S3E9: Yellow Fever

Dateable Podcast
October 25, 2016
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October 25, 2016

S3E9: Yellow Fever

We also have Eric, an Asian male, who prefers to date white women. We talk about why they gravitate to opposite races, cultural differences, and the impact of mixed raced relationships.

Yellow Fever

Dan talks about his love for Asian women as a white male. We also have Eric, an Asian male, who prefers to date white women. We talk about why they gravitate to opposite races, cultural differences, and the impact of mixed raced relationships.

Episode Transcript

S3E9 Yellow Fever

00:00:00 - 00:05:01

The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world.

And i move so i loves. We are excited. You've join us for an older episode. While our earlier seasons were all about dating in san francisco we quickly realize all the themes. Learnings are universal for all daters so we shifted to covering dating from all around the world as the seasons. Progress to the fun part. Is things happen. I san francisco the tech epicenter and counterculture capital of the world. We love for you to keep tuning in to our older episodes. But there's no set order to listen in so feel free to jump to more. Recent seasons are relevant episodes for you. Enjoy the show. The database podcast is hosted by me. I'm you a a former dating coach. In new york turned activator in san francisco. On this episode. you'll be hearing commentary from six other people which include our guest. Dan and eric my producer. Julie craft check our lovely interns cumia and our poly-amorous guests from our last episode ben and kate. This episode of dateable is brought to you by five hundred brunches. Five hundred brunches connects like minded people with similar interests to meet in real life over brunch. You answer a questionnaire about your interest and how you spend your time. And they'll match you in small groups of six to eight at a bench spot in san francisco get a free entry into a brench now by signing up at five hundred brunches dot com and using the code date able everyone welcome to another episode of dateable a show that opens up a candid conversation about dating in san francisco. We're talking about yellow fever my favorite Topic and we're not talking about the disease you could get from mosquitoes. I have dan and eric in the studio with me. Dan what let let me. Just go back to pull on. We're gonna drink i. Do you want him poor. I already did poor. I just know that. I'm gonna need more later. Okay gotcha okay. Because we got dan. And eric and eric just ask for refill on a drink that he hasn't finished so you know this is gonna be good episode. How this started was. I put out. Something on. Facebook and dan was recommended by a mutual friend and he decided to come on the show at the same time. Eric responded to my post. And said i have the opposite. I and asia night only like white women so we're like perfect we'll get both sides of the story for what is yellow fever. Meteo well to me. It means that. I primarily digit. And why so i throughout high school. I mostly dated white chicks. Just because that's what i am. Where their asian women there. A few there were handful in california. It was in california. i'm a californian. And so i always dated girls in high school and then when i got to college i met the beautiful brilliant asian girl who i dated for two years and it was a really great relationship. We were very close and it kind of like a recent my thermostat such when we broke up. I started noticing asian women everywhere previously. Hadn't and so but i still didn't officially have yellow fever yet. I was so kind of a mix of different at this show. Symptoms early symptoms early onset. Something's and and recently. I just got out of a long relationship and so i started really kind of diving into the dating apps and you know how when you when they show you a new picture of a new person you kind of have this gut check like do i like or do i not like and empirically speaking. I was saying yes to like. Vast majority asian women and the apps are really responsive so they pick up on what you like eventually. Just sorta serving the exclusively asian which was totally cool with so it just kind of happened. Now i'm pretty much only dating your entry asian. That's what i call her. Jaw your gateway asian. How did you see her when you first saw her. Because you never david asia before. So what made you attracted to her. She was just really beautiful. Super hot dorky. In a way that. I liked okay. And did you have any challenges or did you have any setbacks in the beginning no she was thoroughly americanized. Not a fob. That's fresh off the vote for anybody who's not with that means although we say boba now which is brought over by airplane so brought over by airplane because the time let lettuce correct we've modernized. The term fought now. So you had your entry asian.

00:05:01 - 00:10:02

It kind of opened your eyes. It's like i've heard this. You know in psychology if you go shop for a white car then all of a sudden you only notice white cars right. So it's like whatever's top. Mind you start noticing that more and more and then now you exclusively date asian women. I mean i wouldn't say exclusively. I'm certainly open and dating non asians it just. I'm putting the majority my effort towards dating asians so it kinda works out that way. Well because there's so many. If i stumbled into a relationship with a hot i wouldn't object. You know like i'm not gonna turn it down you know it's just. I'm just not pursuing at the point. According to urban dictionary yellow fever is a term used applied to white males who have a clear sexual preference for women of asian descent although it can also be used in reference to white males who prefer asian men. It do you think it's a sexual preference though. They explicitly say sexual. I mean i don't know that makes it sound like i'm some kind of guy. Shift that schist or something like that. I mean i don't know like. I certainly enjoy banging asian when i enjoyed banging all kinds of women. It's just it's just worked out that mostly through the former eric. What's your story. I don't even know what the the equivalent of the asian male only dating white women. I don't know there. Is there a term for that white fever. I suspect not a. But i don't see why we can't create a term board. Let's create a hashtag g. You exclusively date white women not necessarily know it just so happens that he large majority of the girls that i do day. Just happen to be caucasian. Why is that. I think a lot of it has to do with a good mentioned upbringing. A lot of cultural influence. And also what. I'm surrounded with here in terms of density right and the people that you surround myself with or just so managed to surround myself with so going back as a kid i grew up in a fairly diverse city is a coastal town here in california and i would say the ratios were about twenty to thirty percent asian. the rest were latin hispanic and or caucasian and so there was a pretty large variety of different ethnicities and cultures in my elementary middle and high school and up until about sophomore year of high school. I dated primarily asian girls simply because the folks that i hung out with were pretty much asian so the identity and the culture and the things the hobbies and the things that we were interested in were just similar which is easier that way and then come round junior year i get into track and field and suddenly the folks that i hang out with on a regular basis change their mostly caucasian guys and obviously most of their interests were pretty much caucasian girls and so i was exposed to that and then that's when that kind of just often i started dating primarily caucasian girls. I guess i mean for both of you. It's not like you're like oh white girls Asian growth potentially probe mostly prejudice possibly races. Oh let me take issue with that. You're just you're johnson knows what it wants that's true. Yeah there's there's a specific difference between being attracted someone solely based on Physical features and what you're typically attracted to and then being attractive somewhat or not being attractive someone based solely on their appearance or skin. So my asian girlfriends. I always talk about this. It's not so much the preference for asian women which is great. That's wonderful but it's the the spectrum of attractiveness that guys with yellow fever date it ranges from pretty but ugly. Chew hot exactly right. so then. Once the guy has entered into dating asian women he abandons equality. Control dishes like she's asia. Okay i okay. Part of the reason why i love asian women is it's supply demand issue right. I love it when economics coming please. Expound is a six foot tall white guy with decent social skills. I demand hot chicks with good attitude within the white female community. I'm not finding that so much. So many businesses. I've outsourced to asia. While i love it i just gave him a fiscal pursuits. I'd like to hear your rebuttal to that. It'd be complete opposite not so.

00:10:03 - 00:15:02

I want to preface. With the fact that i completely agree with the statement that you had mentioned before in which you and your girlfriends had observed that a lot of your caucasian male friends are dating the entire spectrum of female asian female attractiveness now. I can say that. I have dated the spectrum also of caucasian. My both my caucasian friends and my asian friends would be like dude like wow. She's like twice year like horizontal size and definitely not attractive. You what would you do. It was like home. I don't know. I i just shrugged and it was just different. I there was no reason as to why i shouldn't try. Obviously a lot of asian runs. You are asia. And i think one of the things i've heard from them is that when the guy with yellow fever. It's not. They're trying to defeat them as a person but just because they're asian or into them. Yes so that's the part that i think loses some girls because it makes you just feel like an object to pose to like a person would goes back to fetishism and exoticism that modern society is trade on both agents and caucasians. Well i i feel like some for example my ex-boyfriend i hope he listens to this. Because i've tried to explain this him he never understood. Amerson those cutouts where someone's body and it's like insert face here and then you put your face there and then you take a picture. That's how i felt in that relationship. Because i felt like it was just as long. You have an asian face. You fit into this cutout. What are your thoughts about that. Damn to be fair. I have noticed that. I am a bit more allowing of we say less attractive ladies if they happen to be asian like something about being asian seems to mitigate a loss of like a slight dip and attractive. That is so i don't know i mean so. I guess that kind of gets into like what do i like about asian ladies. Let's go for okay. Physically generally speaking. You'll have great hair. Great skin y'all right california right. You'll have great hair. Great skin intend to be slim right. So there's like this baseline of attractiveness from that and also chen to have good values like the ten value education. They tend to be smart. They tend to work hard. Because they're all traits. That i look for eric. I think that a lot of what he said is definitely has its validity. I tend to reflect that except the opposite rate to two caucasian women. There's some values that identify with that. Just so happened to be coincided with my much easier with there's right. There's a lot of asian values. Aaron asian collective societies. That don't typically go. Well with what how i was raised and what i've been exposed to. And how what. I perceived to be valuable and what about physically like us. More physically attracted caucasian women Yes yeah i'd i'd have to that. I think i'm going to have to go back. To the fact that in the same way that asian women were fetishizes sized and and pretty much portrayed in media as something that's different right in the same manner. Caucasian girls can definitely. You could say the same about them right So you do think there is some influence in the media and society that made you kind of view caucasian. Very attract yeah. I've completely agree with that. A lot of it has to do with culture society and what we're typically exposed to show. They knew said. What is there any sample a value. Yeah independence not for the collective. So there's a stark difference between collective societies and non collective societies where you have western societies which are most definitely not collective right where they go back to say the american dream they kick you out of the house eighteen. You start working. He'd rather education and new fend off yourself literally in the agent society. Everything you do. Or i shouldn't say asian collective societies that does include latinos hispanics asians asian indians apec region. Whatever the collective would mean that everything you do is for the greater good of the family. Do you ever get made fun of by your asian friends. Absolute as being all the goddamn yeah definitely is that a is that a negative thing not as i actually just a fun fact. I had a coworker recently. Come to who. I didn't know very well. He's fairly new. Came up to me. And he said hey. I knew you weren't attracted to asians. As soon as i heard your voice. I go of really. I mean to answer your question. Does that sold me. Was that not necessarily because a lot of it defines who.

00:15:02 - 00:20:04

I am very comfortable about who i am. Well this goes back to identity right. Because i think a lot of us were immigrants into this country we have this hyphenated identity where we kind of have to identify with one or the other you and then when you do identify with one the other side kind of owns you in a way right. So you're you're kind of like i feel like i'm always going back and forth between asian american asian american. I find that when i date outside of my race which happens in a happens all of us. It gets to a certain extent where the relationship can no longer go much farther because of fundamental cultural differences. And i've seen this as i get older because when you're younger you can date and you'll be like i'm attracted to you. We like each other. We have fun or so different. We can learn so much about each other and that some point where you're talking about. Let's say marriage. Let's say a deeper relationship. There is a huge obstacle there. That a lot of people can't get over. Have you guys encountered this hundred percent. Yeah tell me more about it. Ironically given that on the guy my last long term girlfriend was black. Okay yeah and that was that was a hell of an experience. The cultural differences between us. We're really drastic. And i mean we really love each other. We got along really well. But i experienced a lot of of racism to be totally honest with you right like i went to. I went to a mostly black bar with the scowl and some guys basically like like threatened to kick my ass. We had to leave like seriously. Yeah it was pretty intense. You know and i i was. I'd be with her and thinking long term thinking about like well. What if we got married. I was like. I was picturing like how the heck like i'm half jewish so how the heck is my like jewish family. You're gonna mingle with her family like how how's that going to work exactly. And i realized that like there was just too much friction. You know with asian girls is easier. No i've thought about that too. And i'm like let's say data girl who's person racial american and i go meet her parents. Like what are we gonna talk about like. Their english is going to be terrible. And they're going to judge me by whatever cultural centers they have but what about your parents to all. My parents are awesome. California white liberal parents are. I mean they practically high five. When i showed up at the black girl and what about you. Erick the star cultural differences. There are definitely there and growing up. My parents have made it very clear. Like i think you should just marry within your own race. An inclusionary dating preferences are also could be considered With an argument racist or prejudice right but besides that if you look at it from an economic standpoint and from what the numbers show if you date within your own culture marriages seemed to be more successful And a majority of the girls that i've dated in the past. Were jewish really. Hey you guys are swapping asia's serious thing that you just said about the immigrants i mean. I'm jewish. I can say this but it's like i'm not just white identify with english culture. It's like the same thing as being. Asian americans similarity. They're going back to what you said earlier. Being white in america is kind of weird because it's almost like the absence of missing. We're we're like an empty glass with nothing. Template right so i find myself like overcompensating on the jewish aspect can have some kind of identity. I hear this from a lot of my white male friends. Who asian because they're like well the asian cultures so rich and his so rich in history that i feel like i can latch onto. Something of rehab is white people like nascar like what the hell is there. I'm not saying that. It's only jewish people that have asian or yellow fever. But there's a lot. Judaism and those of jewish would typically considered collective for the most part a lot of emphasis on the family. So why a so. You dated jewish girls in the past. I have those relationships ended when when the relationship would become more serious than long-term logistics would become an issue right such as would you convert to my like well. I am circumcised so yes. That shouldn't be a problem brace. Elite challenge accepted and finished. What are some of the differences between dating a white woman. Asian woman in your experience. Is that a lot of the asian girls that i have held out with or dated most of the time we'll primarily associate with strictly asians for the most part or a large majority of them. We'll be right. I didn't see much ever stayed in much growth in terms of learning from somebody who is outside of your group.

00:20:05 - 00:25:06

I believe in a lot of self improvement and that has to stem from being able to hang out with and learning from people outside of your normal group of folks that you hang up. I think you and i can relate to this. Because i'm not first. Generation point five generation. My parents came to the us. To give me a better life. And i feel like if you brought me all the way here from china. I probably should learn other people's cultures instead of sticking to my own. So i think that's why i've always been attracted to people of other races. I'm not just saying white. Because i feel like it's in america for a reason if i wanted to date asians i would just go back to asia right. So it's almost that continuing education. I like to call him getting to going. It's great so much about different countries. But dan what about you. What are some of the differences of dating in asia woman versus non asian white. Girls are way more okay with relationship ambiguity right like there's the first little bit of dating before you have that like. Dt f moment right florio slip that moment with love and respect to white with tends to come a little sooner. Which is nice. There's down to relationship are defined defined defined the the nasc- right so. Ddr tends to come a little later. Which is nice kind of prolongs ambiguous. I have no obligations phase. Which is a guy i will say. That's really nice. I enjoyed that face. It's a little bit more casual less needing to impose labels and less needing commitment. That being said when i'm looking for i am looking for commitment in it or not in it and someone i am in. I've noticed that asian women do tend to be more about that which i appreciate. Who do you think you're going to end up with like ultimately that that basically all boils down to am. I okay with with my kids being half asian basically so i'm thinking to a family reunion with half asian kids like what's that gonna be like. What is that going to be like. I don't know. I mean my white relatives are a little bit hick so it could be a little awkward. Do you think there would be pushback. Obviously not from your thing of fucking cells. If there's any pushback like my life you know that being said i. I have read that. Children of mixed racial backgrounds have like certain issues that others. Don't you know what i'm saying so like. There is an argument to be made for for not inflicting. That on your kids in a sense. Well the argument is eventually. We're all mixed so these kids are going to have less bang each other to. We're all some kind of everything. We're gonna look filipino. Isn't that the whole thing. Who do you think you're going to end up with eric. Cowgirl balance going to be tough. I i've had thought exercises about this my mom. It's really awful. But i call it that but my mom called me recently. And she said hey. I saw your new linked in profile photo. You're looking a little old. You should consider settling down with all right great. But you're looking a little you should consider selling online. And so that was when i'm asian. I'm going to look like a sixth grader. To lend fucking by the way another way longer shelf life until you haven't actually hit puberty yet baby here actually just fellow. I'm waiting for my back early. Could go to high school. Probably a little creepy. But yeah i. Hey yeah but as soon as after mom had called. That's when the thought the thought exercises it started. And i really had to think about. Oh my god am. I actually going to end up alone or do i take the easy route and go over to eastern europe or the apec region and go pick up a filipino wife. But i think it's important to note that. I just wanna do a disclaimer right now. I'm sure were offending a lot of people said we're i'm not trying to represent any group of people you're not trying to represent you're not you know. Dan is not trying to represent all white males who asians and although he wants to look i mean you know. There's a lot of guys out there who aren't on your podcast and i would hope that. I'm representing this perspective fairly or or the vice versa. I don't think arrogance. Trying to represent every asian man that dates white females. So i'm going to bring up some uncomfortable issues right. Let's just go uncomfortable white privilege. It's real. I've had white boyfriends asian boyfriends. I've known in on asian and i find that i get treated better when i am with a white guy and i noticed that more and more now now that i'm more observant of it i get better service.

00:25:06 - 00:30:02

I get service at restaurants. Get nice people. Sometimes i give. Free shit has even. Sf i was with my white boyfriend on a plane. Once the sooners gave us a bottle free wine. I don't know why that has never happened to me when i've dated non white. It's never happened to me. I don't wanna get some white privilege. Points redeem mos experience the same dating white women It's definitely an advantage. An advantage if you're white in general being an asian male 5-foot-6 and balls mountain view. And you just so happen to have a preference per caucasian women. You have been dealt one of the worst hands. A you've been dealt a pretty difficult hand. I shouldn't say worse. But it's pretty fucking difficul hand. And so i have had to try my very best. To first of all ignore the economics and the numbers and six and around it. Because it's it will just be demoralizing depressing and instead just rely on being as bucking awesome as you possibly can and it. It's tough knowing that. I approach a caucasian girl and i show interest and talked to her and i asked her out and most of the time i can get their number. But then you'll have that conversion rate. Were just awful conversion rate where they just won't text you back. I think that's fairly indicative of most males right. Yes definitely no better slightly better okay so you basically turned my question around to your insecurities. I was asking and allies testing asian line. I want to know if you were treated differently. When you're with a white female versus an agent female. I can't say i've ever felt like i've been treated differently and other kind of sensitive topic. Is this idea of what you're able to get so you're saying well you have better luck with hot. Asian females versus hot white females. So why not go for the hottest. You can get pretty much okay. So then there's also this idea of it's much harder to date white females when you're usual man so when you can get white girl your life high fiving your friends because you're like i got a female. I'm not a commodity man. Asian guy like working. Hey thanks man. I love connection going on here. He is a wig on san francisco. We can experiment. Oh my god phenomenal wig at this point. So you're fully aware of this idea of what you're able to get. Oh i know for a fact that i can't score girls. In the marina i go there out of sheer amusement and to entertain my friend because he just for some reason only stays in the marina to go out and drink. I have i know what i look like. I know what. I can conceivably score. I get what i get that. I don't have i don't have mentioned often delta pretty difficult. I do not complain k. And dan why do you think you have better luck with hot. Asian women versus hot caucasian. I think i get more mileage with asian women. What's more mileage. Define what. I mean i can get a hotter asian gal then i can get a waco but why. Why do you think that well. I think that white people are more in demand. Generally speaking so me being white gives me some kind of like bonus points or something. Which i'm certainly happy to apply you know within the context of dating asia. One can you tell when asia woman is into wakeman how some kind of sixty cents symptoms of sucrose loves wait. No i wish if there is such a thing like let me know. Because i'm just going case by case trying my luck because you know we have a sense of white man you know. There's a stereotype of a yellow fever. White man looks. Are you able to pick up on tinder profile. I shouldn't make it up. Pull out of ten. I can we. Can we drill into this. A little bit of one of the giveaways. So here's some physical give lace all right. This should be totally candidate. Usually pale not two hands. A tall lanky slightly nerdy qualify for that. I don't know you you tell me if you qualified or not. I think jewish shoe. Mush have sort of a loud personality.

00:30:02 - 00:35:11

Kind of like a like chatty allowed talkative. That's that seems to be the syria type of. We've found me and my friends not the entire asian pacific because the guy that you've described. I see him in the marina killing it with white girls. Yes i see that okay. Superficially i see what you're talking about a different sort of personality. It's like the guy who's more into video games. Who's more into like. Maybe anime who's more into movies. Who's who's an introverted extrovert. To way to describe my entire life to come to the dark side asian women come to the. Why is that the dark. I mean skin tone wise. Yes you are correct in that regard. How do you feel now that you know that there are sort of like a superficial stereotype. I mean there is a bit of self interest. I think itself applies a bit. Yeah yeah at least four or five of the traits described. That's kind of neat that you're dating profile really advertising. Here's a good question for you when you go on dates with girls. Do you tell them that. You prefer asian because think that. I'm finishing them which is a off. Do you not think you're fetishizes them. Why isn't perfectly willing to date. Not asians how do you have any rebuttal to that. I think that asian women fetishizes him interesting. That is can we speak to that for a moment. Are you familiar with the okay. Cupid racial dating data. I haven't read it recently but please divulge so check this out so and this is not exactly accurate numbers. I read it months ago. But that being said white guys show about a seven percent preference for asian women versus neutral asian women show about a twenty to twenty five percent preference for white guys versus neutral. So really it's not so much. That white guys have fever yellow fever towards asian winning but rather that asian women have like white fever towards. Does that impact you eric. In your dating preferences knowing that asia women fetishizes life men. I have no problem with asia. Women federalizing white men because quite frankly that leaves more caucasian women for me so again again. It's all about swinging the numbers in favor As best as i can anyway. they're taking. It is an eel. A numbers game taken off the market. That's fine by bam dope problem with that have done. This is in other parts of the country as much as i see it in new york. See nah big cities for sure. I've lived in boston which is very conservative. And i don't i mean i've lived. There appears but it was not as prevalent as san francisco. Maybe this is a supply and demand issue to right so when i looked in beijing we have this term for these men called. Lbh losers back home. We charge these white guys who can't get much action in the states or in north america and they go to china and they're able to date any locally want because it's very very prevalent. I'm going to there. You go but you don't like fobs were bogus or were they actually are locals. So it's like these guys who go to china because they become celebrities in a way and it's not so much nowadays used to be this way like ten years ago because there is this thought that white people can help us excel move forward in society. It's what we've been taught in the media and used to play with white dolls as a kid even in china because there were no asian dolls to play with even as love interests in movies. It's always a white male who of interest so ever. Since i was little is kind of like oh if you're a with a white male he'll help propel you do a higher status in society. Can i ask you a question. Sure every year open to white males only need egypt guys. And i know a lot of asian girls who only jake nation is. Yes so do you think that some asian girls don't have that feeling of this superstar white guy versus i'm really. I really really think it's from your upbringing. And we talked about this erica's well. I grew up in michigan colorado where i was surrounded by white people all the time so i i felt very comfortable with a white counterparts but also chinese very races against their own people extremely racist so i have a lot of self hate growing up and being in a white dominated society i felt like finally i find a place where i don't have to self.

00:35:11 - 00:40:03

Hey anymore i feel. More accepted accepted into this culture. But a lot of my as grow who grew up in california or new york in very chinese or asian concentrated communities but asians who were in america like in california new york who've been here for generations are so proud of their roots and their culture that is instilled in them since they were kids. So there's always like be proud to be asia. Be proud of your culture so really depends on your upbringing. I do have it. But i want to hear from the white with any questions. Can i do steer conversion rate. I don't i give you my number or are you gonna be number either or okay. So we're live take up here The just wrapped up an episode. Should we have someone narrated with an with a british accent encounter. Walsh says the caucasian female attempts to pick up the asian. I'm a behind the table drinking and sipping more alcohol over here for said. Oh god okay. Have you ever dated asian. Have you ever seen an asian male barely regret this. I can't remember now. What what is it about. Eric that that attracted you so much listening okay. I'm sorry i apologize it's cool. He doesn't look comfort. he's just trying to hide his and kate's husband is here then. Then how do you feel about this right now. Have you ever dated asian slept. Absolutely i mean. I don't think that i've shown a clear preference for any particular race. I can say. Because i think help the narrative that after my dad divorced my mom. He's been dating off. That is quite the trend. Jewish balloting all the stereotype. Holden's would we've been seeing fresh off the boat. Yeah i think for all of us and also listeners at home when we're dating outside of our race there is this question of and i think i challenge everyone to think this way and my dating this person as a novelty or am i offense weekly trying to connect with this person and want to get to know them because there is sometimes you're just like this is just very new and interesting kind of sexy but i have no interest in pursuing this further versus authentically. Want to get to know this person and they just happened to be of another race right Keeping that in mind but we do have two other weight women who dated asian and this also way jewish female guess stereotype college and it actually was my best friend time that transferred over to romantic. It did cause a lot of issues with my family. Were not okay with it at all. The person being agent. Yeah mean talking about the privilege. Like i've been in long term relationship with someone that's why in a long term relationship with someone who is asian and i feel like there are a lot of doors that open up opportunities that i now notice you know having your partner. That is why it's like kind of unfortunate to look at it that way also like with the families. I think that my parents never ticket seriously. what you know dating someone so far from our own culture to and even more when that person was asian and. I think you've mentioned this. Like we're all eventually gonna mix and all night ninety arch generation especially in san francisco where so culturally diverse. Everyone is more of than our parents generation. That didn't know from sleeping new from sticking with their kind while it's it's rough and a pay back on what you just said. My parents are very accepting. They would pretty much be happy with whoever i showed up with at this point but even with me very today's let's just try it as a surprise the shit out of them. It didn't see one coming on board with every you want to. I hear what you're saying. I in being half jewish. My mom converted so she did the whole ocean dunking thing that we're supposed to do and and i've had to.

00:40:03 - 00:45:09

You know in thinking about my early thirties and thinking about the long-term situation it's like it's like if i if i marry outside the jewish culture that that's going to die with me right so i think that that is something that may apply to a number of different people. You know like if you if you date someone outside your culture and you and you abandon whatever your parents culture was that then ends with you. So that's i think that's something to consider a lot of inclusionary dating and ending up with somebody within your own race has got to do with cultural and religious factors so in that case when i say that inclusionary dating can be considered racist in some regards perhaps prejudice. It's justified to that extent. Like it's okay. Because we want you to be able to continue this type of lineage. Right but but then again you know as we all begin to mix and turn a nice shade of tope. It will probably be a believing in the the flying spaghetti monster. Eventually i went to this beautiful leading a few months ago. They said something in their thousand said. I can't wait to start new traditions with you. And i thought that was very insightful and also just opened up the whole new perspective about marriage. We've been spending the last couple of generations trying to maintain our roots and tried to pass on the traditions. And now we're at a point where we can create new ones and i find that very very exciting for all of us. I'm going to wrap this up. I have really fun game for all of us in just a sec but any last minute comments we started this pretty light hearted talking about yellow fever. But we're really talking about is dating outside of her own race and culture any advice you can give to people who are dating outside their own race. I guess coming from me. I guess. I'd probably have to quote hans solo. Don't ever tell me the odds. Just just do it just to try it out. Do your research us in favour. It's it's really the only thing you can do. And if you've got village and use it sneaking privileged dan thanks. I dunno. Follow your heart. Follow your gut do what feels right. That's all i can say. Okay and i will say own it if you fucking of yellow fever just fucking have yellow fever. Long yellow fever stage four. I would say just to stay sensitive fetig. I think the best situation is for you to stay at pathetic towards someone that you may not have much in common with and just try to get to know them as best as possible and be as understanding as best as possible. Okay so here's a fun little game for us. I have our friends. at kanda. mania gave us a little care. Package sent his seven condoms which is perfect answers. Seven people in the room they all have different packaging. It's like their newest condoms. I want everyone give everyone a condom condom. Package says and i'm gonna go around the room. And i want you to tell try to sell us the condom that you housing your hand. Who can i start with dan. Jimmy plus size chosen people. So what's your condom. Open line says latex video camera on it in quotes should ask your doctor if you have any hard issues do you have. I have the iron grip and the iron grip and the catchphrase for this tighter size for iron men to suspect about as a really good euphemism for individuals who do not fit magnum. Let's go to kate. It's is one and ten on the front. Which i immediately finished said they wanted fails so that can't be right then. I have your a brand natural luxury on them. Oh received real must super luxury economy. I think it's expensive. It's expensive because it's made lamb. Salt said make. It may get technology relaxed. You're protected but you're not feeling it okay. I've done the turquoise blue. It says sheer glide. I wanna say feel better than very made last but not least got mine as a skin. It's a black rapper. In the front skin with the why which i'm guessing it's feels like skin but it's not because they're protected mean luxury and latex free.

00:45:10 - 00:46:50

Latex free yes. It's just human skin off this overland crush short. Thanks for playing you guys under wrap this up. Thanks so much for telling us your yellow fever and white fever stories respectively lizards at home. We want to hear your stories. We love talking about race dating. I think we need to talk more about this because this is something. We don't really talk about in san francisco. San francisco's one of those places that so liberal that you don't talk about race. Oh it's not a thing. Do you know what it's a thing it's a thing here. We should open up that conversation. We want to hear from you. Tell us your stories. We can protect your identity and the identity of people that are involved in your story and with said save. Your action item for this week is to expand your search filter whether it's age ethnicity or height. How do you know what you want if you haven't had it yet. Right and from all of us here dateable. We wish you a happy and safe halloween. The most efficient to meet new people is a combination of online and offline five hundred branches. Your offline covered connect over brunch with new friends. Come alone or bring a buddy. There's always a table. Full of friendly faces mimosas and eggs benedict sign up at five hundred branches dot com and use the code date able for free entry to connect with us visit dateable. Podcasts dot com. You can also find us on facebook twitter and instagram. All under dateable podcasts

Dateable Podcast
Yue Xu & Julie Krafchick

Is monogamy dead? Are we expecting too much of Tinder? Do Millennials even want to find love? Get all the answers and more with Dateable, an insider’s look into modern dating that the HuffPost calls one of the ‘Top 10 podcasts about love and sex’. Listen in as Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick talk with real daters about everything from sex parties to sex droughts, date fails to diaper fetishes, and first moves to first loves. Whether you’re looking to DTR or DTF, you’ll have moments of “OMG-that-also-happened-to-me” to “I-never-thought-of-it-that-way-before.” Tune in every Wednesday to challenge the way you date in this crazy Dateable world.