S8E12: Vagina Tingles

Dateable Podcast
May 7, 2019
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May 7, 2019

S8E12: Vagina Tingles

We discuss honing in on your body and chakras, listening to your gut feelings while dating, and how to attract your highest soulmate.

Vagina Tingles

Erin from the Wise Woman Podcast talks to us about what it really means to date mindfully through both eastern and western practices. We discuss honing in on your body and chakras, listening to your gut feelings while dating, and how to attract your highest soulmate.

Episode Transcript

Season 8 Episode 12: Vagina Tingles

00:00:00 - 00:05:01

The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world. Hey, everyone. Welcome to another episode of dateable a show all about modern dating on this episode. We wanna talk about mindful dating. What does that sound like? And what does it look like, it seems like it's a buzzword for awhile mindfulness mindful. Eating mindful life mindful, dating what does it mean that we had to bring in an expert because? How to even approach it? That's why we have air on the phone. Hi, aaron. Hey, hey. She is a host of the wise woman podcast. She's twenty eight years old. She currently lives in Chicago originally from Chicago, but has lived in many places in the last five years she was on the road for a long time. She said that's a story for later, and she's currently in a monogamous relationship engaged just a little background about why she's an expert in this field. She is in international wellness, consultant spiritual teacher and retreat leader. She facilitates innovative mindfulness workshops in the areas of meditation emotional intelligence, Ha's it of psychology conflict, competency, nutrition, yoga, and spiritual personal and professional. Bring search. Like what else what's? So you're not talented at all. But we want to talk about mindful dating because I think a lot of you listeners are really interested in tactful ways of approaching dating and one of those could be mindfulness. So let's first talk about what is being mindful mean can you define that for us? Erin, mindfulness is actually of Buddhist term. So it's really interesting because in the school systems, we try to separate church and state, even though we say God in her pledge allegiance, but mindfulness is I mean, it straight up like, Buddhism, Buddhist ideology. It's one of the safest words, though, when we bring meditation into the school systems, which I find very interesting, and in the corporate smoothies Mindfloness is paying attention. So right now, if you and I are talking we're on this podcast, we see each other via zoom, and we're only paying attention to the words coming out of my mouth in the words coming out of your mouth, then we're basically end a mindfulness conversation. In a mindful conversation, we're in a mindfulness meditation. So being very present. Now as it relates to mindfulness dating. It's so important to in your highest work is to know, I self how deeply do, you know yourself? If you go on a date with somebody who has five or six drinks and ends up wasted. Maybe that triggers something within you. Because of you know, alcohol abuse in your Lydia lineage, so knowing who you are what ticks you off. And what you're truly looking for and underneath all of that. What is your self worth? How do you take care of yourself? How do you love yourself? So what are some ways that people can bring mindfulness to their dating lives? So this is what I say to all of my clients. And I would say, unfortunately, mostly women Hosa, my female what I'm on clients. You will notice when you are uncomfortable, or when you are nervous consciously or unconsciously, you suck in your stomach. Now that has this has many like different lineages American North American beauty standards, you need to have a smaller flat stomach. But it's also this idea of playing. Small his election with the first Choctaw the shock res- in the eastern spirituality meditation mindfulness world, so everyone I say when you're on a first day unclench your stomach, let yourself have a big Buddha belly it changes. How you breathe so I- background is clinical psychology and spiritual practice when you suck in your stomach. You are literally you're basically telling your body that you can't breathe. It's not safe to breathe you're only using about sixty percent of your lung capacity. What is the stew activates the middle of the center of the brain the flight freighter freeze, you're living in a state of panic. You do not want to be a state of panic on a first date unclench your stomach free than to the depths of your lower belly say something kind to yourself. This is mindfulness. And this is mindful dating. That's so interesting. I was like thinking like keep your phone away wanting stuff like that. I like this is like a whole other level of it like totally pay attention to Erin Iowa say men do the same. Oughta guys were always trying to suck in their stomach. And then it ends up a restricting your your Airways. And you don't breathe as healthily. Yes, you're supposed to so it has a lot of health consequences. That's what I'm trying to say. So if you find yourself doing this like how do you get out of bed take a few depress or like, what is kind of that had? I mean, it's different for each person. Like everybody has their own relationship to dating in how they choose to show up in a relationship first, impressions are incredibly important, whether it's a job interview or first day.

00:05:01 - 00:10:05

And of course, take a couple of deep breaths realign. I always encourage meal, clinical, psychology spiritual practice. They overlap a lot. So we would say in spiritual world who'd say mantra have a mantra or statement. We would say to yourself in positive psychology would say have IM statements have positive affirmations. So I am calm. I am centered. I am worthy of love. I'm going to find my soul mate. I am open to receiving my highest soulmate in anywheres feeling. Really spiritually connected in high vibe for you re ground breathe deeply, I really like this one. There's actually one practice. It's called peace begins with me. It's in the lineage of Coon Delina yoga was rushed to the world by Yogi John and it's thumb an index finger thumb middle finger thumb in ring finger thumb pinkie net. Goes piece begins with me piece begins with me so piece Dahmane index finger begets, I'll do it together. Let's all do together. So. XL piece begins with mid me. Ooh. That such a great way to enter a date because I feel so many times we go to dates where like nervous like we're not sure if that nervous energy is coming from yourself like is it because you're like apprehensive about the date or you thinking about your old past dating patterns like I think if you go to something like this you like stop all those thoughts in just go in the present. It's a reset button. But how does this make you more mindful? You are more bind full because you come back into the present moment, you're not having your limited belief systems of like who am I like 'em sweaty? Do I smell do I flew to my teeth? Like, why did I say that your whole purpose of showing up for this first date and coming back to you know, why you started while you went on that app while you allow your mom to set you up like why you're even there in the first place in your there because you're open to finding love your open to moving through life in a monogamous, perhaps monogamous relationship. So coming back to the white started in Aaron you're now engage in a monogamous relate. Ship. Were you always a mindful dater? Yeah. Oh my God. This is so much my background. I it's so interesting. I was just talking about this with my girlfriends in I was twenty two I was in the marketing seen in Chicago. And I was dating a thirty nine year old like Chicago famous like personality, I short skirt ideals went to happy hours in the restaurant industries who get like all the good deals, and I remember coming home and being like, Aaron what the fuck are you doing like who are this wasn't the plan like the Susan even Mike your highest expression has always a spiritual person? But I think I've, you know, sometimes you can form in you quiet that over time and a lot of my story is a move to Israel dated aggressively out there moved to India dated, a sweet sweet man came back home to the states. Oh my God. My San Francisco stories, I got ta go. Yeah. It was traveling so much. So I took a lover in every city. And now, I'm back in Chicago. I'm engaged to truly. The person I believe is my highest soulmate. I'm so like so immensely grateful. I pray. Everyone gets to experience this kind of love in this type of devotion in this ground Innis in a relationship. I'm telling you, I put in the work high. Really, I did all the devotion. So how did you get there? Like, I guess like how did you go from like, you said lovebird every city to fiancee's love of your life. I always knew what I wanted. And I think this is so important for people. You don't have to there's this idea of settling. And I see this with almost semi one on one clients. And I have a lot of one on clients. I work with I spiritual counseling business, coaching talk therapy and decide DEA that I always knew he was out there. I always knew that I was open to receiving this love. I always knew that. I wanted to get married and have many children, and I had really ridiculous criteria. I wanted somebody who would be nomadic with me. I wanted somebody who could speak to me in English and Hebrew and spa. Vanish. I wanted somebody who was hairy and big and brilliant. And and we spoke about this on by podcast together. I went into ceremony. So I believe that we have this that move. So ceremony is encouraged us for all people make any moment sacred. So whether it's your morning Cup of coffee. You know, Zittau like say something kind to yourself as you're drinking this Cup of coffee inhale, deeply the steam from the hot coffee or your tea. You have the opportunity to make your life more sacred. And in this space of ritual in this space of sacredness, you can manifest or you can attract or you can kind of create what you most desire now keep in mind like incredibly like clinical cyclic business background, but why not try both? Why not try the eastern side of practice and the western side of practice. So for me, I encourage all my clients. And I was saying this you earlier have clients come over and we go into ceremony together, which is building sacredness so playing instruments lighting candles.

00:10:05 - 00:15:05

Ving incense putting on all the oils anything that makes you feel very feminine and sexy and intuitive. And sitting in the feeling as if you already have it knowing your manifest in your highest soulmate to sit in the feeling as if you already have it. It's not like he or she has blue eyes. It's being with this person feels like a snow day being with this person is like a warm chocolate chip cookie or rainbow or walking in the rain and bare feet, you know, it's things that are very intimate and personal and only you know, what that feels like. So I did that ceremony. I did that ceremony about two two and a half years ago in the idea is you you practice the ceremony, and you write it down, and you make this piece of paper, really beautiful, and you consciously lose it. But you lose it in a place where you can probably find it. So I have this beautiful piece of paper somewhere. Like, my parents like spare bedroom in my house in the suburbs. And I always knew in the back of my mind did my ceremony started go out in day. Dates in. I would recognize if I felt anything that was similar to what I was looking for in that ceremony. And if it was there that I would continue dating this person in it wasn't. I was I was out in a second. I mean, I was out. This wasn't highest good. I'm leaving immediately. Lonzo interesting in one one covet where we have to make to the center body. We have do the ceremony. I love. I'm sorry. Julia. I cut you off. I just got so early excited. Unlike ceremony right now, I doubt. But I think the other thing is there's I've experienced this. Find self this guy or girl in are rate. Like, they're everything that you like think on paper or like everything's vibe ING, but like at the same time, it's not five being for whatever reason. And I think those ones supplies of the hardest to cut off because you're like, I should like this person. I want to you would say like cut it off. Oh, if it's not sitting well, so sunsetting lawn your heart. That's fun thing. If it's not sitting well in your second shock Grasso in your genitals and your uterus in women. Says. Only a for those of us who were born as a woman with a uterus and of Jonah something very specific to women is the vagina tingle now. I'd happens in many different circumstances. It could be your looking over a menu. And you're like, you're like, oh, I should have a salad, but then your eyes wander now, you see and like when you read the burger you get like a Roo like in your. Yes. So that's the same things for one a man or woman walks into the room, and you get that tingle. This is when a woman knows it's not that. You're just aroused is set. Your intrigued that you want to have this conversation, you want to engage if you have the vibe or you don't want to engage in you don't have that vagina. Tangle get out of there. I love the vagina Tangalle out of blue in your Woohoo brought up shock rose a few times can. Yeah. Lane a little more. What this is in give us a little more detail. Why people should care about their shock shockers? Yes. Oh my God. Amazing love this question. I actually just built I built a whole certificate program. I'm now certifying people in the practices that I share. So if anybody is listening, and you want to become a mindfulness in well-being strategist on you want to show, the sports either one on one or in the corporate setting definitely I'll send the info to both of you. You can definitely reach out. So the shockers system. So it's Chuck us and the Jukka. This has done is they it's the sanskrit word translates until wheels. And it's seven energetic points from the base of the tailbone to the top of the head. Now, the reason I love the chocolate system so much as they have impeccable pairings to psychology and to science. So like, we mentioned the first trucker the moola Donna, this is the base of your needs his Mazdas hierarchy. This is safety security comfort food shelter, your basic needs. That must be mad. How you allow yourself to take up space in it's so important to have this conversation dating, and I'll tell you my client even say my client today her and her partner, they're not doing so, well, I'm one of the first things I asked her we were talking about her basic needs in if they're being mad. I asked her when you're in bed together. And you're just sleeping are you curl Dover in the corner of the bed or are you sprawled out taking up space, and she says, oh my God. Erin, I'm in a corner of the bed. I don't feel like I can even take space like even sleeping like restful in our bed. I was like. I love like you are not meeting your basic needs are actually closing the first jokers too strong like the first chalk, raw, and you can't move upwards. You can't have in Lyon. Man. You can't have these like deep intellectual conversations you can't attract your highest soulmate when you're not meeting your basic needs. So I think it's incredibly important to know how your body is connecting to the world around you in the greatest tool to use is the chocolate system. Okay. So I saw your website. But there is the seven shock ritual of tap into your feminine power. Can you tell us a little above the all the giant to goal? Oh, let's talk about the vagina Teagle's.

00:15:05 - 00:20:04

Okay. This is one of my best says, I have a I have run a soul solo immersion called nine months solo immersion. It's like a group coaching program. And we just finished the month where we talked about the second Chaka, and we talk about exactly what we said, she vagina tingles. Now, there's a specific yoga lineage in consider yoga Tanti yoga, which is commonly known as the sex lineage of yoga, although it's that's really is a misrepresentation. It's more sensual. Well, and a mind full and feminine, and it's like a different embodiment of yoga lineage in day encourage women to wear the Jade egg. Now, the Jade egg is a semi precious stone that you wear in your uterus when you wear this stone in your uterus. You're that much more aware of the vagina tingle or of when you're naturally clenching which shows the yeah, it shows that you're invested or you're curious or you're intrigued or your inspired. So for women who are overcoming sexual trauma. Creatives anyone who's a creative? Anyone who's an artist or musician, and your and you have a uterus. I urge you to try the eggs see how it sits with you. And and what comes up I'm it's really good for people who have a hard time making decisions like even small decisions. Yeah. That's a really good idea. If you're like on the edge with someone you've been dating, and you're like put that Eggen you you feel because some if that mind body connection in sometimes Zoll harder for us as women as we don't have an extra. Extremity for men. Yeah. It's much easier for them to visualize us some has we really have to sit down and think m feeling the tingle O'Brien, I love this giant tickle free. I for years, I've not been able to put my daily the words around. What this actually is the John tingle out all the time. Like why there's campus strayed why there isn't. Yeah. Like, no can ever explain why they just feel it or why they don't have Salinas also smells in smells like are. You naturally, and this is something you do on a first date. Now, if you are a woman, and you are on the birth control pill where you are on any synthetic hormone. How you smell yourself and how other people smell to you is different. So I've even had clients to were have been on a synthetic hormone the birth control pill for fifteen years amid, you know, us like our generation we went on at fourteen fifteen like immediately you've been on the pill for fifteen years. You get off of it. And you're with. Your partner, and you're like you smell disgusting. I can't even stand to be around. You your natural attraction like your natural fair moans, your body tells you who you're supposed to reproduce with who you're like attracted to so pay attention to how you smell, and if you are naturally attracted to the smells of your partner that is super interesting. I actually heard this recently to talking to another potential guests that we might have on the show about just like what makes someone attractive in a lot of times, you think like physical, and you think of like what media tells you like all of that? But so much of it is smell in like how you're reacting to people, and I've never really been able to like understand why that is the case, but it comes down to unfold, I guess, but don't quote me on this by remember watching a documentary about smells in moans in how we naturally are attracted to certain, smells that have different genetic makeup than us because it to avoid inbreeding and incest. So you. You actually are attracted to people who are like different race in different everything. Don't remember. It was like attraction wanna one on. All right. So I think something that's interesting to talk about is. How do we carry this mindfulness into a relationship talk about dating? But you are in a committed relationship. How long have you been with your fiance? We have been together for a year and a half. And how do you take that mindfulness into your daily lives in there's so many different practices? There's a rabbi who says that you need to stare at your partner for six seconds every single day. And there's another triumph. It's interesting to there's another philosopher to release oxytocin you need to cuddle for twenty minutes every single day. And yeah, and I think it's self awareness. So I even speak about this a lot in corporations if you have a fight with your partner for singing in the morning, and you come into the office in your incredibly bad mood in your route to all your coworkers employee's. That's not mindful like. They are not practicing mindfulness. It also same as true in your relationship. Why are you upset so it's like naming it really offensive early. I got stuck in Dallas airport last twenty four hours. I got home late last night and my fiance. John came to pick me up, and I was like so ecstatic. He was picking me up because it was like a horrible. Who's just like a not a fun way a day of travel, and we get back to our -partment in the city and we park on the street, and I wanted him to circle around a couple more times to see if we could just get a parking spot closer to our building.

00:20:05 - 00:25:01

And he's like no like like, let's just take the spot. They always take literally three minute walk. It's a big deal. And I just got so upset because I was so exhausted and to be able to say, I'm absolutely exhausted. Like, I'm not mad at you at all like, I'm like in dispaced with the situation and be able to shift. That's like a very I'd say like surface, level example. But that's good though. I like examples like that. Yeah. With stink of like what that crackle. Let me take it actually one layer further because this is one that I've noticed a lot. The example actually brought up earlier in our conversation. If you're dating somebody, and they get drunk a lot, and that's not like the person that you wanna marry and have kids with pay attention to that. Like, make sure you say alcoholism runs in my family, like this is an unattractive trait or figure with somebody who does a lot of drugs or spends a lot of money. That's another one of my clients. Her partner spends a lot of money, and she has financial insecurity. I'm as like a lot of student debt. So having this like what lies beneath the surface? And how are you? Speaking about it. So one thing that comes up. I think a lot is like always thinking about the future. Like, if you are Dave Ingram can this possibly come my boyfriend or girlfriend that would you're actually together you're like could be the the person I marry like it's always like you're thinking one step ahead instead of just being present like with the current situation. What are your thoughts? And like what advice could you give to people to kind of be mindful of being in the president? But also. Like being realistic about their situations to time to take a quick break. So I can tell you about the great news for all you San Francisco listeners, you know, have more time to sign up for the pub crawl be then has been moved back to Thursday may twenty third come meet the dateable team favor past guests and other listeners were partnering with nine four one social club where you'll get ten drinks at ten Polk street bars for only fifteen dollars by using the code dateable. Don't forget the code is dateable for this exclusive discounted price. And also, so we can tell you a meeting spot for the dateable family. We'll have the event posted on our Facebook page and Instagram or go to dateable podcast dot com slash Polk street pub crawl to get your tickets today. Now back to the show. What advice could you give to people to kind of be mindful of being in the present? But also like being realistic about their situations too. I believe you always no, I don't think it happens on a first date or the second or right now in our generation. I don't think it happens. On the third. But once you get to that one month six week to month pace of dating, you always know, like, even if you're lying to yourself, you know, in your heart, if you know in your Jonah, like, you know, of like in your soul, if this person is who you wanna procreate with you wanna travel the world with who's going to support you on the bad days. It's so fun to be with somebody who's easy going. They love tear, you know, take you out to dinner parties in drinks and have fun. But are they going to be with you when shit goes wrong? Are they going to be with you? Humans your job or a loved one passes away. That's the questions you need to ask God at what's left about worrying about it. But just like trusting your own instincts in listening to how you kinda feel the core. 'cause you're saying that you basically, no, you absolutely, no, even if you're lying to yourself in a maybe. Yeah. Like stiffer some women and serve some men. This means you need to sober up. If you really do want have like deep intuition, you'll lay off the booze for ten days layoff. Like sugar or anything that you feel you're incredibly addicted to so also functional medicine nutritionists in it's very hard to become intuitive and have like deep knowing when you eat shit all day, and you sit on the couch. So get to let it out. That's so true though. I feel like any situation that has turned a certain way I like subconsciously did know in my gutten. It was like you would tell yourself or try to like justify it in so many ways. But you kinda know I I don't know. I this is totally just off topic in a way. But this is what's interesting about just psychology of humans. The reason why jeopardy the show has been on for so long not because people like the big thing kids enter -taining, but the show makes people feel like they're bright. So what what it does is when when the answers revealed a lot of people who are watching. We'll say I knew that was the answer. I knew that was it. I it was a tip of my tongue. I was gonna come out. And I think that's what happens with human behavior. Is sometimes we're like I knew that was going to happen. I am very intuitive. Right. New those in have it's not so much like whether that's true or not is that we just have to trust our feeling of whether we think we're right or not, right. So viewed you feel like in your gut that situations not going. Well, if you just feel that that's your truth. It doesn't even matter. If that's not the truth. Right. So we just have to honor our troops even more. You're always safe in your truth ios, have to honor your truth, you I love that love jeopardy. I absolutely agree.

00:25:02 - 00:30:01

So I'll let to rosy retrospection rosy retrospection heavens Alana, I'm actually writing about this a good amount right now is there's new research on it. Too. Rosy retrospect is when you look back at something that occurred in the past that was actually really negative. But because it occurred in the past you think of it a super positive this happens a lot with our ex romantic partners back and you think oh like she wasn't so bad. She wasn't manipulative. He wasn't a cheater alcoholic or an app. At an asshole, you look back, and you think actually really positive things sometimes sometimes it's actually opposite using the worst. But that's when we get back together with our exes. I mean, this happens all the time. You look back. You're like, oh, it was great. It's it's like the episode. We did on the gold standard on that one person that you just you think that's the person that got away. But then when you really think about it really wasn't. So that's a good segue. Because I saw this quote on your Instagram when I was sufficiently stock your year. So it was I love this quote. It was I've clan. Do you? Trust me the universe. At least. I've thought this before like im- something ends like the universe was telling me something, and it was actually pointing towards the future person that should before me. What are your thoughts about the universe in higher powers when it comes to love it is so important too. I mean, I'll say that sin for everyone who's listening. You can take it in the way that most serves Zeo pray. It is so important to ask for what you most desire. It is so important to connect to something bigger than yourself. I don't care if it's a law or sham or Buddha or Jesus Christ. I don't care if it's mother nature your lineage. Your grandmother, your great, great grandmother, who's deceased or your higher firs of self like the the better version of you, your divine feminine or divine masculine you must look should his energy for support. You must look to this energy for advice profound research on. Prayer and leaning into the universe and energy all around you. It's the research behind alcoholics anonymous overeaters anonymous, the research, there's a great book by by my professor doctor. Lisa Miller short the book, the spiritual child how it's so important to have kids believing in karma. You know, what goes around comes around. If you're a good person of things will happen believe in in something bigger than you, and you show up in a different way. Now, that's the spiritual side of it. Now, I'll ask you in. This is something that I find to be the most relatable because x happened. I did why. Because my relationship didn't work out. I moved to Israel. You know, like it's really important to ask yourself way or doing these days because this guy was a horrible boyfriend. I became really involved in this book club. Now, I have this whole new group of friends you have to look at what comes as a result from X networking out. It's always a blessing. So I was a reading an article about the happiest villages in. In the world, and what they have in common, the not just happy. But they also live to be like over a hundred years old and the two commonalities between all of these villages was one they pray every day into they believe in a higher being Muslim the only commonalities. It is interesting. I think like our generation can elax that a lot of us didn't grow up with. Let's say like religion or spirituality, and we're all just trying to navigate that. But finding that within yourself is probably a personal journey. We all should go on. Yeah. Although I feel like mindfulness in like that type of outlook is a lot more common. Name in age. Like, I think a lot of people. I agree like don't necessarily identify with as much religion as the past that there is like a spiritual side that I think does persist. Yeah. But again, everyone's different some people might be very religious Nazeer jewel in vice versa. And that's a good question for Aaron actually because what have you are spiritual? And you're working on mindfulness. And you're with a partner who's very early in their journey or haven't even thought about how do you get them on board? What I've noticed is that spiritual people on its oftentimes her to be with somebody who isn't or who's not open to it. But there's different ways to connect. For example. I was in a relationship with somebody, and we both really cared a lot about eating well in exercise, and that was religion to us at the time we aware in college and to be with somebody who cared so much about what I cared about. Which was nutrition and movement that was very grounding and healing and served our relationship for the time that it served our relationship. I think it's incredibly important to be with somebody who can keep up with you. And if you're meditating for twenty minutes every morning, and you're doing yoga in the evening, and you're reading all the self help books, and you're listening to podcasts that are helping you stay engaged. Guess what is going to be hard for you to date somebody who's asleep who's not having conversations who's going through life without questioning a lot of their practices or the day to day, I'm Jewish and a lot of my. My background when I moved to Israel.

00:30:01 - 00:35:02

I study Judaism. But also studied Islam, and when I moved in the I was living in a Muslim community enough sitting Hinduism Buddhism. And you know, we live in America. So by default, you know, a lot about Christianity. So I think it's important know about other religions don't live under a rock ask the questions participate in the holidays have friends who look different than you who speak different languages and even yourself speak, another language engage with somebody verbally and connect with them and their lineage in their language. Awesome. Great point, we're going to go into some takeaways, but before we do that what is kind of like the first step of starting to date mindfully. If you're not in this mindset, already do a ceremony know who you are asked for exactly what you want. I mean, I know there's so many other things like put away your phone like authentically say what you want on your dating app. I'm looking for a relationship. I'm spiritual person. I often time suggests for I states don't meet over alcohol. Don't meet over drink go. If you live in a nice place, go on a hike, go to Barnes and noble. If you live in somewhere cold like look at books together. Go to Arkansas exist. Yeah. Yeah. I was just talking to somebody. If you ever go to like an Amazon Papa bookstore. The library guys library where it's at like a bunch of free stuff there anyways. Yeah. But first and foremost, what do you want? You know, ask yourself what you want like who is the person that you're going to move throughout life with who. Do you wanna have kids with you do wanna have kids who do you wanna move to Asia with if you wanna move to Asia get really grounded on who this person is sitting a feeling of being with a call me reach out? We can do a ceremony virtually or you can come with me on retreats. I have many coming up if I'm understanding correctly ceremony could be something as simple as sitting with like a Cup of tea in like, either jotting things down rethinking about them in your mind. It doesn't have to be something super crazy either. Beautiful. Yes, integrate rule of thumb honor the elements. So there's five elements in a few whenever I do a full ceremony in it's something like super deep. So it's like drinking your coffee in the morning. That's more of a ritual like everything I mean, you can make everything a ritual packing. Your lunch getting dressed in the morning. Taking up like welcoming your breath into your body. But if you're going to do a ritual, you're gonna do a full blown ceremony honor the five elements, which is earth air water fire in ether earth, be in nature, or you know, in my apartment in the city. I have a lot of plans, I've let crystals this is earth. Fire light a candle by fireplace air have an air. Diffuser be by an open window turn on a fan. Water. Drink a Cup of tea have a bowl of water next to you ether, the space in between yourself in the world around you how you space these elements around in connect to the elements around you this is what I do in the hold space. I Ramona are moving to ceremony myself leaning into energy around you. So one thing I'm done like periodically probably try to do this at least once a year ago. Go to like hot springs are north of San Francisco in the snow my area, I like to go by myself. I don't like to be alert painful and usually like Brigham journal had of reflects on like what's going on in my wife. What I'm looking for? For in a partner, and like where I wanna be. And then kind of like soak in the hot springs of let it all kind of resonate. And it's great that BIA, sir, buddy. Absolutely. Yeah. That's a really fancy Ramona. I n g sarum. And you can also you can also go to like heart. Yeah. Compared to what you just described. Oh my God. Yeah. I'm gonna go to Dolores park is telling edibles next to me, you could go out to like, I don't really like take a hike hike city. Our go to go. Yeah. I mean, there's don't go to wars. Heartier? I love DeLores. Noughts I've had many ceremonies there. I just didn't know it. Well, you may add are doing our body. That's good. Another person we're going to be our body. But I guess what other takeaways from this whole conversation. Besides gonna do our ceremony as I think it's baby steps for me. Just trying to be mindful is being mindful in itself. Like for me to remind myself to be mindful that's process in itself. And I love what you said about treating these these little rituals. I've been doing this like morning tea ritual with myself in the past. I would just make tea and run out the house with it in my hand. But now, I actually drink tea at my table. I have Mojo my dog next to me. And we don't have our phones our phones. Every day. We don't have my phone your by. It's just nice couple of tea, and I am grateful for the tea, and I sent set my intentions for the day. Now, do I do it every day. No. But this is what I mean by baby steps, I think if anybody who's trying to be more in this practice of mindfulness is just thinking about a little thing. You can do every day. You gotta repeat it every day to start with and then you can build from there.

00:35:02 - 00:40:05

Yeah. I think my biggest takeaway is like the trusting your intuition, or maybe it's your Regina, tangles, whatever Matas. I think like, you know, in your gut or your Jonah one that the two like if something is meant to be or not in like, yeah, there's gonna be different things that come up like you may have a bad day in question things or not. But if more days that you're really feeling this way kind of trying to justify something then I think you do know deep down at it's at least, even if it's not a yes, I'm gonna pivot one hundred percent at least take inventory of how you're feeling and acknowledge it, and it's like, why do I feel unsettled? Why do I feel uncomfortable about this in is there something I can learn from it or is there? More drastic measure, I need to take. I love I think people should replay back this episode just to listen to Aaron's language. I think a lot of the words you used are very inclusive amount exemptions at about leading things come in that win. I think a lot of, you know, my daily language is not combative, but it's like avoiding or shoe or defending building a wall building a barrier. So I think. To your point jewelry, if we can accept all the feelings are coming in and really let them live in our bodies. That's when we can be more mindful of how we feel and it goes to as simple as do. I want pizza or sushi tonight. Unite like why why avoid these feelings when we can say, you know, why sushi gives me the tingles I'm going to go with China tangle. Oh, yes. Always gives you nothing. That's the totally the the day of this episode says you all yours China's single how about that. And I love it or anything that you want to add in a you live and breathe this stuff that Cerny, like parting, advice or words or takeaways. You have. Yeah. If you're listening to this podcast, and you're in the thick of dating, and you're feeling fatigued discourage like your highest soulmate isn't out there. I urge you to shift go into ceremony. Call somebody you love who is in a healthy relationship and ask for guidance ask for inspiration in when you go on these first states where sexy lingerie or. Cava Patton have talk with a friend right before. Put a crystal in your pocket or note to yourself. You know, notes are so important like deer self you are showing up for the state because you believe that your highest soulmate is out there. This piece of paper in your pocket as a reminder of your devotion to love of your devotion to your unborn children or travels around the world or beautiful orgasms that you're gonna have with your highest bay and just being really clear on that piece begins with me connecting to your breath, speaking kindly to yourself speaking kindly to others, if the date is going terrible, get up and leave. I love it. Get up and leave your being mindful. You're listening to your inner self here question of the day with a question of the day. When comes from Larry, he says, I met this amazing woman, and we had a great three months together until she found out. She has to move to another country overall, we get along great. But I do have a few doubts and some of those come from not getting enough time to truly see if this could. Work if this universe telling me, I shouldn't be with her. Or should I say fuck the universe and try anyways to make it work? I love the idea believing in the universe for maybe. I'm looking too hard for signs. Larry, Larry, Larry what? Larry you have to show up like you definitely have to show up at least for the long distance relationship show up for a certain amount of time plan a trip there. Maybe even help this person move in to their new space and see what that feels like maybe even see for yourself. Are you open to relocating are you open to working remotely? It's so rare to find something good. And if it's three months that's a good amount of time. And it sounds like it's been really positive so show up. Maybe the universe is speaking to you because I'm the one answering your question. It may be the universe. Is speaking to you because airfare is the pricing cheap. Maybe you find a job opportunity in London or that's where she's moving right or they're moving. She didn't say she he did say another country another country. Okay. So another country but air winning what do you think about his question of looking too hard for signs is that something that or guilty off sometime? Yes. So you have to be very clear on what your signs are for some people. So for example, I can say for myself, and I don't like this isn't a lot of people are really into spirit animals, that's not my forte. I'm I think I'm a al-salem more logical than that. But I will say whenever I know. I'm in flow. I see a deer, and you know, that's something that always resonates with me. I'll even go as far as saying after my fiance proposed for deer ran out of the woods and onto the beach. Like, it was Slough. It was huge. Right. It was. So so moving to me in like whenever I'm in a bad mood, or like, I need to shift and like questioning a deer will come into play or I'll get like a phone call from a friend who like really wants to connect. So I would say Larry, what are the symbols that resonate with you? Maybe it is an animal.

00:40:05 - 00:45:01

Maybe it is like a dream where your grand your great grandmother who's passed away speaking to about pursuing this passion about pursuing this romantic partner. Maybe you guys have like a common inside joke, and it comes up randomly on the radio or in a podcast or whatever. You're listening to a reading things like this. Then you have to be clear on what signs you're open to. So if you're thinking of moving to this place or continuing this relationship make like a huge declaration like if I'm supposed to pursue this. I will see an owl or I will see grad, sandwiches, whatever. Yeah. Whatever resonates with you at sandwich. Trying to break up. So I I get that. But sometimes I feel like when people are looking for something they just all of a sudden start seeing it. So it has to be kind of asset super niece. Julie that so funny they're gonna break up we'll sandwiches. Yeah. There's no respite which is out there. Larry's he still you Spain by. I think like honestly like I'm in a situation right now. That's long distance. Take me as it comes that. I think it's like I don't know what the next like month is gonna look like two months, whatever it's like, I think just checking in with yourself like the things that we were talking about earlier in like Howard, you feeling about the current situation is this working for you is this not working for you having those conversations with them. And maybe it's not working for you. But that doesn't mean the story that needs to end. But it's having that conversation seeing how receptive. Someone is in seeing if you can work forward with someone or not and then again, just listening to your intuition. I guess we're not gonna call vagina take Gulf here. But the intuition, I guess in general, your gut feeling. Yeah. The gut feeling is so important. But even in your message, Larry you say how their signs pointing things not working out. And again, Julie you're saying once you look for something you you tend to see all the time. So instead of like look. Looking towards these things that you think are happening. Why don't you look for things that you want to happen? Like what Aaron was saying the resin witches. You're you know, if you want this to work, then you'll look for signs or it to work, those are your intentions, and that's where you should be headed. If you're looking for the opposite. And you've got your answer there. Already cool has alright any last thoughts. Thank you for having may think he forbidding. Thank you for this words. Yeah. Thank you for coming on. This has been very insightful in Leiden again. I said it's again touch with my chuckers. Shuckers and people can find your podcast of the wise woman podcasts on all the platforms. I'm guessing. Yes. Wise woman podcast. Definitely check it out. It's women leaders and spiritual based conversations in rituals that served on plus business tips in coaching on a send you my website. You can follow me on social media at Aaron are pellet E R. I N R G O P P L T, all my stuff is really on Instagram. I've retreats in Mexico, India all throughout the states. I have a training know Saudi Costa Rica, which I think is in the study, you a what you were mentioning it's one of the happiest places in the world, no Saudi Costa Rica. So if you're interested in doing this work, definitely reach out, and I will send you all of that info. Awesome. In for awesome, Aaron's podcast time. This one airs we've already been on Ahrends podcast, look back her immaturity of episodes. We were on one of them. Yeah. We're such wise women. Mine hole women China. Thank you so much Erin for being on our show, by the way. I just want to also know that Aaron us help myself west. So thank you. Bye. South west. You sound by southwest. I love you guys so much south by the best place ever over great sides there from the universe signs of our moving forward with this podcast. Yes, we're moving forward. Okay. Well, link everything about Aaron in our show notes are a with us said we're going to wrap this up. Your action item for this week is to get in the habit of ritualized thing and holding ceremonies ritual is some of the smaller everyday events such as that first Cup of coffee where even your bedtime routine. This will help you stay mindful and grateful hold ceremonies for those transformative times when you want to reset your intentions, clear your mind and find a fresh perspective, you're ceremonies don't have to be grand gestures. But do something even a simplest lighting some candles to visually eventally, Mark these moments want to continue the conversation. I tag us in any post with hashtag stay dateable, then head on over to our website dateable podcasts dot com there. You'll find all the episodes as well as article videos and our coaching services with vetted industry experts.

00:45:02 - 00:45:27

You can also find our premium y series where we dissect analyze and offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums to connect with us. Find dateable podcasts on Facebook, Instagram. And twitter. We're also downloadable on Spotify. I itin and other podcasts platforms your feedback is valuable to us. So don't forget to leave us a review on I two and most importantly, remember to stay dateable.

Dateable Podcast
Yue Xu & Julie Krafchick

Is monogamy dead? Are we expecting too much of Tinder? Do Millennials even want to find love? Get all the answers and more with Dateable, an insider’s look into modern dating that the HuffPost calls one of the ‘Top 10 podcasts about love and sex’. Listen in as Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick talk with real daters about everything from sex parties to sex droughts, date fails to diaper fetishes, and first moves to first loves. Whether you’re looking to DTR or DTF, you’ll have moments of “OMG-that-also-happened-to-me” to “I-never-thought-of-it-that-way-before.” Tune in every Wednesday to challenge the way you date in this crazy Dateable world.