David Cruz from Millionaire Matchmaker, Finding Cupid, and Three Day Rule talks to us about love and romance with Millennials. We discuss using technology as a bridge, the InstaGen effect, modern matchmaking, and how to bring the romance back!
S5E11 Do Millennials want love with David Cruz
00:00:03 - 00:05:02
The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world.
This episode of dateable is brought to you by five hundred brunches. Five hundred branches connect like minded people with similar interests to meet in real life brunch. You answer a questionnaire questionnaire about your interest and how you spend your time and then they'll match you. In small groups of sixty eight at a brench spot. In san francisco get a free entry into a brench now. By signing up at five hundred branches dot com and using the code date able. Hey everyone welcome to another episode of dateable a show all about modern dating there. We have such a treat or everyone including myself tonight. Those has the man. David crews on the high david or you again from los angeles and if you don't know who he is. Let me just give you a refresher here. David cruises a matchmaker most famous for his role on the hit bravo. Tv show millionaire matchmaker. And we tv's million dollar matchmaker. I love how they just tweak. That name orlando little different. His obsession with love and romance led him to becoming the founder of finding cupid dot com a website. He created to remind people how to love again crews has strong opinions on what it means to date in. Today's modern world is work has been featured on the huffington post advocate frontiers magazine. La he knows dot com and your tinto dot com. He also hosts a weekly podcast called finding cupid radio. And i'm going to be a guest on that show up. let me just give. Everyone will background your forty one years old. And you're married and i couldn't believe that when i read us you look good. Holy kelsen i. I do everything in my power to go against that. The god given gift that only jeans and my family before me has given me. But i certainly You know i try to go out as much as the next twenty year old supplemental realized that. I not really my age anymore. But you know it's just a number and i'll see you gotta have that. Tv face right. Well i also live in la. I feel like everyone does i. I have to keep up with the joneses here in las. You know every time. I i'm down in la a craving for a new job or something you know. I just wanna get some of those meetings. Let's talk about your time on millionaire. Matchmaker let's get out of the way before we get you like the love that we wanna talk about. We'll was dirt on that. How oh oh honey. I mean drink a martini like me on that show. You know. I love millionaire matchmaker. I have like a bond relationship with it. Because before i was a cast member on the show i was dater thibout patty. Her team found me brought me on as a match for one of her clients. So it really kind of started in that world. I just kind of like i. Don i wanna say being a satellite to the world dating simultaneously. I had just moved to. La just ended a long term relationship and starting over. So this whole idea. That i was being brought on by this matchmaker be introduced to the weather. Love point in my life where i was searching again for that next chapter and what it was going to be about. It was kind of like a beautiful serendipitous moment You know what my life would be like to come after that so it was very interesting to be a part of it. I think it only makes sense that eventually ended up on the show with my obsession. Eleven relationships so we're way it did. Well that's the nice verse okay. Now because now with injure team and with reality tv shows a lot of it may not e real or a lot of it is dramatized. So how much of the love that you saw. The show was actually real versus scripted. You know i hit asked that question. A lot in the unfortunate part is that everything on that show is real because of one thing as we all know because of the dates that you and i go on because of the people that we that on these days those relationships with those kinds of people.
00:05:02 - 00:10:05
Those interactions with those kind of people are exactly the same. So if you see that crazy millionaire that comes on the show or if you see that corky data that comes on and tries to get into the dating pool dot that's real life rights like we've been on those days we met this crazy beatable. We've gotten set up with those like court tv. Also unfortunately you know spoiler is that those are all real so real. My love certain cast members. I think that was probably. Maybe that was a little You know the test of my acting ability. Damn good actor. What was it like with heavy stinger. Is she always that kooky one hundred percent achy crazy why i mean i say that. No i sure give us. More adjectives is definitely as crazy as that. She's crazy but you know there's a lot of genius crazy out there and you know she's what she does because of the issue but you're telling me that when the cameras are off she's just like that in real life absolutely we. It's real elliott riyaz real. I think that's actually a great segue to go off of this millionaire matchmaker topic and talk about what we're really here to talk about. Which is millennials and dating and finding love and the question. Is you talk about this quite a bit on your show. Do millennials even want to find loving more. What are your thoughts on millennials. Dating the child. I have such a a a love hate relationship even just with the word because if we all think that to our generation of being the young kids and our parents talking to us about your generation i tried not to be that person but this is a very different world that we're in now When it comes to this younger millennial generation so to me doesn't matter if it's relationships career or personal lives. Here's a very different road that these young millennials are taken and it's not the same roads that all of us previously Like we said at the top. Is john forty one years old. Born in seventy six grew up through the ninety s. These kids go through and end. So i was grown. I was taught by my parents to work hard for things. And you know to to put your back into things in the heart of that. You work the more you get out of life. So what's happened with millennials. Is that we. Now have this fast food instant gratification generation that has grown up and quite honestly doing We have a supply them with All the tools necessary to be this way to grow up this way in. That's partly because our parents just wanted to put a tablet or a phone in front of us busy but then also because technology has exploded. So there's a lot of different things that have happened in to answer your question. Do they still want sure. Yes do the relationships that millennials understanding perceive as relationships. Today are not the same kinds. So what are these relationships at. They're trying to pursue millennials. I love to call them. Insta jen's so in other instant the instant generation. So let's take a step back for a second so they need instant feedback. They want instant results. They want instant relationships. They want it. They want to be able to turn on an app. Find it get it and then be one and done with it but at the end of the day we all know. Relationships are lot more layered more complicated and take a lot more time to understand grow. And that's just it's just a a complication of the the whole ideology behind. What a millennial thinks their relationship should be so it's tough. I think it's a really tough. Time for millennials. Because at the core of this is communication millennials. Need to learn how to communicate unplugged in. That's that's what it is right there when you finally find that person. That's only half the job. Sam gannett. I'm gonna play devil's advocate for a sack not that i'm a millennial by any means i met the cost but i do think people only know what they know. And i think millennials grew only knowing -nology and they've grown up in a society where people are rewarded for finding shortcuts. Look at uber. Look at a blue apron. Look at telecommunications everything is about finding shortcuts and that's how people are making money that's how people are finding fame and fortune.
00:10:06 - 00:15:22
So maybe millennials are thinking okay. You know your generation and the other generations all had to fight for love and work for love navy. My generation can just find a shortcut to finding love and we're gonna be redefining relationships. What do you think about that. Well i mean. I think that you know fool's gold is exactly what that is The more sparkling jewel is short. Will go to it. But it doesn't mean it's as valuable as the real thing so for me. Sure we can find shortcuts and i think that's what the great thing is about. Technology is that if we can enable something that was challenging before to be easier than yes absolutely didn't advancement in that feel but when it starts to take away from our ability in our capability to communicate the proper way the specifically meaning dating Then it starts he s so you know as much as a millennial may think we're going to redefine what it means to get a relationship. There's only so much that they can do Before they realized that there are still some fundamental layers in building blocks that are part of building long term relationships. And i think that's the key either. I think that's I totally agree. I think some of the issues that i faced with modern dating. And it's not just millennials. is that. there's just no need to fight for someone anymore right. Don't make others options. There is like this isn't working out for the next thing. And in my mind thing and i think about like media i think media sometimes is a reflection of society and i think back in the eighties and nineties. There were movies where people are standing out in the pouring rain professing. Their love doesn't happen. Where is the last time you saw modern movie like that. A romantic comedy. That had some of fighting for someone. It's always about girl you can do better than that You can do better than at at and go do something new and you have plenty of choices and you could be single for the rest of your life and be fabulous. That's what i keep seeing. That's a message. I keep hearing. So i think what's really missing for modern dating. Is that need fight for for love. That need to make an effort. I think that's also coupled with divorce were generation. That's had divorce as a way out. Not like we have to stick it through in me get work. So how does this apply these differences In these generational dating situations. How does that apply to matchmaking. Are you do you have a millennial clients who need your services. And how do they differ from other generations. So i mean when you asked me are millennials. Our clients absolutely know what's happened nowadays especially in the world of technology you a lot of these young entrepreneurs lot of these like silicon valley silicon beach young wealth managers from the east coast. There's a live young professionals. There's always has been but now more than ever there's a lot of wealthy unique individuals that aren't many all's and it's a weird thing to have so much access to money than young to be a millennial so they still haven't matured enough in maturity comes with experience and it comes with practice. So if you're just saying. I'm you know wealthy in I'm rich and i get everything i want. Because this is my generation but then we can say for example. I love cars. And i think i'm gonna be a great race car driver but if you've never actually driven a car then you won't know how to drive it right. That's where matchmakers right. So i like to call matchmakers the people that have really safe. Incur- lives when it comes to your face headache. Doctors were basically the doctors of love. You would think that even in this world of dating apps in websites that matchmaker the need for a matchmaker would go away. But it's busier than ever. That's the crazy cart looking back. On those seasons of millionaire matchmaker. I found that there was one theme with a lot of these. Millionaires was that they had this idea of entitlement. They felt like. I have all this money. I'm entitled to this very superficial list of qualities. I'm looking for in my partner. What is the issue that you see with your clients today that you really have to help them get over absolutely well. I'll hit on that that that millionaire first of all when you are in a profession and i see this men. Women doesn't matter where you come from but if you very successful right you have a lot of yes people around you and so there's now onto tell you now so when you go on dates all of a sudden there's somebody that's like you know i really don't like them you know they're saying now and then those guys in those Those clients get frustrated.
00:15:23 - 00:20:01
unit on the show many times and those are real people. I've been on those dates myself in. It's very interesting to see what happens when our gas person goes on a date and gets nail person. So it's it's interesting but it's only because of the environment they're in in. That's when a matchmaker really comes in and shakes things up because they really have to be a reality. Check for these people to say in order for you to get someone that's long-term if you're committed to finding that and the solid good relationship this is what you need to wake up to and understand that's happening the hardest thing right. Our clients is that there's so much technology out there and the one thing that is that we're constantly trying to keep them focused on is to not get distracted. It's so easy right for all of us to download ten apps today. Yeah and like you said earlier. If we're bored move onto the next person you can turn on app and find something. But that's very disposable and if you're someone that's coming to a matchmaker you know investing we do this in different parts of our careers and lives. We invest in therapist to help us with our mental health invest in good specialists to help us with our our every day. Physical health reinvest in a trainer These experts to make us rate into get us better. But if we're not doing the work that our trainers tell us we're getting zero results and that happens with us as drinkers word. The trainers of the heart ceo for us. If we come to you can give you all of his advice and we try to steer you one direction but we're getting the same result. We get frustrated. Because you can't just come to a matchmaker and say help me but then do the opposite of it in. Its in its challenging. Because you know the most consistent problem is that they're just like thank out. Will i blew off the date that you set up with me. Because i just ran out of time are just went on a tinder day. Now that that's not how it works. I think you kind of touched on this but do you think the technology has helped or he dirty dating overall. Your your thoughts. I i mean. I want to say it's made dating different And i don't wanna say it's absolutely hurt it. It's so weird. What i say to people. What dating apps aren't you on. Instantly people will name like of app. You can possibly know right and you're like a dating app you now i. You're dating apps out there and that's where this confusion comes in because we don't know the difference between all of the nowadays we just kind of assume they're all the same. This is again. Where that challenge for millennials comes in because they're just like wow. This is the newest one. I'm going to download this download that in it's gonna take me to the right place because that's dating app but it's not and i think that when it comes to. What's it's really hindered now. It's that communication piece. We know too much about the people that were talking to which means it's replaced that. Qna time that you and i used to have without the technology We asked too many questions in the. Dm's right getting to know. Somebody is the best part of of really finding out about a person when you learn too much about somebody when you google then. You're not really getting the right person. So i always say the best abe is when you don't know anything about somebody Especially if a matchmaker gives you ten of the best people that they think are great for you. Then he can sit down and you could say all right. I'm we get to know this person. That's just refreshing to me. Yeah i i i agree. I think technology has both helped and hindered dating. But this is the reality. We're facing today. So what are some suggestions. You give to people to date better with technology. I'm not going to be the person that says you know. I'm not going to be that old. Grandpa shaken his walker. Saying i used to be better in my time or you kids these days. I'm not going to be that person because that's not smart either. I do know that technology is here and it's not going away in the smartest thing is to use it to our advantage but then also to take a step back a lot of the times and no are you have to inject just real human to human contact in communication in touch to me. There's a few rules that. I always kind of go by when it comes to romance today. The first rule that i always say is used. Technology is a bridge in not a substitute time. So by that.
00:20:01 - 00:25:00
I mean like if you're going to use a good dating out you know i love bumble That's like i. I i do. I just think they've got something. There's just great. I think they empower women. You know in in they fight bullies on another just a lot of zanjani on dating apps. Nowadays like it's just you know it's not really stay in if if there's any app out there that can stand against that. I think you know there are ten steps closer to be solid us the right technology in use it to get to a place if you want to date somebody find a good one. Do your research go on there. And then use that as a bridge to get to some sorry. Excuse me somewhere but not as replacement for gay man can either man message. I on bubble yet to gain than us bubble. Yes actually but you know fumble actually launched a. They have a like a little brothers. They like to call it being have a deal. It's chappie and i actually love chappie. Twos the chappie launched in the uk and the great thing about chappie is it has a great piece first of all. They're so supportive of of love and relationships which. I do not see in the world of lgbt dating. So i'm just one hundred percent again if you take ten steps towards the right direction. I'm already fan. Is that right sir. Chappie enables you to look for. They have a little system in there. That allows you to swap. Between mr right mr right now. Oh s right because not enough. You know we're not looking for mr right now and so we want the ability to do that. Straight bubble. I know right. Okay cupid asks you. What are you looking for cops along. But it's all in one no so yeah like really differentiated this. It sounds like it's more like in the moment. I like that. I mean that's how to build on that. Like what are your thoughts about. Like match dot com. Okay cupid The original players in the space. That feel like a little lost these days for your thoughts on. Yeah we'll you know went. I was recommend The old school guys if somebody says. What's your favorite dating or the best dating websites out there. I always go back to the old guys because they've been doing it for a long time. They know what they're doing. I had so many times. I've met men and women that have gone on to match dot com those e harmonies of the world and have found the person that they eventually marry. I can't tell you how many weddings. I've been to where somebody's like. Oh we met on match dot com. We've been on e. harmony and it's unbelievable but here's the thing that i also hear her every time somebody who's not ready for a relationship right away goes on. They say while little scary for me in there because everyone is looking for a relationship right. I developed a good point. Though this everyone complains that like tenure and even bumbled sue like the ones that are super easy that have no barrier to entry. People aren't looking for like the real deal on them. So maybe that could be a tactic for these people. They're in a different stage. Yeah one hundred percent. How did you meet your husband. Oh you know what we met at the good old fashioned way. It's super cute reiner. I don't know it's so funny. Because i love to tell the story because it has kind of like a fine layer to it A friend of mine. And i went to a wine bar in hollywood and we stumbled upon girlfriend who was on a blind date had asked us to rescue her and so she weirdly enough to occur blind date in two west hollywood to hang out of the boys and save her from her weird date right so we were out dancing and having a good time in girlfriend me and says is somebody dancing right behind you. You really need to turn around and talk to him because he's talented. Looking all the things that you you always tell me about. And without even me responding right away. She turns me around. It would push his towards him on the dance floor. Wow and there. I was just weird. John cusack romcom meg. Ryan big awkwardly Oh my god sorry. Hi my friends and featuring parts you know that. That was the moment that started everything. Did you have a boom box. was it i. it's funny because they feel like again. It's it's rare that people say they meet somebody when they're out but yeah it happens and i live in where people always say. It's like the hardest time to do it in but it really does. You're looking for and then also another topic you talk about quite a bit on your show. Is this idea of romance. Go about romances. Romance dead is technology in all these dating apps killing romance.
00:25:00 - 00:30:01
What are your thoughts about that. Well i love to call myself. Be romance enthusiasts. I started my website finding huber. Because you know i have an aunt of mine that went through divorce and you know my parents. I'm a child of divorce family to feel like it's just that d. word is in there and it's kind of ugly right and what's sad is when people lose their faith and they lose the installation that they used to get from love and romance and i really wanted to make a place for those people like myself who believe in love. Who still do. I love everything about the the process there. The dating the romance marriage like all the way to the end. I love it all. And i wanted finding huber to be a place so that you can be that person and believe in all of those things about love again so i try to say like this is a safe space for you. Love believers so you can go. There and enrollment isn't dead. It isn't dead by far because at the horn all that we do. We all want this special moment in our lives. We still all wanna get married. We wanna find that special person and if it's marriage you're just you know lt. Are you know to the grave that's buying. It's human nature to just pair up with one person but what what is romance to you. How would you define it. Well you know romance to me is very different than romance. Every we all have definitions of romances. I if you ask a millennial romances putting a heart emoji on somebody instagram. And that's the truth because that's the way they communicate to me. Romance is my husband. It's almost like the challenge of each other like he's definitely someone that needed to be in my life. But i love romance and he does this one up game anytime i travel gives us a weird way of finding the ability to write a cute card and sneak it in my suitcase somewhere or by travel bag and then i find it wherever i end up in. Its romantic to me. But then it's also as simple as making dinner. Romance is very simple buying flowers to win. Straight men come to me and they tell me like i just. I need to do this for my wife or my girlfriend and i asked them ever brought flowers hell and they a lot of the times. It's very simple things that i know. They're old school may may sound cheesy. Romance isn't some grandiose gesture simple gesture that reminds somebody you love them and that your special to them and it can be any and i. This comes down. Like back to lake millennials. Like a lot of them have never been in love. A lot of them. Ryan lee know what love is because they're always just if delayed love for careers sudden one niece of it. And then there's just like this mentality of the quick fix that we mentioned plenty of options and all of that. Do you think it just down to the fact that they don't they've never experienced a lot of a lot of everyone but a lot of people of never experienced true loved so it's hard to imagine. Well yeah and i think you know lineages again. Let's let's just rewind on that moment there as i read so much about fortune. Five hundred companies that are restructure in their hr departments to learn to communicate this new generation of millennials. That are coming on. There's a sense of Self entitlement that comes along with them and it's how do you train millennial to work in fields that you have to work for things in that he just don't get you just. Don't get a promotion by coming on board working here for three months. You have to work for in. That's a mentality that they have because of the quick and instant gratification. That the gift from everything else in their world so how do you tell a millennial to find blah into work for love. It really is by teaches. First of all they're gonna learn all in their out. They're gonna hit so many Walls because they're going to keep trying and failing and trying and failing or generations they had a longer span between the triumph fail but the technology brings that span of trying and failing a lot shorter between so they will find love their absolutely bobo finding love. But it's up to them to really take a step back and to plug sometimes and to really do the work at communicating. I think this goes back to. I don't think it's just millennials but this issue in modern dating is that we're all so self focused. Yeah look at these apps the apps are you create the space for yourself where you present yourself in the best way possible.
00:30:01 - 00:35:01
It's all about matching with as many people as possible and trying to figure out who's the best in graphs that you can get and that that's all centered around you and also when you look at a you know we're talking about romance. I think what you just described there with you and your husband. Are these gestures of thoughtfulness. And i think people are forgetting how to be thoughtful because we kind of act on a non guilty of this. I do something for my boyfriend to make myself feel good i. It's not about making him happy. I'm sure he's happy to. But it's also like i feel good because i do something great for him but true romance is putting yourself second and putting up partner i and what could i do to make him or her. Extremely happy right now and it could just be really simple gesture but it comes out of a very selfless act absolutely i. I always tell everyone if you want. If you want to add a little love in romance in july. I wanna tell you you can take one dollar. More can take an office supply steal from your local office. You go out and buy some posted notes. Yes a grab a pen. If you leave a posted know every single day for anybody that you love in life he will not only change your life in your relationship one thousand percent but it will bring so much so much gratitude from them. It will bring so much appreciation of you in its thoughtfulness again upbringing writing that little note a little note. That says i love you. I miss you or thinking of you. Let me oh my god. That could be that little post it note. That was so surprised they may be opened up the the bathroom mirror and find it surprisingly where you leave it in a book of their as they open it when they get to work. That little moment just says it. You took three seconds out of your day to write something and then it's just made today. That could have been thousand dozen roses but it wasn't. It was a posted it. It's it's really as easy as that. And i wanna go back to what you were saying about. Trying to get into these relationships with millennials and how all of us to not just millennials but we try to build these glossy profiles right so that we can be as attractive as possible to everyone we all know this and i liked to compare dating to job interviews. You can be really great on paper but when he finally sit down and you interview that person you're going to get to know the real truth because maybe the answers will matt shop then also. Let's just say that glossy resume your your smooth-talking got you through the interview process and you got the job. The truth is now in the work of the relationship. If you somehow were glossy right and you got through you got hired for this job this slash relationship but then. You really weren't doing the job that you were hired in for you really want producing the right way. You really weren't living up to what that resume that glossy profile said you were you will. They will know at the end of the day. You know the the truth will come out. Let's go onto some takeaways where we go back the day. You're my two major takeaways. You said something that. I've been thinking about for a while. But you said so. Eloquently technology should be a substitute. It should just be a bridge and i. That's a great way of looking at modern dating as a sometimes we feel like it's one or the other. You're you're dating where you're meeting people in real life but you should about them as complementary to each other and technology is just a way to get to someone but there are a million other ways as well. So he can't rule out other things my second big takeaway. Is this idea of romance. I've been so stuck on this idea of like love and romance for the longest time i realized. Have you ever stopped to to ask yourself. What does this word mean to me and think about it. The more it means nothing to you. I was thinking about like what is love and romance to me and i realized that my idea of what love romance is still stuck in the third grade. You know it's a very elementary wave. We like butterflies in its rainbows. This warm feeling and it no longer that. Because i'm not in third grade so i have to actually mature in my ways of defining what love and romance is and for so long. I've been kind of complaining. Like romance is dead. Nobody wants love anymore. But i think i need to really look inside to myself and say what is love and romance to mean to me. And if i'm complaining about about this. I probably am not giving the love and romance to people the way that i want to receive them. 'cause it's a cyclical right. Really good point. I kind of came to this after our talk today.
00:35:01 - 00:40:21
But also i came to this. Tiffany few days ago is like one. I need to redefine. What love and romance needs to me too. I need to hang out what i am looking for when it comes to that what is romance. What is it romantic where these romantic gestures is want from my partner and how can i also reciprocate these romantic gestures to my partner and not. Just be me. it's all about me. Give it to me. give it to me. But it's about giving the more you give the post it notes. That's a great idea. Italy such a small gesture. So i think we're all really quick green tinder lame the aging apps for killing romantic. Look yourself and he's kept saying like you. Bids everyone out there like in. I think we have to redefine romance too because times have changed. We'd be dumb to be like a we can't use technology. Yeah even like your idea about posted. that's awesome. I love that idea of like even if you want to incorporate technology sending like thinking about you or a past couple gas like say like the beginning of their courtship like every night he would message member on yours finale every every night he would message like hope. You had a good day. Good night or thinking about you like little things. Even if you're going to integrate technology romance alive. That's a great point just thinking about like you know that digital touch feature on your iphone just even like drawing a little hurt your partner. It's send you a snapchat with like something that reminds you of your partner. I mean just even using technology as a way should have all of all absolutely what is the digital version of sticky notes. And just use that. Or what's digital flower is our first of all it's also using the technology that's out there to create that human interaction so for example if you wanted to plan a romantic day. Let's use technology example. You're gonna take a maybe you do. Vip this weekend or maybe you use housemaids to host made flowers or their favorite cookie to their work without even knowing you just tell them like hey host. He thought of you today. That's just using the technology to your advantage. And there's different ways that you could do it but at the end of the day you taking that moment. Think of that person and to use the technology again you that using it as a bridge. You know not a substitute for the relationship. But using it as a bridge to that human connection that human interaction that you're gonna have loved that and you know what i would also say we also have to get off of are entitled high horses and be ready to receive these gestures. I know i've i've been guilty of this myself. I give flowers and i go. Flowers are going to die but instead of feeling that way thank you the more. You're grateful for these gestures. The more they happen so we have actually be ready and willing to see these gestures to absolute into count those blessings. Because you know. I cannot tell you how many times it's it's a it's unfortunate survey like to do but anytime Hours in the office. I always ask who's never received flowers in here and you would be so surprising. How sad it is that. There are a lot of girls but guys like. There was a point in my life where i ever got. Flowers delivered me either. But it's really sad understanding to hear that this very simple easy gesture to sending flowers to somebody. You know people don't do anymore but it does turn a lot of people into the most appreciative. People do get it. Okay let's go onto our question of the day and our question of the day is actually very related to all of this. This is good comes a hud dawn and she said i've been dating this guy for a couple months that he's great that he doesn't seem to go out of the way with any romantic gestures would mean so much if you'd surprising flowers or plan weekend trip away. It feels like his declaration of feeling sending a kissy emoji others ness he's a great catch and baronet various sincere and his feelings to me and building long-term relationship in my asking for too much. This is very easy to make so I i'll answer her question first. Which which is she asking for too much. No she's not asking for too much. But i will say i will ask issue even asking at all right so we love to live in this world where we want to believe that people are mind readers and people are not too and so it's important for you to not only establish really solid communication between the person that you're within your relationship at the very beginning because if you don't if you don't communicate to them the things that make you happy life the things that bring you joy then they're never gonna now and you're going to go on and this long misery relationship you know blaming you know building up all this resentment and finally you're gonna blow up one day four years down the line When he finally hasn't moved in with you.
00:40:21 - 00:45:03
And you're gonna say well you even bobby flower. It's gonna be this whole thing because that's important for you to say. Hey i wanna talk to you about something. Because i love you are. I love being this relationship with you some things that. Make me happy. And i would really love for you to do it for me. Sometimes i was hundred percent agree and i was gonna say something very similar. I think this this day and age like we've been talking about a lot of people don't to get flowers and do that does not like this guy's doing anything wrong per se like he could be a great percentage. Just it's like the thought isn't even crossing his mind. So like what. David express that it's important to you and i think like comes down to like lovling which is also like this absolute one hundred hundred like she might be really someone that values gifts we're not he might value quality high or so. I think having that conversation like you were saying communication is so key and and it just like will end up not having resentment of. Why did you get these flowers. Might always one sentence to me and it stuck with me. She goes well. he's not. You always says that it makes so much sense to me. Now that i'm older where she's basically saying like you can't expect other people to want the exact same things you do or to read your mind So she's like unless you're asking for it talking about it communicating about it. He's not you or you and you can't accept the same for people at least given the chance to for you hundred reading. Remember that too because we don't ever want our our partner to be us. We want you to be a strong individual that was happy and successful long before your partner came along because that's how a successful relationship drives everyone in this relationship. You know has their own thing to do. In survives individually Because of the things that they enjoy in life auburn they come together in a relationship. You know they're. They're this beautiful thing together that complement each other. But they're not you and god. The five languages love is a mind blowing. But i think everyone because now it is definitely something that people don't understand and people respond differently to To the needs of love. But i will say this and i always talk about how we can make questioning sexy but we can. You know we can't we. Can we can communicate in a way where we say you know. Hey i want to talk to you about this. I really respond this way. And i would love. This would love flowers in my life but make it sexy. You can say like listen for every time that you ever think to send me flowers and just put this little dot in your mind. Plant a little seed. You'll get lucky. Whenever know. So i mean matter the gig. It's all the delivery right you know. There's there's ways of delivering at that it's beneficial for everyone. Don't lose the sky. He sounds like a key purchased. I'll let me get lucky. If you get involved. I get hours. I just say how this makes me horny supplies. That's supposed to these for the flowers. Now morning i wanna quickly talk about your recent announcement with a three day role. You're heading up there. Lgbt division riaa that has relating congratulations. So what does that exactly. Gosh it's so exciting for me. I think this is like bringing child. Who's first day at school. This is so fighting because in the world of lgbt dating there isn't enough supportive platforms for on relationship minded individuals out there. So you know. We have the grinders. i'm a game atkins eight. The grinders discrepancy the world. There's there's million of them just like there is in straight world but there's not a mean chappie actually was the first one that i actually felt in. That one just came out in the last few months but in there really hasn't been anything that says. Are you looking pro relationship. Come here if you. I asked you to name a solid gay dating website. That of the car of the The level of match dot com or harmony draw length. Nothing so for me to take this step.
00:45:03 - 00:50:02
it means that. I'm trying to create that space. I'm trying to create a space where not just allowing. There's plenty of gay matchmakers out there. But what i'm trying to do with three day. Role is really create a movement that allows that space to grow. I want people to see that. There is a space no world that allows people with the last people want to find solid like minded individuals. Who want late. Just they can come to us for giving advice coaching and also for that matchmaker. So if you need us. We're here for you and there really. Isn't that message out there. I can't wait to tell my friend about this. Because he's had he he always tells me he's like i think the last gay man who actually wants a relationship in this world. He actually went to a meet up for relationship minded gay men. He said everyone there was extremely old and ugly. Leave with few minutes. He was like is. This is what i want. is this dead. That's why i'm so excited is because there isn't anything right. There's there's this and then there's the guys that get married and then there's like nothing in between right and if this is like one of the things that helps push that hall like space into motion that i wanted to do that. But we're gonna. We're starting here in los angeles. Where already have goals to the in san francisco in new york and every place that we could be. Were already looking into those markets and we really just want to be all of the states to provide that service for them. People will stop in the streets. And say i need your help. There's nothing out there. Where does it gay man who wants relationship go. And that's all. I've heard for the last four years of being this this person in this match making space. It's it's sad. So that's why i am so happy to be doing this with three day role in to be watching this division. Because it's so needed it. So sony is really exciting. Not serve him. David if people want to reach out to you. What's the best way of finding you. Now they can go to my website. Finding dash q dot com. I find all of my social links. There i'm on twitter instagram. All those fun things or you can also find me. Ask three day rule dot com. And i'm available anytime and jimmy doesn't sleep. You're you're working harder when we're sleeping -solutely and hi fi on david's show in november so go to finding that dot com. We're gonna be talking about dateable. Yes and for all of our listeners. Know that we would love to have you as our guest on our show. We love this idea of love. It's not attack that people talk about that much. We talk about like with modern dating. We talk about like you know hooking up that love what is love i wanna know. How would you define love. What does it mean to you and are you looking for loss. Come be a guest on our show. Okay that note. Let's wrap this up any other things anybody else and yet last words david just believe in love. It's there i promise. You believe in agic and believe in love. I believe new technology to bridge. Course we talk you to here. Thirty six version nod. Your is it so hard so hard. Well i'm all worked on Well thank you again. David the on our show we. You're so so much fun talking to you. And we are so aligned and a lot of hours in castle. It's it's great half a partner in this and i'll keep listening to finding cupid finding okay last but not least stay little. Your action item for this week is to rethink. How technology is changing the way you're dating. We can complain about technology. All we want. But it's sort of unavoidable. We're gonna have to live with it so this week. Really sit down and think about. How has technology helped me instead of hindering. My romantic life and how i can really take advantage of technology going forward. Also follow us on instagram. as we're about to announce details for upcoming holiday contest are handle is at dateable podcast. If you didn't already in our off season we launched a premium series the y series where we dissect analyze an offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums. We've had some great feedback on. How actionable these episodes are so.
00:50:02 - 00:50:42
Check it out on our website under the tab why series or you can now buy directly from eighteen music. The most efficient way to meet new people is a combination of online. And offline five hundred. Wrenches has your offline covered connect over brunch with new friends. Come alone or bring a buddy. There's always a table of friendly faces. Mimosas and eggs benedict sign up at five hundred branches dot com and use the code date able for free entry to connect with us visit dateable. Podcast dot com. You can also find us on facebook twitter and instagram. All under dateable podcasts.