S7E18: Just Keep Going

Dateable Podcast
November 13, 2018
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November 13, 2018

S7E18: Just Keep Going

We talk about persistence when you are dating, the paths both people are on, and the magic when things just suddenly line up.

Just Keep Going

Valerie tells us how she met her now-husband Rob first online, only never to meet, and then reconnected with him through a chance encounter. We talk about persistence when you are dating, the paths both people are on, and the magic when things just suddenly line up.

Sponsored by Zola for free wedding planning tools

Episode Transcript

S7E18 Just Keep Going

00:00:00 - 00:05:01

The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world.

This episode of dateable is brought to you by five hundred brunches. Five hundred branches connects like minded people with similar interests to meet in real life over brunch. You answer a questionnaire about your interest and how you spend your time. And then they'll match you. In small groups of sixty eight at a brunch spot. In san francisco get a free entry into a brench now by signing up at five hundred brunches dot com and using the code date able. Hey everyone welcome to another episode of dateable a show all about modern dating you guys wrote in and we heard you guys. You love these. How we met stories these. He said she said how couples meet how they carry on a relationship and we're also very fascinated by how different people meet and when we julian. I were brainstorming. Different guests for the the season i thought. Oh my gosh. My friend val would be perfect because she has such a great story with how she and her husband brought met so we have bow on the phone val. She is thirty six years old originally from orange county in currently lives in orange county as well she's married and has beautiful children and I think we should just get get to it. Because i've known val for a long time with two when she was single dating to now as a married woman with kids. Tell us how you and rob. I met okay I was working in los angeles county in south bay and i was dating the entire universe. That's how That's how this all started. He was two and where he met. A gosh i was think twenty seven oakland. You know what. I was originally twenty six actually because we first were connected during one year and then we reconnect so yes. Yes from the twenty six. Yes yes so. We were actually matched on e. harmony. I worked in court was dating like every day you can think of and and all that and also online because one and my best friends had just met her husband through harmony and so all of us and our little circle of friends were jumping on the bandwagon and going on there at the time. There was this before swiping. This was before any out so this was probably two thousand eight. I think and so anyways i was matched with rob on a harmony and i was matching the leonard guys. A completely blew him off. he called me. i just never called him back. And i do for some reason. I just remembered him. I remembered his pitcher something about him. Kind of struck with me. So why were you blowing off. All these men came along. I was so busy. And i was debating like i mean. I'm talking four nights a week. I'm going on different dates. That was just my lifestyle at the time as a twenty six year old girl. I mean i really was like been the girl that wanted to get married and wanted to find the person so i was always kind of in a hurry for that and so i just i don't know i guess like he definitely. I noticed tim but apparently not enough. Because i really know what to call him back and so i don't know this part of the story. He actually called you on the phone. Yeah yeah message and you just never come back. that's right. Hey you guys had a lot of back and forth messaging as well I'm trying to remember. I ever called him. I don't think so. I think that he just called me. And i did not respond like i think we owe you. Were talking about messaging like little yes. I think we emailed. I don't think we ever text or anything. Think we emailed it but just a little and then he called me. And i just just never got back to him and so this was probably the summer that summer and so then i actually ended up getting boyfriend. That was awful and we broke up in two thousand nine and about may so after he and i broke up. I like went back to my old. You know ways. And i found Rob's number and i actually called him an i- he and i both don't remember how that played out because for some reason we just again didn't touch. I remember either. Call him or text or something. I remember that really well. And then what compelled you to call him like besides just.

00:05:01 - 00:10:01

It's so weird. I don't know why because there's so many guys. I was matched with like why he i went back to. I probably went back to if you not gonna lie. But i definitely have to him and like now that we're married with us millions of children. I'm like it's the universe was trying to keep me trying to keep him in my life's somehow it's weird that that happened so fast forward to september. I am with my girlfriend. We way jove to san francisco for the weekend at the best time ever and we had tickets to the dave matthews concert on. This is tiffany. Tiffany you at who in. So she and. I had the best ever. She met her husband that summer. I met robbed at summer. Some we we went to. We were exhausted. We had wine tasting that the best time ever and we had these tickets though. And i had offered for her to have these tickets forever and i offered for her to come with me. It was all the way in irvine and you know we drove that morning out and so anyways we so almost did not go but we were like. Oh we have these great seats. Dave matthews have to go so we get to the concert and we're sitting in our seats having the best time and we noticed that there's a couple behind us and they are like so obnoxious. I shouldn't say the girl she was awful. She was like dancing like a stripper. And mike both the walkways and she just was like all over this guy. He seemed horrified. He just was so bored out of his mind and after like everybody was looking at them they were like a scene. I should i keep saying that it was really this early her. Okay she drunkenly oh wasted okay out of her mind and eventually after like just couldn't stop staring at these people. I looked at tiffany. I'm like i think i know that guy. He's like why you. who is it thinking. Somebody's only went to high school with or something and i said no. No i think that is. I was matched with harmony on last year. Chart crazy that you remember his face out all the time insane honestly. I had never met him. This is like a fuzzy photo on had like three insane. And she she said that's like urine sane like there's no frigging way. This was at this huge. I mean thousands and thousands of people first of all were that is our. He's sitting right behind. You like look at him. You think we're just enjoying the show. This is just too insane. And i told her so. I really think that's him issues. Like okay you're ridiculous so we kept like staying his name like trying to get his attention. We were just kind of being undock shows. But i was like super shy about it. I did not feel comfortable if he was with somebody. That was normal. I probably would have come. This girl was so awful that i was horrified so the very next day. Tiffany and i were going to the kings game. I remember this weekend. So well. And i wanted to prove her wrong because she kept like making fun of me like there's no way this is so instant like he's not even responding to his name so at the time i had just got the new and this is is loans. Were just coming out like fever. You know becoming a thing. Sorry before you go where you like yelling. His name at the show a little bit. We were saying his name trying to get his attention. Tiffany kind of making fun of me like you're insane because it was so bizarre and so i was like oh you know trying to get his attention. But he didn't really. It was so lower. Dave matthews concert. Right he's really distracted and he was really embarrassed. I could tell he was horrified so she was all over him by the way and like action picture that now now that i'm married to him it's like kind of traumatizing. Think and so the next day. I have you had plans that night and i actually got my like old motorola flip phone that i had from the year before i knew i had his phone number and actually blood found the plug. I plugged it in. I found found his phone number. And i plugged it into my new iphone and i text him because i just i just had to know if it was him just because of the irony right and so i did. I text him. I said hey You probably don't remember me. My name is valerie and you know we were matched and we never met. But were you at the at the dave matthews concert last night and he wrote like whoa. Yeah i was. I was like i knew. I figured this was his girlfriend because they were. She was just completely all over him. Straddling him nearly bat. And so i knew okay sorry to bother you. You know he was like no. No no no no. That was not my girlfriend. That was not my girlfriend. Really 'cause you guys seem very together 'cause like no no no i'm just mortified like this is definitely not my girlfriend was like this is insane. I totally remember you. We've gotta meet up. And i really pushed back at him. I was like no. You're probably a douchebag like always. That wasn't your girlfriend. I didn't believe him at all and he just kept saying no. This is insane like we have to meet up. So this was i remember.

00:10:01 - 00:15:05

We met up on a thursday so we met up just a few days later and that was our first date and he was just dating. He just had a bad day tonight. Is my husband now. Wow so how much like after. That was like instant after re still like the others are. Yeah we were. It was very it was definitely instance that we like. We knew Another funny thing about our connection. Is you remember high set. I met him. Three harney was matched him than i got another boyfriend. Yeah so that boyfriend used to talk all the time about this crazy lady that he would get his haircut with and this is so random he used to talk about our he just loved her. He was so close with her. Tell me how she. She's from eastern europe European ladies barely speak english but he just really loved her so he almost went over to his house and he almost took me over to her house to meet her and it was like his second mom he just left her so much. So we're i'm on my first day with rob like fast forward year later. And he tells me where he's from and unlike all that's weird that's the same city that my ex boyfriend is from and i just wouldn't do this but i told him my ex boyfriend's name and he was like mom cuts his hair. God and i was like what's your mom like almost no. That's my mother-in-law guys. You could've met her even earlier. Yes and when when when he starting dating me. She knew exactly who i was because my hat is. Isn't that insane guys. Were on your first date. Did you talk about why. There was a misconception for entire year. Oh he's still gives me shit about that. Only like what the hell i mean i just. He was like teases when people ask about the story. Which obviously you you know like. You're one of them like we all love to tell the story because it's so crazy. He always like talks crap to me like oh she blew me off for a year and i mean it's true and he. He knows that. I was just dating other people in a megapolis to you. Know he doesn't care you. Just i mean it was just one of those things but he totally gives me crap for that. But it's just funny that happened. I don't know why that happened for a reason. Why didn't we just meet up then allowing ready. You needed that. Extra time may be pretty young. So i guess. Was there anything different in your life when you actually like met in started to like seriously date. No we just he and i were both looking for. I mean this is so cheesy but we were looking for that person. And i were both eating so many people in when we met. I'll never forget after for state. He texted me on the way home. Like this is so against those roles. You know that you need to do and he said what just happened. I remember that. So well and i felt the same way because we just connected like we would go on dates so often just you know three calm near through work or whatever and we would just be on dates for you know thirty minutes. Quick drink in your out of there because you don't want to be with this person but this day ended up going from you know a quick drink to dinner dessert. Two extra beers you know it was like a four hour date and then we also be booked. The next state right away like that was another way. I knew that he was in me. I knew the feeling was mutual. And it was something kinda different. God so we have the next date pretty quickly. How long did you guys date for before you got engaged. We dated for about Two year a little less than two years. And at what point did you feel like this is it. Oh i think i knew by. The second date tells me that we went. We went to the irvine spectrum on our second day and we went to dave and buster's playing one of those on stupid like race card games. I think i won and he looked. He tells me now he looked over at me. And we're just cracking up. You know and he just looked at me. He said in his head he knew this is my wife. Her both pretty much like marriage minded. Trying to find the person you would just had a lot of other people of orderly. Okay just for both where We both would like that type where we were ready to find that person but just everybody in our way of been know emotionally unavailable are just you know just i was dating a mentioned douchebag is he has i think he just dating girls that were probably too young and just kinda lame and so. Yeah we both we both were. Let's say you're looking for the same thing. We just had to find kind of each other so now so what is it about. 'em still kind of stuck on this idea that you recognized him even though you never met him before and i knew were compelled to call him again and to text him again to reconnect again.

00:15:05 - 00:20:10

What was it about him or what did you feel this way with other people to do. You just have like a really good photographic memory. No i don't that's that's such a mystery. I think that part of the reason. I contacted him because tiffany and i were just joking about so much. She thought we both thought it was so insane. And even i doubted myself like maybe. It's not him him and i kind of wanted to because i had plans the next night and i wanted to tell her. Hey that was him. Look i got the text. Like i've made sure it was time you know that's really all i wanted. And then when he was like no no no. That's not my girlfriend. i totally remember you. This is so crazy. Gotta meet up like. That's where it started but i don't know it's it's weird when i look back on it. It's it's so insane that i feel like i'm just. I'm not a super religious person but like the universe or something like keep keep him in my life somehow like again how i called him after my broke up and then it took in that was thinking about june and in this whole thing in september so this is a few months later. It's like like couldn't keep this guy out of my life you know. It's interesting as i actually heard. A couple of these stories like in some of them have been like reverse like we met in real life that we met online and then some online in real life. Yeah yeah. I feel like there's like this notion like you said like the universe was almost like fate is like bringing you together rather you like it or not exactly exactly i mean i have to tell you. Our our relationship has been almost perfect. I mean i know that sounds ridiculous but we are still obsessed with each other. And we've been mary's two thousand eleven. He is my best friend. I could spend every second with him and not get sick of him so it really was meant to be for for some reason. I'm so happy because he's so my person different. Remember you at the concert. I don't think so. He told me at the time. I thought you looked familiar. I think he was just trying to better. I really don't think even noticed. I mean he was really trying to keep this girl from not like throwing up all of them like she was my god. She's the person that you have to think of crazy gang with my man. You're right if they were just like chill. You wouldn't have noticed you must actually ain't your wedding gown. That's a really good spin on that. Wow that is just so crazy that he also remembered you to yell when you re connected with him. He's like all. I know exactly who you are. Oh yeah and he made find any right away like you. Blew me off the chemo. Exactly i just not coming back to me a little bit. I think this is so bad. This is embarrassing. I think i called him after my accident broke up and he called me back in. I blew him off again off again. Now that i'm thinking about it. I think blew off twice so the fact that he like wanted anything to do with me. I like dating less people at this time or was it just because of the novelty of like i need to prove my friends you gave. I think it was dot. And i think that I don't know. I think i was just kind of like today. Anybody at that point. I just had i was so had my feelers out. I was ready to find somebody and when he was kinda like. That's not my girlfriend. And i was like what do i have to lose. Let's go meet up. You know no big deal and then after that for state We knew and like i. I was dating other people. There was nothing serious and it was funny actually We just went to a restaurant in long beach the other night. It was the same restaurant that he asked me. No are you dating anybody else. Back in two thousand nine and we remember that in its in. He thought that. I probably had ten boyfriends and i remember sitting there when he asked me that they can just see us. No idea like. I'm so into him over here dating other people in my head who had been my in like a month at that point but isn't that that's how modern dating is. You just assume whoever you you're dating is also dating a ton of other people because they're not a secret is most of the time they're not reality is exactly true and he told me that same night you know. I want you to know that you know the other people that i was dating off and on he was probably dating people. That aren't was to be honest. He told me that he told them. You found somebody on serious about nine. Can't see anymore. Whatever lose my number. And i was like oh. That's so romantic. I mean even though you were both always like looking for someone. i think. There wasn't element of timing. That's still played into this for sure. Sounds like at least things were a little slower in your life than they were at that first time and then you had a boyfriend of the makes at one point so totally. I'm a huge believer a big sex in the city fan and there's about when the guy has his light on and that is so true and i know so many guys so many of my guy friends like they're only reason they're with their wives is they have their light on on.

00:20:10 - 00:25:05

If they had their light on sears earlier they would have married whatever whatever girl they were with. At that time we both had our light on. And so that's that all worked out totally worked out wins. Rob doing right now. 'cause i really wanna hear from his side he could even want to meet up with the girl that blew them off for over a year when we go see below. Hi rob a way. We just really want to know from your perspective. How you were able to even want to meet up with your now wife we. She blew you off for over a year. What was going through your mind. Thought she was a dude. I kept teasing us. This is this is a joke. You're a dude. She would she break up with her boyfriend at the time and then she would. She would call me and okay. Maybe i will meet up with you then again. Yeah and then. I played hard to get and then she came after me way. She had come back in resurrected. I guess you could say you said you remember her exactly. So what was it about her. Thou so memorable from her e harmony profile a while well there was I mean she was beautiful and She in her story. She had a lot of things going for her like she. You know she had her her little story about how she was a court reporter and she was on her own and from a really young age and the fact that she had a lot of drive made me attracted to her not just physically but also called emotionally at the time with their any sort of transformation. You went through in that year when she was blowing off in your own in your own. Dating life No it was pretty much a disappointment after another. So i was. I was pretty miserable dating because there is just not a lot of high quality people out there. The girl from dave matthews. How she sounds like a winner just you know. There's just a lot of a lot of not not so good. I mean it's an unfortunately there's just not a lot of High quality people out there. That i was attracted to set the bar high for myself and one last question. I'm going to break this up into a two parter. So what was your first impression of valerie on your first date. And then at what point did you know this is going to be my wife. It's time to take a quick break so we can tell you about our current sponsored zola. Zola takes the stress out of wedding planning with free wedding websites. Safer dates invitations. A wedding registry and free easy to use wedding planning tools yes. I went on zola. Because i've been to so many weddings. This year i was just curious about the entire process works and i have to say i was really impressed by the ease of navigation and all you do on the site the free wedding website only minutes setup there over one hundred beautiful wedding website designs to choose from fit any couples style and every type of wedding. You can easily at photos stories about how you travel and accommodations information and even recommended things to do for your guests while they're in town for your wedding. The best part is that you can conveniently manage everything online and in one place which saves so much time to start your free website or registry. Go on zola. That's z. o. L. a. dot com slash dateable again. That's z. o. L. a. dot com slash dateable. Now back to the show and then at what point did you know this is going to be my wife. At first i thought she was beautiful. She was really tall and carried herself really well. She just used a lot of confidence and that to me was super attractive. I knew she was the one after our second date moment. Had i got that right Yeah you let it happen on the second date that made you think this is it. The second date was almost like an interview and she just like i. I went through a lot of questions with her. It was very natural. It wasn't like a flowed really well and we clicked everything that i asked she the box all the way down so And same thing for for her. I think i think there wasn't issue like me rod. there wasn't like a defining moment. It really wasn't it was You know when you're when you're dating. You're not like consciously thinking about early so you shouldn't be when you're with the right person.

00:25:05 - 00:30:00

I it just clicks in your head. You shouldn't necessarily be seeking for perfection. Just should come to you. So i know i said one last question but this is a real last question. What advice would you give to people who are dating fatigued. Who may have gone one too. Many dave matthews concerts in the wrong person. And they're like ready to give up on dating. What would you say to them. I would just keep going i. I wouldn't i give up. I mean if you date enough people you know what you want. You know what you don't want and If you set the bar too high for yourself. I think you'll realize that there isn't that exact person out. There i'm valerie is is perfect for me in all the ways that i want her to be perfect for me. She's not perfect in every which way. But i'm also kind of a freak in a lot of ways so I have a little package billows just like everybody else does and i think i realized that she's perfect for me in ways that i didn't even realize i wanted to be perfect so i would just say keep going and don't set the bar so high for yourself because you'll realize when you're with the right person maybe the things that you thought were what you're looking for necessarily the things that you ultimately end up wanting you had income in all right. Let's dish some more vow. He's been ditched. Been also should be a few takeaways. Yeah let's you some takeaways. I guess we talked about timing quite a bit on our show and we keep saying like sometimes. Just not be your time yet. You may just not ready yet and it's hard for for some of us to feel that way when you actually do feel like you're ready you're like i am ready and you weren't there value. I'm ready i'm ready. I'm ready for family. Who's to tell me that. I am not ready but there are some things that we can do when we feel that kind of conflict is like okay. The timing may not be good for me but mentally. I'm there at least what you can do with that with. That time is to just keep going. I would say you just keep going. You can't give up and if you give up at that time that's what's going to end in this like lol. You're just going to end up not dating anybody so at least you you say okay. A successful relationship is based on mindset. And the right timing. At least i got the mindset part down. I'm just waiting for the timing to happen. So you're like fifty percent yoga and then the whole thing about how it happens when you're not looking i was looking is not where i thought that is really a good takeaway true so many of my friends that are so happily married now. Their stories are just like this where they were not expecting it at that moment. Your just remember that. You know nets really reassuring. Yeah i think that a play off of that. It's of us counter but like also look around so like i think if you did notice yeah him there and i think you have the eight of his crazy date to kinda help but there's a difference between looking actively like you were just saying how about like always being on the hunt in not letting things naturally enfold versus be closed off in not letting your surroundings take you in so i think it's not being so exceeded but also being open at the same time. Exactly exactly. I gotta say some of the best nights. I've ever had nice where i had. No expectations hundred. Sound like you in. Tiffany had no expectations. You just had this fabulous weekend. You weren't even going to go to this concert because you're tired. You're like what the hell let's see if there goes that way. Those are big nights where the most unexpected things happen. We changed our clothes in target. Bath factor across across the street. From where this place was like. It was one of those nights. I was not feeling hugh. I know that he didn't seem that night. But still like us just. I never thought that. I would seriously like my prince charming. It'd be sitting behind me as spot him like you know. Go dig out his phone number and all that and our life is so busy now with three kids in were so like in it that when we even think about. This is how we met. We like it's to other people you can't be to like don't be afraid to like maybe if i didn't line up like don't be afraid to pull out that number of them. I heard a lot of kahane's that night to do that. Sherry think about. I felt was i had nothing to lose. Because he had a girlfriend so i didn't really care then when he didn't i was like little mortified but he was so open to it he wasn't like oh get. Get away your creepy. You're stocker you know he was like no. This is insane like you sat right behind me or in front of me and so he thought it was just as crazy as i did.

00:30:00 - 00:35:03

But if i hadn't done that who knows you don't have anything to lose anyways. Like worst case they yeah. Who cares what. I find so fascinating because now you're married and you're swiping through a gender thing. What what people have been using these dating apps for is to find someone new when i actually think. Sometimes it's a great way to reconnect. I remember you have reconnected. With a past x. aspects such Can happen sometime. I don't know where someone is in a relationship status and if you do see them an app at least you know. There's somewhat single widely so exact battle. I think it's like an interesting. What exactly take away his here. But i think there's an interesting piece that you pointed out of that you were like so actively dating somehow missed your now. A spent was right in front of me right that you could just choke up. The timing wasn't right and you weren't meant to meet their but then the other side is like maybe like the people that you're blowing off a little more it'd be like am i blowing them off because like i on paper. They don't see like who. I want or whatever it may be in the navy. Give that extra chance and try to make that extra hour whatever it is to get in a date with someone absolutely and on that note a little bit. Have you guys did somebody. Just kinda briefly become facebook friends and then years later they pop up in your feet. And you're like oh. I didn't even remember. I was facebook friends with a few of those and and these were like super nice guys. I just blew off. Because i was just a jerk and i look at them now on the huskies beautiful wise. This beautiful children. And i'm like i should have given that guy more of a chance other girl that's super hot hotter than me and he just he's like the successful lawyer on the how these beautiful children like. There's been those moments too for me. I mean i'm married. i'm not interested. I'm like god. I really blew that guy off. I should have given him more of a chance. Because that's another thing to think about two on this creditable moment right now then. You don't argue that because you blew those guys off. It led you to your now husband. Who is yeah light on different ways to look at it you know but also like if i could talk to my old self maybe sales deal a bit more open-minded don't be so quick to judge somebody. Maybe he's really great maybe the way. He held his work generation. Judge him on other things like that. Just shows that we can't write people off right away and also people come into our lives for reason if you even if you go on a thirty minute date with someone. There's a reason why the universe place sure you've got gotta be more cognizant of those moments i'm salute. We're gonna do a question of the day this comes from doug. I saw this really cute girl in a bar. She was laughing smiling. It was just really pretty. I didn't have the nerve to approach her though. So i went on tinder and actually found her. I swiped right but there wasn't a match. It may be relieved. That at least i saved face by not approaching. Hurt the bar. But i can't stop thinking about her any advice. Or what would you have done differently. I feel like it's your online persona. And i think value are the prime example of this. You're only a persona in your her in person persona different sometimes and so how you perceive someone through their their dating profile may be very different than how they are in person one hundred percent right so maybe like i've actually dated guys that i thought okay vice saw him on tinder whatever i would never ran but because i'm now met him in person i see like how much chemistry we have right. So you got use these apps as an absolute way to determine someone's interests also i think the other piece that it was a comment about. She didn't match with him. Like you have no idea like when the last time you've been on the app like how frequently she uses. You have zero clued to that so my advice to doug or i guess if you're a to reverse time like just go up to her in person when you see like what do you have to lose. That's what i would say. I don't know how these apps work. Can you message somebody even if they say no. You know you can't. He was probably Blocked inaugurated to hope to run into her again. This is also i mean. Just got up to her even if she was like. Oh man a relationship you know or like. She was like a my interest. At least you know ags laterally caso for doug going forward because obviously he can't like go back in time but at least don't repeat again with the next girl. That season is interested in no regrets. We've talked goals for just go forward there. There shouldn't be regrets. We should rely on these apps to give as like the magic eight ball. Answer also remember from a business perspective. All these apps wanna have as much inventory as possible.

00:35:03 - 00:40:01

Some of these apps some of these profiles may have been deleted. Have like eight months of idle time. You know and they don't want you to know right so if you're not matching someone like julie said it doesn't really mean they're not interested anything that doesn't mean anything who knows. Maybe we'll have doug on the show and like a couple months or year reconnected. At this girl the timing is right. I know heartbroken over at like he's gonna go find every day matthews concert there is anymore. How old is back. He's still on tour. We almost went to go. See him if you go. Oh he's a still mind all right. Hey doug she got it. This is your acid in those moments. Just take opportunity. What's the worst can happen at. She blows you appears like move on with your day right. You don't know her. She's on your life you know. At least i think now the fact that we're actively using brain powered think about it like then he would have just got an answer or hopefully even something really great could have come out from that the minimum. She would've been super open. Do you know yeah. We're blow you off for a year and end up marrying of this story you get blown off. It's maybe not the end. Yeah she could come back at least be on the radar fast. the key. like if you're not even on the radar than it's really hard to come back. Yes definitely got any other takeaways. Everybody i mean it's stories so i'm curious to see what your takeaway is but for me is just you know like Accused things. don't give up. Keep going. And i would have never given up. I've never that girl that drew Dreamt of babies. I dreamt of marriage. And so i wanted. I was like tunnel vision trying to sign that right guy and and you know i just i would have never given up and i'm glad that i was so young but i'm glad i found him when i did because we were able to be married for a while and travel and still have time. You know four. We started having a family. And i'm really grateful for all that time but i mean i went through a lot of my friends at work friends new back in my twenties. These still even tell him like you don't understand what she went through to get to the entire universe and you a wednesday. Your friends will be saying that to your husband giving seaboard grateful though when you actually meet that person. Oh for sure for sure own so as wait. Oh baby got. Maybe that was my lesson. Maybe the universe was waiting for me to feel grateful because those foam relaxed. I would've been like yeah. This is how life goes but all are so nice. Still do this down. that's intriguing. Point point kind of have to go through hell to appreciate we have on. Yeah very very good. Point husband could say the same with that. Awful dave matthews date exactly and he and i both went on so many awful and so we really did make us appreciate what we had and we we told each other right away know and that's one thing about me relationship with him. That was a little bit different. There was no game playing. We were all in like so quick. And i was like it was so refreshing. Not have to exhausting games of waiting days to call tax I mean we went to vegas together for one month anniversary. Forget that we went on a trip together. We'd been together four weeks you know. Yes so. I guess if if any of our listeners are feel like they're in the trenches of dating and they feel like they've gone through hell and back at least know you are on your way. Yes see the light. There is such a believer that if you do believe that it will come to you like i just really really feel that you just keep believing it will happen if you are just kind of like. Oh it's never happening for me. I'm so depressed. I hate dating. I hate like all the negative. You're gonna just attract more negative but if you just really focused on the positive and you really think it's gonna happen for you a will. I promise that is great. Note to end on a we empower all of our listeners to go on this journey and see it as a journey and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel even like not end of the tunnel. There's always gonna be light anywhere you go so the harish what you have and really think about like the experiences you've had and be appreciative of all the people who come in and out of your lives thou. Do you wanna talk about your website. I know you. You have this lovely business. I know with christmas coming if you wanna support somebody with a bizarre story like this is easy. It's balanced petite dot com. And i have a lot of really cool. Gifts are great kala gifts and stuff like that everything made in orange county and type of things.

00:40:01 - 00:43:18

Do you make i. It's mostly jewelry right now. But we're actually venturing out making some other stuff but it's mostly jewelry. We have a really cool man card which is This medal bottle opener that men can put in their wallet And make some like wine charms and some home decor and stuff like that and this is also just like. I think this is a side conversation. We have another episode but it's also great way to show like the transition from being this like powerful court reporter independent woman dating everybody in l. a. Mother three kids married living in orange county and still running was incredible business in still keeping your independence and i think a lot of times when we talk about like people feel like they're giving up some sort of independence like within themselves before marriage all of our very powerful girlfriends feel somewhat that way and eager a great example of someone who is able to transform those skills into something else thank you. Yeah i feel like. I'm an able bodied human. That even though i am you know raising three children. I want to be able to support helped contribute to my family. So it's so nice to have my creative outlet and be able to do at all. Because i'm home working from home. I can still be around them. But i'm able to also work so it's been that part has been more if you wanna try to win back song from your past. Maybe there's a gift here for you. Nice we also by our listeners to be guests on our show we love to hear your story of something very similar to val story or something opposite of that. I don't know maybe there's something interesting there so we'd love to have you as a guest on our show all right. We're going to wrap this up. Stay your action. Item for this. Week is to be more observant of your environment. Look around notice things. Even if you're taking the same pack to work every day you can always notice something new you never know. Who's around the corner. This episode of dateable is brought to you by five hundred brunches. Five hundred branches connects like minded people with similar interest to meet in real life of brunch. You answer a questionnaire about your interest and how you spend your time. And then they'll match you in small groups of sixty eight at brench spot in san francisco. Get a free entry into a brench now by signing up at five hundred brunches dot com and using the code date able. If you didn't know already we have a revamped site with articles videos and content. All about modern dating you can also find our premium y series where we dissect analyze and offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums. We've had some great feedback. About how actionable these episodes are so check them out on our website or items music also visit the site today to see the latest about coaching for we connect you with dateable approved experts to help with everything from dating profile reviews coaching and even gathering real feedback about your dating style in a personalized and affordable way to connect with us visit dateable. Podcast dot com. You can also find us on facebook twitter and instagram. All under dateable podcasts. Don't forget to subscribe an auto download the podcast on itunes. Or your favorite podcast player. So you never miss an episode.

Dateable Podcast
Yue Xu & Julie Krafchick

Is monogamy dead? Are we expecting too much of Tinder? Do Millennials even want to find love? Get all the answers and more with Dateable, an insider’s look into modern dating that the HuffPost calls one of the ‘Top 10 podcasts about love and sex’. Listen in as Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick talk with real daters about everything from sex parties to sex droughts, date fails to diaper fetishes, and first moves to first loves. Whether you’re looking to DTR or DTF, you’ll have moments of “OMG-that-also-happened-to-me” to “I-never-thought-of-it-that-way-before.” Tune in every Wednesday to challenge the way you date in this crazy Dateable world.