We're constantly looking for new people to date but what about that person where the timing wasn't quite right or the connection never quite blossomed. We're chatting with Vince and Yurika from Amazon Prime's 'The One That Got Away' about what it's like to have a second chance with someone from your past. We discuss when rekindling is a good idea or not, the benefits of familiarity that we don't get with the apps, and how you can open yourself up to more of these reconnections.
Follow Vince @vincexu and Yurika @yurika.yoneda
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S15E5: The One That Got Away w/ Vince Xu and Yurika Yoneda
00:00:01 - 00:05:08
The dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that The Huffington Post calls one of the top ten podcasts about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about everything from sex parties to sex droughts, date fails to diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host UA Shu, former dating coach turned dating sociologist. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Kraft chick as we explore this crazy dateable world. Hello, hello. Hello, Friends. Welcome to this brand new spanking episode. Dateable podcast for a second. I was like, we're doing dateable, right? Not brunch talk. We're doing dateable today. Had to rethink that one. Vacation brains, you know? But we are back and these are not pre recorded earlier. These are recorded in the normal cadence. So it's a nice to see everyone. We're here, everyone. Yes, and I have been holding out asking UA all the details about the trip because I want to hear all the it's not that I would, I mean I knew where you were going. I think you did start with the fact that you're surprised was blown before you got there. Yes, I will be taking this up to the PR department at United. Shortly before we left for our trip, which it was supposed to be a surprise until I got to the airport. I think it was two days before I got an email from united saying, get ready for your trip to nice. UA sent me that. She's like, thanks you did. Now I know. Your boyfriend was really upset with him. He was so upset. So what happened was he put him my mileage plus number for united damn it. But he didn't put my phone number, my email none of it. And somehow, in the system, it linked to my contact in a sent me the direct, the direct communication, which really sucks if you're trying to surprise someone, but you're also trying to get all their docs in order. He is the one that put in my passport information. Everything on the back end, he did write, but united went ahead and still fucked it up for him. But it was only two days before the trip. Thanks, united. It wasn't too bad, but he was pretty pissed because we were really hoping for that moment of going to the airport and being like, huh, which direction are we going? Well, it's like the rom com that he envisioned just did not happen, basically. A RomCom gone awry. Still, we had a lovely, lovely time. I have to say this was the most extravagant vacation I've ever been on. I have never been around so many rich old money people in my life and now it makes me just feel like being a San Francisco year round all this tech money and you see that lifestyle and then being in the French Riviera, you see this other lifestyle where you just stop and think, oh my gosh, like what else is out there for these rich people? How do they really live? We went on a yacht tour because why not? There was a yachting festival and we had to pretend that we were on the market for a yacht and they asked us how big. And I didn't even know. I didn't even know how to describe how big the yacht I wanted, so I just said medium size. Giveaway that you're not supposed to be there. Yeah, they were definitely not trying to be very attentive with us, but they still had to bring us in privately to tour the yachts and apparently medium size for this particular company was about 70 feet is how medium translates in the yachting world and it was huge. I mean, this yacht was bigger than my condo. It was bigger than my parents house. 5 bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, two living rooms, one full kitchen, Julie, you and I could throw some really, really badass dateable parties on the side. I think that should be a thing. Date of what goes to the French Riviera. Yes, okay. On the date will yacht when we strike gold and we're going to get a yacht. So what do you think I want to get to the good stuff? Why do you think what do you think was the most romantic Taiwan this chart? Because, you know, French Riviera, South of France. For your anniversary. I feel like that's grieves romance. What would you say was kind of that highlight for you? I really believe the most romantic time for me was just a strolling in the evening along the promenade, either in need or in can. It was all just so beautiful, seeing the surroundings. There's something so sexy about the French Riviera. I don't know if it's like Bridget Bardot or whatever those old time movies were like, but you just feel like you're in this lifestyle and you just want to, you want to walk in a different way, right? You're just like dripping in sex.
00:05:09 - 00:10:02
In some ways. And Julie, this is some of the most beautiful people I've ever seen in my life who are so refined in the way they dress in the way they speak. And I felt like such a fish out of water because it was just like a whole this classic look with their silk pantsuits. And they're beautiful hair. It just, everything was just so sexy and beautiful. So did you know like all the places you were going to or was that a surprise as you were going? He gave me a itinerary when we got to the airport. So that was revealed the day planned, love it. It was so big. That's so sexy. It was so beautiful the way he planned. He went into every little detail. He found the best hotels. He found the best ways to get to these hotels. And I don't understand the French Riviera at all. I've only heard about in movies. I had no idea geographically how close these places were. So we just took the train to many of these places or took a taxi. And I didn't realize it was just they were all neighboring cities. And I also had no idea where the fuck Monaco was, okay? We went to Monaco, the smallest, the second smallest country, and we walked from France to Monaco. That's all close it was. Yeah, 'cause I kept saying on your Instagram, obviously I was talking to you a bit too. All the different places you were going to and I'm like, damn, he's like really, you know, packing them in, but that is something I've heard just in general about Europe too, is that everything is so close that you can't so close. Way easier than, you know, in the states and other places. And once you start, you don't want to stop and it's hard for me to be back in reality now because if you look on the map and you look at the train schedule and you think, wow, I could get to Paris in a few hours. I could go to Milan. I could go to Rome. So many other places you can go to, but I have to say he did such a good job planning the two weeks. If anybody wants recommendations or itinerary, I'd be happy to send you ours because we had a wonderful time. I can't believe you did that all. So he found all the restaurants all the time. Not that much credit, okay? So he found all the basics. The basic needs, which is our housing and transportation. Everything else we kind of planned on the fly, which is kind of nice. And we just kind of walked around the cities and explored as we went. But no, he did not find every meal. That would have been too much. I actually think that's better. Because it is still a big trap, right? That you're on. You want to have some say in it. So I actually think this is like the ideal amount of planning. One, it's easier. You don't have to do every last thing, but also it gives more collaboration to partnership. Yes, and what if I didn't like the places he picked for our meals? No, it's nice to do that. I really commend him for all that planning. It's really freaking amazing. I think there's nothing sexier than a bad with an Excel spreadsheet. Oh my gosh. Yes. In the right way. In the right way where there's room for flexibility, but also based on the necessity of taking care of. So contrary to popular belief, we did not get engaged on this trip. I had so many people reach out and say, when is this happening? I was definitely included. And that's okay. I totally understand why people would think that, but we did witness a proposal. Yes, we did. We were in saint tropez, we witnessed this American couple. We were at a really nice restaurant and this couple, all of a sudden, the woman started crying and then she had a ring of her finger. It was a very interesting, it was not a huge thing that they did, which I appreciate. I don't know. It's like very quiet. He did it. And then she started crying and then he went to the bathroom and she spent the rest of the evening taking photos of her ring. So that was that's what we witnessed. I'm not gonna lie, there was one post you did on Instagram where you opened a door. Oh. And I screened shot at it. He was like, I saw a regular figure and I screeched out of that and I like asked my partner and he's like Bristol. It's second. And I was like, if she got engaged, and this is how she told me. Oh, my God. Girl. You be the first. Hello. I know. I know. My partner was like, what did you feel like that number one? Yes, he was. After her mom, maybe even before my mom. Also, Julie needs to know everything. This is how I found out on Instagram. Oh, you would be so fighting pets. No, Julie needs to be the first to know. Let's just set the record straight. If anything big happen a big announcement, Julie would be the first to know because she'd be really pissed if she was not, okay? So let's just yeah, this isn't about you anymore, anyway, it's about me now.
00:10:03 - 00:15:00
Let's set the record straight, okay? So know that you would be the first to know and maybe my mom would be second. Okay. That's how we make this. That's how we were at this whole thing. You know what though? You know, I mean, this is very in line with our episode today, right? The one that got away. And you know, I think when you hear the one that got away, you think it's past partner. But you and I really geeked out on this TV show on Amazon Prime that did not get as much love as I think it should have been. I think it should have been the next love as well. I love that show so much. We were all like I remember I started watching it with my partner and I texted UA and then all of a sudden we're like in a competition of who's further through the series. We were both really, this is like one weekend that we benched the whole thing. I'm not sure what that says about both of our social lives, but we'll just go with it for now. I'm proud of it. And we love this concept of someone from your past, right? 'cause a lot of the people on the show, the whole premise of this show is there is this set group of single people that are kind of the main people. And then there's this portal that brings in all these people from their past. And they get to rekindle things and see how it goes with someone. That they maybe had this missed connection with. And a lot of the people were someone that they maybe knew in college or new in high school or there was a few that they only knew from social media. Those ones I think were maybe scraping the bottom of the video. But a lot of them weren't, there were some exes. There were definitely worse some of those, but a lot of them were just these people that maybe you had a partner when you met them. And you just like, things didn't line up and timing didn't line up. And when you think back on it, I mean, the reason why one obviously it's the episode this week, but that is your story. Like you and your partner, do each other for what was it 8 years before? Was it like something? Yes, 8 years. Crazy like that? Yeah. It just didn't line up because you two were in different places in your lives. Maybe in a relationship that, you know, the timing just never corresponded until it did. And it is quite the concept because we're always looking for new people. We're always filling our funnel with brand new people. But what if we actually looked to our past? Maybe there would be some eligible people. I, you know, I a 1000% believe in that and I think at a certain point in your life, you got to think, well, who are some people who've made a huge impact in my life. Made even a small impact, but that made them memorable. My partner was always someone I remembered. He made an impression on me, and nothing big happened. We didn't hook up. We didn't exchange phone numbers, but he just did this one thing that night we met, that made me remember him forever. In the middle of this club, you know, it's like midnight. He came over, he leaned down because he's much taller than me, and he said, are you having a good time? And to me, I just felt like so taken care of in that moment, and it was very indicative of who he is now as a partner. He is someone who is very caring and takes care of me. But I just love this concept of thinking about the people who have made an impact on your life. And if you haven't watched the show and you probably wondering, should I listen to this episode a 1000%? I think it would actually make it pretty fun for you to listen to this episode first and then go back and watch the show. Yeah, I mean, I think this is such an applicable topic. We also talk about two like, what's the difference of these people from your past where there are all these commonalities versus people on the apps that are essentially strangers and ways that we can also bridge the gap? So I definitely think this is like a no brainer episode for everyone, whether you've watched the show or dot. I'm also happy that we have Vincent Eureka who were two of the I don't know how contestants, but I guess they work and test it. And they were an Asian couple, and I remember you a you text AV and being like, I'm so glad the Asian guy is the heartthrob on the show. And we definitely dive into that in this episode too of just, you know, that isn't the norm, unfortunately. And it's such a great thing that the show totally normalized the leads being of all ethnicities of all sexualities, like there wasn't like one lead per se, but many that hit different diverse metrics. Yeah, thank you so good-looking. He's so wise and so introspective. He is to me the show portrayed him as the lead because he embodied what we're looking for in a partnership and what will be very fascinating for everyone to hear in this interview with both of them is what compelled you to go on this show. What made you want to look for someone you've already met versus going on these dates with people that you don't know, these new people.
00:15:01 - 00:20:05
And I think the moment for both of them will be something kind of eye opening for many of you listening and hopefully inspire you to think about what is going to compel me to look to my past. You know, it's definitely one of those things. I remember my mom always being like, what if you just go back to your high school reunion? You never know who will be there, you know? And I was like, there's no one. I was never interested in these people in high school, but I'm sure they've changed so much, right? Like I've changed so much. I'm sure they're the same way. And you know, actually, my mom's best friend's daughter, who I used to be friends with. I know that was a few connections. And she went to a different high school than me, but we knew each other in high school. And she actually met her now husband. They reconnected at a Starbucks, but they went to high school with each other. They recognize each other? Yeah, they recognized each other, but there was never like a romantic connection in high school at all. But they recognized each other and you know things progressed because we've all changed were later in life. I mean, I think of a totally different person than I was in high school and I'm sure every single person in my graduated class is a different person. Yeah. And especially now, people are on their second, third, fourth marriages. You're getting in at a good time, you know, if you're in your 30s and 40s. Exactly. Exactly. Even if they were taken in their 20s, they're back. They're back. They're back on the market. But yeah, it's like college, high school, just people that jobs, like there's so many people you could pull from. If you really think about it, I almost feel like it's a good exercise for all our single listeners. To think back to different stages of life and was there even, I love what you said, yue of like, was there someone that you kind of stands out and you remember, but even like maybe the people you don't super remember, like just going through their Instagram or Facebook now and just being like, what are they up to? Especially if you live in an area nearby, but even if you don't, you never know who made it to your area. Right, yeah. And you'll hear this from Vince, too. He did not see Eureka in a romantic way in high school because he was always in a relationship where you're always in a relationship. You don't see the people around you in that light. But then you can when you're single. It's weird, 'cause there was this when I first moved to San Francisco. I remember I ran into these two guys from high school and I actually didn't even remember them because they were like a year younger than me, but they recognized me and came over. And one of them, I wouldn't say I had a relationship with him, but we did have kind of like a Friends with benefits situation for a bit. And it never amount it was actually one of those rare Friends with benefits that I really didn't get feelings and that he didn't either. But I think as I was in a new city, there was this familiarity about him that really was comforting. And we talk about that in this in the episode too, but even if you didn't know someone well back then, having shared backgrounds or shared commonalities really does make it easier to bridge that future connection. Oh yeah, I mean think about it. The most used pickup line is, do I know you from somewhere? You know, because people want to establish that baseline familiarity. So your walls come down and hopefully you can connect on a deeper level. So this makes perfect sense as people from your past, even if you didn't know them very well. You already have that baseline of understanding. So without further ado, we'll get into it. So there's just so much to unpack here, but we will unpack it at this episode just so don't you worry. I guess before we go into it, you know, at dateable podcast, that's our Instagram handle, join love in the time of Corona. That's always the place to be on the Internet. And share this with a friend. You know, we've all had that one that got away or the one we're still thinking about maybe a few years later. So share it with a friend, sherry is caring. And before we get into it. Further, let's hear a few messages from our sponsors. This episode is brought to you by topic dot com. Do you know what's a good way to escape the challenges of dating? How about indulging yourself in some true crime stories? We're excited to introduce topic. The only streaming service that handpicks this programming for the viewer who values high quality international true crime mysteries and thrillers. Some of my favorite shows have been catching a killer. 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00:20:05 - 00:25:03
Save $12 now when you sign up with the code D at. This episode is brought to you by drizzly, community is always worth celebrating. The same goes for the businesses born within them. And with drizzly, the number one app for alcohol delivery, you can find the biggest selection of black owned and women owned beer, wine, and spirits brands. Then get them delivered in under 60 minutes. Now you can sit with purpose and explore brands that are shifting it industry while amplifying voices often left unheard. Find your new favorite drinks while supporting the diverse stories that make them great. Show your support and raise a glass to the spirit of representation and belonging. All while discovering incredible drinks with stories worth celebrating. Just download the drizzly app or go to drizzly dot com that's DRI ZL Y dot com to start sipping with purpose. Okay, let's hear it from Vince N Eureka. I feel like there are many firsts on this episode. So I will start with the fact that this is the first episode we have a guest who shares my same last name. Also, this is the first where we get to have two people on this show where they've never been on a podcast together before. So we're talking about the show the one that got away and we were bringing on two of the guests from that show you got Vince with us. He's 31 years old at living in LA grew up and lived here. He's dating someone but haven't defined the relationship, so we're going to find out later that he could not be we will have Eureka joining us later in the episode, but first we just have some one on one time with Vince so welcome to dateable Vince. Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here. Well, we love the show as we've said to you. And I think just first and foremost, what was going on in your life that made you decide to go on the show at that time? Oh my goodness. Well, so they actually started casting, I guess it was last year, early spring, and I had just gotten out of a three year relationship. And so during that time, I'd just started downloading the apps again, the dating apps. And I was using some old photos because I gave a lot of weight during that three year relationship. And so during that time, I was just working out trying to look like my old photos and just, you know, giving dating a second chance and was swiping. And then, you know, I actually never thought about doing reality TV. I've always watched it like kind of a guilty pleasure. Certainly during the pandemic, we had nothing else to do. I watched the reality TV. And then I got reached out to through the dating apps by a producer and asked me if I ever wanted to be on reality TV. And they told me the premise, and I was like, oh, shoot, this is a super cool premise. I felt like, you know what, a part of reality TV people sometimes feel is that, oh, how realistic is it? How realistic is it when people actually fall in love on TV because you're only there for so long and you're meeting these strangers, right? Like how can you really develop these feelings? But I thought, well, especially about this premise is that these people that are coming to date us aren't strangers, right? They're people from our past, like missed opportunities. And I was like, oh, that sounds so much more like, I don't know. It just feels more personal. It feels more realistic. That's something could actually develop there. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to give this a shot and see where it goes. I was also in a super long-term relationship, so I've had a lot of misconnections, I feel like. So this is the type of kind of like the perfect show for me, I think. I was so in shock by the fact that you, as an Asian man, when on a reality show, because with Asian culture, it's just not something we do. You don't see that many Asians and reality TV in the first place, but also how open you were on the show, but I was so happy that you became like the heartthrob of the show as well. All the girls came on. They loved you. It was like a really good moment for all of us Asians. I was like, yes, go Vince. But I would love to know when the producers approached you, you were intrigued by the premise. Did you already have an idea of who would show up for you? Oh my God, I had no idea. This is literally zero, which is why I was on the apps to begin with because I was like, you know, I'm a lawyer and I work a lot and I don't have a lot of girlfriends. So I do have, they're in a relationship, right? And I just see them as friends. And so I don't really get the opportunity to meet many different women, just like out and about in my life. So yeah, I think I remember giving them a list of maybe 6 or 7 girls because they would ask me for a list. They reached out to my closest friends for a list of girls. Oh. And I think I put on my list, just like girls that I thought of on the top of my head might show up because I was like, even if you guys like me, if you guys can't find gross to date me, I'm not gonna get cast. So I just like, you know, I was like, really worried about that part of it. And so they went deep into my Facebook friends, Instagram followers, and just started messaging people DMing.
00:25:03 - 00:30:03
I would get random DMs from girls that are like Vince. Like, is this a scam? What is this? Reality show, you know? It's so odd, but yeah, that's actually what happened. It's either crypto or reality TV. Exactly. Those are the scams of the moment. So Eureka, because we're clearly here to talk about Eureka, like was she someone that was top of mind or was she more in this bucket of, hey, I remember her from my past. Let me just cast a wide debt. Yeah, definitely. She was on my list because I haven't spoken to her. When we were in high school, I barely ever talked to her. I just kind of saw her from afar. She went to prom with one of my close friends at the time. And I remember, we might have danced together at like a high school dance before. And you know heist with dances, everyone was just like, you know, back in the day, everyone's just like going up to different girls and just grinding and it's like, it's like little John's playing. You're just like bouncing around. It's not like I got a chance to really talk to her or anything like that. But yeah, so she was completely surprised when she showed up because I had no idea that she was even reached out to be to begin with. I thought you were going to say like middle school slow dance, but I like the grinder. That's so much better. Really paints the picture for the people that were on your list that you gave them. Were the women on this list people you've dated already? No, no. I actually didn't really date much. Like I said, I was in a 9 year relationship and then right after that one, I was kind of single for a little while. I dated maybe like a couple girls. And I think I did put one of them on my list. And then I got into a three year relationship right after that. And then right after three or one was boom, the show. So I really haven't gotten a chance to date that many people. So I didn't have those options, I guess. So you said that you were doing dating apps for a bit, not that long because the show. But with dating apps clearly, it's new people that you're getting introduced to and a lot of times very random people. What are your thoughts on the benefits of connecting with someone like Eureka, for instance, that you knew, but barely knew versus someone that's totally new? Oh my gosh. I have so much to say about this because I really feel like, you know, when you're on the apps and you're just swiping away, it becomes really like formulaic. You're looking at the same things and it's like, even when you go on these dates, it feels like, you know, you're talking about the same things. It's really hard to find that spark, right? And it's hard to really give each girl the attention and the energy, really, the emotional availability and vulnerability to connect with it. So even though you might meet an amazing person, if you're not there to give her all of you in that moment, you might miss that connection, right? So I just feel like dating these act is really hard in our generation to find something like really substances, something that's really going to make you feel like, oh, I want to see her again. Just because there's so many options, right? I think people talk about this all the time in this state of day. It's just the illusion of all these options that you have actually creates a earth of passion and connection and it makes us more removed and we feel like further away from each other, even though we're all even more connected online. So I feel like because of this context that I have with her this history, I felt like when she showed up, I already knew her. We grew up in the same hometown. We're both from Powell's verdi. It's a small little suburb. It's like a little bubble. And like I always tell friends that whenever I meet people from PV, we instantly click. I can always find some common ground and we just have this connection. And so with her, it was that same type of feeling. Because I knew, I know her mutual friend. We have a lot of mutual friends. I know her high school friends. She went to prom with my best, one of my closest friends. So it's like, we have that connection. So I already knew that we would gel. It was just a matter of building it. And letting the pieces fall together. But I knew that the potential was already there from the get go. You know what I mean? Right, that's what it was so intriguing with the show too, 'cause I think if it was just past relationships, that'd be one thing of giving them a second chance, but there's so many people you encounter that you barely know. So it's really interesting that you got that second chance with one of those people. Yeah. Absolutely. I want to dive into this a little bit. I want to dive in to you because I would think 9 year relationship than three year relationship and then you're finally single. And now you are still looking for that familiarity when most people are probably like, let's go on the apps and data as many people as possible. It's like first time being single. You're in your 30s, even on the show you said I'm at a good place in my life. I feel great. So what is it that made you not want to go play the field and be on the apps and date everyone you can and actually look for something more stable? I think I've been in such long-term relationships. I just realized that I'm the type of person that I don't really want to just have this hookup lifestyle. I feel like a lot of people kind of have where they're just, they're dating around a lot. I feel like you get jaded. I think a lot of people did Jaden start going on like a bunch of online dates.
00:30:03 - 00:35:05
For me, it's like I want that emotional connection. I really want that level of communication that is rare. You don't really find in most relationships. And I think you can even talk to you about this. It's like a level of communication that she kind of sees us developing too. You can't really just get that. You have to really be emotionally available and pour that out. And it's hard to do that constantly. And even you see me on the show when I'm dating all these multiple women. I think at one point I said, I'm emotionally drained because even though I've had maybe four grown, but each one, I'm trying to get them all of me. I'm trying to give them a fair shot each time and really open up myself and it's hard. It's really hard to do that. And so online dating just it just feels so like, I don't know, it just feels so taxing and just like so it just drains me, I guess. I've been on the apps and when I was on the apps, I think I literally had more casting calls and I did dates. I actually got tough for another show. It was just like, I don't know. I was on it just to kind of see more like curiosity thing. Yeah. But I wasn't really like going on that many days. I would begin conversations and they wouldn't really go anywhere. And I feel like that's really common. People spend so much time on these apps and the return is not necessarily that great. Unless you're really like both people are on the same page and that's rare. That's rare on the apps like to be on that place in your life where you guys are looking for the same thing. And even just like being at the same place in terms of communicating and wanting to meet up and with all the logistics and getting your schedules together, that's tough. As a lawyer, like I already find it tough with my timeline and my schedule, let alone with my emotional availability. It's just so much that the stars just kind of need to align. And plus, once the show reached out to me, I was like, oh, thank God. I can delete this app. I was like, oh, sweet. I just put a pause on dating. Even when I just started interviewing, I was like, you know what? I'm just going to not date at all and just see where this goes with the show. Even if I don't get it, then I'll maybe I'll download the apps later on, but even during the whole first interview, I already decided I wasn't going to do anything on the apps anymore. I was committed to this process. I was going to really try to get on the show and then it worked out. Hey, it's like your own matchmaker, right? Reality TV shows. Matchmaker with people you already know. Yeah. You know what's funny though is I do remember you feeling overwhelmed on the show in being at the point of, I can't let a multiple connections develop. And I really do appreciate that you are such a one woman type of guy. I think that is rare in today's world and it's really refreshing. I guess you had a lot of people come in and you and I remember us commenting that you almost had the best matches, I feel like of people that it seemed like they were the most promising in terms of a connection. How did you decide that you were going to double down and focus your attention on Eureka when you had some other options too? Oh my gosh. Yeah, like from the get go, even just I remember when my news came first and then you became a second. Just be deciding between them to at that point was so difficult. I had so many scenes I didn't even make it on the show where I was just like weighing out the pros and cons. I was like, oh my gosh, then you just checks off all these boxes and she might check off more boxes in Eureka. But then I was able to Eureka just like it has that hometown feel like I feel so comfortable around her. Like it just felt so easy and I feel like you can see it even on my dates and on screen just like the connection that we had. It was just fireworks. It was fireworks. I was talking to your kid about it too. I was like maybe it's because our date like the setting of it really facilitated us getting close. Whatever it was that moment on the first date when you see us like slow dancing and like kissing, that will always be a memory that I'm really fond of. I think back to that all the time and it really brings back feelings because it was just so emotional. I was like, oh my gosh, this is like the most surreal and perfect moment I can't believe I'm living in this right now. I felt that connection and never really left. The producers really did a great job with your matches. You had someone from every stage of your life. Minutia was from college. Let's just recap for a sec Manu from college. You've got Eureka from high school, and then someone from law school, what was her name, remind me again? Andrea? Andrea. And then you have someone from your present who you had recently met, and what was her name? She was really. Is it? Isabelle? Okay, thank you. Thank you very much for reminding me. And at the start of the show, they even give the stat that pass the age of 25, your chances of reconnecting with someone from your past are higher. What are your thoughts on that? Obviously you were really drawn to this idea. So what are your thoughts on that kind of stat? I think the stat was by the age of 25, you've already met your soulmate. Or something like that. That's the stat. And I don't know. They were telling me that I was like, you know, what is it 98% of stats are like made up or something or I don't really know.
00:35:05 - 00:40:00
Such a lawyer. Are they I don't know how they can make this study, you know? Because we want the people that are, I don't want people over 25 to be like, oh, you know, I was fucking doomed. Right, right, right. I don't know. I do believe that there's a lot of people. It depends on one of the things I think is it depends on where you live. I feel like that's that is like maybe really true if you're like saying like the Midwest. You see a lot of people like popping out babies and they're like 21 and still kind of following the heritage of our parents generation. But then now we got the city boys and city girls and they're just like we want to be single until we're like 35, you know what I mean? It's just like because you're meeting all these people all the time, different people and like the lifestyle is different. So I think it really depends on where you're at. I don't know if there's like one age that's like a kind of cut off. But I do think a lot of people do find love from people from their past. And a lot of people reconnect, whether it's like, oh, you run into them at a high school reunion or it's like, oh, you meet at a party and you haven't seen them for a long time. I think a lot of people do actually form relationships with people from their past that they might not have thought of. And that's why I thought this premise was great because it's very relatable. I think a lot of people can relate to this a lot of couples probably now that are together might be from high school or college or whatever and maybe they weren't dating back then, but they just reconnected somehow. Definitely. And I'm also a little skeptical on the stat, but I do see, it's probably like how do you define soulmate too, right? Of course, there could have been someone that would work for you. And I'm thinking about high school. I don't know where 90% of those people are now. And I'm a totally different person. Maybe one person that I just wasn't in that mind set back then would be great now. So I do love this. Who is there? And how can you just almost have a second chance with them? When you met Eureka, the second time, I know you didn't know were super well in high school, but did it feel like you were kind of just reconnecting with someone you already knew or did it feel like you were kind of meeting for the first time? That's interesting question. It did feel more like I was reconnecting with somebody that already knew. I think because we were in this environment where it was so foreign to all of us. It felt like we were in a completely different universe. Like we were cut off from the outside world, we had no cell phone, no Internet. We were meeting all these people for the first time, the producers, the cast mates, and it's like, we were each other's like one connection of familiarity, right? Because we didn't know anybody else. So it's like, when we were together, it just felt like, oh, at least we have each other type of thing. And so it did feel like there was more of a familiarity. And I feel like the environment really set that up for us. Yeah, so I would say more so the former. But in terms of like the conversation, right? It's like, I didn't even know what she did for work, right? I didn't know. Where was she even really living? I didn't know those basic things. So in terms of the conversation, it did feel like I was just learning a lot for the first time. But then you guys also see me like I asked a lot of big questions like heavy your questions, I guess, that people don't typically ask like a first date. And I think you're even calling me out. She's like, because I asked, oh, do you want kids? And she's like, is that a normal question on our first date? Those type of questions, I think normally in the outside world. I wouldn't ask on a first date, but given this environment, right? I'm not even sure if I'm going to have a second date with her because I don't know what the producers have lined up. So I'm like, this might be the only time I see her. And I have to make a decision, so I'm like, I need to ask the real questions, right? Like if I'm here and I'm planning to leave with someone in a serious relationship, I want to know that because if they're just like, no, I'm just like, I don't want to have family and that's like a deal breaker, then I'll be like, even though we have a great connection, that's a deal breaker for me too, you know? I appreciated the questions you asked. I think people should be asking the harder questions because what the fuck are you doing if you're not, right? You probably know. What are you trying to get at here? But did you ever think about if you saw Eureka on an app or even on the street? Do you think things would have gone down the same way? Oh man, probably not. Probably not. I'm going to be honest, probably not. Just because I wasn't really in the mindset of giving that many people a chance on the app. We already even in the same city. So we wouldn't even have to begin with. You know what I mean? If she was down here for a little bit and I did see her in an app. I know what? I just remember, I did see her on the app. No. I did. I think I saw it. And you recognize her. Yes, I remember this, actually. Yeah. So this is actually around winter. Early winter. I think at that point, me and my ex were like, we were breaking up and then getting back together. And there was one period we had broken up and I remember downloading hitch and I saw Eureka. Oh my God, it's so funny. And we went to remember that. Does she know? You know, I don't know. We're gonna tell him. She's gonna hear it out. Oh, we're gonna get to the bottom of that. That's good.
00:40:01 - 00:45:03
That's wild though, but you did recognize her. When you saw her, 'cause I'm thinking about to people in high school and I'm not even sure if I'd recognize them now, right? 'cause you get there first name on a data gap that they probably look totally different. It did come back to you though. It did. I'm actually kind of like a superhuman in that aspect because I realized I'm a super recognizer. I studied this during the pandemic. I don't know if you knew this, but there's a small percentage of people who are super recognizers that can recognize facial features and people from their past. And you take this whole test online and then if you test well enough, you could work for Homeland Security or something like that. Identify people and I qualify for that. It's like Homeland Security and the one that got away. Those are the two jobs you eat. Good to know. You have another option as a day job. Very good to know. Fabulous. Well, can't wait to get Eureka back on and get both of your updates on what's been happening. I did watch your Instagram Live, but I didn't watch the whole thing because I didn't want to be, I didn't want to be tainted by what was said. All right, we've got Eureka joining us now. Thanks so much for hopping on. Who is Eureka? She's 30 years old, lives in New York born in SF grew up in LA. And she is dating someone but haven't defined the relationship. This is getting very mysterious. They both put the same thing. We got to get to the bottom of this. I'm so curious. But first we have some unfinished business. Did you know Vince just told us that he saw you on hinge? Not least. Before the show. Did you see him? Did you see him on hinge before? Before the show? No, I don't. Did I? Do we match? I don't remember it like that. But I remember seeing it, I remember swiping around. But I'm pretty sure I downloaded the app really fast after that. How many years ago was this? This was like before the show. All right, before the show. Maybe not right before the show. Probably around like, I don't know, like August. Oh, I wasn't LA during my birthday right before the show started. And I was single back then. So maybe I changed my location to LA to see what the population was like, but you didn't see Vince, though. I don't think I did, and if I did, I feel like nothing would have happened because I don't really like the dating app. So I actually despised dating through the video. Do you think you would have recognized vents on the dating app? Paul, but I don't usually talk to people on the dating app. I would just probably like what I used to do was I would match with people, but never talk to people. Well, okay, so you're one of those. Got it. Well, we want to know, how did the producers find you for this show? So, someone reached out to me actually on Facebook Messenger. And it went to my stamp off and just, you know, I was just like, oh, I don't even know there's a separate sandbox in box and on Facebook Messenger. So when I went there, like someone was giving me a full spiel about, oh, they're doing a show. And there's someone from your high school acquaintance that wants you to be on. And I have no clue what it was, and I ignored it for like maybe like a month. And then I was like, oh, what is this about? 'cause I got curious. And then she got on the phone, we're talking, and I was like, I don't really believe you, unless you show me a contract. 'cause I do a lot of contract reading for work too. So then she sent me the contract and I saw that it was like actually Elizabeth kind of TV show. So that's how I went on. And I don't really remember the interview process or anything. I just felt like it was just like a conversation and then they just sent me a flight ticket. But they told you it was Vince, right? They did say it was Vince, but I didn't know which Vincent was. Oh my God. So you didn't even know until you saw him in person. Honestly, even when they picked me up on the airport, like they picked me up in like a van, it was super sketchy, so I was like sharing my location with my friend and I didn't really believe it until I actually got on the sound studio and like everything and yeah, so I was very skeptical. I feel like that happened with someone else on the show too is that when their person came out, they were like, who are you? I have no idea. But you did recognize him when he finally saw him. Oh, I do recognize him. Okay. But you didn't know till you stepped out of the portal? Yeah. 'cause then and then I recognize him. Well, I knew his name because they told me the name, but I didn't really oh shit. I love it. So you're just like, I'm gonna just go on a ride here. And see who this mystery person is from my past. Because I didn't reach out to anyone before the show because I know viz like he told me that a couple people reached out, right? To see if it was real or not.
00:45:04 - 00:50:03
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, you never reached out. But you had to know it was me because you knew we went to prom in the same limo, right? So you knew it was like me. Not another Vince. That's true. I don't know. They just told me was Vince though, so I didn't really know. I was like maybe guessing. Wow, okay. So they did it. I thought they would reach out to you and say, there's Vince. No, they actually initially didn't want to even tell me who it was. And they're like, oh, it's really secret, but there's this guy named Vince. I'm like, okay. So what made you decide to do it? Intrigued you about this whole concept of the first place. So I'm actually usually not single and at that time when they reached out to me, I was single and I just thought, you know, like the timing kind of works out and I was just curious, so I just went on. So interesting. And then when you stepped out of the portal and then you saw Vince and because I remember that first meet, you had a lot of things to say to him. So that was all on the fly that these feelings sort of came out. Man, okay? I don't know how much I can say how much I can't say. Okay, how many shots do they give you? I do not drink any alcohol. How edited are we talking? Yeah. So I was obviously really nervous because I don't really know what to say and this is like my first time ever being on TV and whatnot. And the producers are actually telling me, oh I should tell him that he's a handsome that he should like, you know, we should say all these things before even really meeting him in person, but internally I was like just really trying to see if you do have a connection. I didn't even know what Vince looked like to be honest. 'cause we haven't seen each other, I guess like in a long time. Yeah, I just literally didn't really have any expectation going in and just trying to see if there was anything, right? When you first see someone and that was it. So we understand that you do each other in high school, but not super well. Did it feel like you were connecting with someone from your past or did it feel like you were beating someone brand new? I think it was half and half, so initially I didn't know him at all, but after the first date, it did seem like I've known him for a really long time, even though I don't really know him that well, and that might be because we grew up in the same community. We have similar upbringing and he made me feel really safe and comfortable. How did it feel to have the other women who were also there for Vince in the house? So I usually not that competitive a person and especially I have such a good girls code. So if any of my Friends were to go for like the same guy, I would immediately be like, no, you can have him, like I don't really want to computer or anything. So it was definitely weird living with someone who was dating the same person. And especially couples things like maybe really uncomfortable, so when they were shooting the hot air balloon ride, when I came back to the house, they told me that Isabelle saw. I had no clue that happened. So I actually saw her down after I came back in the day and told her if it was in a real life situation, I would have never let her see that scene and I just felt really bad for her in that situation too, 'cause I just know like what it feels like to be in that situation too. And it just sucks, right? So yeah, very uncomfortable and not usually what I would have got there. So maybe this is a question for both of you. But how do you think you both have changed from when you were at high school to now? Clearly, a lot of years have gone by. How do you think you've changed? And then the other person has changed. Maybe Vince will start with you. I mean, first foremost, I guess physically I've changed a lot. If you saw my photo. I think they showed the one where I had the bowl cut type of look, too. Oh my gosh. Yeah, so I figured out a hairstyle that started working for me. After college. So that was good. I started working out more. So I just physically changed the time. I think mentally, having two long-term relationships that kind of under my belt, I just learned a lot about what I wanted in the partner, you know? And I think at this age now, I feel like I'm emotionally mature enough to, I guess, settle down and want to take that next step and try to start a family soon because now I'm in my 30s. I don't really have too much time to weigh. Said, given my track record, I'm probably going to date somebody for a few years. And if I do get married, I'm going to be probably in my mid 30s, and that's kind of the timeline. My parents are getting old. I want them to be able to play with my grandkids and stuff like that. So, you know, I don't really have too much time to waste. So I think just kind of like the urgency of it all, and the most emotional maturity physical maturity, of course. That kind of all takes place. I don't know, over the time from high school to now, I feel like, yeah, I've just changed so much. And I don't know. I guess now I just feel ready. I just, something just clicked for me. And it's funny, because even in my past relationships, they expected marriage.
00:50:03 - 00:55:01
They expected me to propose and take that next step. And I just couldn't really get there. But then something just switched for me. And I'm like, a whole other person now, that I feel like I don't even recognize from a few years ago. So I feel like we're always changing. And the growth spurts kind of happen when you least expect it sometimes. What was the switch? You know, in my last relationship, like there was something that happened for me. And the way it ended, it was pretty rocky, but it ended basically because I couldn't commit. I couldn't commit to wanting to marry her. And that was the biggest problem. And I felt like because I've always been in these long-term relationships, I never was nothing that ever really like made me feel like, oh, why does it need to change? I'm so comfortable with what we're at. You know, this boyfriend girlfriend relationship, like, why does it necessarily need to change and I don't know. There's just nothing that really sparked me to be like, oh, now I want to propose and get engaged. There's just nothing that made me feel that way. And then, I don't know, now I think I'm just kind of in a different headspace. Probably because I really looked into myself and be like, why am I so afraid to commit? What is wrong with me? Why am I so afraid to settle down? And there's always that thought in the back of my mind, oh, maybe there's something better. Maybe there's something like there's someone that I'm supposed to meet. That's going to make me feel like I want to get down on one knee, you know? And I kept on thinking that. And I realized that that was a mistake. It wasn't ever that I was going to meet someone else and make me feel like they were like, I needed to get there first. And that was kind of like, I guess, a switch for me when I started thinking differently in my perspective change that. I would say, all right, no more messing around, Vince. Let's really the next one, let's really try to get this one right. Love it. And we'll get into getting down on one knee and a bit, but with Eureka, I know you didn't know her super well in high school, but what was the difference that you noticed? Like first impressions even of how she was from high school to now. Well, I remember in your eco was always like, she was really cute. Super cute girl. She was like the popular girl, but she was like two years younger than me, but I always see her like she was running for student body stuff and she had all these friends. And she was really cute, and I was like, but I was in a relationship, you know, during most of the time in high school. So I couldn't really pursue anything. Yeah, I told you guys earlier. I saw her a couple of high school dances and stuff. And I remember talking to my buddies, like, oh, you know, you should go dance with her. She's really cute. She was always one of those cute girls that you're like, oh, you wanted to be with on the dance floor. You wanted to kind of talk to her. But I was too much of it was like, his friend asked me to dance. For him or the whole prom story was that his friend asked me, right? And I think initially I met him through like a dance or something. Early key club I forget. So I guess Eureka, what was your opinion? From high school to current day of Vince, how do you that change at all? Well, I didn't really, really know him in high school. The only interaction I remember was probably in the limo ride to far right. So we never really had a conversation, but from the outside perspective, I just passed by him on the hallway. I definitely knew who he was but I never spoke to him. I thought he was like pretty attractive. I don't like people who are like, say like, oh, yeah, like a bowl cut and stuff. But I've been Justin Bieber haircut. It was like, you know. It was pretty cute. But yeah, like never really spoke to him, but I think from other people, I heard he was really funny. But then on the show, I was like a little bit surprised 'cause I think he was a little bit more serious. And then in real life, Ashley, after this show, when we got to know each other, I actually think he's like really funny. Kind of change throughout the stages of how we got to know each other. And how have you changed? Yeah, so in high school, obviously, well, my parents are living in the states and right now my parents live in Japan, so all my family and relative live in Japan right now. So I feel like my mom was like a stay at home mom. I was like really dependent on her and we're really close as a family too. But I think I was not as independent as posed high school. I was saying because I can college like I think that's like when I got outside my bubble because the community that we grew up in palest produce is a really like a bubble. It's very nice community you don't really experience a lot of the fast stuff outside of the world I think. So in a way I think post high school I think I became like a very strong independent person and I didn't really depend on having my parents make my decision for me, right? So I was able to be a little bit more decisive about what I wanted to do in the future and my career and everything I think I was able to guide that through on my own because I didn't really have my parents guidance for that.
00:55:02 - 01:00:09
What are you looking for? Are you looking for a relationship, marriage? Right now right now. Yeah. Well, I always thought I would get married before 30. But now that I turned 30, I feel like, you know, if I find the right person, obviously I want to settle down and be married to about the same time, I think all these other important aspects of my life, like career wise too, I need to also be able to get there too. So I think of it as if I find the right partner, not like a relationship that's the one that we can both grow together and really make each other better. I think I'm ready to I want to settle down. Let's hold that thought for a few messages. Have you ever thought about how much better dating would be if you had a whole army of people supporting you along the way? We know that dating can be frustrating and lonely, but it can also feel fulfilling and fun. Have you recently decided you want to make some changes to your love life? Maybe you've recently reentered the dating scene. Maybe you've gone on one too many dates that went nowhere, or maybe you're just ready to take your current relationship to the next level. That is exactly why we created the sounding board, a true extension of our podcast that delivers a personalized experience, which includes monthly office hours where you can drop in and chat with us about anything. Weekly sound offs with guided discussions and regular virtual happy hours, allow Julie and I to become your dating sherpas to provide real-time guidance and wisdom in a more intimate way so we can all navigate dating and relationships together. Join the sounding board today by going to dateable podcast dot com slash sounding board. Again, that's dateable podcast dot com slash sounding board. This episode is brought to you by gobble, gobble delivers Gourmet, freshly prepped 15 minute meal kits right to your doorstep. Their chef designed meals are easy to prepare with simple recipes and fresh ingredients that have been chopped, portioned and simmered so that dinner is both fast and flavorful. Gobble combines the convenience of takeout with a health satisfaction and freshness of a home cooked meal. It really is a perfect solution for anyone who wants to save time cooking, but don't want to compromise on quality or health. Also, gobble feels extremely customized with every new menu, their technology learns more and more about your tastes and preferences to effortlessly deliver fresh seasonal dishes you'll love. Just like having a personal home chef. Some of my favorite dishes have been the chimichurri fish tacos with shredded cabbage and the butternut squash ravioli with spinach and pecan sage Brown butter. Now for our listeners, you can guess 6 gobble meals for just $36, just visit gobble dot com slash dateable 6 three 6 and get your first 6 gobble meals for just $36. Again, go to gobble dot com slash dateable 6 three 6. So the show ended with you two big engaged. Here we are today of we're seeing someone, but we have it defined it. What happened? Catch us up. Where are we current day with each other? I'll let you answer that. So right after the show, as you guys know, we split up and the show is filmed almost a year ago, like last summer. And we did not speak for good year. I was there for like ten months. I would say. And when the show came out, for me, all the feelings that we used to have during the show definitely came back. And I've always wanted to kind of talk to him because I don't think we ended on a good note. Why? What happened? You know, dating it? Real life versus dating on TV is very different. And at the end of the day, I feel like I just didn't know how he fit into my life back in reality and I also didn't feel like I actually a 100% knew him as well too. So because we were already starting in like a long distance relationship post show without the foundation, it was really hard to really get there, I think. So was the engagement just like a reality TV publicity stat. Or was it legit? It was legit. At that time, everything felt right. Like I was saying, I was there. I hope you were there too. Nothing was forced. Maybe a little bit of pressure from some producers, but I think both of us talked about it and it felt right at that moment, but then I think when I came back to reality, like following my Friends and whatnot, I just, it just didn't seem real. Or it was just hard to just, I think. With also, I was thinking like, what was I thinking back then because yeah, I was just, I just didn't really know how to navigate that and it was definitely like such an abnormal relationship. One can relate to that. Yeah. We've always wondered how do you feelings develop on reality TV because as such a bubble that you live in and you really don't get the irony of reality TV is that it's not real.
01:00:10 - 01:05:01
You're not in the real environment. So watching YouTube evolve the feelings did feel authentic, at least from my perspective. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Was there true feelings of love that really developed throughout the series? Yeah, a 100%. Like I told you in the beginning when I saw him at the portal, I was still trying to figure out if he even have a connection or not, right? But then, I don't know, like after the first date, it just seemed that I've known him for a long time and I think like my feelings definitely developed throughout the whole filming process as well too. They didn't show a lot of it because, you know, they only show parts of it, but I just remember during the pool party, actually. I know they didn't show how this was comforting me, but he actually called me to the side. And we actually had like a talk like a really long talk, actually back in his room. And I was about to leave because I'm not really here for the drama. I don't really, I didn't really know what I got myself into. And I was thinking like, if this is how it was gonna be, I was literally about to leave, but I think, you know, getting to know him off camera, like I just felt like he was really a sincere and kind, and he just made me feel really safe. And I just thought it was worth exploring. And he definitely turned it into love at the end of the show. So. Got it. And then clearly sparks kind of reignited when you watch the show and remember the connection. Vince tell us about that. How did you and Eureka connect once the show aired? Ten months were broken up. Oh boy. So yeah, I knew she was in LA around the time when the show came out. And then we had literally really no contact with each other. I still remember because we didn't leave off on the best note, but watching the show back, it's like we had all these emotions and then so remember she liked on Instagram. She liked one of my posts and I was with my friend. I was like, I was like, oh my God, dude, you could just like my coat. That was like the first point of contact. I was like, wow, what's going on? And then she started like, I think I posted a Q&A on Instagram story and she responded to one of the answers one of the questions. And I was like, oh, dang, okay, so we're talking a little bit now. And then, but the way it left off, I kind of was like, I'm not going to really make the first move. I felt like if anything, I thought she was going to reach out to me. And so I was just like, I'm just going to wait. I was going to see, you know, if nothing happens and so be it. But then Amazon reached out to me and they're like Vince. We're going to make an announcement in terms of the relationship status between you and Eureka. And then at that point, they wanted to be like, okay, so we know you guys aren't really together because they were up to date that we had broken up. So they're like, well, you know, you guys aren't really up together, you know, really aren't together. You know, how do you feel about that? Blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, okay, I can't do this in me right now because I haven't talked to Eureka at all. And whenever I'm going to say in this interview, is going to affect her life too. And I was like, just out of respect, I'm going to call her and just touch base with her. 'cause I just want her to know that one, I'm getting this interview, and it's going to be about us and two. I just want to make sure we're on the same page, so that nothing is like, she's not blindsided by anything, and that, you know, we start talking to the press and people in public about it that we are kind of on the same page. So I remember hanging up that phone interview and then texting Eureka, be like, hey, I got this interview thing about us. Can I give you a call? And in that same day, I called her after work, and I think we talked for, I don't remember how many hours, but it's funny because it was like on her birthday too and I had no idea it was her birthday that day. He had tested me because I thought I was my birthday and he wanted so much reality. Happy birthday as well as like, you know, catch up too, but yeah, he totally forgot. It was like oh shit. And I was in France during that time, having like a girl's trip and but at the same time, I did want to reach out to him. So when I was in LA, I debated for a really long time if I should reach out to him but I just got kind of scared and I just never did and then right after I flew to France for like my birthday and yeah and I was surprised that he reached out to me on that date but I'm not he did. So how does this bring us to present day? Yeah. From my perspective so we had a really good phone call. That was honestly really heart wrenching and we just got a lot off our chest but there's so much that happened that we needed to kind of unravel. But the way we left off that conversation was, let's see where this goes. You know, there's obviously still feelings. Like we both thought that on the phone call. I don't know. We just had a lot of long phone calls. And some of them were like really fun phone calls that were just like, you know, so happy to finally talk again.
01:05:01 - 01:10:01
And how was your day? How's your Friends? Everything going on, reconnecting, and it just felt so good. And a lot of it was also rehashing someone heavy things from the past that we needed to talk about that really affected our relationship. And maybe uncomfortable things that we didn't want to talk about, but we did, and there was nights where I'm literally parked right outside the gym, just in tears, talking to her. And I'm just like, okay, I'm not going to chip today. There's just those nights that we just had so many of these real authentic phone calls. And we wanted it to be real. We didn't want it. We didn't want to just be together because of the pressure of the show or anything, because I feel like the pressure to show is what caused a lot of problems to begin with. But this time around, it just, it felt different. It felt like, okay, like there doesn't really feel like there's much pressure anymore, like the show's been out. We're just like normal people able to reconnect and rediscover these feelings. And some of the tension that had caused us stress before has already had already dissipated and we were able to have more of an honest and open conversation about things. And so we kind of cleared the air a lot. Of course, even to this day, I think there is a lot of things we still need to continue to talk about. Whether we need to talk about the same thing a million times or whether we need to come up with different solutions or ways that we're going to go about seeing each other logistically and stuff. Because what we're doing right now is twofold. We're trying to build a relationship, a new relationship, and formed this foundation that we have. But at the same time, we're trying to grow from what happened before, right? And we're trying to move past those things, but be complete with what happened. I feel like it's kind of balance between that, which is why we kind of have these conversations, sometimes it's like so much fun talking to her. And sometimes it's just like, oh my gosh, we're both crying. What's going on? We had a phone call like the other night. She called, I think we talked until it was like daylight for her, and it was like three 30 in the morning. And it was mostly just supposed to be. Yeah, 7 a.m. it was just supposed to be more of like a good night call type of thing, you know, make sure she got home safe and it just ended up being windows conversations where we just kept on pouring it out and you're just, you know, once it happens, we wanted to just keep talking. And I think we're both on that same page where we do we do want to hear everything and put it all out because there's just a lot. There's a lot of here. We're both water signs, you know? It's like we have a lot of feelings that. I love it. So I guess, you know, I mean, clearly, you're both there just figuring it out. That's kind of where we are, current day. What did you learn, maybe Eureka, you can go first and then Vince, what did you learn from being on the show? The one that got away and reconnecting with someone from your past. I feel like it may me feel like, you know, I feel like a lot of the times are so consumed with technology or like we're not really having we're not really living in the present moment. So that show really made me focus on just solely finding the one or only finding love, whether it be, you know, relationship or it could be like friendships too, right? And when you're really immersed in that situation and environment, like anything is possible. So, you know, it took me like years to actually feel this type of connection I was saying. And for me to find that in such a short time frame, I feel like it made me really learn that you just have to sometimes put away all your work, your phone, and really prioritize something like love or, you know, just really live in the present moment. Love that. Honestly, that's kind of like the main takeaway for me too. To be honest, I didn't really realize how fast and how hard I would fall. I always knew that when I do open up, I can tend to connect with people a lot faster. But on this show, you have given the environment. I don't know. I think there's, I think there's a lot of credit that goes to the people who showed up for me too. I think because I did have such great women to showed up. It really brought out a lot of me. And it really allowed me to express myself and really figure out my feelings, you know? Because there was definitely attraction to different type of attraction to each girl that showed up for me. But it was like figuring out what really, really matters to me, right? Even though both of these women are great, there's one that stands out. And it's like, why? Why is that the case? And I was kind of telling you earlier, like, yeah, for when I met her, I was like, you play volleyball. You go to the same gym. You love to work out. You also in a 9 year relationship. Like, you have all these similarities. And I was like, okay, that makes sense. We can connect. But then with Eureka, it was just like, it's so hard for me to even describe to you. It felt the emotions and it just felt so right. When you dream of the sparks that you want to have for somebody that you just like, you know, you can't really describe, but you just know that when you kiss them or that, when you first look at them, even they're set, makes you feel a certain way. It's just that feeling of so captivating. It's just special. And that's what we all, I feel like, look for in our lives. That's like, where do we find that? And it's like, you don't really look for it.
01:10:01 - 01:15:14
And when that moment happens, it's undeniable. And so when it happened for me with Eureka, I just like, I couldn't explain it. I was like, remember, I just had an on camera, a conversation with Nigel. I was like, look, yeah, I'm a news checks, all these boxes, but man, but Eureka, man, it just makes me feel this way that I don't even know how to say in words. And that to me, that's it. And that's why, for me, it's like, when you're on the dating apps, right? You're looking for all these things to check all the boxes, but you're hoping that the spark is there. And you know, you don't really, that's ultimately what you're looking for. You can't find the spark through calming interests and things like that. That sparked us naturally happens when you're with that person in that moment. And when the stars align and that perfect firework goes off, then you're able to look back and it's so beautiful that we are able to remove that. We can watch that, you know what I mean? And I feel like that's such a special thing. During filming, one of the things I was most excited for was like, man, I can't wait to rewatch this with her. That was one of the things I was thinking because I think man, I was so beautiful. So romantic. We felt the spark too. I had a crush on Eureka after that. Something about her. She's so something very special about her. Do what a touch on though, just being Asian American. You could probably add more to this too, but we talked about this a little up top of what this means, you know, being in the media being Asian American. Like, what do you think was kind of the maybe the most rewarding part of representing on a show like this? Yeah, representing for the Asians was a big, big thing for me because I still remember when I first got cast and I was like, I was wondering if I was going to be like the token Asian guy. Just for diversity purposes. I had no idea what role I was going to be placed in. I thought, oh, there's going to be a bunch of super handsome doctors that like, I don't know, just like I just kind of needed to meet their diversity quota. I was like, maybe that's me, but once I showed up and I realized, wait, I'm like the main romantic lead. I was just so surprised. And I've always thought there needs to be an Asian bachelor or there needs to be more Asians and reality T because we're starting to see that now. In 2021, 2022, we've had Crazy Rich Asians with Henry Golding. We've had Shang-Chi with Simu Liu. We're starting to see more Asians in media. And I've always thought, well, what about reality TV? Because we can see this on screen, but if it's not like, if it doesn't really hit home to people to see that, no, it's realistic for Asian men to be desirable. You know, like I always thought someone needed to play that role. I never thought it was gonna be me, but looking at it now, I'm like, I'm really glad that I'm able to do that because I feel like my life does represent, you know, pretty well for Asian Americans. I'm relatively like, I mean, you see the girls that came from me. I literally each person was from a different cultural ethnic background, right? I think my news was like Persian. Eureka's Asian, then we have Isabel. You had the UN after you. I had the UN, right. I had the whole thing. So it's like, for me, it's like my life has always been really diverse, 'cause growing up here. And I feel like a lot of people aren't used to seeing an Asian man date different types of women. Let alone, you know, like dating on relationship show to begin with. I feel like people in the Midwest probably don't even see Asians all that often. So I think it's really cool to finally being able to showcase that and seeing, you know, now me and Eureka, like having this on screen romance together, like being able to see what kind of like what Asian love looks like. And how we express our emotions to each other. And I think that's so special and hopefully that continues on that we start seeing more and more agents applying. And it just feel like people aren't really applying people that are Asian, aren't really applying, which is why they had to reach out and find me. We're so not used to seeing agents on screen, so we're not applying. We don't think it's possible. And hopefully now, when more people seeing us on screen, they're like, wait, maybe I can do it too. And then they start applying and then it just becomes, you know, hopefully we look back ten years from now and be like, yeah, 2021, 22 and two, that was the year that the timeline that things changed. And now it's very common for us to see Asians and leading roles in romantic leading roles. I really hope so. Just to add to the well, personally, I have a lot of girlfriends who watches reality TV shows. I love watching bachelor in this line and everything, but what it lacks is like diverse city I would say and especially like, you know, we don't really see that many Asian people. Let alone like Lee's or even like people who make it so like that, right? So for me, it was also kind of neat to be in that signing and have other, like a lot of my friends lost the chef too. And they were able to say, yeah, like I was able to relate to you or have other people from the same background kind of say like, yeah, like I was able to see these type of dating that's like because I would say I was raised very traditional like very Japanese. So I'm very non confrontational and we don't really express love in a very expressive way. So I hope that they took that as like, you know, even though it's really uncomfortable for me to do, you know, I was able to put myself in some situation that was uncomfortable for me, but then I hope other people can see that and you know that they can see that.
01:15:14 - 01:20:03
You know, they can do it too. If I can do it, a lot of other people can. Love that. Well, thank you both. This has been such a credible conversation and there's so many takeaways that we both had from this. I think my biggest one was date like you're on reality TV, but don't have a relationship like you're on reality TV. And I think the reason why is I love this sees the moment. Maybe I only get one date with this person and the reality is that's what happens in dating app culture too. You might only get one date, so ask the big questions, be present, take it all in and I think we talked about it of being in the mindset. If you're just mindlessly going on dates, swiping, it almost don't even do it in the first place. Like if we're gonna double down and use any dating apps or methods to meet people in the world, like if we go in with intentionality and wanting to be there wanting to be open, that sets us up so much better, but then the maybe don't have the relationship like a reality TV is that we still need to let things progress and not feel rushed to make decisions and really get to know each other, but I do love there is this feeling of home that we're all seeking. That's ultimately what we're looking for in day day. And with the one that got away, essentially you're creating that. It's definitely inspiring for people that to know that they could go and look at these people that might have been in their past and we don't always have to rely on meeting new people. I also think we can apply that to meeting new people too. Of course, it's harder to find people on apps like that, but I think Vince, like you had this comment of, you know, we're not going in with that mentality. But what if we went into the mentality instead of seeing all of the things that we connect on that are superficial, all the interests and all that, and how do we start to kind of make each other feel like we've always known one another that feeling of home of whether it's connecting on values or just the type of background or childhood you had. I think those are the things that gives the familiarity that really helps really connect at the end of the day. And it's not the things that we think is the connection points. I think what is so great about this conversation and I think about the show is that yes, a reality TV show kind of pushes you beyond your timeline. So pushes you to define the relationship, pushes you to get engaged, pushes you to have these labels and while I don't love things being rushed, it is kind of nice to say, okay, I'm pushing you to define what you are and then what's really realistic is that you two going back and saying, we will work towards that. We're working on it, we're working towards that. If we get there, we get there, we don't we don't. Like in modern dating, we see people so hesitant to go take that next step, right, of commitment, because they're like, oh, I don't know. Maybe there's someone else better out there or maybe I should play the field a little bit more. Maybe they don't check all the boxes, but it's almost nice when you're like thrown into it and say, hey, this is you two are together. You've defined it. Let's see how you can make it work. I truly believe in microwave relationships. We call them that. It gets hot, you know, and then maybe once out, it cools down a little fast, but they teach you so much and it sounds like your relationship is going through multiple phases of microwave relationships and ultimately we'll see where it ends, but you're also growing with the process. My other big takeaway is I think the show is the name of the show is very misleading. It's not the one that got away, right? Because you were not right for each other back then. It's the one that wasn't right. And the way we can look at our past is not like, oh, the gold standard or like, I wish that person, I had data that person. I think we should always be looking forward. It's like, how do I have a new relationship with someone from my past? So I'm going to bring it back to me because I'm really excited to say this is my boyfriend and I are from our past. We have known each other for ten years and we didn't start dating until four years ago in today's our four year anniversary. So I truly believe that people from your past under the right context can be your potential soulmate or the mister right now, which is what I truly believe is like. You never know, you know, with people from your past and I do believe in the magic of Tapping into that. Congratulations. Thank you. I know. My friends like tell them that it's our four year today. I'm like, I will. He loves the show too. He also got into the show, yeah. He's upset. So do my partner as well. Yeah. Cool. Well, thank you. This has been such a great conversation. We look forward to hearing how things progress with you both, but it sounds like overall you both have learned so much on this experience and are just so much more equipped to be in this relationship now.
01:20:03 - 01:22:20
So we're so happy to hear all that. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thanks for doing the first podcast for us together. That was so many firsts on this show. And for our listeners, if you want to give us a first as well that is giving us a rating and reviews and Apple podcasts, your first comment, your first 5 stars means a lot to us. And we're going to wrap up this episode. We'll add your social media handles in our show notes for people to follow you all. We're going to wrap up this episode. The dateable podcast is part of the frolic podcast network find more podcasts you'll love at frolic media slash podcasts. Want to continue the conversation? First, follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter with the handle at dateable podcast. Tag us in any post with a hashtag stay dateable and trust us. We look at all those posts. Then head over to our website dateable podcast dot com. There you'll find all the episodes as well as articles, videos, and our coaching service with vetted industry experts. You can also find our premium Y series where we dissect, analyze, and offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums. We're also downloadable for free on Spotify, Apple podcasts, Google Play, overcast, stitcher radio, and other podcast platforms. Your feedback is valuable to us, so don't forget to leave us a review. And most importantly, remember to stay dateable. Hey, Becky, what about this beat for your next song? It's cool, but I'm into faster stuff lately. Like Xfinity that gives me beyond gig speeds. Got it. What about this then? It sounds powerful, just like Xfinity, because it's supersonic Wi-Fi has three times a bandwidth. You can connect hundreds of devices at once. That's what I call power. Unbeatable Internet from Xfinity made to do anything so you can do anything. Restrictions apply. Actual speed very not guaranteed requires compatible extended gateway, limited quantities available. We can't see tomorrow, but we can hear it. And it sounds like a wind farm powering homes across the country. We're bridging to a sustainable energy future working today to ensure tomorrow is on. Enbridge, life takes energy