Donovan shares what it’s like to date as a musician and how it’s not all the glitz and glamour you may think. We discuss the stereotypes associated with musicians, the challenges from this occupation when it comes to dating, and how to overcome these perceptions.
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Season 8 Episode 11: Music to my ears
00:00:00 - 00:05:02
The Dateable podcast is an insider's look into modern dating that the Huffington post calls one of the top ten podcast about love and sex. On each episode, we'll talk to real daters about. From sex parties to sex droughts, date fails a diaper fetishes and first moves to first loves. I'm your host Yue Xu, former dating coach turned dating sociologists. You also hear from my co host and producer Julie Krafchick as we explored this crazy dateable world. For all of our San Francisco listeners come out next Thursday may ninth to meet some of the dateable fam- favor pass gas and other listeners, we're partnering with nine four one social club where you'll get free drinks at ten Polk street bars. Tickets are only fifteen dollars after using our code dateable. Which includes these free drinks for iphone users and a chance to meet new friends, the possibly new date as you get lucky. So forget to use the code dateable for five dollars off. And also, so we can tell you where the meeting spot for the dateable family is we'll have even posted on our Facebook page or go to dateable podcast dot com slash Polk street pub crawl to get your tickets today. Now back to the show everyone. Welcome to another episode of dateable a show all about modern dating. I don't think we really talked about occupations dating. I did start up. That was about it and that was not industry specific. So our guest today has a specific occupation in specific industry with experiences that you like to share with us his name is Donovan high Donovan, we're good more. Always curious how we get our guests. So I think it's good to reveal how we source Donovan. Selfish southwest in Austin. Yeah, podcasts meet up at a podcast meet up in. Actually, we source quite a few guests. Yeah. From south by so that was very productive for us. So just a little background on Donovan. He's thirty years old before I get to his occupation. Because we have been revealed that yet is thirty years old. He currently lives in Austin or Ridgely from the mid west born in St Louis and lived in Indiana before Texas, he's currently single aid musician. Julie have you ever dated a musician? I list not have you. None that I would call musicians. I would say they dabbled. Yup. I believe often fantasize about dating a musician. I remember I had a big crush in middle school on this guided both it's Gerald he had his own they hunted like heavy metal. And I had the big. I was like, hi I'm so in love with his dot today. I like, you know, decades later I still search for him on Facebook. Like just hoping that he I mean, I'm obviously curious to hear Dutta Vitz point of view on some. Of the perceptions, but I will say my roommate of many years dated a musician. I think some of the stereotypes that you think of definitely run true. So I would be curious to hear this out plays out. Musician. Yeah. What I what did he do who's been like a indie folk band? Ha. Yeah. Like bluegrass bands. So true. There were definitely substandard types at what to like take the conversation yet. So I could reveal how much they line up with your experience. I will say there was this one. It's too though where my brother was actually visiting from out of town. And this guy came to my apartment to pick up my roommate at he had like a big van that like, what's like, what are those like they have been does. No it didn't. Like, he was like literally assuring my roommate into the back of the van, and my brother was like, oh my God. Is he going to like murder like what's happening right now? Band equipment. Start you drive a bagel van without windows. You're either a criminal or your music one of those vans. I do not. I'm just one of those vans. But yet made it there yet. Are you? So yeah, actually, it's very relevant. It depends on what type of musician. You are. And what type of John where you play a lot of varying factors there, can you know, differ results. But I sing in a sole original. I saw Aren be banned. And I'm a frontman singer. I play a little bit of piano. But for the most part, I'm kind of your dancing energetic. Frontman your Mick Jagger type for lack of a better example sample later, I love what you wrote the dating life as a musician isn't all it's cracked up to be most that were swimming in exotic relationships, and again share my experience and shed some light on the reality of what musicians deal with in their personal lives. So yes, I want first of all like I made that comment earlier, I've never dated a musician who someone who identifies as a musician. What do you think qualifies someone as a musician like they would actually say, that's my occupation. I would say anybody who plays music for at least I wouldn't say for. Living because what living but most of it's either like half of their income with a they sustain themselves quite a bit on on the music. If you're just happened to be in a band, you work nine to five job that you have a moonlighting band.
00:05:02 - 00:10:01
I mean, kind you're kind of a musician. But I guess I tend to think of musicians as the ones who are actually trying to make a living, and they're, you know, it's their profession forgotten. Where are you in your musical journey? I'm about ten years in I moved from Indiana to Austin to put a band together. And I've already had a previous band that. I've since I had a lot experience within in disbanded a couple years ago. And now, I'm under my own name. Just as my own project is actually funny I have another monkey wrench to throw in this narrow too. I listened back to your podcast from a couple of weeks ago where you had the the hot for ginger podcast, you're out their gender. Yes. That podcast and everything he said for like mobile on issues to gingers have to deal with it was like, yes. Stuffing timely. You're just stereotype did every way. Yeah. I would say that. That's why it's actually worked negatively for me. Not only because I've had you know, that stereotype to circumvent, but also the all of the stereotypes that get associated with musicians, which you know, it wouldn't be a stereotype if it weren't true to some degree. But I'd say that I am not falling in a lot of those stereotypes. And so almost get like type casted who we start with some of the positive runs. Yeah. Types that you'd like to associate yourself with. Okay. So being a musician is a great way to meet right to get introduced people because you're always out. That's your job, you're either venues, or you know, you're performing in front of people. So getting to meet girls is easy being musician. But it's just getting to meet the quality is not so easy. We did a little Google search for four in. There was a lot of articles about dating you just us edition. So. Yeah. There were some positive perceptions, or I guess over you want to spin them. Should I take get offered? You oughta go for Julie. So I think the first one was that musician artists get tons all caps of gorgeous women falling for just rain. Hot women off. Everywhere perceptions. We're going to have you react to them after. Musician artists regularly get groupies after all their show is left. How absolute this is. Right. It has to be true. I believe. Musician artists could get any mate. They choose. Ooh. La musician artists have a lot of money musician artists are players or promiscuous. I don't know about this last night by hilarious musician artists, get panties practicies or bras or boxer shorts. The Rhone at them. That's better than getting something else. Thrown. You guys pretty good. I mean, just judging by this list alone. I like to be a musician. I did can you relate to this? Or is the so far for your experience? I I was who wrote this. Anyway, Mick Jagger. Man, they are so off base. It's not even what was the the first one. We take him like bullet by bullet. Tons of gorgeous women falling for them. Yeah. Okay. Hold the phone. I I know my experience has been I it depends on who you are. I mean, obviously if your baby face attractive, you're going to attract more, but oftentimes as a musician you're playing shows late at night by the time, you're wrapped up playing. It's two in the morning, and they're kicking people out of the venue, and you don't really have an opportunity to talk to anybody. So the fact that people are gorgeous women are just coming up to you after the show that really doesn't happen unless you just happen to be playing a show that's earlier or somebody's notices you from a local show on another day. You're not playing randomly in a park or at a coffee shop or something. But yeah, that doesn't happen. And I would say that as a younger person, you know, if you're if you're a musician in your teens, you're twenties kind of attractive women. They are more shy. They're not gonna just come up to you after a show because they'd be freaking out if they really. We were impressed by your performance to even bother talking to you afterwards. So the ones that approach you after the show are the Cougars. Not at that place to be I could rack up some Cougars. Let me tell you you'll be you'll be around emerge table or somewhere. After talking people congratulate you and showering praise and it'll be a bunch of Cougars. And then the girls that you actually wanna talk to a probably standing on a ten feet away that you know, maybe you make eye contact. There's no way unless you personally go over there and talk to them that you're probably getting any attention from them. They're trying to find you on bombo that. Funny because I feel like the work who girl like you think of someone like following frown to band like you to like after generation. So I guess like it is unreasonable thing Cougars are are they they're accustomed to being groupies when the younger generations. They have no idea what that's like they're just sitting on Spotify.
00:10:01 - 00:15:04
Like their grew their virtual groupie. You have a good like group story for us has there ever been kind of an unusual situation that has happened while you're on tour where after a show. Well, we're on the road last year played a really great show, a really well tend to bend big a lot of people there. But we are also the one of the opening middle axe. So we're able to hang out afterwards. And that's that's the prime time. Because then you get to hang out with the audience and actually talk and dance with people. So one of the members of my band found a suitable girl on they were dancing the night away. And then I as well, I found somebody else, you know, you spend the night kind of knowing somebody. I am not comfortable at all with just hooking. Up with random stranger like at all. So I'm one of those guys like can we just talk for? Yeah. So I have to get to know I have to kind of talk. And you just you need to know before you go that route is like is this person psycho or not? So it's already late at night. I think we got done with our show probably eleven thirty at midnight. We're hanging out for the next act who hasn't done till one one thirty and then I've got X amount of hours to try to get to know this person in things workout, then, you know, seal the deal it ended up did happen. But it didn't happen until like four in the morning. I was pretty much worthless. Because I was on stage performing a very energetic performance like a ninety minute show. I put all of my energy into that. And it might get down from stage. I'm really tired. So then I spent the time after that dancing socializing hanging out with the band drinking. And then, you know, by finally time, you get to the end Yose three thirty four in the morning, and I'm just so exhausted. That I spent all this time it was like, hey, this girl's really nice. I'm going to spend the night with her whatever we did have sex. But it wasn't great because we were both completely exhausted. Sees you get laid on the road. It happens. Very seldom it like. All. The timing has we right in my experience. It has happened in the band, and it has happened to me. But not nearly as frequently as people assume, my friends always asked me, they said like how you just need deep, man. Just women everywhere. Like, we it doesn't work like that. We don't have the time. So this this like article is for like the one percent like the ones that have made it big or something, right, right? And Anakin totally see that. If you're like, Bruno Mars or Allie merger somebody on that level. But then if you're them you're in the celebrity world, and you can't really have a normal relationship with someone who's not celebrity, they'll just be insecurity all over the place. I would imagine. But so the flip side of this was there was a lot of Google searches that were kind of warning women against stating that where musicians there was one fourteen things you need to know before dated musician. Why dating be fishing too? So hard eleven reasons why shouldn't Jane musician. There's a lot of like stay away. Oh, yeah. Have you? -perienced this. Oh, yeah. Yeah. In the times, why be between relationships or something? Or maybe I will try a dating app, you know instantly. I've had rejections as soon as they found out a made a match with somebody. We started communicating couple of messages back and forth things. We're looking good. And then they found out musician, and they're like, Nope. Sorry. They do that. Yeah. If he give an explanation, no date musicians moving on. So what are some of the negative connotations that make people wary kind of what you mentioned earlier where you know, you assume that musicians play around, you know, because they just have women all over at anytime day or night on the road. So obviously, they're just as a smorgasbord. They're just running wild. But that hasn't happened. I'd say realistically being gone and just not being present is a difficult factor in the relationships that I've had so you'd be you'd be in a relationship with someone and things are going great. But all the times that they want to go out. You know, you're always planning somewhere on the road. You just not available. So that can be one issue if you're just busy, and you're really actively pushing and trying to make it it's hard on the relationship because you're having to resort to face times. And you know, phone calls on occasion in you, just not there. Now, how often are you on the road? I take it easy. I may go two weeks at a time at the most now. Then mostly it's weekends. So maybe four Thursday through Sunday four days on the road. I know bands that I'm friends with bands that are on the road for two three months at a time before may come home. And there there are situations are far worse than mine. Just because they're not home at all. How much does do you play on average per weight maybe about two to three per week? I'd say per year a little over one hundred shows a year, which is it's a it's a decent amount. But if you're on a label on your really hustling in their pushing out there you probably play one hundred fifty two hundred eighty shows year. So I'm not quite that much. That's when you're on the road for months at a time. Yeah. I feel like this topic occupation is really fascinating because there are certain occupations that you have very set of expectations. They're like, okay. I know this person is in finance, and I know what kind of salary they would make. I know they have an office job with our office hours are like, but then you have this group of like artists to these occupations were not many people make in those industries, layup actors musicians.
00:15:04 - 00:20:02
Nhs artists. And it's almost like you're being grouped into a very diverse group of people who are at varying stages in their journey. I was telling Julie before we called you was a feel like there's a catch twenty two because you're when you say, you're a musician or artists or actor. You're either grouped into the oh, you must be broke. You've made it right now. You're a player there's nowhere in the middle. Look with every other occupation right to be mid level management. You can write a promotion every year again Jewish out. You have a you have a career trajectory. But I think with these lesser known occupation people are are less people are in these occupations, more risky. I would say like in terms of like making it right Bri. Yes. There's like no sweet spot almos-. How does the money in like financial status? Do you think that's something that women are conscious about? Oh, definitely. Yeah. I mean, it's a can't overstate does it. So I would say that being a musician. I mean, all our is a little bit different. So if you're an actor or, but if you're a musician, you definitely fall in the category where people just assume that if you haven't made it as a musician than you're just kinda screwing around you're not taking your life. Seriously. You're not taking your profession seriously. This is just one of those professions that people think, oh, he's a musician. And then it's an eye roll. Because. You know, how many of those percentages actually make it and you can sustain a living. But compared to what I was doing before because I was actually came from the acting world before that I was in sketch comedy and stand up comedy theater, and I made far more money on the average just doing a musician MC songwriting performing than I ever made. Right as an actor. And so it made more sense that I could actually sustain myself and make a decent living about the same amount. As a elementary school teacher would make if you're a teacher in that has a certain level of establishment to it. Whereas if you're a musician, it just kind of okay? Yeah. You when are you gonna do something real when you're gonna grow up kind of thing that's super it? Just takes I feel like a teacher. There's a perception of like, oh, they may not earn a lot. But they're hoping with society like shaping the nines of our future. It's like, but I totally see what you're saying. With like, if you're not making it as musician people think that you're dislike slacking off. There's like the rice such to follow up on the teacher thing. That's a perfect point. Because when you're a musician or. If you're an actor, you're constantly self promoting. And so all of that self promotion comes off as narcissism, but in today's world like you almost have to self promote in after be narcissistic, or at appear to it in order to fight through the crowd. There's just so much. And so there's that stigma that gets attached as well where you're really not in the service of other people. And so it's almost less respective. It's kind of like you have a lot of explaining to do if you're just end that sentence there. I'm teams early. I don't need to explain myself when we are a musician. You kind of have to explain how I got here where I am what what am I asked rations? But I think the one thing I kind of I see these parallels with musicians like startup founders where you're in a band. You have a start off and constantly have to push your product forward yet end. So when you're a startup founder, you're either broke or you've made it right yet. Also, the same thing, and you're constantly trying to like get other people on board with your vision. That's also a tough sell. But the upside is could be. Very rewarding. So I think that's a really interesting point because I'll that will bring to the one of the other things that came out time after time in those articles of life aboard people in JD musician is the reliability fact jobs like number one, and I think a startup foundry. You don't have that vibe, even though they're not making anything potentially. There's a feeling that they've got their shit together and may on it. But for whatever reason there is a vibe for musicians, at least of these articles. Donovan I would love to hear your perception of this. Yes, that women feel that musicians are unreliable. I definitely get that vibe. But then you can also cut through it. It takes a certain type, you know, that's appreciates quality art or pre sheets music, or whatever it is. If there are musicians themselves, or maybe they hadn't a dream when they were younger that they gave up it's different in the perception internationally to you know, being in the UK or in Europe, they're possession of artists, and how much more respect they probably give them or more time and effort money where in the. US we almost we just don't give it the same amount of respect or attention. I think it just depends on how they what what is their own relationship with music and then fuss the resides because I've I've met I've gone on dates with women who said that they don't listen to music at all I'm dumbfounded by that. I might how does that? How do you operate that might not be the right back street? No, definitely wasn't. That's like dating someone who only is on on a liquid diet. What kind of women are you drawn to oh, all kinds. I was thinking about this. When I was listening to your your ginger podcast because he was talking about the yellow fever.
00:20:02 - 00:25:09
Nothing's like that. I have never I don't have a type of data all kinds have been attracted to all time all kinds. Other musicians. Yeah. I was actually pretty good relationship with another singer. Obviously, it was easy 'cause we had a lot in common, and we had a lot of the same trials and tribulations to support each other for. But I also did it it's different to you could run into a guy who's a musician that you're trying to date at he could just be a total ego maniac. And then you meet your other musicians who are a lot more humble and more on the, you know, the community hippie side, you know, they got that vibe to them could be a good or a bad thing. But interesting I feel like dating a fellow musician would be good because they understand like they'd understand like if you were on a show, and you couldn't talk or they'd have to more of like empathy for you because they've gone through it. But then I also could see our get tough. If you're both traveling all the bullying, and like no one's being that one to actually make that huge push in effort. So fully what do you put in your dating profile? Let's take a break. So we can talk about comfy bras because we all deserve to wear bras. That don't dig tug were chafe. I'm so into my Harper while bras because they're simple and functional smooth supportive coverage that comes in three shades of nude and black. I up getting all three sides, the t shirts push up and strapless. Now, I'm covered for every occasion. And Harper wild donates a portion of their sales to organizations dedicated to empower women, so I feel powered every time I wear the bras. It's time to start lifting up your ladies with Harper wild. Go to Harper wild dot com slash dateable. To get started today with a free at home try on and get a free bra wash bag if you have a bra you need a washrag and now you can get one for free make sure to select three bras to try on. And don't forget to add the wash back to your car to that's Harper wild spelled W. I L D E dot com slash dateable DAT. AB L E to try on three bras at home for free and receive a free gift. Harper wild dot com slash dateable. Now back to the show. What do you put in your dating profile? What did I do? I actually got rid of him a couple of recently. I think I hold on. What's your ocupation? I put self employed. I kind of I kind of dodged the question a little bit until it's absolutely relevant. It's kind of one of those things that I use more as a surprise like, hey, this is this other thing that I do. But when I introduced myself, I don't necessarily all I'm a singer musician. I don't know maybe it's a heightened self awareness or something I'm always sensitive to coming across as to era that or self involved. And so a lot of musicians that's exactly what they go to you've instantly meet them. They're like, oh, well, I'm a musician. And here's my CD. Here's my you know, and I don't wanna be like that for that reason. I tend to a the experiences I've had in the past. I don't date girls that I meet at shows specifically tried to meet people outside, you know, I have done the dating app thing. But I haven't had a lot of success with that in other social environments. You know, we'll meet up some things like that. I'll I'll do a little bit better. So in dating apps, you don't put that your music or any photos of you or anything like that. I I might put one, but it's in the back. I definitely don't lead with it. And yeah, I just put, you know, nice photos on there. And you know, I put some of my other hobbies. So I I swim dances. Well, I'm a dancer, and that helps me meet a lot of people reveal that you are a musician Sar date workday. I don't wait that only. Usually if it's like dating app, you know, it'll get mentioned in the messages or something before race schedule the first day or on the first day, if they asked me what I do which has happened where I've just remained in really vague up until the actual date. And then the obvious elephant room question comes where she's like. Okay. So what do you act, right? You don't wanna like hide yourself there? Because like the such an important part of you is ashamed of either by an you. Yeah. You were saying that it's it's about the perception of the musician. So I immediately when I tell them on musician. I feel like I have to rush to the defense. It'd be like a musician, but I do make money. Don't leave yet. It is. So fascinating. Because I've never like I think like as an outsider to this world, you think of the person on stage. Yeah. I don't think about I mean, there's so many people involved like, but figure the songwriters producers like all the things that you mentioned in like, those aren't viable income pass. But for whatever reason like you think of like just someone either struggling or someone that's like totally may that in some ways, you are fetish is, you know, some people like myself, I've fantasized about dania musician because the tot, but then when I think about like Canarian musician or carrying on a life was then I like, I don't know if that's viable it might not be that easy. Right. So I see where there's like this attraction. But also there's also people want to run away from it. Will you did bring up a initially point about the the fetters -ation or the objectification of it? So I have had instance, where this is why tend not to date women after shows is because they see a perception.
00:25:09 - 00:30:03
Especially since I'm a very energetic performer on almost like a different person believe it or not I've when I started out I was more of a character does when you're kind of emulating other artists and people that you appreciate, but as you grow as an artist, you kind of find your on boys, you do your own thing. But still when I'm on stage. I'm a big performer in the energies, great. And it's when you're on that stage under those lights, you can't do any wrong. You're put on a pedestal above everybody else. So everyone's looking up to you, everything you say is well, rehearsed everything you sing as well done. It's almost like the perfect projection of whatever that person is in the problem is the perception from a girl from the audience is this perfect thing. But then when you come down off the stage, and you start talking to them, and you're so normal do with normal, you know, normal behavior, normal speech, and you're not this perfect. Glowing thing that was on stage. They I I've literally been incidents where I started talking to a girl and after a show, and they were just glowing. When I first started talking to them, and then a couple of minutes into the conversation, you could just. Well, that that had been glossed over and they're just not interested anymore because oh, he's just a normal, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Is the perception? And there's reality. Yeah. And times we can't reconcile the two. So what are your career aspirations where are you trying to get to? So I'm a regional touring artist at the moment. So in Texas, Louisiana, and I'm an unsorted. I'm unsigned artists as well. As a ninety percent of the bands, don't make it might have ten percent that do, but there's a bunch of bands that kind of make it to that they they reach their ceiling, which is basically the highest point you can get to before you either get signed or you get pushed on a major label, and then you get into that upper ten percent if you're lucky, but a lot of bands just end up hitting that ceiling in nets it. I would say that I'm kind of on the way up, you know, mid level. The goal is to play internationally. And I have a lot of individualistic goals. When people ask me, what's the biggest thing. I wanna do while then I'll say play the Super Bowl or something because in order to play the Super Bowl you've had to have done all of this. Other stuff. So that's like my lofty goal. More realistic is just being a national act and international act and making a living doing the music that I want to play not necessarily what a major label would throw on me. I asked us because I think sir different levels of where your career goes. And how someone's perception of you could be based on what you say, you're asked for Asians are so yeah, my I have a few friends were married to actors and one of them is married to a guy who his aspirants are to be famous. He wants to be writing mad. He wants to feature film. He wants to see himself on the big screen. And then my other friend is married to this guy. Who has none of those aspirations? He's like, actually, I'm very happy being on a soap opera advise very well. I'm not trying to get famous. I'm just trying to raise my family, and my two kids in I'm very happy because I get to make money doing what I love and being at this level. I don't ever wanna get bigger than that. I think is interesting to see their two dynamics because one is all about her. I've been trying to get big and promoting him in the other ones. Like, basically has an office job any job in a way. It's like, even if you work at like an office job like there's some people that are there that wanna do a good job while they really be devoted to like outside interests and family, then there's people that are dying to climb the corporate ladder and be the CEO. So it's no different in a way. That's true. So Donovan I'd love to run through some of these objectives. Stereotypes are wanna hear you think that this describes you or does it describe you Hobo? So I guess the first one is unreliable. Yeah. Don't fit that stereotype at all. But I I know I have friends, and I know acquaintances of other musicians who are very unreliable. I think it's different because I'm in a band leader. And I have been in all the projects there's a huge difference between a band leader whose almost an entrepreneur and one of the side guys who plays in five or six different bands. And they don't care where the money comes from whoever's paying the most money, you know, that's where. They're gonna go against something that no one thinks through like it's like a one time stereotype. Okay. Excellent is you'll always come second to their music. Oh. That's a hard one. I don't I. Yeah. I mean, I don't I don't think. So again, if it's one of those ego maniac types that's trying to be famous than yes. But I have seen since where you guys end up settling down with women that they fall in love with. And that's the end of the music career for them because they found so much pain in the struggle of playing music, and then they found somebody that is perfect for them and happily ever after. And they don't care what they do as long as with that person. So I've I've seen people give up their music careers to settle down. What about you though? Like, if you bet I an amazing woman that you totally fell for in you still needed to tore around like, how would you balance that? Yeah.
00:30:03 - 00:35:00
I don't know. I would I would cross that bridge when we come to. Maybe that's a me. You're always away a lot slash you. Don't have time to date. I would say it also depends on where the musician has is at in their career. I'm busy, but I have time, and I make time just because being on the road is lonely, and it I mean, incredibly lonely. I mean, it's a point where you're if you're on the road for three or four or five days at a time. You're just hanging out with the dudes that are in your band, and then you end up playing this show, and suddenly a sixty year old woman looks good to you. Because you haven't been around whereas seen women vice versa. The worst thing is is that you're twenty five twenty six year old musician and you're on the road. And you know, you start seeing like sixteen or seventeen year old girls, and they look older to you. Because you know, it's dig works both ways you just not seeing you're not around women. You're not socializing with women. And so you're mind plays tricks on India start reach now, it's crazy it it. It really does is that is so far for the stereotype of swimming and women that like have any time to like, it sounds like you would be very much open to like face time with someone that you are just well, you're still swimming in women. They're just of years older than you. Right. Or you're you're swimming and Rimet women that just really hard to reach and make tangible because actually it will get technical like sealing the deal with a girl after show or like a groupie for lack of better term is very difficult. I though, yeah. There's so many intangibles is like all these things that have to align. Perfectly. Sometimes the the girl gets cold feet at last minute. You know, she's like with a guy. And then maybe she comes to her senses realize like, hey, what am I doing? I'm just randomly hooking up with a stranger. I don't know. And then it's also has to be like the type of personalities the musician and the girl or the musician in the guy or whatever it might be. And you have to be in the right place with the right amount of time. Because if you're on the road, you're leaving at eight o'clock the next morning, you know, so there's a lot of logistics to deal with. There's a lot of stuff. But when it does happen. It's kind of it's almost like, you know, when opportunity presents itself, but more often than not it it doesn't so next area. Taipei there's two bores will there's the players will cheap. I think we've kinda covered that doesn't sound like you are a player. The next one is will write songs about you or their ex ex-girlfriends. So basically, nothing it your release once private. I I don't do that. Which is like this the whole Taylor swift thing. I don't does that don't understand why she does that. Maybe if she's just an, you know, an attention freak like she just has to have it. And staying in the tabloids people asking questions about her song, but I have written songs about past experiences or pass relationship. But they're always vague enough that that person probably doesn't know it's them. Okay. Then the last one your social life is now their gigs. No, I prefer anyone I date that they have their own stuff that they have their own clique of friends. They have their own hobbies that they do. Obviously, it's nice to have some mutual ground in things that you share, but I prefer them to have their own sex. What about take my dates? You're not like here. I'm playing at this show tonight. Go along know that usually works best if you're trying to impress someone and you're still getting to know them, but you haven't really gone on a date yet. It's kind of like, you know, the interest or be gone on one date. But they don't really know you outside of wherever you met them. They don't know you as a musician yet. So it's almost like you invite them. So that they see that side of you. And they either, you know, tuck the table and run away or or they're really turned on by who knows thinking of self promotion. That we talked about before in your opinion. What is the best thing about dating? You. We had this question. As was the best thing about dating a musician. But we're talking about you specifically. So oh boy, Sal yourself Doniger. Oh boy. That's a that's that's a toughie one best paying about dating a musician or just me, particularly in particular who happens to be a musician. Well, I promised to not write any songs about you. Promised an irony songs about you actually do make a good living. And let's see we got say. I'm a lot more. I'm a lot more reliable than the musicians that may be other people have heard so as far as being reliable and being committed and doing all the things that somebody would find in a responsible, I fit that Bill. So I'm not the stereotype I will say when we met you you were very down to earth. Very went almost kind of like I said it plays a disadvantage sometimes because I'm just kind of normal guide on stage. I'm superman, so it's kinda strange. I it's almost like people expect me to be that person. All the time. I would that would be so sauce thing. Like your Robin Williams. You just never shut it off Ryan. And I was just that would wear me out. Okay. So now that we got you.
00:35:00 - 00:40:00
What is the best thing about data aviation, just so we don't have all negative qualities in or unrealistic qualities? I would say that there's a really strong emotional element to most of musicians and performers usually very in touch with their amuse their emotions in very perceptive other people's emotions if they're good at what they do. They almost have to be that, you're filtering, whatever emotion through your music, or through your words, and you're also feeling the audience and how they reacting to it. So you're there used generally good communicators conflict that comes up or just being sensitive to, you know, your boyfriend girlfriends issues stuff that might come up. Yeah. Well, they're all great qualities. This is a great way to talk about takeaways from our conversation all offline is obviously we just can't stereotype anybody for their occupation. It's unfortunate. That we live in a society where we're shaped by bat, and we are have all these expectations about someone because of their occupation. It's hard to unlearn that that's also something we need to actively try to do like, we're on the dating apps. Maybe that shouldn't be the first thing you look at or maybe she shouldn't even put it in your dating profile because it should come up in conversation when you're media person. I think mine's very similar in the sense. Like, this kind of reminds me of the ginger stories any of the race things. We've talked about is like why does this one set of stereotypes persist for everyone like you were talking about there is the band manager versus the like more of like the sideline person like there's all different roles like any other company or any other occupation. Like, why should everything gets stereotyped into one thing? And I think like this definitely helped me also understand the different levels that could be there. I think my other takeaway for maybe as a thought for you. Donovan is. I dunno. If it's out of you've to hide that your reaction. I think it's likely agree. I feel like I get at some point. Like, maybe maybe don't put it like front and center on the profile. But like if you want to not we people out at the same time, you could weed the right people in or at least having these conversations when we were actually at south by south west we met with bumble we talked about like should I include like that? I do the dateable podcast because by third is like people may think like, hey of just trying to get gas from trying to get the juicy story. Not really there for dating which is true. So like what is that line? So maybe you come out and say, hey, I know these are the stereotypes like I'm not like, I'm not unreliable like I show up. I will play dates like I'm not gonna make you come to my show as date like whatever me like, maybe you just own it a little more. Yeah. I I have the same feedback for you. Donovan I feel like it's actually your thoughts about other people's stereotypes of you. That are holding you back when in fact, maybe these people don't really. Feel this way about you. So I think one you should own it come out with it. When you're when you're dating someone and the people who will respect you are going to be the ones that will pursue versus the ones who are so ocupation driven. You don't wanna be with those women anyway, right in I think like the other part is from our conversation alone. I think you could insert yourself even more. I know you're so frayed of self promotion, you don't be that narcissistic guy, but you may our conversation today. I'm like, I think you could insert yourself more. I wanna know more about who Donovan is not who other musicians are. So I think it could also do that in your dating life too. So good feedback. Having a, you know, a mix of the ginger drawback with the musician that was a very heartfelt podcast. I listened to it. I was just amazing. There is a woman who is hot for ginger who is a musician. I think. Yeah. Like at the end of the day like I think we all like, we're always telling you about like ways to combat these stereotypes and just go in with like an open. This is Donovan is like all right represent every single person in all of that. I guess from your perspective. Do you have any takeaways from this conversation? Yeah. I mean, not just understanding kind of the perception that musicians aren't swimming in women. So the next time we should have the courage to approach musicians because we just assume they're swimming and women. So the are too busy. But maybe it's nice to have someone coming up to them and saying Hello, and how much you Meyer, their work and tell them that you have a crush on them. But this was great. Thank you so much for giving us a glimpse into your life and your nation again, I've never dated a musician. So I wouldn't have an idea able to world where can people find do this time to sell promote where can people find you? So I'm website is Donovan Keith music dot com. And also Instagram at Donald Keith music. We're Austin Texas based but we play all over the country. And actually we're coming to San Francisco in June so inviting fate and wear to Sunday night June ninth at biscuits and blues. Awesome.
00:40:00 - 00:42:02
Eight yet very excited. Definitely be there. Supporting you, we'll be your groupies. Oh, our cookers. Well, I might be a cougar. Thank you so much again for coming on our show is so fun meeting at U S helped by south west what a great event and can't wait to see where your career go. But also keep us updated on your dating life. Definitely. And Muslim ladies thank you for having me. So we are still looking for guests for upcoming season's. We love to have used a guestroom show reach out to us. If you like to tell us your story, maybe there's a musician out there that has totally different take that is young asking in all the ladies getting threatening all the ladies, our female musician or it'd be want to be matched up with Donovan. Shot to us, and we'd be happy to make that introduction. Okay. We're going to wrap this up. Jay. Your action item for this week is to identify the bias this you have in your head. That have limited you in your love life. Whether it's your occupation looks or whatever may be jot those down next identify, which ones on your list are in your control. And which ones are not for the ones that are completely out of your control shifted mindset and turn those biases into what's uniquely you embrace them. Want to continue the conversation. I tag an any post with hashtag stay dateable, then head on over to our website dateable podcasts dot com there. You'll find all the episodes as well as article videos and our coaching services with vetted industry experts. You can also find our premium y series where we dissect analyze and offer solutions to some of the most common dating conundrums to connect with us. Find dateable podcast on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. We're also downloadable on Spotify. I teams and other podcasts platforms. Your feedback is valuable to us. So don't forget to leave us a review on and most importantly, remember to stay dateable.