S6E2 When Dating IS Your Job

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The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world.

This episode is brought to you by hired club. We're friends help friends buying jobs you guys. We all know how challenging it is to find a new job by higher club makes it easy. You can post a job or refer a friend for one. You can also get career. Coaching with professional career counselors to improve your resume. Increase your salary. We're practice interviewing more join. Today at club dot com. Hey everyone welcome to another episode of dateable show all about you guessed it. Modern dating a lot of you tell us dating is your basically your job. We hear about your dating career about you. Dating almost like you're a professional but today our guest meredith is actually a professional data. She's dating app professional by day and by night interesting. Hi meredith had. Hey the head of communications at the league popular dating app. We've also spoken to the founder amanda shadow. She has worn a lot of hats during her work. Everything from community management social media marketing. Pr strategy and also just keep things going But also during this time and you are now in a happy monogamous relationship but during a lot of that time you were dating by night right so professional dater during the day and then professional data at night in a different way so a little bit of background about meredith that she is twenty five years old originally from westchester new york. And she's been in san francisco for three and a half years. You're now in a monogamous relationship. How long have you guys been together. we've been together for almost eight months so it's still really new okay. So almost eight months before this. Maybe nine live event less than a year less than a year before this. You had quite a few years of dating while working at the league. What was that like. It was like a blessing and a curse in both ways. Because i found that people were really interested and alerted by the fact that i was this like dating expert Even though like you know by night like i was really just trying to date and like actually try young people but from the other side. I do feel that i had a little bit of an upper hand because i felt really confident. I felt confident in the dating experience. I felt confident in myself. You know. I know a lot of the back end so i know how many times i've been hearted versus acts and that's a weird number. I'm not only know that bill. Yeah like i got to see like of the people who asked me who are the people who hearted me. Who and i think having this like reality check of dating kind of helped me through the protests. Yeah were you like full disclosure about your day job to the people you're dating. Yes yes and i actually. You know it's one of the first things that i tell people when i go on a date with them because it very much defines who. I am Before working at the league. I was working at a sex toy company. Which is actually what moved me out to san francisco You know the sex part you know in sex researchers really my kind of like heartthrob. That's what gets me up and gets me going in the morning. And then when i fell in love with the tech space being in san francisco i felt i thought to myself. Well what's the middle ground between sex and tacking. It was dating apps. So you know what i'm trying to get to know someone and tell them my story. It really starts with. Hey i worked for a sex toy company now for a dating app and a lot of guys are are very intimidated by out. Yeah it's definitely a conversation starter and it's easy to kind of like light. Banter about the topic is very easy to weed out the people who artist drooling at the mouth and like oh that's hot or i really closely using the league during this time or what. How other ways were you like. Yes so. I actually missed the boat on tender. And hinge.

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I mean i was. When i first moved out to san francisco i really just was out of the bars and meekly really not focused on dating and then i think is using maybe a few others a bit but i remember a co worker telling me when i was working at jimmy jan at the time about the league and how it had just launched in private beta but you have to have this like awesome resume and career and she looked at me she was like. I don't know if you'd get in on this go. Work is never forget that so meld amando seven times site and hover email and so i just guess what her email was as a bradford. At the league docs mandate the league dot com bounceback bounceback back bounceback. Finally one came through and that was it. And then i and at the time she was like oh you know. I'm not ready to hire anyone at. It was just her and one part time engineer at the time and i was like just bring me on. I can do anything. Everything absolutely not. And i said to her well. Why don't i just come on for one month. Contract to hire regressive aggressive really. Don't like me you can let me go. And then a month later. I was hired. So you're using the league today at this point. Yes on the league do you. I mean julian. I just putting dateable podcasts. On our dating profiles people always say stuff like. Oh are you doing this for research. Are you gonna talk about me on the on. The did you get a lot of people who are like. Are you doing this for research so much. That's like the number one like initiation. Message that i get an automatic next next like that is the one thing i don't wanna be asked But you know. I think it's people are curious so one of the things you mentioned the form that you submitted was. I was focused on dating to find myself rather than someone in through that process. I met someone awesome. So what was like your mindset in. What was your goals of dating. At that time you take us back two and a half years. Yeah i was really. You know i i had just gotten out of three relationship and it was a from new york from college back in college and it was an awesome amazing relationship and i think that You know it's it's really important to have good experiences and good healthy relationships and so i just gotten out of this relationship and i really had never done the dating thing as a young professional and so i decided to date not to find someone but date to find myself especially in the industry. You're like i gotta get. I gotta get experience. I get into the. I missed the tinder and so i was like okay like i can give up. But let's just really double down and go out on a lot of league dates so is probably going use the league primary. I actually exclusively okay. He lets us her dog product. If you are really looking to find someone and like let's say your goal is by the end of the year. I really wanna be in a serious relationship. You should be on all the apps. Like as much as i. I wasn't i wasn't on a time crunch and so i felt like i only really brought to us one night over. Well yeah when you're in your early twenties malign in new york like like. Oh my god i need to find someone i just wanna d. and see what it's like. Yeah very different mindset. You know. I was really busy at the time. I was working a lot of hours of the league. You know it's it's it's a startup is a serious startup and it was just you know amanda night appa time so i was going out on a date every two weeks. Okay but that's still like a lot of good. Yeah but it wasn't like every night of the week burning yourself out. It was like a healthy amount. The meeting new people. And that's the thing is. I didn't want to be burnt out and i wanted to feel like i was. You know getting spend time with my friends and work and also this like dating myself And i decided to optimize for new experiences. Okay so that was like my forte. My montrose like okay. Optimizing for new experiences new experiences new people you know. I had only ever dated like one religion and a mississippi in nam round. So i really wanted to get you know. I wanted to date south side of exactly what else i block guy. The indian wanted the asian. I wanted to have those experiences. And i wanted not to just go out to dinner or drinks. I wanted to go to putt pie. I wanted to go have a make out on top of the tower. And i wanted to drive over to marin headlands watch the sunset I got such a good point. Yes will we hear the opposite. I'm so busy work. I have no time. So when i do day. It's a five minute coffee meeting or going to a bar. It becomes a nuisance. But what you're saying is optimizing the experience.

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I don't have time today. But when i do date i better make sure. That's a pretty good even if that person is not my forever. I'm still gonna make sure. It's a good day and what i actually started doing. This was only probably about eight months into dating when i realized rather than like letting the other person pick the restaurant or the bar. I suggest already have plans that night then to them so like a museum that i want to go to or an oregon installation wore a restaurant that i really wanna try. I just pick what i wanna do. And even if it's an awful day. At least i checked off so then i i just don't have someone to go even a lot of friends. It's just like they're not for year like they're not into that. It's yeah and it's a great way to see someone in an element that they're not really comfortable with you know i've brought people sexual health like conferences off. I've brought people to speed dating events. And if they can't hang that's like a pretty good testament that were not very compatible and from what i understand. You also took notes yes. I'm always walked back. I actually have some knows some mental notes but yes. I tried to write down something that i learned on the day and it could have been. I wrote silly things down. For example. like non-negotiable. He has to love broadway or musical or like non-negotiable. He can't pick his toenails like in public about how you're learning about what you like. And don't like other people not so much like i'm looking for someone. He has to be six five and he has to be like this. It's more like. I would prefer someone who enjoyed musicals. I prefer someone who didn't smoke. You know own preference exactly and i also made a lot of notes about when i ask a lot of questions on first dates about their family and friends and the way that people talk about their family and friends i think is very telling And so i wrote down like i you know i want someone who like talk like talks over the moon about his sister. I know me i agree. I said little things like that. And whether you get all your non-negotiables or not probably not but you start to realize okay. What are the most important things that i'm looking for. I do find men who have strong female figures in their family that they speak highly of our great boys yet. They end up being your male friends or female figures. Yeah yeah okay and then were there times that you this all sounds very positive but were there times where you did feel burn out or negativity came in. Yeah i think burnell and also you know maybe a little bit like jada mean to see all the internal things that go on with dating in you know. I can't deny that There are a lot of people with antiquated thoughts and beliefs on dating now. So what they're looking for. You know like there. I see and i talked to the men who only want the tiny blonde blue eyes and won't settle for anything else and then i get the girl to the opposite. I get the girl who is obsessed in frustrated with her dating because she's looking for the six foot yacht. Jewish guy dafa. Ira rooted in two miles of her. Like if he if you haven't found him yet he probably doesn't eat already taken to people to choose from. Yeah it's almost like. I was never burnt out from my own dating experiences because i actually i feel like i never heard go on a date every week. I really kind of limited my personal thing. Because i was just talking about it in helping other datings others date so much that i almost was burnt out from helping others with their stories like i was traveling all summer. Launching the league in now our live in thirty cities and i went to seattle in seattle. Everyone was like dating. Seattle's the worst. Everyone in houston is the worst in every city. Everyone was like struggling with dating. And i think that that almost a little bit harder than my own personal history. Yeah i mean negatively like feeds off of each other and it just starts to me like you were someone that was like i'm loving d. They hear all like teaching the word. Yeah just cooling mock. Yeah and i feel that when you are getting that burnt-out feeling or jaded or just just do things for yourself It doesn't have to be cold turkey right.

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You know you can still talk on the dating apps and go in once a week or whenever you feel like when you connect with someone to edgewater during this time did you. Were you looking for a long term relationship or were you just dating for the sake of dating. You know i. i definitely am more of a monogamist. I think kind of by default that i am like this free spirit and i have friends who are like that and like i wish i could. I wasn't not looking for anything but nothing came around. That was really enticing to me. I had been in a relationship it in the time that i was dating. I actually started dating someone for about six months And it was through friends of friends that we connected and you know. I fell in love with him in some regards. But you know we had the lost and the passion and the excitement a hundred percent but nothing fit on paper and so it was interesting so i never had that experience before like nothing fit When you look down the line of if someone could potentially be your future forever And he was at the point where he wanted that. Who need your forever. And i could have been fine with dating this sky for another six months. But it wasn't fair to him at the time When he was looking more down the road than i was. So what is it about. Your current boyfriend stood up. Well actually he at messaged me with the same ridiculous initiation messages. Everyone else who was like. Are you on this for product research. You know. I know. I'm usually on your legs. Bad guys cute over. The border thing is is that i saw his profile on. That came up in my feed. I actually took a screen shot. And i sent it to my sister and i just sent her a i still have it and i said oh my god. I'm going to date this guy away by weirdest and i wasn't about him. It was his luck and his profile and the whole package was just. I was super like i was totally bought in and there was this one photo of him with giving a high five at a wedding to a little kid and so he's in a suit and tie student time high five and then chances are he wasn't even at that wedding. That wasn't a kenya. He's like this is gonna be my photo of like him and his dad and they're both wing grateful dead t shirts and i. I don't even know the grateful dead by. Yeah so Well this shows you that there is no right or wrong when it comes to dating now feel naturally drawn to someone. Yeah anything they say. It's going to be fine. Yeah exactly. But i will say like. We weren't talking on the app for a very long time. You know. I do think that i always say if you can list three things that you learned about that person from talking whether that's like what they did last weekend or where they're from or where they live. Now it's time to go on a date even like very basic new knowledge that know about this prison rule. Yes you can say. Three new things go out for dinners a line. You don't wanna know nothing about them. And i think also if someone's just like hey wanna give drink and you don't never yeah you're like i think a woman is kind of put like scared but i think there's also a line of the pen pal. Never actually me. Yeah aged turn off site. It's funny i i m notorious. I must say for kind of cancelling on dates. If if i'm really busy. Oh yes i i know a little bit. But the reason why didn't flake on him was because he actually texted me and he said you'll never guess what happened. He was in new york at the comedy cellar and all of a sudden a seasons are gets up on stage and he does his little bit. That says you know who here in the crowd is single. Using dating apps and the guy at my boyfriend raises his hand he gets up on stage and our conversations back by god. I now all this stuff happening with the seasons aria. At the time i was like i was thinking. Oh my god did. A seasons are save the league. How many times did he say the league done thinking like marketing and like how many people are in the crowd So then if you take this for a drink and you get a second drink all by your next round so that never end up happening. But i decided to not like on him. So is your relationship forward thinking aso. What would you say like from all the dating. How many people do think you went out with in this two and a half years. If you're like ballpark. I'm so bad at math but if you think like a day every two weeks so that's two dates every month times.

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Twelve to twenty four. Yeah and for two years strategic so okay deep. He'll probably d to fight of d. Two fifty five. I think it's a little bit more than that but yeah let's let's okay you've been fifty is a good amount of people learned things from was there. Any league dates stood out. That really taught you something about like what you were looking for that kind of translate to your current boyfriend that you were like now. I know because of this d- yeah i actually. I went on on a lot of dates with people who were climbing the corporate ladder. And there's nothing wrong with that. Like i think that there's a dot is an awesome career path. But i had a hard time connecting with those people. Because i was building my own ladder was at a startup and I went on while i was on those first days. A lot of them turned into second or third dates and they were always guys never really understood why. I was so busy or why i couldn't go on a date until nine o'clock at night and this guy my current boyfriend just got it you know was he's in the startup space. He was a ceo and a founder And i think connecting on that level was huge for me schedule. Never example like you say like whoa bartenders. It's really hard to bartender. Like unless you're another bartender on the industry because you're totally different. We've lanes get each other. You're on the same page. Yeah yeah definitely. I mean it's hard for even if you're in a relationship a long term relationship your careers may change throughout that relationship and it's again goes back to empathy. Right is so much of a matching schedules. Brady don't have the empathy for your situation than they're not a good fit. I also remember. There is a date. I went on and i had known that this person because i had a little bit of insight. He was a very popular user on the league. So the fact that. Like i was on with this guy because i can't believe that he hearted me because he was like up here and i was. You know middle of the road and i remember going out on the day and just feeling like i had to perform and i actually actually ended up drinking too much on that day and ended up having to go to the bathroom Shit and i. And i remember walking back be like why did i let myself drink too much. Why why did i feel like i need to because that had never happened before and i felt like i was having to be someone or look prettier bat. My eyes more flirt more. And i realize that didn't feel like me so that was also a good lawyer. You weren't learn after bill. yeah yeah. That's a huge thing. Like i love the fact that you actually took that insight like you were saying with the notes for them that mental like conversation of. Why did i do this. How are you so mature to think that i mean i just think like when i was twenty five. I got drunk on a date and i went to the bathroom. We'll be going to drink more to black out tonight. That i wouldn't be like. How did they allow myself very interesting perspective. It's time to take a quick break so we can tell you about the latest service. We have been building over at dateable. We'll be offering a platform to connect you with vetted. Dating experts from our network to help with everything from dating profile reviews coaching to see where you're getting stuck in dating and even waste to get real feedback about your dating style. The sessions typically run from thirty minutes to an hour and can all be done via skype or google hangouts. So you can be anywhere. We're so excited about this. Because so many of you wrote in asking how you can find people to help up your dating game and this should be a great way to get personalised affordable advice. We'll be adding more coaches and more services. In of course let us know. There's something specific you like to see to meet the coaches and book your session today. Visit dateable podcasts. Dot com slash coaching. Now back to the show so introspective. I think you know growing up. My family was very open My parents got divorced. When i was at a very young age so rather i think a lot of people grew up in. They give their parents like ill. I can't think about mom and dad kissing or having sex. That's gross but i watch. Both of my parents go through dating and also you know. My dad is remarried. They've been remarried for thirteen years But he's an open swinger. And so. I've learned i've learned a lot about that and learned a lot about dating in your forties and fifties was kitted from you.

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Know exactly you know. I have had relationships with women before my brother He came out about five years ago. And so i think just having this open dialogue helps me be very introspective when it comes to my dating life that's An important point to bring up is how you're brought up in how you see. Parents dynamic absolutely influences the way you date. Oh my. I always assumed my parents never kiss. Never had sex and i came out like it was like pulling me out of a magic hat. Didn't say you know. I just nasty here when we reunite because my dad came to the states i and my mom and i were back in china when we reunited after like two years of not being together. My parents were all over each other. And i was like. Oh my god game over earns actually do love each other and they each other lee. Yeah totally. I saw them differently. And i remember that moment as a moment of. I wanna feel that way with my partner. If i'm away from them for a while i wanted just miss him so much at hurts and then when i see them again it's like i can't keep my hands off them. Yeah leone if you're feeling like in your current relationships or your current dating life what is it. That's a little bit offer strange. Think back to your childhood also doesn't have to. I mean. I agree with you. One hundred percent but i feel like for me. I was very similar that they would. It wasn't right word like affectionate on a super affectionate relationship. So i kind of had that vision in then for years. I wasn't that interested in relationships. Like i was like kind of like got to get my own shit together like make money and have career at all the stuff. Yeah and then one of my bosses. Like i dislike member seeing him and his wife were just like so loving so amazing. And that's when i was like. Oh my god. I want by one times. It's not yeah. You can't change how you grew up. You know it's just is what it is but you can also find other places but love changes so much over time that i feel right now is going to be very guys five ten fifteen years now and when you get married you know that love fluctuates. You know. there are some leers some months or even years where you're gonna look at that person and you may not be madly deeply in love with that person. Which is why. I think that compatibility is so important and respect you can lose love no be okay in a marriage but if you lose respect yet it's ill her but you are so open and i feel like in this two and a half years. You're dating you're open to any sir relationship. You're open to any sort of person you didn't particularly type. What is it about your current boyfriend. That really stood out. I feel like we still haven't gotten. He's the goofy dad. I'm so like. I'm so into goofy dad's like he has no fashion sense. He like is super silly. He's not the bad boy at all. He's quirky. And that's that's what i meant to like. I if someone can make me laugh uncontrollably until my stomach hurts yeah. that's what i'm into. Do you think you would have been into him earlier on in your dating career. I think so. I think i'm not only. Does he fit like mike type of of like the goofy dad that i'm into but we are so compatible in similarities in beliefs and values from a family perspective from a career perspective from hopes and dreams perspective. And you know. I think there's if someone can pick you up and make you feel on top of the world and that is like the best feeling of i mean listen like i'm unbelievably happy in this relationship right now. It's still very young. Still have a lot of changing to do a lot of growing. It's easy when things are easy. Yes but what about when things are really hard. So do you think hypothetically if you had met him right after last relationship and didn't go through two and a half years. Do you think anything would have been different. It's hard to say yeah. I think that i've learned a lot. Abou- what i'm looking for. But you know. He reminds me a lot of the relationship i had in college. Okay you you know. It was like a really healthy relationship. And it wasn't like that they look the same to the same. It wasn't about that it was the beliefs in the values and just like happy is yet mc they're just really happy people And i'm really attracted to that kind of positive super positive. Positively did you look into his league profile.

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I can't deny that like i haven't done that in the past. It's so hard not to. But i decided not to further one whenever you people. When i had an inkling that it could potentially go somewhere. I didn't lock because once you look nothing you cry. You don't want to see that i. I don't think i want to know. So what are some takeaways. We have from this conversation Wow i feel like. I'm learning a lot from from someone who is so. I've only i really admire how open you are. And you're just your introspective mindset. And i think the one thing i'm taking away is you have to learn. Dating in life is all about learning about your own personal growth and a lotta times with dating. We put the onus on the other person like this person is and where. I want them to be yet or. This person isn't what i'm looking for right now but then we have to turn around and say why am i not ready for this person right now. Where am i right now. And why am i not attracted to this or why am i attracted to that. So i think dating needs to turn around to what is my personal growth and reflect back and the other thing i think is interesting is optimizing dates. Because we've had so many people come on the show and say this is my strategy for dating and it's all about optimizing time. People tend to say like you know. I'd like to back to back dates. I wanna get like five days in a week. But when you are strapped for time and that time could be spent with your family and friends if you are going on one or two days a week then optimize for that experience. And i liked that. He had these events lined off and but he's willing to go make that date that's all right. I think mine is like you hear a lot of people bitch about dating. Say dating a lot of people like oh dating. I've caught myself feeling that way to some time. So it's not above it but i think like i actually have this conversation with a friend of mine in new york who is now married and i was like doing research like understand the differences in different cities and asking her when i was out there last and i was like. What did you like like the best about dating new york. And one of the things she said with similar to you about like i got to go to new places and try new things. New all these experiences in sometimes. When you're just so focused on finding the right person you forget. The dating is fun. Yeah it's supposed to be fun. It's not supposed to be like this miserable thing that you have to do in your being forced to do. I liked your like outlook that like even if we weren't a fit i still did something fun. I learned something new. Like i think those types of positive training is going to lead you eventually to the right person but timing is everything right and like hard to say what you need what you don't but those experience help you get there and you know we say this a lot timing. Is everything no your intentions when it comes to dating but with this episode is showing me is. Don't put that much pressure on yourself. I mean when i was dating last i knew exactly what i wanted. I wanted a long-term relationship. I was looking for monogamy. I was looking for future marriage potential. But if you're not that clear about your intentions and what you're looking for it doesn't mean you need to pull yourself out of the dating game. You actually can reach those conclusions wild dating. Don't put so much pressure on. I know exactly what i'm looking for. But i also led to bear to set about intention. It's like i was just trying to go and learn about myself. But i still like. I'm no monagas person. I know eventually awesome not like ruling that out not like just eating to deed and whatnot. But it's not my sole purpose. And i think when you make it like your sole purpose that's when there's a lot of pressure absolutely so it's that balance of knowing what you want. But not being overly exceeded the only thing meredith. What advice would you give to others. Who look at eating as a job from some habit is there goes my job. you know. it's hard. Because i don't want to tell those people not to think that way I have a very good friend who was dating as their job because they knew what they wanted. Like you you you just mentioned on and found someone and they've been dating for two years now Soy that it's it's almost like if you're dating an inch if you're dating as if it's your job but you have a negative perspective on it that's when you need to change but if you're fine with it being your job you're like i'm reading. I'm gonna know what i want. I'm going to go after it. Then that's one thing but yet if you're feeling really burnt out and negative and like you're not going anywhere with it take a break you know and i don't mean as much as you want whether that's one week whether that's two weeks or three weeks and then slowly get back into it and like i said plan events that you're excited about whether that's going to jazz with that's going to a movie that you wanna see or restaurant that you really want to try and then invite someone new to come along with you because it's a new person it's a new experience and even if you walk away never seen that person again you're just say well we'll at least.

00:35:31 - 00:40:11

I know not something off my bucket list so don't stop your life to date. Yeah that's what it is dating. Should be part of your life issued complement your life. But don't stop it well. I think there's a good point too. It's like is it a mixed on this like dating a job. And i totally agree with you if it's negative it's bad but if it's not then there's nothing wrong with it but it's like if you think about getting a job like you're not going to sit around do nothing you're gonna be like sending resumes out and putting your best foot forward so i do think there is an element like you said like if you want something to go after it And you know just like job if you're feeling really burnt out at work when you're gonna do you're gonna start leaving a bit earlier taking more time for yourselves yet. Leaning more eating better you know not pulling late hours so i think it's the same thing as dating justin. Yeah yeah or take a sabbatical exactly. Do you have a question of the day. This one comes from rachel. She says i was watching my friends swiping on dating apps and saw she got a lot more matches than i. Typically typically do. I felt a little discouraged because clearly more options means a better chance of finding a partner. Do you guys have any thoughts on this. And what i can do to get more matches. I definitely so i i would suggest you know. Look at your photos. Photos are a big one. I'm and have your friends look at your photos and tell you which ones you look the best end. Sometimes we think we look really great radio and you know perspective is different from other friends so definitely look about look at that. But i actually don't think that more matches necessarily means that person's gonna find someone Iffy you are optimizing four Popularity like you want as many matches as possible than you just want you know as many hearts and hearts yes but entities exactly vanity swipes. But if you're really looking for a partner who fits this niche that you're looking for you actually don't want all those swipes you really want the people who are often in to something that you're interested in you know for example Let's say you put a photo of you. You know on a motorcycle right. You love motorcycles. Not everyone's gonna heart dot mid the people who are also in a motorcycles are going heart you because they're opting in to that photo into potentially you and then writing motorcycle together so i would say that if you're looking for someone who You know fits a specific thing. You're looking for then. Put a photo of the on your profile But it's not necessarily about as many matches as possible when you talk about. The profiles are very popular on the league. Do these people tend to stay single longer because they are getting so many matches. Bigger question is are different. I you know. I find that the most popular people on on dating apps do Find someone fast and leave the app but just like dating typically happens that i'm back you know so i think that you know they. They find someone fast they get off then sometimes they come back on But yeah i mean being Listen there's always gonna be the hot guy in the hot girl who get tons of hearts on dating apps but the majority of us are really just looking for you. Know your other person who's just as awkward goofy and silly and corneas. You are really good way to put it. Yeah no. I think it is like gues there. Is that mentality of a more options. Means like more potential which is true and a lot of ways. But i agree with you and what you said in the sense that like sometimes aboard options. Ashley just makes you more indecisive so maybe having less options in someone that's really like more your speed could actually be a better thing i do remember. Okay cupid came out with this report that said through their research. The people who were most successful on their site were the ones that had very particular interests. So people who were like into. I don't know My gothic things like those people got matched up really fast. Because you're looking for something very particular and we find on the league of a lot of it comes with education profession so people who have You know really highly educated Find someone who's also very highly educated.

00:40:11 - 00:43:18

Bay they match very quick fascinating. It's not a numbers game. I don't think it is that when it comes to finding the right mate is all about what you're looking for so your pictures in your profile shouldn't appeal to the masses of you're appealing to too many people. You're doing something wrong. So a key comparison game. It's tough times like to not fall in that trap. But like just because your friend is getting a certain amount of matches doesn't mean that had she or he has any more successful or less successful than you in finding happiness in the s. It's all about targeted marketing. This is what we always learn about. You know it's like if you appeal to the masses. You're not appealing to everyone. Who's gonna buy so you wanna appeal only to the people who are going to buy. Act good way to put it. Yeah okay any other takeaways. Before we wrap this up. Just the i love this positive mindset and just kind of taking everything is an experience while thank you meredith or bringing this energy to really appreciate it if anybody wants to get in touch with meredith you can find her still. She may be beta test multiple and anybody who's listening. Who wants to be a guest on her show. Maybe you have a differing opinion to this. Or you want to talk about your own experiences. We love to have you as a guest because we're still booking guests for season six that no. Let's wrap this up. Say all your action item for this week is to make a list of new experiences and events that you want to have in the next coming month and so next time you go on a date. You can propose one of these ideas. This episode is brought to you by club. We're friends help friends by jobs. You guys we all know how challenging it is to find a new job behind club makes it easy. You can post a job or refer a friend for one. You can also get career coaching with professional career. Counselors to improve your resume. Increase your salary. We're practice interviewing more. Join today at higher club dot com if you didn't know already. We have a revamped website with articles videos and content all about modern dating. You can also find our premium why series where we dissect analyze and offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums. We've had some great feedback. About how actionable these episodes are so. Check them out on our website or itunes music also visit the site today to see the latest about coaching for we connect you with dateable approved experts to help with everything from dating profile reviews coaching and even gathering real feedback about your dating style in a personalized and affordable way to connect with us visit dateable. Podcast dot com. You can also find us on facebook twitter and instagram. All under dateable podcasts. Don't forget to subscribe an auto download the podcast on itunes. Or your favorite podcast player. So you never miss an episode.