In our Season 3 premiere, Spencer and Carolyn tell us the story about how they met IRL and became a pretty instant couple. We talk about what attracted them to one another, the progression to an actual relationship, and how when it just works it works.
S3E1 You are someone I just have to meet
00:00:00 - 00:05:01
The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world.
And i move so i loves. We are excited. You've join us for an older episode. While our earlier seasons were all about dating in san francisco we quickly realize all the themes. Learnings are universal for all daters so we shifted to covering dating from all around the world as the seasons progress. The fun part is things happen. I san francisco the tech and counterculture capital of the world. We love for you to keep tuning in to our older episodes. But there's no set order to listen in so feel free to jump to more. Recent seasons are relevant episodes for you. Enjoy the show. Welcome to season. Three of the dateable podcast. Holy cow can't believe how far we've come since our launch in february of this year. Thank you loyal listeners. For coming back and welcome new listeners. Who are just joining us. This podcast is hosted by me. I'm you a former dating coach. In new york turned activator in san francisco. you'll also hear commentary by my co host. Michael vargas fellow dating coach with a clinical psychology background and my producer julie craft check on. This season gets real. We've listened to your feedback and we will be going deeper exploring more nontraditional topics sprinkled with a few ridiculous stories that we all love to hear we will also be adding an action. Item to the end of each episode considerate Dating challenge of sorts. So definitely listen for that at the end. Also we're having another event. On september thirtieth. Our last party was such a success. We're confident that this next one will be pretty bad ass to the theme is no pants. You can interpret that however you wish and just like last time we will be doing a live stage performance of the old school. Tv show the dating game. Get all the details by going on our facebook. Page under dateable podcast. This episode of dateable is brought to you by five hundred brunches. Five hundred brunches connects like minded people with similar interests to meet in real life over brunch. You answer a questionnaire about your interest and how you spend your time. And then they'll match you in small groups of six to eight at a brunch spot in san francisco. Get a free entry into a french now. By signing up at five hundred branches dot com and using the code date able everyone. Welcome to another episode of dateable. Show that opens up a candid conversation about dating in san francisco. So you guys were going to do something. A little bit different on this episode. We we had a lot of listeners. Requests stories from couples. So we have a couple in our studio who are going to tell us their story separately and then we're going to bring them back together so we have spencer and caroline ha de. Thanks for helping us. Thanks for being on michael. And i don't know their story at all. Apparently it's a very good one but we're going to isolate them and have them tell their stories separately so caroline's going to leave the room. I with a bottle wine. So that's why we're gonna talk some nasty things about you. Spend our has rolled up his sleeves and and to second beer. Second second beer already. Did he just get their kids. Just got here five minutes ago. He's on his second beer. We are all good to go. Okay so spencer. How did you guys i meet caroline and i met through cal football game. I've always been a big kalfa fan. I went to cal group. Go there and i was i over. Almost every cal. Football game and caroline is not from the bay area but has a number of friends going when scoring so luckily not some of our mutual friends in common brought her to a bar in berkeley. It's very well known. It's called henry's for the the listeners. That aren't in town. Think about the bar that you go to a few beers before the game. A few maybe many depending on where you're at why so that's a pre-game spot exactly exactly very crucial. Especially if you're cal football fan because so many games. Don't go your way but i a number of friends and i stopped there for a few refreshments and i saw caroline cross the bar and i said to myself. This is a young woman. Got gotta get over and spend some time with get to know why. What was it about her you know. I think she had kind of demeanor. That was very confident she was clearly.
00:05:01 - 00:10:00
That didn't go to cal. Was someone that had friends at count. Who was having a great time out of big big smile. Which i think is so important in attracting attention. And i just felt like i had to go over and introduce myself and say this is someone who's phone number of gotta get after today where you never met her before never met her seeing hers. Time say are basically what what you to her. The first thing was she's beautiful beautiful girl here but it was also a confidence without attitude. I think she the way she was carrying herself. You know was really attractive. As i said earlier. I walked over and i said. Hey i've gotta get your phone number your someone i've got me. That's what that's your opening line. You're someone on the yeah. So now where was she. Was she with a group of friends where she by herself. What she liked looking place music like. When did you approach. Yeah i think she was just across the bar having a drink. I think she may have been friends. She may have been by herself. I don't really recall. Maybe not stupid. How poor cal. Football is but she looks right across the board. I just i said i can't leave here without having a conversation with her and seeing there's any chemistry trying to carries beyond physical attraction. That was your first line. What was her response to that. First line that's a better question for her michael. I think she'll have the response now. But i'll tell you felt receptive. I haven't been approached like this before. So maybe it makes sense to see what this guy's about. Oh you remember what she was wearing i do. I do remember one of the things that i loved. She was wearing a scarf and it was kind of an overcast. Day scarf looked so good on her. She was probably the only girl in the bar that could go off that scarf. She pulled it off spectacularly while a scarf. You guys you're like. I liked her really covered up. Yeah i think in more broadly for the listeners out there you know people who have confidence in themselves people who are doing something. That's maybe a little bit unconventional if they're doing well regardless of what it is it can be incredibly attention grabbing and caroline were that scarf about as well as i've ever seen anyone scar and i hear that a lot from guys that they don't it's for guys to pinpoint exactly what's attractive about a woman other than the entire presence of her. I've heard guys described. This woman walked into this place. And i just i couldn't take my eyes off of her. No i think you're spot on in confidence if you can carry yourself well and have that presence and have that confidence here yourself. It lends incredibly well. Actually having conversation meeting in person so a big thing for you was not just like how beautiful she was but the way she carried herself exactly exactly and we can talk about this in more depth later but in the world we live in where things are so digitally oriented. You know tinder the league all these different apps so few people are meeting in person anymore. And i think if you can carry yourself while and have that presence and have that confidence Yourself it lends incredibly well actually. Having a conversation in meeting in person which in my opinion is kind of a component of building a strong relationship and building. something that's actually lasting beyond just. Hey you wanna meet at a bar tonight to have a couple of cocktails. Tell us leaked progress. It progression like this go from eight beat z. We exchange contact information. We maybe haven't fifteen minute conversation or maybe less you know so caroline. I met up probably week later. Got got a drink and saw there was something more substantial there beyond. Hey you know cal. Football socks i'd like it was. Hey there's actually human chemistry here. Which i think listening to the podcast you and michael and myself we can all say you know when you have interaction with someone that's meaningful. That interaction is something you want to contend the what was one of the first things you notice where you like. I have chemistry with her. You know one of the things. I always say says. Hey if you're someone in your out on a date and you're talking about work in the first fifteen minutes it's probably not the right place to be. I mean you know you need to be who you are not just. This is what i do from nine to or in the case of people turned finance technology or some of these more demanding industries. This is what i do from you. Know seven the seven. it's about. Hey what are what are things. You're passionate about where things that you love. And it's one of those things that's great but that's not the whole focus of the conversation and i you know carolyn. I probably had a conversation where. I don't remember exactly but i don't even know if we talked about work.
00:10:00 - 00:15:00
In the first hour sell it was just out of vague macro level when you met caroline what stage in life where you at. Were you looking for relationship where you're looking to date. Yeah i think people who go out and look for a relationship or fundamentally flawed. If you're going out with the end goal. I want to find a girlfriend. That's a tough place to be because you may push yourself into a relationship. That's not the best thing for you at that point. But what if you're not ready like you're a guy who's not in a great state of mind you're not in a career that you're happy with what you're not ready for a relationship and i think that's more a reflection of the guy and where he's out in life and some return that he needs to achieve than it is a lot of the female listeners on his podcast probably saying i feel social pressure to go find the boyfriend or i feel you know like all my best friend's girlfriend when they're out on friday night at dinner with their significant other at home and i'm stuck here and i'm just going to go out and find ways around but you got in those relationships and it's just like a monotonous thing. It's not that real tangible thing that's worth pursuing and worth being cardiac a couple key questions one is do you work in sales or consulting work in finance okay. So you're obviously very good with communication because your client facing i'm guessing you use the term very good type. I'd say all right best opening up his third year everyone does keeping track how he's arms out confidence in yourself and being able to interact with one. I do think in san francisco because there's just an influx of people in and you're behind computers or devices that guys who work in sales consulting or finance clean up in the city because they have the right communication skills to to approach women and i think it's refreshing. When as a girl at a bar were social environment that a guy would come up and say i have to meet you. You and i need to get to know each other better. Where did you go for your first date. Which bar That's a better question for. I mean i would say remember your first day. We've been to a bunch of great place. Call her texter. I think i'd text. I'll be the next day or yes so then what starts happening to start making you guys come together more of a a real relationship like what's that transition you go out a couple times and if you feel like that chemistry's there you feel like that feeling that you had when you first met is still there. It's worth kind of taking to the next level. Exploring something more more substantial i think one key component is so many times people say hey let me not perjuring. Hilas me not for drinks. Haled's me not for drinks. And like what i did. I did early on his. You know we just went for a walk had free. We just went for a walk. And it's like maybe i'm crazy or maybe on the millennial but when you when you walk with someone you learn so much more about them than thank you thank you. I've been trying to get that. Appoint crosses so many people. It's like gopher walk there's movement you inspiration and there's you and the person and you get to choose whatever it is you want to experience exactly and by the way not to knock on anyone who doesn't like exercise but if you can't go on a walk together at least three miles you're screwed. You're never going to end up being anything more substantial ten thousand steps. I'm talking to two birds one stone. Obviously where did you guys go for a walk. You walked from kind of out towards the golden gate bridge. Second date third date. Which date was the snow. I don't keep track of dates. I don't think about it like a linear progression. And i think if you do about it like a linear progression that goes back to the digital native everything online. Like we were here then. We have to go to be than we have to go to see you. It's more just a fluid. Thing is what i think create successful relationship. So then with that. I'm guessing was there a point or you to just became an official couple. Yeah i don't know if i mean. We had one night where we were like. Hey this is working out. great Maybe we should. We didn't say hey. Maybe we should be more serious but it was. We both feel really positive. Have gotten it. So who brought up this conversation though you. It may have been may been her. I in my opinion that it'd be irrelevant right. Like if it's really right then you bunch. When was the first guest probably's second date or something. Where are you seeing other people.
00:15:00 - 00:20:00
You know the the interesting thing about this and my a track record or background. Whatever term you want to use you know. normally. I'm not someone who's one hundred percent going all in on a on a single relationship and i think at some point in this relationship was just kind of like it doesn't make sense for me to be seeing other people but you weren't seeing other people i get a straight answer. No when we first met there were probably a number of you. Know a number of people talking to when i've had experiences of the past of being really connected to someone just just lost interest in other people like my interest was just four out person like it. It just naturally happened that way. you know. we're still early in our relationship as you guys said. We're six months. And but i think the signs of success are that you just naturally make that shift on your own. I just feel like i hear this from couples over and over again when a works it just works and it doesn't take that much effort for two congealed in the in the beginning because a lot of us have those awkward like dr conversations. Let's define what this is. Are we exclusive. Are we boyfriend girlfriend the minute you feel the need to have that conversation. You already know the answer. Which is it's not happening. Naturally it kind of reminds me of what we were talking about earlier about like previous episode about marriage proposal. Like before you ask him to marry him. You should know that they're gonna say four. Shell shouldn't be a surprise. What are some of the things you found has been really helpful to maintain the relationship. I and unquestionably most important. Open dialogue if you spend all day text each other but can't have a real conversation confronting the brutal facts as as an author. That i i love jim. Collins would say little facts about your relationship. Don't bother it's being able to continue taverna open dialogue. I think taxing is ruining so many relationships because people view taxes. Today we're all care as a derivative of a successful relationship at so far from the truth. Human interaction spending time together holding hands as lame as it sounds. Those are the kinds of things that set the tone of the relations of how one of the things that john godman. I've talked about him before. He's one of the leading family therapists out. There are psychiatrists about families and relationships. Mostly specifically marriages any talks about. Just some of the fundamentals of those people who are successful. Relationships has the ability to communicate. It's not necessarily that. They solve the problem but that they have the ability to discuss the problem in a healthy way all right. i think we're good on this one spencer. Thank you very much. we're gonna get caroline's perspective gonna get her back in here. Caroline just had a lot of wine and she's back in the room ready to tell us her side of the story. so we heard from spencer. How you guys met how you guys became a couple now. It's your chance and don't try to guess what he said. Just wanna hear your side of the story. Okay start from the beginning. Yes so i- total transplant. San francisco literally knew when i met when i moved here from where from new york i went to school in nashville. So i'm sue beretta. And like i met a bunch of people that went to school with him through my work and i was like the football game The cal football game and it was like a bar. Henry's i wanna say and like middle day just like went for like huddle halloween to drink because whatever what else do you do in the middle of town hall in. And he was talking to my friend who he knows and we just kinda like locked eyes and leg. Kind of like oh. I remember that guy's cute. But like whatever like moved on. But i think that definitely a distinct like memory and my mind and so kind of like time. Pass like nothing happened. I remember he looked back at me. He might not to mention whatever i know. It happened and So like after like probably an hour hour and a half. Where at the bar. Because i like left for a while i went with my friends somewhere and he comes up to me and he goes just like holding a drink. I'm only dreaming. I need your number. It's like that. Just like that. And i just i need your number and i was like okay and i was like you know tipsy. Not like really drunk at this point but like you know whenever enjoying it and he goes. Let's take a selfie like me and him to select lock it down.
00:20:01 - 00:25:02
Like i guess like lockdown that like i don't know maybe like so i would remember him now. Early sure so. We took the selfie during the moment. Yeah capturing the moment or making ensuring that like when he tech. So i guess he wanted to text me it so i would have his number. Do you still have the selfie. Sure yeah i could get. I definitely have it. Yeah i'll fisher show you because it's the yes in fact. I know i haven't because i've shown it to him later and been like look at the selfie. We talk and he was like. Oh yeah that's not a really good picture. And then i think one of us walked away. Honestly i remember i. I like what with my friends. I think we went to another bar and berkeley did you. What did you wear. I wore remember so. I wore this like tan skirt. My friend had to work. Calcutta's a close thing. I had to gold and the scarf and he apparently thing that attracted him attracted me or him to me was the scarf was wearing with. It was just like this like kind of like it was like a normal goldfish scarf like a thick. It was acute with it. And he likes said later. That like using. This girl looks like preppy or classy. I don't know what it was wordsworth. But apparently that's what i looked like in the scarf and i was like okay and every time. There's little scarf you tonight. And he goes like that scar scar. It's like okay so then next day next day hours later he texted me. Hey what's up. Hello you hours. Yeah this is like getting into full swing halloween. So like i'm like pre-game with my friends like he's pregame friends san francisco. So he's like china like lockdown down the night and he was like count. Hang out with me and my friends or whatever. Hello have you. Had you been in san francisco at this point. I'd been there for almost a year. A little over okay so relatively meal. Yeah like i didn't know anyone. He moved here so it was like pretty new. So we're kinda chatting tonight and or like a decent man the night and he was kind of like. I wanna take you on a day on legal. It's play tennis. And i was like it's interesting just assumed i played tennis which i do but still then the next day i woke up like after like a night out and like texted him back and i was like like struggling whatever i said and then i look at my call log and apparently i'd call them at two. Am and i had no idea. Because if i had no. I had called in at two. Am i would not have texted him again in the morning. You don't remember calling him. At all i to an what do you think you were calling him about. Have no idea. Because i wasn't about to go meet up with him. Like i was with a lot of people and i was having a great time so i've actually no idea i called him. Come on. that's okay. Oh well first of all. I have no idea because this part of the night. It's not remember. I was with a lot of good friends that i was having a great time and i was gonna continue the night with them or whatever that happened and then we're like chivers today and he's like let's go out on tuesday and i don't hear from him until tuesday morning and he's just like excited for tonight. Whatever august for actually going on the state because like you know. Sometimes it'll be like oh. Are we still on. He was like excited to do it. And i was. Oh he's like not even asking me if we're still on. He's just he's saying we're doing it. Which is great. And i was like. That's awesome because i feel like a lot of guys will just be like. Oh you still wanna go out tonight and then it's kind of giving you out like being like. Oh well now the thing about like it was taking control the situation. Yeah yeah he totally control the situation. So i i like go to go to the outside of his house and he comes outside and i was like wow. He's a lot cuter than i remember him. Being the only picture i had him was that picture the selfie. We talk and he didn't look good. Know what movie. That's why so you'd be pleasantly surprised when you see him. Well he's a lot heater that's exciting. That's exactly it was great. Yeah so we start walking Sort towards like the golden gate bridge and we're just like tatting super comfortable like i didn't really feel like i had to try it all in the conversation like it was just like so conversational. Look we stop at this bench and he brings out a bottle of red wine and he sits on the bench to me like the waves are crashing was really cute. You've finished the bottle of wine he might have had to. I don't really remember exactly. And then he goes in for the kiss really the first oh on the first date within the first hour around half yeah and it was good it was cute like it was very it was short and sweet and i was like it was it was like almost fell a couple of bright bit in there so after i guess we'd finished the wine. He were walking towards A bar restaurant bar and he holds my hand. Wow yeah and like whoa. This guy is like going in for it. So yeah i was like okay.
00:25:02 - 00:30:01
How can i ask you a weird question. Does it feel more intimate when someone gives you that first kiss are the first holding the hand i you know. I think the holding of the hand is a well. I think at that point. It's like feels a little. I don't i don't think i wouldn't say like i love the holding of the hand on the first day because i'm kinda like i don't know you and it's kinda like we're not a couple at least not yet like it was. It was more intimate than i was like thought i was going to get but like i didn't hate it was just kind of like we're still going to other holding hands and it's kind of like How are you feeling at this point. Though where you into him attracted to him. I was definitely into him. Definitely talked to him. Where were you at this point when you met spencer. Were you like in the dating mode where you looking for a relationship. I was like looking. I wouldn't say. I was desperate by any means but like my roommate and i talked about it a lot like we would like go home like we talked about boys like pretty much all night long active online dating. Oh yeah and like. I deleted in reinstalled and deleted every time. I'm like this so then. How did this first date end okay. So we went to dinner and he just like we were just talking like i felt totally comfortable with him. At this point. I would just say whatever i wanted so he had a call at five thirty in the morning for work and i wouldn't. I wouldn't have progressed anywhere after that. Anyway it was like a tuesday night so he called me a lift or you call it a left and he lived like walking distance away but he drove with me in the left up the hill. To where i live got out. Let me out i. He took the lift back. He basically went like kind of like a roundabout way like very far way. The kiss and i went back and then he texted me. When i was in my bed and i was like. Wow that was the best date. Ever been on really yeah. It was so comfortable and it wasn't like it wasn't it wasn't awkward at any point. And i think i was like intimidate offer wasn't like questioning it and after that we went out again two days later just to get drinks two days later. Yes so he yes. We text me. I think even the next year the day after that and drink. That was fun. The next i saw him was saturday. So we went for a walk It was during the day. I walked towards the bridge and like we hung out for like the majority of the day and like went to a party of random party at night together. I kind kinda like piggybacked on the day with him and later that night. He's like do you want to get more serious. Should i delete my bumble third day. And i was like i was on in theory yes but also like i literally have known you for less than a week like i cannot commit to that right now. Why it's so interesting. How the idea of commitment is the leading. I think it was. I think i might have been scared little bit too. Like not the norm. I think i wasn't like it was like i talked with my remain. They'd be like oh. I wanna boyfriend i wanna boyfriend. We talk about how we got her boyfriend. Finally like the opportunity lands in our lab. And i'm like whoa was not expected. This happened in the span of a week and then i was in dallas like for work that week the next week and we were talking every single night comeback. He comes over to. My house brings me candy. And he like picked out. I guess remembered that candy. That i liked the most i told him because i was like. I really like green. There's white gummy bears. Are there called the harpo And he physically went to the store and picked out flavors and over. We watched a movie. And i was like you must really like me he goes. That's what i'm trying to prove. I surprised this is so weird because my ex boyfriend was not pink. Wanting that you just point on is the little things don't mean a lot can often mean everything. Oh yeah it was like that. Showed me so much like he literally physically like because like the gummy bears are in a been. This is one of those canisters scoop out the candy one like open by then. I can spend an hour there and then the day after that we think we hung out all day so we walked back to the bridge that we went our first date at and i was like. I think i'm ready to make this official thing. Yeah fairly. I brought it up and so from the next day. We're like walking hand. And he liked decides he wants to talk about like the relationship and like the rules and like my rules in his rules. And i was like i was like well. Yeah he's like his roles were like. Don't go to bed angry so he really drove this relationship. Then from the like shaping it one hundred percent control the situation it was never like. Should we go to this bar or like. Do you want to go to dinner now. It was like were going here on the state. We're going to this place.
00:30:01 - 00:35:00
I'm taking you home. And i was like you took total control and that was so nice so hot so high. It was so hot he took the bag. It was clear like the pants wear the them i was like i need. I need that. So you've been together for a little bit now. What do you think has been one of the key factors to having a successful relationship. So far i fit. Well we've been super open. I think like being able to like communicate when like things haven't really gone wrong but like we've we talk. I mean a lot and like he leans on me and i lied on him So like whenever like. He's feeling stress at work on. He'll come to me. And do say and i think like he's i think we motivate each other. Which has been helpful like he makes me want to go to the gym. Which is nice like not to like. Get a by to please him like because like when we work out together sometimes feels good. It's like oh Working out like a good healthy thing. And like i think we do things To make our like make our minds healthier together like running together even though like he's win whatever owner than i am. It's just like builds the relationship so being over in communication. I think is key any hopefully ships over anything's like bothering any of us will sit sweet. Let's bring spencer back. we ready for this spencer. Caroline are back in the room together and they just give give each other. This very sweet kiss do it again. Just gives a little. Just do it again do it again. Give all nice. So i'm gonna go through some of my notes. Thank you guys for sharing your story and michael you go through your some of the things that you saw so one of the things is you didn't mention the selfie that you and caroline took which i do want to see that's like imperative to the story. Look when you're out at something like that it's valuable to have some takeaway from it and you should run for office. Oh he's been told this. Okay so you were. You're texting her nonstop that night the first time you met her and then she called you unbeknownst her. Apparently at an you didn't mention the two. Am call but she called you to am. She doesn't remember why. But that could have thrown you off. I don't know did it. Do you remember the no. I don't even know what i call him. Now and then. Spencer you were saying how going for a walk as a good date. I didn't realize you guys went on a walk on your first date and then you pulled out the wine because you didn't remember your like i don't remember what day it was what you remember. I was curling. I think if you look back on the six months that we've been dating there have been a lot of great dates along the way. And i didn't remember a linear progression because i didn't think about a relationship in that way. I love the way this can get himself out of anything. Caroline says something very interesting. She thought she actually saw you for the first day. You were a lot cuter than she remember you to be because the selfie guys took was apparently not that flattering make sense. I didn't think the selfie was that flattering of myself. Either and as michael can attest to every man has a photo or two that they don't love it that's not indicative of the way. They loan payments the tangible evidence from our michael. Don't use snapchat no. That'll never work for any of us. So you guys had a first kiss in the middle the first date and you're you held her hand you know. So much of a relationship is kind of the human interaction and actually spending time with each other. Actually you know getting to know each other. And i think i felt like it was the right thing to do at that point in time. Now you know whether or not caroline founded offensive is is or it. Sounds like someone else in the room. One of our moderators swatted me. That's okay michael. Jordan took a lot of shots to make some shots. Say though when you like someone anything they do is hugh and when you don't like them. Anything they do is creepy. So i i'm all about that in just a couple of things that i realized was one. I think Spent you did a great job of just leading like just being a leader for this dance and allowing her the opportunity to feel so comfortable following. You know setting the tone being clear about your intentions clear about the way you feel from day. One i think is important and it's not about saying you know here's what i want is the end goal.
00:35:00 - 00:38:41
But it's about saying. Hey you're someone that i'm really interested in. I wanna learn more about and hopefully that feeling is mutual. When of relationship when two people just work it just works. And there's just absolute no gameplay. You guys went on a second date two days after your first state like in the rules you know in the game in the handbook of dating. You'd never do that. Follow him which is spencer also really liked you why he was willing to go with the flow to know. If you look at something that's meaningful to you as a game it's not gonna work you know when caroline i had a great for state and we spent time together and we weren't you know drinking and we actually got to know each other and i said hey. This is someone i wanna spend time with. You make that a priority. And i don't think there's any role i i should've waited three days. You know if that's if that's the game you're playing you're going back to the texting. You're going back to a foundation. That won't work out for you long term and i think we both said. Hey that's not a game. We're gonna play because we're in this for the long run and we're in it for all nine innings and i think that's that's like the issues that people are trying to create something based off a pre set rules but that doesn't make sense because so many people are so different and it's the discovery of the relationship and what works best for you to versus saying this is how it must be going in. No that doesn't make sense as a dictatorship versus discovering of what works for us. What is it that we actually is a couple. Yeah and i think. I've heard like my friends talked way too much about like what. They shouldn't have said what they should have said. And i'm like looking at this now. Like i said whatever was on my mind like i never was like. Oh i shouldn't have said that. Or like i should shut up of. He's said it he were receptive and it just never felt weird. You weren't yourself. I was myself apple to some which was the only way to be. Because if you're not authentic and you build a relationship on something that's not you. That's not real how that relationship gonna end out just fake like the way you walked into the room okay We have to wrap this up. I could go on and on forever. When you guys i think the main takeaway as the minute you start playing games. You're not with the right person. I really think that's the key that's the key takeaway here even if you have this late games even if you get them for a mere second it's temporary and then it's not going to last so you guys we want to hear for more couples who've made it in san francisco. We want to hear your dating stories. They're good or bad Scary or ridiculous so with uh said. You're dating challenge for this week to break the rules of dating. That is if you're debating whether to tech someone just do it. If you want to call someone go for it. Basically do everything opposite of what you think. You're supposed to do and just see what happens. The most efficient way to meet new people is a combination of online and offline five hundred branches has your offline covered connect over brunch with new friends. Come alone or bring a buddy. There's always a table. Full of friendly faces mimosas and eggs benedict sign up at five hundred branches dot com and use the code date able for free entry to connect with us visit dateable. Podcasts dot com. You can also find us on facebook twitter and instagram. All under dateable podcast.