S4E7 Making Moves IRL

00:00:02 - 00:05:01

The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world.

This episode of dateable is brought to you by five hundred brunches. Five hundred brunches connects like minded people with similar interests to meet in real life over brunch. Quick questionnaire about your interests and how you spend your time and then they'll match you in small groups of six to eight at a brunch spot in san francisco get a free entry into a brench now by signing up at five hundred brunches dot com and using the code date able everyone welcome to another episode of dateable a show that opens up a candid conversation about dating in san francisco today. My guest is taylor. Who has been in san francisco for four years and she's thirty years old actively dating. Taylor how are you. I'm good how are you. I'm good so. I know we had a little conversation before. I know the backstory of how. You're you're an odd ball. You don't go online you don't do online dating. No i find it to be incredibly empty. And i can't. I just can't do it like every time like i open. I opened something like three years ago. When i had it i was like no no yes yes really and then it like never went anywhere. I would go on like three days a week. And they would all be the same date. And i was like. What's going on. Am i having like deja vu. I would sit there and ask them the same question like always so. Why are you on dating apps because you kind of like you kinda have to go there and they would say well you know. I'm just looking to meet people. You know like hook up and then maybe date and i love the part of the end maybe date because then it was like okay well clearly. You don't really want anything with me nor want anything with anybody else. So i'm gonna take a rain check. My roommate's dog is needs to be fed. I have to go. I'm really sorry. But i i gotta go. So that's what i would say. So have you ever. I mean you've obviously online dated. Have you ever dated someone so consistently from online dating Yeah i've actually dated two people one. I lived abroad. And that was the first time i ever used hinder and i dated him for about six months but he didn't want to do any type of commitment at all and then only one other guy. He was recently getting out of a marriage and i was like Red flag red but then he kept wanting to hang out so we ended up dating for about three or four months and then it was like oh yeah by the way like i'm not seeing anyone else What about you. And he's like well. Yeah you know like i. I've seen a couple of people like are you sleeping with other people. And he's like oh. Yeah the beginning with somebody else. I'm like okay. I'm gonna make myself a little bit more scarce. Yeah kind of the issue. We see with a lot of people when it comes to dating is that it's just so easy it's so accessible so then you are able to date multiple people and it's not like when you go on tinder or bumble when you sleep through people signing some sort of agreement like by virtue of me sleeping on you were exclusive. There's nothing of that sort. All it is is. I think you're q. And i want to spend time with you but it doesn't give any sort of weight to their actions. How is finding someone in real life different than meeting them online. It's it's very difficult. I'm not gonna lie. But i think online dating is also difficult. So you're comparing two different things yet at the same time. It's different kinds of difficult. I think that one of the biggest things about dating offline that you need a reason to talk to people you need a reason to go up to them and say oh hi and as a woman. I recently talked to a friend about the dating feedback. Loop as soon as you walk in. They pull back and the same thing when a guy is interested in you. You pullback so i can't just go up to every single guy in a bar and say hey you're really cute. Let's talk you wanna take me out on a date. That'd be great. no. I can't do that so i have to go to a lot of events i have to put myself in places that i know that men hang out like my mom made the joke she was like. Why don't you just go hang out at the coffee shops near the hospital. Maybe you'll meet a doctor. And i'm like that's not a bad idea on that but yeah so like i put myself in situations where there's a lot of people around even at parties. I don't want to be at all. I'll go just to see if there's anybody there that i wanted to talk to. The men in this town upon first meeting even at a bar are very standoffish.

00:05:02 - 00:10:07

So i have a couple of things that i go to As far as opening a conversation. I wanna hear these. Oh these are great. So the first one is i pretend like i can't see something like there's a menu in front of me or there's a menu on the wall of beer or something and i go up to them like excuse me. I'm i'm really sorry for interrupting. But i can't read this. Can you do me a favor and just like read me down at least couple of them so i can make a decision and they're like sure okay great by the way. I'm taylor really nice to meet you and then another one that you're boom in another one that's really popular that my friends actually use a lot is going up to someone. Scrunching your nose looking at them like Do we know each other. And then and then basically the the guy will normally say no we. Don't i'll be like oh really you. Just look so familiar. Well anyway. i'm taylor and so they have no choice but to talk to you. That what's about these. Two openers is that they are pickup lines without being pickup lines user. Great any other ways that you've done the pickup grocery stores always fun if you wanna meet a lot of people on sunday. Don't expect to get groceries because everything is sold out. Just get them peanut butter or something like that but stand in line and you know if you see someone cute in line normally like i'll go straight up. I mean. I you know i do this but i'll go straight up to them and say are you kidding about this line like how long you waiting here and then you know maybe strike up a conversation. After that. they're like oh. I been waiting here for like thirty minutes. That's ridiculous anyway. I'm taylor you are aggressive. You're good. I think most people just even walking up to ask for directions gives them anxiety. Is this something that you've always been comfortable with or did you. Were you trained in some way. I would say it's both an incredible extrovert. I love talking to people. I love hearing people's stories on my love. Interacting that's probably my favorite thing to do with other people But also i. I definitely used to hang around. Guys that were quote unquote pickup artists. So i learned a lot from people that had that like unyielding confidence where they were just like. Oh yeah i'm i'm gonna go to this person. I don't really have anything to say. But maybe i'll just tell them that they look beautiful or maybe tell them i don't like their outfit and them and then maybe they'll start talking to me so i've definitely been around those types of people really afraid like if you think about it. The worst thing that could happen is they say number one. I married number two. I have a girlfriend or number three. Like looking at you like What about you say. Oh that's weird. I guess. I didn't mean to talk to you in the first place. Then turn around and walk away Because there's no real loss here as long as you position yourself in a place of confidence. And i know that's really really hard to do but you can't really lose You know a wells you. Some guy wasn't really into it. You say okay great. I'm going to walk back to my friends and pretend like nothing happened. How do you get over that rejection. Well i've been rejected a lot. Think that one of the biggest things that i do. When i'm like going out and potentially meeting people is i have a group of friends that are solid so i'll tell them. Hey i'm about to go talk to this guy. If he like. If things don't work out and come back pretend like the funniest effing thing just happened. And i miss the funniest thing ever and so you're pulling in like. Oh my god girl the funniest some. Somebody fell on their face. Go go look. It's hysterical so then they don't think that you're walking back to no one. They don't think that you're lonely or upset about being rejected. You're accepted into a group of people. And then you know. There's no harm no foul but isn't really rejection. Because you don't even know they could be married has nothing to do with you. Then maybe they should stay at home. I mean it just depends on how you see rejection is a no or is it not right now. So there's different reasons why someone may not want to proceed to talk to you but just having the guts to go up to a stranger to initiate conversation. I feel like that deserves a weekend seminar. 'cause people especially in san francisco you know people comment quite a bit about san francisco being a little cliquey when we go out. We stick to our groups and we don't really talk to strangers so being in this city and meeting. Someone like you taylor. Who's whose aggressive enough and confident to walk up to. People should be inspiring for others to stories of friends that have seen guys out in later. They'll hit him up. Auditing yeah there you go yes so that's kind of the other Complete i hear from east coasters about west coasters.

00:10:08 - 00:15:02

That passive aggressiveness right. It's like everything i've also seen guys. Swipe azer at a bar to see if they can match what the girl. They're literally standing in front of it. Happens all the. You're kidding the look on your face taking. I think that's part of what's interesting about. This is like san francisco because we're so after like people have become that way but traditionally or absolutely people would do stuff like you're doing when it was no big deal. I mean like it doesn't take much confidence. Swipe writer left and to be perfectly honest. I don't remember which is which but it doesn't take a lot of confidence. You sit there doing nothing or at work or waiting in line or doing whatever. You're doing swiping almost mindlessly. But at least. I mean i just think about your bar scenario if the guy in some not talking to you and you stay at the bar you still have the linger around and see him vs on an app you just you just let them disappear into cyberworld. Well let them disappear at the bar to because they're obviously not worth your time and that's where you need your girlfriends. That's what i'm talking about. That's reunion girlfriends to be like. Oh well you tried. He kinda sucks. Look them look at them walk away. He looks ridiculous. You know. I mean you know you can tell your friends. Whatever like i remember like trying to get my friends to like do these things with me and wingman me. And they're like what are they. Don't talk to us and i go. They don't talk to us. They're missing out. You know like. I just move onto the next. You know this is a bar that has plenty of mennonite because there's more men than girl than women in the cities so whatever but like you talk you you're talking about. Where does that confidence come from. I will not lie to you. My stomach drops my feet and my face sometimes turns blush red okay but it doesn't matter because i've already. I've already started walking. There's no turning back now. What am i going to stop in the middle and then turn around and be like. Oh no. I'm not gonna do that but at the same time i mean. There's there's great ways to practice if you've practiced by maybe trying to make new girlfriends at the bar clicking. We're totally clicking. But like trying that out on new people is really important especially like you don't care if like a girl like rejects you. You're like oh she's just the girl i'm going to go hang out with my friends but it's a good exercise and trying to open up a conversation with someone that is unassuming unthreatening not super aggressive. So when i go up to these guys. I'm not super aggressive. Like oh my god. You need to take me out on a date. I'm just trying to say something where they can meet me in the middle and if there's chemistry there's chemistry where good starting pilot like the idea about girls but another one is like going to store clerks bartenders or someone like hostage talk to you good initial getting yourself like in it without really putting out there. I think you know being an extrovert being natural extrovert. It's a little easier to get over that hump right because you're sort of used to it. But i know lots of really strong introverts who have a really hard time coming out of their shell. So what do you think are some exercises. They could you and work on to open themselves up so not even just approaching strangers but just opening themselves up logan more. I think that first. Of all i think it's really hard to be an introvert especially when you're trying to meet people but it's not like the end of the world I have you know a really good friend who is an introvert. My sisters an introvert I think that there is a challenge there in that if they're leaving the house and going out with you that's a big step if they are even accompanying you when you're going to make these going to talk to a bar tender going to talk to a guy or something like that they don't need to take the lead there just watching and then if somebody talks to them they're like. Oh wow somebody talk to me and so. I think that there's like baby steps. What you're saying about going to like a store clerks and talking to them you know being able to even do the smallest thing like saying hello there is. There are so many people in san francisco. While i'm running in the morning. I look at them and i say good morning and they give me this look like the like. I just told them that someone died and then look at the ground at their feet as if they so embarrassed that they can't even look at me and that's kind of like what i feel like happens. A lot is that you can't even say good morning to people so they try and say good morning someone. They're not gonna like bite you. Maybe they'll ignore you but at least you tried and you know that's so scary right when it doesn't happen but taking really small steps of doing that even when you like.

00:15:02 - 00:20:05

You're an introvert. And you say. I'm gonna call my friend and invite her out for drinks. That's that's a good start to take more initiative. Intramural have very interesting story of how you met your ex boyfriend. I want to hear about this. Okay so i i at the time was not looking for anybody it it always starts that way and everyone's like a god that girl and yes everyone. I am that girl okay. I was not looking for anything. I was going to a huge event in new york city. It was the night before. I left and i was out with my girlfriends at a club and we were dancing and i was wearing open. Toed shoes really nice. Vince komodo pumps and all of a sudden someone steps on my foot and literally crunches my toes. Like thank god. They weren't broken but like crunches toes with his italian leather dress. Shoes the probably shouldn't have been wearing to this dirty ass club anyway. So i look up and i basically tell them like what the fuck dude you know like. Get off my foot. And he's like he's like looking at me like oh. Hey you know. get your drink. And i'm like no and then he's like well at the least. Can i get you some water. I'm like okay. Sure you can get me some water. I'm wasted yelling at a stranger. You can get some water. That's fine and so. After that. I started you know drinking water or whatever and he was like he was like so. Can i get your number. And i was thinking to myself. Okay i have nothing to lose and going to new york tomorrow. I'm never gonna talk this guy again. Just give them give them the number and whatever and something. I do When i meet people you know how like a lot of people will put you into facebook and the never remember that they met you. Yes because they're like. Let me vet this person. Let me see who they are and who were friends with to decide whether i wanna be friends or date them. I don't do that. I get straight into the cell phone. And so i put my number in his cell phone and i decided okay. Well he's never gonna remember me. I'm never gonna remember him so. Let's take a selfie. We the senate so then later if he texts me. I'm like oh that guy you know. And then i can decide what i want to do. So have you hearing this story. He stepped on your foot on purpose. It's funny that's funny. Did you guys ever talk about that. I'd like to know no. I don't think. I mean. I think he really did it on accident but like what a lucky accident to have that. That's the beauty of taylor's lines is they could all be accidents right so there's no blues situation in it right. Well that's fabulous. maybe girls. who maybe she just can't seem armand. There's a team that she sitting. Yeah i mean honestly a guy is just gonna be happy that a girl's talking to him till does episode goes out and every girl goes up and steps on every guys. That is a great idea. Great idea you know what. I'm gonna use that. Thank you talked about like pushing you into someone. You don't have your friend push you into a bad. Yeah unless you're wearing heels that'd be that'd be terrible. He should be wearing a skirt. in case. of course making things seem serendipitous without it being that way and it's a cute story in the end to right. I mean this one. Maybe a fractured fractured toes. Not the best story but It's still like a way of meeting someone. We talked about on like the last episode. The weight handkerchief approach that like women in lake that in the day like the drop their way he could shift flake subdue picked it up that they were really trying to get the guy to talk to them but it didn't come off our is it like the bend and snap or okay. I think this is getting is. We all just need signals. And these are signals you can send out without making googly eyes and like winking at someone you know like without being super obvious. These are signals that i open talking to you. And why can't we just have this sort of mentality when just meeting new people in general whether it's for dating or not so. Have you ever tried the very direct approach going up to a guy and say. Hey i think you're yes. I'm taylor kind of a. Yeah okay well. This is what i was telling you about before that you know. I saw this guy super super cute very much. And you're like oh just cute. Just a face now. I saw him interacting with his friends. Being dynamic is friends were laughing at him. You know i was like oh. That's great. he seems like very nice and like very engaging like be like a decent human being if he can talk to people right.

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And so i was just like you know what i'm with my work people. I can't go up and talk to him. I would but i can't. It's very intimidating. Three guys wanted her all very intimidating. I was like you know what my work people are watching me. So i pretended i went up to the bar and asked the bartender for napkins. And a pen. I leave. I go to the back of the bar where all of my work people are unlike. Wait hold on a second. I write a note. I say hi. You look nice. Maybe we should hang out some time. And then i put my name and my number not my last name never because they could open up on facebook never so i did that and i folded into quarters and i looked straight at his friends in the eye and i put it right on the bar next to them behind it like to his back right right on the bar next to them peace out. I literally i leave the bar. I leave the bar and you know you would think to yourself like okay. Well that's ballsy. Guess what it's ballsy for the guy to actually message the girl that did that when he didn't. He barely got a glimpse of her. He had to rely he saw. You barely saw me. He had to rely on his friends telling him that. Like oh girls cute or like this girl like is you know flu. Whatever ballsy that she went up and did that so he had the guts to message me too. So that goes both ways. Imagine like you actually having the guts to say you know what maybe we should hang out sometime. Here's my number in person right. In a in a conversation it takes halls to go and like message girl. And do that so i think it goes both ways. How and then what. What's the outcome of this. Well texted me. I went on interview number one last week. It isn't it's an interview. The first like three dates or interviews. And i want an interview to on saturday and now i'm going on interview three on wednesday said today so you guys have. This is going to be third date. This'll be our third dinner. Yes what did he say about your approach. I'm sure he says on your first interview. I mean basically it was said over tax you. That has never happened to me before and i go. Well doesn't first time for everything and sure he ate that shit up and i was like okay so we met at the bar like he barely knew what i looked like. I couldn't really remember what he looked like. Either and it was just like. Oh hey like yeah. I'm i'm taylor. Really nice to meet you. And he's just like you know. Hi i'm i'm not gonna say his name but You know very nice to meet you too and then it was just kind of like. Hey can i get you a drink. Let me offer to buy you a drink. Let's start a conversation and then it went from there so first of all of this should never happens in modern dating in general and for a girl. Do this to guy i mean. That's that's really progressive and really ballsy. Will you don't have a choice in the city. Like i'm telling me like you guys know it. You don't have a choice here. You will stand around atom. Meet up or you'll stand around at you know at a party or something like that and no one will talk to anyone. That's why you need these like very like mild approaches to talking to people whether it's like i can't see. Can you read something for me. You need a milder purchase very neutral. Because then it doesn't make you feel like you're going up and being aggressive and hitting on them. Because here's what happens when you are aggressive and i found this out for myself when you're too aggressive. They think that all you want to do have sex. Oh so trust me. There is there is definitely a wide array of things that could happen from going and talking to someone and that's why i've tried to make it a little bit more subdued in what you know what i'm trying to accomplish with these these beeline for the man. I mean i think about like even if a guy comes on strong at a bar. I would think all he wanted was just extremely it. It goes both ways but the model approaches are really charming and a little bit. You know just like really cute for people to do well. I think it's two things one. I'm an extrovert. And i actually like that energy. A lot number two. I me and my ex broke up about what three four months ago. And it's not. Like i was going out and dating anyone. I needed time to be with my friends. Drink wine every night. You know the whole deal. And so i challenged myself. I said you know you can't just sit in your apartment. You can't just hang out with your friends and drink bottles of wine. That's ridiculous you need to go out there and at least try to talk to people whether it's making friends with girls or going and talking to guys because i don't wanna be single forever and i just got out of a relationship where he didn't really want anything serious and that's totally fine. That's very san francisco of him.

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But you know. I don't really wanna waste my time and i also don't want to sit around not actually doing anything to aid in what i like to help me get what i want and so i was just like you know what i'm kind of sick of this. Not doing anything to do something. And if it doesn't work out whatever at this point. Because i had nothing to lose you touch upon something that i wanna i wanna bring up. Which is taking control of your dating life when you say. I don't wanna be single. I want to take control now. People we speak to. Who say i treat dating like. It's a fulltime job. I'm taking control of my dating life. Would they need as their on. Six thousand dating apps swiping left and right nonstop now to me. That's not taking control of your dating life to me. Taking control of your dating life is getting yourself out there and meeting people in real life. I really think that has to be it. It's like if you're looking for a job you go to networking events to meet the right people for the positions that you want to be hired into you. You're looking for the source here and the source is in real life. So if you're listening to this at home when you say you wanna take control of your dating life. You should follow taylor's but sets get yourself out there with your girlfriends or with your friends and take control of what you can really do in real life with people real people in front of you and i also think like this is. This is something that we undervalue in san francisco partially because we hit our friends that are in relationships. But but there's this idea that. I was toying with with friends and that was. Why don't we create a party where everyone who goes has to be single. But you don't say they have to be single you just say hey come to this party. It's like darker sparty. Come to this party bring one person and bring a bottle of something between the two of you hosted somewhere you know like get like You know one of those you know airbnb is for business or something like that like a huge room or get somebody to figure out where to put it. Have all these people come in. And then maybe what you do. Is you find a way for all of them to connect like give them you know a thread bracelets and make like five different colors and then during the night you say okay everybody like try and find somebody with your color bracelet. Something like that. Where the gets people together. I also think that like and that's like a big production that actually takes a lot of like effort and like planning events shit. You know it's like way too much time. Oh much energy but then also like looked here friends that actually aren relationships or friends of yours have a lot of single friends. Because it's really easy to say. Oh that guy's really cute on facebook right or that's where you're separated almost like dating app and then saying we'll invite him to happy hour. Yeah because then. I'll see in person in real life. Do i vibe with this this guy. So that's what i've been also trying to do. Lately is have my friends who are married or in relationships or single with a lot of single friends setup. Happy hours all around town for me to bring my single friends to. Can you let us know in the next one. Is i do have one last question for you taylor so okay. I'm putting myself into the position of some of my friends. That i know where i go. Well taylor that's great. But i don't like going out to bars and honestly the guys that you don't go out to bars to these networking events. Where do i go meet men. That is an excellent question. I would say that's a tough one. I would say that there are places like workshop cafe little bit intimidating but you can go sit next to someone who you think is cute. Because that's how it works there. You can just go sit next to people. Hopefully not all the spaces are taken. You know try and go work at a coffee shop. Maybe on a saturday or you know try and do something like go to the gym during like a daytime where it's not like they've got to get in and out because it's nighttime during a week day go on the weekend. See if there's anybody there. I don't know. I think that dolores park even though it's like very like overdone and everything like that it's also a great place to like test your pickup lines. You know like hey. Do you have a bottle opener. you know bob. Opener is a good one. Good one right because he always nevada over but you know trying to find places public places where people hang out and like. Maybe it's like a lifestyle thing like what i was saying about the grocery store. Maybe you're like a whole foods kind of girl or maybe you're like a safeway kind of girl but there are people in these public places that if you know that there is like a you know. We're homogeneous there are so many people that are just like us triumph.

00:30:00 - 00:35:02

Unless you're in pack heights or no valley you're not gonna see strollers and i could see a ton of married people. You're going to see people that are just like us everywhere. So try and find those places that are public and are unassuming and maybe just go there and hang out of it and then add onto that. I would say it's your vibe to sometimes we go to these places head down headphones in looking our phones you don't notice any of the guys around you or anybody attractive uberpool though. Yeah that's a good one. Yeah the lift line okay. Yeah oh yeah that's right but these anywhere where there's peaceful keep your head up. Keep your eyes open and have a vibe beg open to be approached because sometimes we're just so close off and a little tunnel mile is smile. I know that like you know the whole. You should smile more. But i will say that there is some truth to that in that when you know the other day i was with a friend and i started laughing. A and he goes. You know this is what's infectious about you. This is what's great about you. Is that you smile and you laugh and you enjoy your life. That's what makes people attracted to you. And i was like a really like. That's that's amazing and so i thought to myself ok. We'll maybe on the street when i'm walking past people i'm going to smile like wow. That's such a novel concept. I'm gonna actually smile when i walk to work crazy and also just wearing something. That's a conversation starter. So a smile is very attention. Getting maybe a t shirt. That's like weird funny phrase on it or a hat you know from like your college. I think those are great conversation. Starters that people can say. Hey i've seen that before. I read that book. I went to the college i went to college. I call it whatever it may. Let's go on the day we're the best lease is an event that you out people. Okay so places. I kind of already sort of went over events. I know this sounds kind of horrible. But what kind of guy do you want. What kind of job do you want him to have. Because if you like finance guys and technology go to a fintech meet up. i mean. Come on if you want a guy. Who's like a coder. Goto coding meet up. And yeah that's awkward and everything like that but at the same time you're going there and they're saying oh what do you do. Oh well i do. I do designer. I do marketing at this company. But i'm really interested in this. This is very interesting to me you know. I wanted to meet people in this room. You know that. I could learn something from and so you can say that with every single profession that you that you target but these types of events are really important also the charity events. I think are really really good because it shows a heart. It shows that you're willing to make ticket paid for a ticket to go see people see. Are you know benefit some sort of cause because in some way or another your benevolent. So i think that. That's probably another place to other specifics. I've only been back at it for like three or four months now. But i would say that technology specific meetups for example like a hardware. Or you know. Sometimes i'll go to those fintech meet ups. I think the ones were where it's male dominant which is most but not women in tech. You're not going to go to women tech. Meet up and expect to meet men. Just you know kind of appropriate hedge. Your bets appropriately. Like if you think that there's gonna be a lot of men somewhere there probably will be you know so it's it's actually very much common sense but we kind of we. We make ourselves think that it's really hard just because it is really hard for us emotionally not actually hard in the real world it all. When is it ever caught. Yeah absolutely i'll be like yeah. I can't even. I can't do map to save my life. But i'm really interested in where this industry is going. That's great yeah something like that. Yeah and they that you have some sort of interest in what they're doing right because then it automatically opens up a conversation of what do you do. Even though it's like the deadly questions you know where are you from. What do you do. Where do you live like all those things. At least that's the way to start so what you're getting at is go to a place where there's a high percentage of men that you like to meet my good friend. Julie always says you should go to places where there's less competition too. So that's you also want to think about notches less women less competition for you. So she thinks for women. You should always go out when the weather is bad. Because then don't care with their hair's frazee or you know. They have to wear a raincoat. A winning care leave the high maintenance women at home.

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That's your competition. Go out when it's rainy and cold and windy outside interesting. Yeah you know. And also i just thought of it maybe there are definitely people who do work out. Classes dance classes. All these lovely things but think about like taking a rock climbing class maybe there are like there. Are men out there that take these classes that are very like obviously male dominant and everything but like if you go there with a willingness learn. You don't have to be good at it. You can actually be horrible at it. And then you've got these guys helping us get up the wall you know. So i think that those types of classes or extracurriculars if you want to call them that are probably another good way to do it or boot. Camp classes are really good. Luck allowed to ask for for somebody. I can ally boxing. Animals died the last time. We did it. So there was a lot of testosterone there and this also applies to men too. I mean the guys who come to my hip hop dance. Classes gives so much attention after class. Yeah can't bypass you have to. You have to notice them just like this conversation just made it clear that you can think through things a little more. Yeah calculated without coming officers tests for like just putting yourself into good situations right so. I challenge everyone to figure out dating strategy. The worst thing you could possibly be doing right now is sitting at home on your apps because as doing nothing for you. The best you can do is plan out your strategy. What are you doing this weekend. What are the events going to you know. How are you going to meet people. Get yourself out there and be strategic about it. Yeah and probably the most interesting thing that i've found going on what the two three dates that i've been on. Is that when you say. I'm not on dating apps whatever you can lie if you want but when you say i'm not on dating apps there's a certain level of respect that you get from these men because they're like wow. She doesn't need to be dating six people at once. She doesn't to be swiping every single day while she's bored when she's bored she reads a book. Like you know something like that where it commands respect because it means that you are not in any way desperate like what you were saying and i'm not saying that women out there on dating apps are desperate not one not what. I do think that there is something. Just lie and see what happens like us. It's worth it. I think interest talk about all the spare dating all right right it does make you seem more rare diamonds right and we are all diamonds diamonds in the rough year. I love it. it's these conversations that make me so excited about the us doing this podcast because all we want to do is share our learnings experiences tips. You know our stories. I think this gives a really great perspective. It just shows that. I really feel that everyone. Who's listening to this right now. I challenge you to get off the apps. Let's go off line and see what you can find in real life. I think you'll feel inspired. If you've got out motivated me try julie. i think. I've typically that likes to like beyond the meat market at forest but this isn't it's just how a conversation with someone who doesn't go anywhere deliberating and being open having that open by. Open your eyes and open your heart. You never know who. You're gonna meet love that so if you're listening to this. We love to hear some tips on how you went offline or met someone in a non traditional way. And we just wanna hear from you general. We'd love to have you on. The show can anonymous. You can even change your voice if needed okay last but not least one two three little. Your action item for this week is to approach five strangers now. Talking to strangers is not a skilled that comes naturally for most people but it is a skill we can learn develop and strengthen so we're giving you a quota of five people and let's take one step beyond that keep a journal of each encounter documenting things that you were scared of things that surprised you and your favorite thing about each encounter and over time you'll start to see patterns in your communication strengths and weaknesses. So you know where the areas of development would be. Good luck guys. The most efficient way to meet new people is a combination of online and offline five hundred branches has your offline covered connect over brunch with new friends. Come alone or bring a buddy. There's always a table of friendly faces mimosas. An eggs benedict sign up at five hundred branches dot com and use the code date able for free entry to connect with us visit dateable.

00:40:05 - 00:40:12

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