me. And so there's a quality of being connected to a certainty within us. That says i am ready for this. And there's a knowingness so those are a few things that we can look for within ourselves like done the work to get to a place where we're a little bit more clear on what it is that we want where we're not seeking so much validation where we're able to tend to our own self worth and and were able to give ourselves not an arrogant way Things that we need but in a but in a a grounded way. Where i can say. I'm actually. I'm good on my own. And i really enjoy being on my own. Which is hard in this time. Right now because. We're all fucking quarantined. I'm actually tired of being alone. You know dates and feel like. I'm totally fine with it but also like am i two of you beat too emotionally available data collection. Yes i love this. So vulnerability is earned. So can you be too emotionally available absolutely right. So there are lot of people that will use vulnerability that will use their emotions. Unconsciously as a means of luring people in as a means of creating really quick really close really fiery. It feels super intense right. It's sort of like love addict. Archetype that is so open all the time just open open open that they sort of attract yet right the contract in the men and the women who don't want a relationship don't want the same things that they do attract and the people that do they. I mean they just attracted so much because there. is this wildly open emotionally available at. It's like here's everything and that's alluring. It's like in the city sirens that that sort of lure in the ships in the sailors quality to it. It's like sensual and sensuous and like it's a mysterious but fee gives the illusion of safety. Because you got so much right so there is such a thing as being too emotionally open. I don't think that i would call it. Emotionally available i would i would call it emotionally mashed i would call it. Maybe emotionally manipulative nebula saddam. Put that on your jd right. And i think this is what i would say is. There are some people who need to distinguish the difference between whether they are projecting they want a man or a woman who's emotionally and but they want somebody who's emotionally open on their terms right so they are deciding and defining like all your emotionally open.

00:55:15 - 01:00:02

You're not emotionally open. And there's like this checklist that they have so rather than tuning into. What does it feel like to be around you. Do i feel safe. do i feel connected to you. Do i feel like there's intimacy between us. Do i feel like this is building trust right. Those are indicators that you and another person opened that those things are starting to progress. They're starting to happen But i think a lot of people are are very quick to judge. They're not tuned into how they're they're actually experiencing what they're feeling within their body in our western culture we live in our heads and we very quickly are rationalizing whether somebody is something or not and we get caught in this trap of it. There's an einstein quote going to share a quick where he says. The rational mind is a faithful servant and the intuitive mind is a sacred gift and we've created a culture that honors the servant and his forgotten. The gift and so many people in our culture are not making intuitive decisions because they are disconnected from their sensual body. They're disconnected from their emotional body disconnected from their intuitive body. And so they're trying to figure out whether partner is right or wrong based on rational thinking and it's very very flat. It's very one dimensional. So we need to cultivate and train ourselves to go deeper into. What do i experience around this person. How do i actually feel in my body right in my heart in my belly right. How does it feel it just in in the quality of my emotions around the do they feel safe so i think all of those things are are important distinctions. So i'm really glad that we go down this. Because i have a personal example waiting this whole time. Do you have for modelling on my guys my thoughts anymore body so this is something that i feel like as been a blocker for me in relationships where i feel like i'm dating someone emotionally available and then something happens externally in their life. That doesn't go well in then they feel like it feels like they're pushing me away or pulling away from it and i guess my question for you is like i'll quit by body when this happens. I don't feel good. Like i feel like my body tensing up i feel like it's not becoming emotionally available but then my mind starts to kick in and i like. Is this just a difference between men and women and how men process hardship and emotion or is it a sign that they aren't emotionally available when things aren't going well in life Okay so good question can i. Can i ask you a few questions. And they'll share on the side guide. You really quick. Connect to your breath for a second. Just take a few few breaths and just like kay audience g. I'm gonna give you some questions and they'll be first person and they'll just be missing the end okay so when somebody pulls when my partner pulls away what it feels like in my body is tense guy like stomach. Pant where i feel that. Where we're that. Tension feels familiar as like abandonment to the connect the abandonment become aware of it and just become aware of that sensation so though bannon feels familiar to what in my childhood so growing up about the bandon when my dad would shut down emotional and okay so i'm really attuned to people that aren't willing to kind of talk through things when their struggles so so good. So what are you feeling right now as you talk about this clarity and what else i wanna say hopeful this abet. Yes oh so good. So there's there's a really quick connection there right is that. There's you're very attuned to win a man or when a partner or when anybody in your life starts to shut down right and maybe pulls away and this is very common right. We all have again like i said. Our pain has our own intelligence so our pain is constantly looking at. Am i safe from my not safe. So what is this person doing. So you're very attuned to a partner shutting down in the face of something happening in their life so there's a good there's some good structure that needs to be in a relationship for you to feel safe right so you need to be able to communicate what i need in a relationship is what Someone to be honest about what they're going through and willing to talk about what it feel like to say that to a partner. I mean i feel like i have said stuff like that. It's just like i've had this happen at different scenarios like a very serious relationship and then something that hasn't fully got off the ground so sometimes it's hard to distinguish like.

01:00:02 - 01:05:14

Is it that. We're just not comfortable enough yet. Versus we are and i think. Sometimes it's been met with in a serious relationship like yes but then it still happens. So it's like they're meeting it but not really following through with it which then just makes me feel like more unsafe which is essentially why things didn't work out got which is against very common right we. We tend to repeat patterns. That have caused us pain growing up. And so you know. I think there's a part like you can meet that situation with your partner. And say i think it needs to be met with vulnerability. It's like you know years when this happens. It feels like i'm being abandoned. And so what i need from. You is this. And and i want to be able to have these conversations. Is that something that you are open to. And then here's the thing is that you may have attracted a partner. Who's a little bit more avoidance right. That sounds exum avoidance tendencies so it it's again it's something that has to be followed up on and the hard part about all this. Is that our wounds. Come out and relationships right. We're all looking for safety in relationships. And and i think there's sort of like this hope that show up in a way. It just happens right but it's work you know it takes tremendous amounts of work and so i think My invitation would be you know in the are you. Are you dating somebody right now. Our turn on the spot. I forgot i was here. Forget podcast is like watching a tv. Show how well. I'm still here. I guess this is yeah. Like i'm star exploring something new. And i think that's where mike is it. My old stuff coming in that i'm links zuber conscious of this or is it a sign that this person and i just aren't compatible. That's where i'm like struggling. So i'll i'll just say one last thing and then we can. We can move forward from this super interesting. It's like what i would say is for you to be able to self soothe and self regulate in those moments like. What does it feel like for you when that person starts to shut down you know and intending to that part within you. That is you know when they start to shut down. They start to pull away. How do you normally react. Honestly how do you normally react to that. I freak out again. Ancient texts up. Lots of great. Yeah exactly exactly. so so. that's there's a there's some chaos comes up. There's some fear i would imagine. Maybe you start to question the dynamic in the relationship yep fresh and so there's the opportunity for you to emotionally connect with yourself and start to soothe and regulate that fear and anxiety and pain so that you can go back into the conversation with your partner and say. Here's what's really important to me. I'm not gonna chase you. And i'm not interested in a relationship where we can't have these kinds of conversations. I'm interested in you. But i'm not interested in a relationship where i am constantly having to feel anxious or like. We can't talk about these things. Because this is a non negotiable for me and i think that kind of quality can only come when we've regulated ourself when we've dealt with that part of us that's fearful and panicking and spiraling out and making stories about them and what they're going on for them and they might not be emotionally regulated at her emotionally available. 'cause notice that that's where you went. I right yeah. No you totally turned it around. I love it. it's like now it's not about if someone is emotionally available or not. It's like tuning into your own emotions. And i love the just having the conversation and seeing at that stage where someone reacts so peanut gallery here. I some of our listeners. Saying that sounds great when you say it. But i'm afraid of saying that. Because i'm afraid of chasing them away. We hear this all the time. I'm afraid of seeing the truth and being honest and telling them my needs and boundaries. Because i it's so early on a relationship diet them to be scared when we say to that would we tell everyone who is freaking out right. Now they're like or it's like so hard to meet someone good. I met some are good. I don't want to like lose this opportunity. There's like this scarcity Yes yeah so a couple of things one if you are self regulating right if you see that moment where you start to panic. And maybe make stories about the other person or there's a concern about them. In those moments all we can do is regulate ourselves lead ourselves and and make clear the structure of the relationship that we're desiring and if we from a self regulated emotionally available emotionally open place have a conversation with somebody about the kind of structure that we need in a relationship to feel safe and they run good right good stop allowing ourselves.

01:05:14 - 01:10:19

Stop allowing yourself to to be afraid to push away the wrong people that don't want the same thing as you amen. We we have become far too condition in our culture of saying the thing that we actually need out of fear of of scaring off the wrong fucking people. It's like. I love her but she's still he's the one it's like come on. It's like disney. Sold you a shitty bill of goods you now. It's like let go of the disney princesses disney prince ideology. It's not workable. It's not functionable. it's very juvenile. I'm saying some very direct things here so hopefully not triggering t mobile some very very juvenile version and we we stay in hurt to avoid feeling hurt right just here that we stayed in hurt in order to avoid feeling hurt. It's like. I'll just keep not getting what i want in this relationship so that i don't have to get hurt in the future by this personally. It's like that's not workable right so again. Our job is to regulate ourselves and then have the conversation and if they can't meet us in that place the not ready for it or they don't want that that's okay you know. We have to be willing to risk being with ourselves a little longer than we feel comfortable so that we can find the relationship where people can be with us and truly meet us and we have to be very clear on what are non-negotiables are in a relationship. And we're just not willing to to stand for and i think that that's very important and it's part of being emotionally available. If you don't know what your non-negotiables are not fully emotionally available you're remote. You're probably more emotionally closed than you think you are. And you're sacrificing yourself in order to get what you call intimacy in order to get what you call your needs met right and so we need to be willing to get very honest with ourselves because what i've learned about relationships is like we can have many relationships in the common thread us and until we really start to see that right intimacy that of this last thing. I'll say i'll pause. The root of intimacy is a greek word called intimacy intimacy and intimacy means innermost and so that the etymology of intimacy literally means to go innermost with yourself. Right into me. I see first and foremost so we need to get very tuned in and dialed into to our own quality of self understanding self regulation connecting to our emotions connecting to our our sexual in central bodies to understand those parts before expecting another person. Be able to meet those needs because halftime we don't even know what they are so go innermost right. Go in her most and build that relationship. Connect to those parts within yourself first and then the then there's many possibilities because they're not beholden to need to get something from someone else. Because i already got. I already got it. Mardi giving it to myself. That is fascinating because it kind of goes full circle to what we're talking about earlier. How admittedly did it in the question i asked you is that women are are kind of assume that there are actually available in assume that men aren't sometimes where it it might not be the case like in the sense of making it does come from yourself more and it's not always about just like kind of looking at one behavior making a judgment from wonder ways women i mean i think maybe it's just men and women like what you were just saying. Just how they attuned themselves. Look at that but are there any other ways to that. People can get more in touch with their emotional availability. Or even i think if we want to go down this route to is that big vive word vulnerability and i think. A lot of people having lost their visa card in terms of ability. And but they say that. I was watching the bachelor last night. In the bachelor is like all vulnerability show me your vulnerability. It's not that easy to just tell someone to to show is a buzzword. So how can people open themselves up to be more vulnerable instead of having someone else. Tell them just honorable. You'll be fine. What is vulnerable is such a buzzword. And it's it's gotten into this point culturally where you know. It's it's sort of used as a weapon now against people. It's not telling her yes vulnerable and this is like oh my god. It's like well maybe you haven't earned. Maybe you're not safe enough for me. To be vulnerable even earned the right from my vulnerability. Why would i give you that. You know you're trying to force it out of the your demanding it of me. I think in a lot of relationships. There's a there's a rejection or a constriction or an unwillingness to be vulnerable because it's demanded you know there's a lot of men that start dating that start dating and they're like oh i don't wanna be vulnerable because it feels like you need this on date number two for me to tell you everything about myself and that can feel constrictive right and and the inverse right some men are very invasive and for a woman.

01:10:19 - 01:15:00

It's like i doesn't feel safe you know like why'd you need to know where i live right now. Starving extreme example but but the question is what can we do to create more vulnerable within ourselves or connect with ourselves. So i think the first thing is to start to define when and under what circumstances we feel. Somebody has ability. When has somebody really earned your vulnerability. I think it's a question that most of us don't ask or just told that we should be vulnerable. But there's no conditions or structure or framework around when it's safe for us to do so so when is it safe for us to be vulnerable. What you know. What are some of the qualities of the individual that we want to be vulnerable with. How does it feel in our body. What are some of the things that we'd like to share with them. That's that's first and foremost and then secondly to start to get clear on. What are you avoiding. what are you hiding. what are you afraid of. What what parts of you feel as if they should be kept separate from the relationship will parts of your life. What parts of your past. What parts of your desires and your cravings and your yearnings whether that's emotionally sexually physically within a relationship feel like they don't belong or get ostracized and to start to connect with those parts within yourself to say here. Are the things that. I normally don't want to be vulnerable about right. And and then to see our vulnerabilities as sacred nino as things that we shouldn't just give away or shouldn't want to just sell off to the in other the first bidder And see them as sacred and see them as something that is meant to be cherished that's meant to be shared with somebody and an in a framework of a relationship where it's safe to do so where it's an where it's honorable with. There's respect i think the thing that i would say the most for the men that are listening to this and and to the women as well but to the men specifically is notice how respect impacts your relationship notice how important respect is a lot of men will feel like the can't commit in a relationship with the note won't know why and it's because they on some level struggle to either respect themselves so they don't feel like they are respectable and they don't feel like they should be chosen so they start to sabotage your pull away the can't command or whatever the case may be because they feel like they aren't worthy or they don't fully respect their partner in the having come to terms with it so respect as a really important part and if we don't have respect for our partner how the hell are we supposed to be vulnerable with them right. How are we supposed to share our intimacy. You know these innermost parts of ourselves with somebody that we don't fully respect and so those are the main pieces be re be someone who respects themselves at a deep level and then and then be open to finding somebody that you respect equally. I have. I have the utmost respect for my wife. I think she's brilliant. I think she's wonderful. And i and i respect her as much as i love her and i think that that is incredibly important in modern relationships that are sort of lacking that quality. Wow i feel like there's been so many things at us at a blood by by it I think just like go egg into some of our takeaways. This conversation an incredible. And definitely one that i feel like all to a couple of times over but i think the biggest takeaway that i got from this is that instead of looking for someone. That's emotionally available. Look in yourself and see how it will you are and i think like This exercise you did with three waterfall. But sometimes you think that you've done all this work but there's still more out there and it's also putting the work to practice and having those difficult conversations like it's easier to do this like more theoretically but it's harder to do it in practice with someone and i think there's a big difference between being emotional and emotionally available very big difference. My biggest takeaway is what you're saying. Connor is the disconnect that we all feel everything is in our head and we saved all the time so in my head right now because we don't feel it in our heart we don't feel it in our core and i was reading this this article about our perception of time. And how as you get older time seems to fly by much faster because you have less new experiences so all the all the same experiences you have. It makes a time fly by. Because you're like. I've been there but as a child. You're so connected to your senses that everything you touch. Everything you feel is a new experience. Time goes by really slowly. Because you're really present and i love when kids get hurt. They yell really loud or like it hurts so bad.

01:15:00 - 01:20:02

it really doesn't hurt so bad. But they want you to know that they're having this experience and being so disconnected from our body is something that i really wanna take away is. I want to reconnect myself with even my inner child of just going beyond my head and being logical and thinking about the past experiences how can i create new experiences so i can observe myself in a different way. So thank you for that. Because i'm going to take that as my motto for the rest of the day today to lament it somehow. Yeah i think also we started this conversation about men. And i do think like yes. Men are the societally been told to like suppress emotions more than women that this is not an exclusive to men or women conversation. And i think like also no matter like what sexuality you are like how you're approaching someone. This is going to happen regardless. And i think we do throw these terms vulnerable and emotionally available around a lot and while it's good if someone says that they are but i think it's like digging deeper into again yourself and then also what are you actually feeling around this person. Not just what they're saying. Yeah economy as a final question for you. What is being dateable mean to you. Oh my goodness. I like such a big one but i think again i'll just i'll condense it to. It's being tuned into what we are deeply desiring. And what were wanting and being clear on that and then being able to communicate that I think the world needs less people who don't know what they want on tinder or match or plenty of fish or whatever the hell you know profiler in the yeah. That's an old. That's an old one. It's from vancouver. it's from the place. I'll all emotionally available so you know. I think it's getting clear on on what we desire without without arrogance and leaving our ego out of it and being able to unapologetically own that and and start to build that intimacy with ourselves. I think when when we develop intimacy with ourselves than were dateable and until then or just looking to date other people and there's a big difference Wow that's a good answer. We've had some good answers but this was a good answer. Credit for it just can't be will not take credit. Thank you so much. Connor beaten everyone if we want to learn more about you. What are some links websites. Where can we find. You think the best place is on instagram. Pretty active there at man talks just man talks and then you can be dot com which is my website. Those are probably the two main places. You've some great quotes on its took we follow. Yes link all of that in our show notes and for our listeners. If you want more great guests connor please leave us. A review in apple podcast. This helps us get the best guest ever because it makes us seem legit and we are legit right connor. You can vouch for that now Who are girls now. I'm they're cool. They're vulnerable and then we always wrap it up. Stay the dateable. Podcast is part of the frolic podcast network. Five more podcasts. You'll love at frolic dot media slash podcast to continue the conversation i to follow us on instagram facebook and twitter with the handle at dateable podcast tag as an any post with a hashtag. Stay dateable and trust us. We look at all those pose then head over to our website dateable podcast dot com there. You'll find all the episodes as well. As articles videos and our coaching service with vetted industry experts you can also find a premium. Why series where we dissect analyze and offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums roseau downloadable for free. On spotify apple podcasts. Google play overcast. Stitcher radio and other podcasts. Platforms your feedback is valuable to us. So don't forget to leave us a review and most importantly remember to stay dateable mid atlantic. It's me winter just a heads up. I'm gonna ice and snow all week but if you're driving a honda you'll be fine and right now. Honda is offering its best ever. Apr on the entire honda suv lineup. Crv hov pilot passport and more with real time all wheel drive and all the safety features included with honda sensing like a collision mitigation braking system and adaptive cruise control l. And don't forget to turn on your heated seats it's gonna get cold. Sorry see your local honda dealer today. Tired of lying awake tossing and turning just hoping for a few hours of sleep kemp asleep. You crave with the one of a kind tempurpedic. Only tempurpedic uses proprietary temper material that continuously adapts in response to your body to relieve pressure. So you get deep uninterrupted. Sleep all night every night.

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Dateable Podcast
Yue Xu & Julie Krafchick

Is monogamy dead? Are we expecting too much of Tinder? Do Millennials even want to find love? Get all the answers and more with Dateable, an insider’s look into modern dating that the HuffPost calls one of the ‘Top 10 podcasts about love and sex’. Listen in as Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick talk with real daters about everything from sex parties to sex droughts, date fails to diaper fetishes, and first moves to first loves. Whether you’re looking to DTR or DTF, you’ll have moments of “OMG-that-also-happened-to-me” to “I-never-thought-of-it-that-way-before.” Tune in every Wednesday to challenge the way you date in this crazy Dateable world.