S4E9 Young Broke Beautiful with Broke ass Stuart

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The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world.

This episode of dateable is brought to you by five hundred brunches. Five hundred brunches connects like minded people with similar interests to meet in real life over brunch. You answer a questionnaire about your interests and how you spend your time and they'll match you in small groups of sixty eight at a brunch spot in san francisco get a free entry into a french now by signing up at five hundred brunches dot com and using the code date able everyone welcome to another episode of dateable a show that opens up a candidate conversation about modern dating. Before i tell you who our guest is. Let me just read you something right here. You can't spell san francisco without a few exes from the person you had a one night. Stand with six years ago to the one who suddenly stopped texting after dating for a couple months to the person you love so completely that a nearly broke you when you've been here for a while you're history is speckled on intersections and street signs all over town restaurants. You went on dates to bars where you argued drunkenly outside corners where you stopped held hands and kissed as the fog and wind whipped down the street. I don't know if you read this article or not bad spy. A resident san francisco. Celebrity has been stewart. Better known as broke ass stuart writing to that worked out. Couple sats about stewart now. He's considered a cult hero. I don't even know that means anymore. The on eighty colts do you belong. I wish i could start a tastic. Give me all your money. And i love how different publications will describe you. They say you're a writer. You're an nc your man about town which to me. Sounds like you're a male socialite of sorts ogre. They're going to say male prostitutes. Thank you did talk about street corners and also a part time bartender. We know about. Where do you pretend. Now i'm golden gate taproom friday okay. Friday happy hour go there. Check him out. He's been in san francisco since nineteen ninety nine. Santa cruz college. Nineteen ninety nine okay. So that's the urban areas is ninety nine and the city doesn't you've been here for a long one year in new york. Oh seven oh eight longest guest. Well now's other than people who were born here but definitely you're the closest you started broadcasts towards guide to living cheaply in san francisco which comes in handy living in this very expensive city. You also had a travel documentary. Tv show called yum broke and beautiful. This is true. How when was that. That was two thousand eleven. It was an ifc. I got travel around the. Us exploring the weird and wonderful was pretty awesome. That's that's an awesome gig right there. Your website broke. Stuart dot com. It's about arts. culture events. All about living frugally in san francisco and new york. Okay and beyond and beyond okay and you ran for mayor of san francisco. Thank god i didn't. Because then i'd have to be mayor of this fucking place. How does your persona translate into your dating. Life was kind of crazy that like. It's very rare that i go on a date with somebody who doesn't know anything about me you know it's like one thing to say. Google your date is another thing when you're date has wikipedia page so it's like it's like it's a weird thing because i think there's always a often because there's so many ways you meet people online in person at events all these different ways you may be both and it's always weird like at what point in the date especially if it's like online like whether like how many drinks him before they are. I don't know who you are now. That george clooney or anything but like you know. But i've been doing creative things in the area for so long that at some point or another most people have come across some myself and do you put that in your dating profiles. It doesn't hurt so you do reveal who you are. You're dating it depends. I mean it's hard because they like for work the way for tender mumble and stuff. It's all tied to like your facebook profile. And so we're here bro. Dot com sort of cards. I edit that on the on the canadian profiles for so Basically they took like my my twitter bio basically as my. I don't know how much is you can't say everything you don't you can't say not enough so it's mine.

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Basically that breaks it down and travel writer. Poet ran for mayor. Yada yada yada yada just man about town. Yeah man yeah. I put out. Have you ever gone on a date with someone who didn't know who you are. Yeah definitely well. It's weird like i go through periods of being spent so i started doing progressively windows twenty three twenty four and thirty six now. So that's a whole other thing but it's been actually mostly of my twenties and i was in. I was only single for year and a half my twenties. I had two long term relationships so during that whole period. I was like you know not dating anybody. Except for like monogamously dating know people cincinnati they come becoming a commodity with five and a half year relationship in two thousand twelve or two thousand eleven That point i got single. And i already had a television show and had three books out and shit like that so then it became like so since then not really. Maybe i don't know maybe what's your status now single. I broke up my most recent extra from broke up last april iraq. How does the persona procast steward translate. Dating it's funny interesting question because There's a line between broker. Stuart stuart shuffling. I just don't know exactly where it is like jay z. And sean carter two different things. But where's the line. I don't know and like with me. It's like People have have preconceptions of who. I am to my writing and through my work. You know they. They know that i'm activists. And then i give a shit. But i also say things that are not always popular and like Not afraid to put my fucking mouth get me in trouble. Kind of shit So you know i was talking to somebody recently whoever's I went out with. And they're like yeah. You're a lot sweeter in person than i thought you were gonna be. Because i'm a smart i because everything that i do even when events combative it's from a place of love because i give a shit about people and care about everybody rising up instead of just like fuck rich kind of shit so Yeah i don't know i'm pretty nice. I don't know. But i don't know deepen this shit i don't know i don't even know what it seems like me outside because it's fucking life and it's who you are interpret you however they want because you're a public figure people hate me so people fucking hate me really. It never met me. Yeah how do they hate you. what do they say. I mean the internet and you commons. I try not to. I mean the problem is like your best to i. Once made the mistake like a really thick skin. I've been like you know people who say meetings out on the internet for a long time now. So but i mean not long ago i made the mistake of. I don't know why i was stupid. Looking up would read it. Don't ever do that right now. Any notoriety once you're what your podcast and being millions. Which is i'm sure right now. Don't ever look at your podcast. An read it. They're they're horrific. And i've got really thick skin. I was just like dan. That was that was good. You sound a bit. That was good. And i get to put things out there not necessarily intention not trolling individuals. But i'll put out saying that. I know is controversial that i know people are gonna talk about because i want them to engage with it and i want them to to start up into feel fucking something you know. And so because of that i get it. But it's important not to like criticisms one thing and say. Hey i ain't perfect. You know like i. I know. I've got my flaws. But it's another thing when people just like. Are you know as a jewish for example as a jewish person. Like i get troll by buchan anti-semitics semites and nazis and shit. I fucking love that bringing on. I'm fucking quick. i'm for living. i'm quicker than they. Are you know and morrison ignore. But every once in a while. I engage just destroy. I'm funny for fucking libyan. So i'd they send me like fucking like what was originally it was. Somebody sent me some kind of like a jew in the fucking oven joke and i was like you had seventy five years to think of something better. Come on you can't do something better of seventy five years. I think of a better guest than this. So yeah bring it back to data. Are you j. date jason. Yes how do you like it. I don't match a lot on jay. Swipe why is that. maybe. I'm not a typical nice jewish boy to and i think that it's just south of cheese and ourselves in. La is like reading your la constant matches. Here it's like kind of a dead zone. Not to generalize. But i don't know what a lot of the jewish girls were looking for at least like the traditional like i'm not a doctor or lawyer and accountant anything like that on the fucking weird fucking writer that i do to through my own party this year to two years.

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You're celebrating zero cisco nice. That's awesome so. I've question for you since you've obviously lived here a long time. Have you felt like the culture of people have changed over the years. And how has that impacted like dating. is definitely changed a lot over the years. But you know like you know. It's changed ever since about two dozen eleven or so with tax breaks and the influx of all not to get too heavy under this. But like you know ed lee would brag about all the jobs. The wrote to san francisco with the problem. Bring them for san franciscans. They imported people for those jobs so he lost their jobs in two thousand eighteen thousand nine. They didn't get new jobs. They just got pushed out in the city. So when you have people that have been. They pushed out because they don't get the jobs that are coming here and people are being imported for the jobs and change the entire culture of the place but on the dating tip. I wasn't dating really right. You know i mean. I was single for like a year between long girlfriends and fucked around a lot as some dating fucked around a lot sucked allied. Will i twenty six twenty. Five hundred mike. Newly sure sure so. I mean people changed know you know. Funkier weirder arts your city and says not anymore because you can't you can't afford to just working part time job in fucking art you know you have to work eight eight fucking hustles or have soul-sucking job as your fucking options so describe the dating scene san francisco in three words. Fuck mary hill. Please explain each. I think the right mary kill. Actually that kind of perfect actually fucking nailed it. You're welcome explain. Explain david anywhere. And i don't know i've never really outside of the city that much but You're like this person's awful person. And i never again. You come across something like oh well. I think we'd be really good naked together. But i don't think much future beyond you look great naked which is looking. Look wow you know. And then there's also like hey. This person's really amazing and they want nothing to do with me so they want the more you know like i mean. I've written a lot about dating in san francisco. The things you read before and Written about up in san francisco and all this stuff and you know it's unique place because it's a small city we're all interconnected so i mean city eight hundred and fifty people but if you take all the people all on all the children take away all people whose english they speak some of your whittling down from eight hundred four hundred thousand and you get within your age demographic then you get within the people that you come across suddenly for eight hundred thousand people you get to like one hundred thousand people. Maybe everyone was right exactly. And so i would say you can't you can't date somebody in san diego has fuck somebody you know. It's been in san francisco for a year and a half and that was one of the things i was most worried. Worried about coming to san francisco. I'm like if i start dating this person that means that whole circle is off limits for me unless if i want to meddle with that circle or if you really want to dig around you can find shit about everyone. You know. there's some there's like a everyone's a walking yelp review somewhere guy can find out shit about anybody who they who. They've dated boyfriend right. You know and so it's like it's hard to date with. Nope mind in the city. I feel like i mean especially. You're here you just have to be okay. You burn bridges. Because you're going to walk into that you're going to walk into a bar and see that bridge in there but really i think in a way these i look into positive light it forces you to be better person. I think to be better to other people. Because you're going to see those people you're going to see those people. And so. Because of that i think like i mean i i. It's important to me to treat people well no matter what but i mean for people who aren't as minded is that it forces them to do so and the cities to small. So then okay. Let's go back to that because you know my favorite quote was all each other's consequences. I solely believe in that senate from i don't know i just i like that. Yeah i made it up and drink my favorite quote by myself. I've thought about it myself. But how do you because in your article you talked about. You're gonna run into excess everywhere.

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How do you break up with dignity. How do you break up on great terms and or even break up the. How do you stop dating. Someone on great terms takes time. I'm i'm cool with everybody. I've ever dated have three serious girlfriends but even dated casually. I'm far as i know who was pretty much all of them But i mean. I think part of it's like being honest and being real and part of it's like takes time especially the law. The real serious break you when you break up with them and they break over you But i mean. I think that i tried to build a try to treat most from like a compassionate loving place and so because of that For example you know like The girls are the five and a half years. We broke up and like you know big part. Because you know we've been it for a long time and She recently wanted to you. Know get married and have kids. And i just wasn't there. I was thirty years old. And i've been in religious my entire twenties and like so i was like you need to. Do you need to do what you need to do. You need to be happy and not may not be that person you know and so we amicably. We decided that we weren't right for each other. You know and i madonna and she has a husband. And i'm really happy for them. They're fucking amazing together and it's important to care about the people that you care about and be part of their lives every part of life's but like be there be there fucking champions and cheer them on and so i feel like i'm pretty wide open as a person and i wish the best for everybody and i think that's a good place to start. So here's a scenario for you. You go you meet some girl on jason. Let's say okay. And you guys go on three or four dates and after the fourth date. You decide that you don't wanna continue seeing her. What do you do you know really depends on how often you're hanging out which you know. There's there's a girl. I was involved with for a few months ago and we hung out card. Nothing we've been sleeping for a while and She's really great. I really enjoyed it. She was like she wanted to get more serious. That i was was ready for and was interested in and so We you know could not call her back. I couldn't just ignore text messages. That's a shitty thing to do. I'm a grown ass. Man i i said hey you know we're i didn't call her on the phone because we'd actually never talked to. The really weird said texan. I was like hey look you know. Obviously because i'm also really busy just today alone. I've written article. Did my taxes drop hard drive for somebody to do some editing from met up with my buddy for drinks now here like these are. My days are always mcdonald's mcdonald's but it was only forget about your place. I might have to use your bathroom. Pretty what are we talking about tunnels so you sent her attack. So so yes. So i sent her. Hey look Not in the same place right now. And i think you're great and you know like but it's not fair to you for me to string you along but it's just not cool you know and i know what you're looking for and it's not what i'm looking for and say. Hey if you wanna talk about this on the phone. We can talk about this on the phone. But if that'd be just call you at the blue. And i tried to be honest transparent as possible because you know if nothing else you owe somebody to be you. Know them being human. Yeah and look. I mean like i dated a wide range of you know the women who are forty and twenty three. You know in a varies. It's a person i personally basis and i was dating this girl for six months ish fairly casually. She was younger. She was gonna be twenty three years that and she totally goes to gaining six months. Oh boo and we're like we weren't exclusive. But i mean it was like she's super super great and she's super smart super smart super mature except for that she did you call her out on it. I haven't had a chance to why because i'm not going to blow performance open bro. You know like I'll see you eventually and we'll talk about it. I'm not gonna make a thing about it. But i kinda lame you know so you just kind of let her disappear. I hit her up everyone from. Hey what's going on taking out and then like there'd be like didn't here from her. Whatever i know this is what we've all done it. We've all done it. But i'm trying not to do that anymore. It's not it's to treat people like humans and like you know if you have even if it's not like a highly emotional relationship i mean here's the like once or twice a one night stand or something like that. It's like whatever like you've you've spent time together step together for awhile. Invested whatever it is time.

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Money vaginas and penises. Whatever you spend time together. I can tell you what to them to be like. Hey look i. This isn't working so if someone goes on you. Don't you think they owe it to you to give you an explanation or at least a parting gift. Yeah but i'm also not gonna like harass them about it podcast by note her name so julian brainstorming. Some of the things we wanna do this podcast and one of the one of the the blasts the sections i wanna. I want to call it. What the fuck happened. Yeah and get someone on to talk about someone who goes to them and we call that personnel and we give them a chance to come on the show to tell tell us their side of the story. I mean so yeah so speaking of that girl no no. She's really great. I think she's young. Whatever it happens one. We'll talk about eventually but unfortunately that's what happens all the time. I think there's more ghosting stories and there are successful dating stories now. People are just not. They're not holding each other accountable and they're not being accountable as human beings. Let's easier. yeah. It's easier. And i think some people are afraid to say like working but i think most people would agree. They'd rather especially after one or two and you barely know the person you'd much rather someone to tell it how it is for. Sure i don't know. I feel like after two dates. It's fine to be like i am compulsively on time and i. It's really important to me to be a my word to do it. I am going to do. I'm like i'm i'm constantly is the northern star like i. I do what. I am going to always supposed to be like. That's actually disconcerting for people. I feel like because. I'm like i don't have time for games. Yeah fucking really busy. And if i can give you my time and put an effort. I hope you reciprocate. Let's say someone reaches out to you. Would you would reply to them or if interested in them. If you're not interested. I don't really go. She i mean. I might just be like i'm busy i mean. Isn't that ghosting jozies. I like not responding at all so you wouldn't be honest about a hey. I don't see this going anywhere. You just say i'm busy. It depends sometimes it really busy. You know and like I try to be as honest. i can. I've considered uh flirted with the idea of being radically honest life. But that's could be really painful for people. Like i mean i mean like yeah unlike the way. Your face looks like that. Like like being radically honest. Really bracing to do. Because you can really. I mean it's dangerous thing for everybody. So let's flip it. Let's say you go onto dates with the girl you really like. are you. reach out to ask her out. She says she's busy. How would that make you feel. I'll give him once or twice. I get i get the end. What would you rather have. Would you rather have her say. Listen i don't see this going anywhere totally but that's also like. I verbally abused on the internet all the time. I don't mind about skin. Everybody candle that true. Nobody likes the truth. People show like the truth. I mean i do agree that if they're not to there's no need for you and be like hey go anywhere. There's some people get like two extreme right. Yeah nope you don't have to. If it's you know you just started hanging out with somebody. it's okay. I feel like yeah. You know it happens to me. We've all done it. We all do it you know. I think it's like once you've actually spent time with the person really been there with them and like hung out multiple times that they owed them. Hard part is different. People have different thresholds. Sure sure on. 'cause we got a lot of people right in in let's say ninety percent of them are ghost stories. Yeah it's usually people that don't have that much relationship history with the person but it still ex them. So i think so much of it really just depends on you and how you view that specific your inside most people. We speak to say that they prefer the truth. They want to hear the truth instead of waiting by the phone or waiting for oh. This person must be really busy in the next couple of weeks. They'll call me back in like six weeks or something. Isn't it better to just no. I think most people would they rather just know. The truth matters. Ninety i should make a percentage percentage most time if people if you have a real actual somebody. They'll they'll make time in their life for but you know the the matters. We all are busy and we all do things going on. And it's like we have we all play games in our head of not even games. We like we all like average out. How much is this personal worth my time you know like how. How much is it. How much of my time. I willing to sacrifice for their fuck ary or like if they're gonna show up we're gonna flake and we we figure out the levers that like going to the racetrack like pony miami.

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And until unless you have that real solid fucking deep connection when you just fucking no like lightning strikes. You know it's just a bunch of fucking gambles either have a connection or you don't right if you don't then you should understand that that's just not happening with four something that's not there so we have okay so on our website on data dateable. We have so many emails about ghosting. Why this person ghost but then on my own personal dating coaching website. I get so. I coach men on date. You should be a millionaire this morning. This fucking owned this building. Your i only crisco. I am out the election mustache. But the emails i get or you know the emails in the letters i get are mostly about guys. Were like oh. She says she was too busy. She hasn't texted me back. should i contact her again. Should i reach out again. Should i snapchat or again. So it's the the other side of it. And i would say yes one hand. If you don't have a connection you don't have the connection or you don't owe each other anything but on the other hand i think you people need to know the clues of when someone's not interested you know if they're not responding back to your tax within like let's say twenty four hours. It's just why even bother. Why even bother having that person your life. I wouldn't wanna friend like that. Wouldn't you rather excited by absolutely. Yes why chase that unicorn that doesn't really exist and humans are stupid fucking creatures unicorns takeaway. We won't we can't have. The grass is always greener. This stripper friend of mine said she was talking about. She's like the pussies always pinker on the other side of the stage. It's the lighting what it comes down to is. We want what we can't have it and it's just fucked up thing about being humans and we can. Even we know it's happening. We can rationalize it'd be like my human brain. Says this is ridiculous. My lizard brain says fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck you know like. And and that's the problem with being like twenty-first-century person is we are one hand like dealing with the evolution of being humans and like and like i mean just the difference of what we're talking about women's rights and people's rights in general i civil rights and social justice. It leaves them balance from forty years ago. That's an evolution. we're still fucking monsters as human beings. We're fucking monsters. We're still like our bodies wanna fuck and reproduce and eat and drink and sleep. That's the fuck they wanna do. But then there's bigger things that you wanted to his people and so so your lizard brain in your brain always competing with each other. And you know sexist big part of that's lisburn shit like and like and like. Oh i want to chase this thing. I want to be chased. You know and it's stupid but it's who we are. I trying to reconcile that as it is the human condition but we you know we should have these kind of checks and balances of. What am i doing here like can i. Am i okay with myself at this point total for doing this right and my accountable for my actions. One of the best we ever got from one of our listeners was Thank you for allowing me to be a crappy human or if which was a great response from someone. Because that's what we try to do with this podcast. We want people to feel accountable for their actions and know that there are consequences to what you do. I'm curious to know what you said. That you've built this. Brand around frugality and living frugally. How does that translate into dating well. There's low expectations as a feminist. I think it's important to me to actually and this is an interesting point that try to bring up often. It's important to me to Try to at least can pay for everything i ate. I mean the reason the reason this is feminist with your. Your initial reaction is like no. That's fucking bullshit. Chivalry shit right but actually the reason that it's feminist because it takes a lot more money to be a woman costs more money in time effort makeup hair clothing. It costs more to be a woman. Amen i have to fucking from from the moment i get in the shower at the moment i walk out the door. Twenty minutes women writing in about you laid. I heard you pay on the first but also make like not also like doing ridiculous expensive. Because i really can't afford to be there but you know i am by the drinks and like i actually. I don't go out to dinner. I i know eating with somebody's a fucking whole thing in itself.

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I personally don't have issues but there are plenty of people do have issues around food issues on eating in general and also it's like i think it's a it's this trapped in space. If you're not feeling the prisoners our yes whereas drinking. I i gotta go really nice hanging out. You know whatever Let's go get dinner. That's true. But i try to do the best they can. Some people insist on paying their part or pain or whatever. And i'm not going to be like no you listen to meet lady insist how. How does a woman show that. She insists on paying her part of three or four drinks and by the next one and they're like no seriously they basically put my hand back into my very intentional. Not the fake personally. No i'm not as dumb as i looked almost as dumb but and what about going forward second date third day. Do you have any rules around. I mean like. I try along the relationship. I think going dutch is ideal. I mean unless they unless you're dating somebody who's like genuinely genuinely like really well off the then there can be like an offset. If i'm rich why would i make you pay for your drinks. You know if especially if you can't or whatever so. I mean i think there's there's a certain amount of Like a my brain isn't very good right now. But i like mcdonalds mcdonalds. My luna she did is really funny. Funny funny clever. Video luna's black and she did video. There was like about like splitting the bill based on Market share of this city and your gender. You know it was like oh as part of the bill should be thirty three percents. Whatever it has a white manager should be seventy two percent. Let's say you're a young working professional. Who just moved to san francisco This very expensive city and you have no savings and you're pretty broke but you still want to date. How can you date in the city as a broke person. Those so much you can do. I mean you just governor shitty dive bars which are my favorite bars which are named them. Plenty of great make mission devise a kilowatt delirium mission bar Benders some the like emperor. Norton's dive bars. You know are perfect. You know get cheap. Drinks not really cool. There's a split a burrito in a bottle of wine and go the lord's park you know. Go for walking and takes them. Lsd fucking walk and galena park. Not as a first date. that'd be pretty intense. I date and that's expensive. These five bucks house these cheap and i'm getting ripped off and get away with the biggest bang for your buck five dollars dollars your life out of nowhere state. Forget drinks or dinner hours go. That's a really intense procedure. Only i would probably but you'll really know if you have a connection or not. Yes maybe that moment in the park bird since. She's it goes. What about like sustaining a relationship. When you're broke do you think it's possible. Yeah i think so. I mean i think what it comes down to. His two people really working with each other in kenya each other and like working for each other because everybody brings different strengths. That relationship whether that's Make more money and the other one person being more Empathetic and the other one person being much more of a builder and a community maker you know like we all different strengthening auburn given things that asian ship and especially if you're passing life we hopefully you're done dating train wrecks it makes a lot better So you know so if you make more money than your partner sometimes need help and if but if you your skill is like you know you are really fucking organized and tidy and you can help their life easier. You can help that way if you love to cook do it because you love to cook and you want to make them to eat food not because you feel like you need to do is taking the things that you really well and the things they do really well and making a life together. You know whether that's i mean. Whatever that looks like you know. And i think that's how you negotiate that so there you go because we get a lot of people who write in and say listen dating in the city of super expensive. That's why i stopped dating. Or that's why i'm off dating. There are alternatives. Oh there's so much cushion the city gonna fucking museum you know and bringing a flask. Rally alison class.

00:35:06 - 00:40:02

Exactly go for a hike. you know. there's so there's so much that the city's beautiful you know it's it's rocking darrow. Cities beautiful. you don't have to go to some fancy bar with guys have mustaches. Shake things for a long time. You know there's so much to do here. Yeah well it's definitely a he that you feel like it's a half haves and have-nots and a lot of people who are dating the city want to be part of the haves versus the have nots so it's kind of like keeping up the joneses even in dating environment but there's no need to compete right and it's all about connection and chemistry. Anybody who's who's outlook is all about lovely up. You know in terms of monetary that. We're not going to get along for many reasons first of all. I don't know why you're dating the me question a lot of your process. He's but I don't really value. I don't put value on on monetary things nearly as much as i put value experiences. And that's the that's the basis of what like my entire brand my entire lifestyle. My entire important is not the things that you own but the things that you do. Yeah and there's so many beautiful wonderful things you can do as human being with other human beings that don't necessarily cost money don't be cheesy like. Can you be doing stuff together. You know like there's a lot you can do and if you just interestingly someone's 401k and whatnot. You're fucking lame. Yeah i want to bring this full circle. Because i started with article about access What's your theory about excess. Your relationship with them Different religions all access my extra my early twenties videos like three and a half years We're like family members. I love her. Like i mean. Originally under shady services hasn't been immoral together But i mean like you know we pick up where we left off we dated. We did when we were really young. Met her when. I was better on the seventy one bus when i was twenty one and eighteen. You know and We three and a half years after that day So we're super cool My girlfriend from my mid to late twenty s I don't see her as much. I'd like to get it. You know we're we're. We're all busy people in even things going on and You know in my most recent girlfriend who broke up a year ago. She moved to chicago so So do you believe in keeping in contact with your access. Yeah told me like it doesn't have some context. I'm not gonna cut them out of my life. sometimes. I think you need space. You don't need to be like go from like. Oh we we just yesterday. We should be best friends today. Because i don't think that makes sense. I think you need space so that we can grow. Who are without them and that same article had this line there was like was it like the the hardest math equation. The world is us minus. You equals me like that because That's it you. Don't you know who you are in relationship. You're part of a team. And so you have to relearn what it's like to be not again. Yeah exactly so that takes time after a break up. I think you can't have your your ex team member there you know for that but once you grow without them i you can. You can be friends and you can. You can be in each other's lives. To whatever extent feels comfortable for both sides right. I've just never kept in touch with you my access. I just don't feel comfortable with that. But i guess you know. Everyone has their own comfort level with that people. I know really best friends with their excellent involved in children's lives so yeah or throw art art shows for them and stuff like that and other people say that you know it depends how rich like some people come out of really fucked up relationship. Some relationships are abusive whether they're physically mentally emotionally abusive. Some ships just unequal. And so it depends on how that person who you worked and how you make each other feel totally translate into afterwards as well. Yeah also like you're over it or not if you've moved on and you've identified yourself and even potentially a new relationship. I think that's very different than if you're like friends. 'cause you're pining away for someone. Yeah that's a whole other thing. That's just fucking emotional hostage situation. So i think it's everything you said time outing there. I think the major point and the major takeaway for me and all this conversation is whether your ex or just someone you dated once or went on one date with or even just met at a bar whatever get to a point where when you part ways if you see them again. It's not awkward right or you're not scared to see them. There's so many people the city who are like i'm void. That bar Go this guy. I don't want to run into him. Get to a point where you treat each other with so much respect that even when things don't work out and you part ways if you see them again it doesn't feel utterly. Yeah you're going to see them again.

00:40:03 - 00:44:05

You're going to move away. Sanford still see them. You might still. It's a small world. Take away from this and the earlier part is like even if someone. Ideally someone tells you how it is but if they don't like read the signs and invest people that are investing in totally cool. Let's wrap this up anything else. What are you working right now. I'm going to really great new podcast. It's called weird and wonderful with stuart and it'd be my buddy sonny bono. We basically hangout interview. Strange interesting. people usually have different strange. We jobs was a financial dominatrix. The one yeah like she gets paid to blackmail people people pay her to blackmail them. What's the conversation or like or like doc pop. Who is that. He was a world class number. Three yoyo your list in the world and he also he makes really. I'm really fascinating people. So we interview them and then talk about like things happening That's my main project. My main new project right now. Where can we find that On the internet you can find it on like you know there. There's nothing good happens. So yeah it's on Soundcloud i play so weird one weird and wonderful broke ass stuart then of course. I'm all over the internet facebook. Twitter instagram broke ass stuart reddish once again while mom and of course my website broadcast tacoma put out two to three to four new articles every day covering arts culture progressive politics for people who aren't rich okay l. o. Love plug for yourself. You're single. I am single. What are you looking for relationship to be honest. I was thinking about it and it would be kinda cool to have that like fucking like crazy unhinged like love but i might be too old for that. I don't know. I don't know i mean the right. I'm open minded. If if i fell in love and it was fucking great. I'd be yes that's fucking do this but you know otherwise. I'm open to anything whether it's casual dating or I mean who knows the world's fucking weird you can say the one thing about humans no matter what they say they're looking for. It's usually not what they are or what they're going to get you know so i'm open minded. You just need someone who's equally as passionate equally as weird And equally as open. Yeah that's true three main qualities and hopefully hopefully. We're just kidding that a home we love to hear from you and if you want to connect with story you can actually go through us. You want to do that and talk to us. Tell us your dating stories. We want to hear egging. You have to say we can anonymous your identity to protect you and with that said last but not least day the blow. Your action item for this week is to exercise care and compassion for the people that come into contact with even if it's a casual online conversation remember that there's an actual person on the other side handle these moments of connection with dignity and respect make a point that with every person that you come into contact with if you were ever to run into them again you wouldn't want to hide from them or to avoid them in fact you feel very confident about going up and saying hi to them. The most efficient way to meet new people is a combination of online and offline five hundred branches has your offline covered connect over brunch with new friends. Come alone or bring a buddy. There's always a table full of friendly faces. Moses an eggs benedict sign up at five hundred branches dot com and use the code date able for free entry to connect with us visit dateable. Podcasts dot com. You can also find us on facebook twitter and instagram. All under dateable podcasts.