We discuss what exactly goes down, why it's such a turn on, how to broach the subject to a significant other, and why this is just a small part of who you are.
David responds to our episode last season about adult baby diaper lovers as someone with the fetish. We discuss what exactly goes down, why it's such a turn on, how to broach the subject to a significant other, and why this is just a small part of who you are.
S7E4 Diaper Fetish Part 2
00:00:00 - 00:05:03
The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world.
This episode of dateable is brought to you by five hundred brunches. Five hundred branches connects like minded people with similar interests to meet in real life over brunch. You answer a questionnaire about your interest and how you spend your time. And then they'll match you. In small groups of sixty eight at a brunch spot. In san francisco get a free entry into a brench now by signing up at five hundred brunches dot com and using the code date able. Hey everyone welcome to another episode of dateable a show all about modern dating on this episode. We're going to revisit the idea of fetishes and in particular diaper fetishes. So you guys were call. Season six episode eleven. We had an entire episode called diaper fetish. With a guest samantha. Who was proposition for a diaper fetish. In a relationship she was in but today our guest. David is here to talk about the fact that he has diaper fetishism. First of all say a quick. Hi lo thanks david. Thanks for reaching out. This air to is really agreed to get feedback. By the way after this episode aired we were schooled about the difference between fetishes in kinks. So i think it's important for us to make that distinction right now. Because i was so ignorant a kink. Is the use of props costumes. Enroll play to enhance partner intimacy. But a fetish is when the props costumes are role. Play replaced the partner and the intimacy according to wikipedia now according to the nookie box when someone has a fetish they experience that attraction to the kinky your side of life but in a more exclusive way fetishes differentiated by their demanding nature when it's a fetish kink. The person in question isn't going to be able to enjoy themselves without entertaining. This specific desire now. These are obviously very general definitions. But i wanna make that very clear distinction between fetishes and kinks. So our guest today again. Davis says he indeed has a diaper fetish and would like to share his story. He lives in philadelphia or only from pennsylvania. He's thirty one years old and he is engaged first of all. David tell us about your diaper fetishism. How did you first find out about it. Goes back to when. I was about thirteen or fourteen years old. I saw a program on. Tv in which they highlighted adult babies for some reason it stuck with me for the brief period of time. After i saw that. I was not sure what i was experiencing or or what. I was exactly liking but for some reason it did stick with me and at that time to the internet was not what it is today. So have google or or anything like that that we have today. Not until a few years. Later when google evolved and i gained enough courage to type it in and hit search that i realized that was not the only one with this Different type of feeling realized there was more others out there like me so for a couple of years. I thought i was the only one on the planet with this. So you know. I was just trying to read up on causes for fetishes and according to psychology today the really no causes that has been conclusively established some theorists believe that fetishism develops from early childhood experiences in which like an object was presented and that was associated with some form of sexual arousal or gratification. Is that sort of similar to what you experienced. I did Sometimes it's associated with abuse or something that happened in childhood. I had a great childhood. My parents were great. I do not remember anything like this happening. That would that would stem back to this occurrence. I had an unfortunate event happened a couple years back in which i sought some counseling and this topic came up and the only thing that we were able to come up with was perhaps i was going through puberty or some sort of hormones. Were kicking in. When i saw this show question. I always ask myself if i did not see that. Show with this fetish. Still have come about or would it have emerged in a different way but and then it also that answer and also begs the question for some of us who don't have fetishes. Are we just sitting ducks were. Maybe there is something that will be presented somewhere down the line. Our life that arouses us So what exactly about diapers arouses.
00:05:03 - 00:10:03
You is the image of them. Is it wearing them. were having some elsewhere them. I wish i had a really good answer for this. But the only thing i come up with is is drawn to the look And to be clear this has nothing to do with children or pedophilia is mentioned in your previous episode. I'm not attracted to children. I don't wanna be with children. Mrs adult diapers specifically made for the community. Where does that stand for. Abd l. stands for adult baby diaper lover. So i'm drawn to look the sound the feel and i'm aroused by seeing females in them. I do wear on occasion. It does not have the same sexual. Gratification asean the female in this case my partner so when you discover that you had this fetish and then later when google came about. You're able to research about it. Do you remember your first in person. Diaper fetish experience I believe i stumbled across some pictures of others wearing and some articles in which it and what exactly this is and a light bulb kind of went on that. This is probably what i was experiencing. And then how did this transfer into life was not going away. So and as i continued to evolve as the internet continues to evolve more towards the community more towards the abd pictures and it was sexual sexual gratification for me and were you able to experience this with a real life partner at some point. It wasn't until about five or six years ago when i opened up to an ex I've opened up to two people in real life. One being my axe in one being my current partner what was like your xs reaction. The first time. You did this the first time. I did not accept myself for who i was. I was not confident in speaking about it. A kind of just threw it out. There had no plan of how i was going to talk about it. So it's taboo as it is already add onto the fact of of that that i was not confident in stumbling all over my words so i think probably made it more odd than it already is in. I'll be the first admit that it certainly odd. Not until i sat down with the counselor. Did i come to accept myself to come to accept that. This is a small part of who i am and when i opened up to to my current partner i was a lot more confident I was able to explain it better. I was able to explain at. This is just a small part of me. I likened it to liking a song or liking the artists their sports team food. Whatever whatever you may have That this is just a small part of something i light. You're not defined by correct. How long were you with your acts before. You made this trauma that. How long were you with your car partner before you made this trial. It was about two and a half years before. I had opened up to my house. And that's what struck me about the episode that you previously did In in the discussion you have. When is the right time to tell someone with my current. I opened up about six or seven months into the relationship and that was also aided by the fact that i was confident I was speaking to a counselor who helped me open up. I don't know what the correct answer is as to when you should open up. I think it's one of those questions that may be you just know when the right time is the only advice i would give. Is i think that you need to be confident. And accept what it is. You are experiencing Because if not it may be a similar experience to how a when i opened up to my ex stumbling all over the place i want to go through your your relationship with your acts where you you know were together for two and a half years take us walk us through that what was going on in your mind for the first two and half years that made you ultimately come out and tell her this. It was very I guess uncomfortable would be the right word. I knew that. I wanted something more than just the vanilla type stuff. Obviously i wanted to move towards my fetish. But i would say i was not completely i was not completely myself in the relationship Times where. I don't think i was fully engaged Because i first of all. I didn't accept myself so i was not I don't think it was a hundred percent confident in everything i was doing. It sounds like it's more than a small part of who you are. Because it's you're not feeling like yourself when you're not you know a involved in the fetish. I think it's a small part of who i am in the in the grand scheme of things when it comes to how often i seek this or what i'm looking for when it comes to this i've never had the experience where i told somebody and they said okay.
00:10:03 - 00:15:01
It's either your fetish for me. I would like to think that if i love that personnel. It'd be able to say trying. Come up with a compromise. where maybe it's me on the internet Looking at pictures or wearing on my own when they're not around. But i've never been presented with that situation so i don't know how i would react david wing. You approach your ex with this With this fetish walk us through that whole scenario. I think it's was one of those things where for numerous weeks in days. I said all right. I'm gonna do it today. That they would go by. And i didn't do your numerous numerous days in two and a half years happier so eventually when i did it it just came out. I had no plan whatsoever. I didn't even know it was going to come out. I think led to. Where were you guys at dinner. Were you in the middle having sex sitting on our couch having a conversation. Okay do you remember what you said you just like. I want to wear diapers. Or i wanna see you and i have a diaper fetishes. What i said okay. So it's just. I like i thought i was just joking around god right okay and then win. At what point does she realize that you were serious. When i first went to explain it gave some background information again the stumbling through everything having no plan whatsoever a not even really sure what exactly i was seeking out of it. My initial hope was that she would come back and say oh. I like that too which was a very small remote percent but the other hope was that she says oh. Well i'm into this and we can come to a compromise. Ation from like had her own thing that she's yes and so what was her reaction. She said she said to me that you needed some time to process it. Okay she into her credit she. She did some research. She had some preconceived notions as i think. Many people do But upon doing some research. I think she realized that wasn't that big of a deal especially with with how i go about it. I mean some people sure live it to the extreme limit every day. That's not me. He's still doubt for vanilla sacks other haranguing right. This is the only thing ever gonna do correct as you had mentioned earlier. Fetishes something that uses for sexual gratification. Other things. I don't need this just to get to gain sexual gratification on turned on by other quote unquote more normal things. Whatever normal is defined as more mainstream type things here it. This was not. Just what i the only thing i could only thing i. I needed But ultimately she said this is not something that i can do not something for me and we stayed together for six seven months longer. And i'm sure this had a little part of the reason we broke up but there were some other factors that went into that. Were more serious than this. So what you. Just look at corded stuff correct She was down to like experiment. Ama- pretty pragmatic person. So i like to talk about logistics sense. This is the first time you may you were presented with possibly an opportunity to try this out with a a partner. How did you think this will play out in your head Logistically i'm speaking. So you will see her in diapers get turn on and then take off her diapers to have sex correct okay. That's how i wish she danced around diapers normal everyday activities. So you in your ultimate fantasy world would your partner be walking around the house in diapers and then turn you on and then you guys will go in the bedroom. Have sex correct let your cart fiance. What was her reaction at. How did you presented. I know it was much more mindful. She had a similar reaction. I i was able to present it a little bit more extensively. I was able to present it in that more confident way and presented it in in a way that i knew what i wanted and presented to that to her. I was able to explain that. This is what. I consider a small part of me. This is not something that needs to happen every single time. We decide to have sex or something that. I need in order for sexual gratification. And i think she was hesitant at first but then agreed to slowly start incorporating into our sexual activity and it helped her open up as well to some of the things that she was into in in those are a little bit more common and mainstream type things so she was open which was decorator accurate when we did take a little bit of time to to get her comfortable with it. She's definitely more open. Do you think she likes it or do you think she's doing it. I feel she Unfortunately broke up. I don't think she would continue. Got it. I know for me but i think i can speak for her as well. That keeps things interesting. It's a little different.
00:15:01 - 00:20:10
Well yeah the least. And as i said earlier i certainly understand that and i understand that. There's going to be people that always find it disgusting and then that's okay and where are you guys already engaged. We were not you. Were not okay so you guys got engaged after you had this conversation. What exactly happened in this conversation when you spoke to her. Why were the words that came out of your mouth I have something to tell you. I was able to give her the background information. I i was able to tell her that. This is not something. I need every single sexual experience. I think she was a little bit hesitant. Scared about the baby aspect of it that some people act as the baby. I don't think that was anything that she wanted to participate in. I just think that. I had a better plan and spoke with more confidence. This time. around as opposed to the first and certainly with somebody different she had different thoughts to my my ex. But i would say that those are the main things that were different. And what were you guys doing. When you had this conversation we were just having a serious conversation about just going back and forth about about sex. Okay so it's more relevant. Potentially i threat the couch. His could deduct them out of nowhere. Correct taught it in the wing. You you say you get turned on by watching your partner in in diapers. What is the gratification. You get from you yourself wearing diapers. I don't get as sexually turned on when i do it. I think it's more of a stress relief. Type thing for me. I'm in the finance sector work long hours. Do a decent amount of travelling in for me. I think sometimes it's just kind of like some people may have a glass of wine so you would come home from a long day at work and then put on some diapers. I would say this happens once maybe twice a month. What's a feeling that you get. This is the against somewhat of a little bit of security and comfort but again i think it goes back to stress relief in just escaping from normal everyday type things a super interesting so wing you. Let's talk about present day. Drew fewer sex live with your fiance described. That you know i love to get graphic and get all the details so describe that for us as far as it relates to the fetish. Yeah like i guess not even really into the fetish but how many how many times a week. You guys engage in the fetish Three or four times a month. Maybe if that sometimes more sometimes less on how busy are schedules are in initiating and requesting sometimes it is sometimes. It's her surprising me. i think it's yeah. I think for her. It's nice to have that fallback that she knows that she can turn me on it. Moment's notice. I guess. I have to tell us But like what's do you think like. Ropley percentage wise. You're gauging of this. Diaper play versus just traditional psych. Swore i would say traditional is eighty twenty okay. How long has it been since you guys engaged in diaper fetishism very close two years since i brought it up to her and then i'd say year and three quarters. Maybe since the first time it happened so sense the first time it's happened because we all know sex lives ken change has this fetish transpired in any way more than just her wearing a mean we have done some fun role play type things but nothing serious she's into Vibrators handcuffs blindfolds. So that's where introduced that. It was before tears. Excellent that is yes that is also part of our sex life as well previously. You had mentioned the abd l. community. What does that stand for. It'd be deal stands for adult baby diaper lover and to have you explored more into this community. There is a website called fat life on which you may or may not be familiar with. It's very similar to facebook type Type thing there's groups you can join there's people near you can meet. There's events gatherings there is two or three big conventions a year. I have not attended any of this yet. So i cannot speak too much as far as that experience goes but i do know that there are stuff around the country in each segment of the of the country. I guess you could say. I'm just putting myself in the shoes of your fiancee and i'm going to get really real here. If this was presented to me by my partner and i was open to it. Might only i guess not concerned but question would be. Where is this going to lead to. Cause it might start with this but it could become something bigger later that i may not be able to handle. Have you guys had this conversation. It's time to take a quick break so we can tell you about. Our current sponsor care of a monthly subscription vitamin service made from effective quality ingredients. Personally tailored to your exact needs. Did you know ninety percent of people fall short of fda recommended guidelines for at least one vitamin or nutrient care of made a super easy and fun to figure out what vitamins and supplements you need simply by taking a short quiz on their website.
00:20:10 - 00:25:02
The recommendations are based on clinical research and traditional medicine with input from doctors and nutrients so nobis. They're nine results showed that i needed a boost in my energy. And that's exactly what i got. So i received a thirty day supply ship right to my door and all the vitamins and supplements were individually wrapped which was super convenient. So listen up for dateable listeners. Only you can get twenty five percent off your first month of personalized care of vitamins by visiting take care of dot com and entering the code. Dateable that's spelled d. a. t. e. abc l. e. Now back to the show. My only i guess not concerned but question would be. Where is this going to lead to. Cause it might start with this but it could become something bigger later that i may not be able to handle. Have you guys had this conversation but did come up and i insured her that i've had this for almost fifteen years. I believe at the time when i introduced tour. And nothing else has come about since gotcha That's not i. I don't know what tomorrow brings. But i don't think i'm going to stumble across something else. Maybe al present her something with that. I want to try. But i don't think it would be a fetish to tell me how you feel about this sort of category of You know psychologists would call fetishistic disorders. They would say that fetishes are all disorders. How do you feel about that statement. It's interesting i don't i cannot speak about some of the other fetishes. I'm not as as up to speed and don't know all the ins and outs of everything else. I see them. Come across fat life once in a while but as far as this goes. I don't think it's a disorder for me. I think it becomes a disorder when it's preventing people from doing family type activities employment type stuff priorities and responsibilities. When completely takes over your life correct correct was so many thoughts going through my mind. Because julian i have a friend who was proposition for a balloon fetish. And she was telling us how he later found. He was like started a facebook group for people who have the same fetish and one person join the group and they ended up getting married. And so i i. If i had a specific fetish which i'm guessing i i absolutely do. I just haven't found it yet. I would just join that group and find people who already have that similar fetish just to just to make it easier for me that that wasn't your approach at all because again you're saying it's it's it doesn't consume your life so she's an interesting different approach really comes down to how essential as this review. Correct you're exactly. Yeah like you were saying like yeah like this person was dow with it. Like i don't know fully loaded have evident. I wasn't like opted to pick the fetish or you. It wasn't necessarily the black and white lake. We don't know the situation with the guy of the balloons like maybe it was a bigger part of his life. Yeah i would venture to guess that. If i said hammond adult baby in this is something i need. I don't think my fiancee would still be with me right now. Something she was attracted to playing baby or the mommy role right like it's like what many i think it's like how you present it than where you seek it out. It's like i think like yeah if you're not dating several currently you watch dot explore these sites with the other downside of like putting it out as the only thing is that we do other stuff comet or is it just that you have to scrub at ish that you share. I'm i'm totally going to oversimplify the situation. But i'm just trying to relate in my own mind. And what i can think of. Is i love sushi. Love each other but i don't need it all the time. Innova meet someone fantastic. Who doesn't eat sushi or only once it occasionally. It's not a deal breaker. But it makes me very happy when they can engage in some sushi. Eating with yeah. I think that's fair. More common terms. And i think also that if you've found somebody who is into sushi and they wanted it all the time that you may get sick of it and that's similar to how i feel right now. Yeah and you get mercury poisoning too so i think some of the some of those out there that are going to be listening. I've probably seen shows on tv or hers finger on podcast that really highlight some of the extreme cases. That's obviously for ratings. So let's immediately what they think. But i would say for seventy five to eighty percent of the community probably even higher. It's a small percentage of their lives. That's a really good segue to takeaways.
00:25:02 - 00:30:04
'cause i think for me. What are the takeaways. I had from this was that this is just one piece of you. It's one small piece. Does it totally dictate your tire sex life. Your fiancee dow had a has this in her back pocket. Deter you audit can make you happy right so i think you are engaging in the stuff that may seem a little outside of your typical holiday zone and you're down with it. It could be a way to really bought with your partner. Further like we talked to our friend that data the guy. The balloons with the balloon fetish. She went to balloon store and it became acsi with him. So it's like it kind of gives you an opportunity to try something and see if you also get her dot by or by your partner. Being tour dodd absolu- at the end of the day. It's like kind of talking this samantha's episode. It's like how you say it. Is everything in how you talk about it with your partner. It'd be obviously we'll have your car at fiance. But i'm assuming lake. She looked at the picture was like okay. There's so many aspects of how david that i love like. Can i make this work at like. How do i make it work. So it's more just keeping open bide with that like might see out of the orchard area. I if there is like a larger personnel state. At all again it goes back to when i introduced it. I don't know what the right time is. But after six months she knew that i was a productive member of society. What i consider a really good job. I have a master's degree so i'm still driven Consider myself successful in again. This is a small part of who i am so i think you hit it right on that. She did see it that way. There's probably people out there. That may not be able to to do that in in. That is what it is. But in this case i i was fortunate. I think the problem tinder for example at Leads with this. you'd think about them like willingness to even like evaluate. It is so much lower because he would just. You don't have that background so correct. I would have been but i think my most prominent takeaway from this discussion would be. It's a it's all about creating a safe place for your partner. I think ultimately. That's what a partnership is so what is as safe place means it's when you two are together. It's a safe place to talk about your what's going on your life. What's making you happy. What's making you unhappy. And part of that could be aside as part of that could be things that are considered abnormal by society. But you know what when you're in a partnership you and your partner are creating what's normal for you. That's your universe so why you know. I think we should stop putting stop leading societal standards and norms to intoxicate our own relationships. Because when you're in a partnership you two are the ones making the rules. Yeah i think that's important as well. And when i was seeking counseling. And i brought this up. I said i know that isn't the most normal thing. She stopped me right there and she said will define normal to me Who in society define. What normal is it's all what you're exposed to all your Feelings towards something. And i think One other important thing that i'd like to mention his. This is something that stays in in our bedroom or in our private life. This is not something we're exposing others to or making other people out there feel uncomfortable about the other like the kinda plays i love this whole like what is normal because i agree onto like word quote. That's always like stigmatized by a you brought up. David is like media's perception is asserted way with people that have fetishes kings in the reality like we went to a sex party as well. We talked to a bunch of couples that were like. Yeah they go to these sex parties but the ninety percent of their other times. They're just like cook ig doing their job like doing pretty traditional stuff so like at the end of the day like it's easy to judge someone you hear his wife say but sure this person is bachelor harsher big the just their finisher cake. Yeah that's the point. I was trying to make earlier on in his podcast. Was this is a small part of me. This is definitely does not define who i am. I don't think it ever will ensure it. Well there's a sort of a disconnect here and i wanna go back to when we asked you to tell us about yourself and your diaper fetishism you wrote to us and said you know i consider myself to be a productive member of society and the rest of what you wrote. Sounds exactly like the Dating profiles i see on on these dating apps. So you wrote. I work in the financial sector. I own a house. I am fortunate enough to own a beach house. I love sports and cooking and every every day things like everyone else. This sounds like every other dating profile. Read so almost mixing feel like. There's a disconnect we should be unique but also the same time.
00:30:04 - 00:35:04
We're trying to prove to each other. That were normal by society standards. So why don't we take all that out because that sounds so generic in dating profiles maybe not state or fetishes. But what makes you different. What does make you unique from all the other profiles out there. Yeah i think that's fair to say in in providing those answers to your questions. I i was without really meeting you or knowing you. I wanted to make sure that that was clear that this is just a small part of who i am. I do have other interests. I do have other likes but i could see how it is taken as a dating profiles That goes back to like what society tells us about people with finishes at kings. So that's kind of almost. Why like maybe felt the need to be like this. Just like who. I am this one piece. Yeah i think. I have accepted that. This is a part of who. I am confident about it. I'm able to talk about it now. A couple years ago. I would've never even sought to reach out to to follow up on this But i do think that there is something to the fact that we all want to seek approval from others will whether it's with fetish or with just normal everyday. Yup definitely appreciate you reaching out. Because i asked this really great for people to hear because i think like the samantha side was an interesting perspective of getting proposition for something. It's interesting to hear the perspective of someone that is going through this. Just like how this is. Their whole world did what it really needs from your perspective. So thank you as he check out. As i mentioned earlier i was really Turned to the fact that of wayne in in how you should approach somebody. And i feel like that was the difference in my life how i did it with my ex compared to my current fiance. And and that's the reason. I did a did reach out because i don't really know. If there is a set time or a set way to do it the last takeaway i have would be education and learning. I think for everyone is just whatever your partner presents you with go learn about it. I i so respect your fiance for saying let me think about it and get back to you with your your ex. She said the same thing. Let me think about it and get back to you. I think it's great to to just educate yourself. What is your unsure is like. Let me think about it because you're committed like oh. Yeah i'll do this without knowing anything or no. Because i think like the hard no is like really tough for people to hear especially if they try to open up about sunday. I think the there may be. There may be worse preconceived notions but after she did some research which is certainly appreciate Found out it's fairly harmless. Some not harming her myself. And there's nothing wrong criminal criminally speaking. I guess just ed. This what advice would you give to someone. Introducing a faddish. I would say the first thing that you need to do. Accept yourself accept who you are except that what percentage of part of you. This is what you're looking for what you're seeking when you do open up. I think you need to be confident. I think you need to be open to questions or preconceived notions coming back to you. I think those are the most important things each relationship different so only the person in the relationship is gonna know when iraq wrong. Time is I i would advise against maybe not keeping it a secret for twenty years. I'm like balancing it with like not to sued until they don't you either so correct. That's great advice will thank you so much. David really appreciate you doing this by Back out being a value guys did a fantastic job with the previous podcasts. And i really enjoyed speaking with you. Today and now my google search is just going to be bombarded with diaper fetish websites. Because i'm so curious. I'm going gonna get off the phone and just read all about it today. Thank you again for your time. And i think for our listeners. We love to hear from you. What fetishes you have but also have you experienced a fetish that really consumed your life. We haven't gone that side of the spectrum yet. Has it become so much part of you that it's hindered you from performing daily life activities. We wanna hear from you with that. Any other last thoughts wanna say No other than the fact High appreciate The opportunity to come on and explain this out of it and again the first episode you guys did was great and i appreciate the coverage. In the way you went about it antastic. Thanks so much. David for your time and We're going to wrap this up. Say dateable your action. Item for this. Week is to research as many fetishes as you can. Our own judgment usually comes from a place of ignorance or not knowing so the more you can educate yourself on the types of fetishes that people have the less you will judge someone in the future.
00:35:04 - 00:36:25
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